Title: I Just Wanted to Say
Author: SP
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nickelodeon and Dan Schneider and whoever else own everything.
Rating: T, I think. There's a sex-ed-like conversation about insemination.
Pairing: Kind of Drake/Josh-ish
Word Count: 2056
Summary: Drake backed away from his stepbrother. "You're what?" he asked in disbelief.
Author's Notes: I am psyched. I was recently notified that one of my favorite authors added me to their author alert list on FFN. There is also a very small reference to my favorite movie of all time in here. Yay if you spot it.
"Drake, can I tell you something?" Josh asked from his bed the second Drake set foot into their shared bedroom.
Drake paused in the act of shutting the door. It was close to midnight, he'd just taken a shower and was looking forward to going to bed. But, he reasoned, if their roles were reversed, Josh would drop everything and listen to him. "Sure, of course," he replied, closing the door. He leaned on the chair beside the small desk next to Josh's bed.
Josh took a deep breath, started to speak, then took another breath--and another. Drake watched his brother's dramatics with bemusement. "Okay," Josh said finally, after nearly hyperventilating. "I'm just gonna say it."
"So say it already," Drake answered.
Josh took one final deep breath, and then said simply, "Drake, I'm gay."
Drake backed away from his stepbrother. "You're what?" he asked in disbelief. His back hit the door and he fumbled for the knob.
"Drake…" Josh began pleadingly, but Drake cut him off.
"No. I--" he wrenched the door open and didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he fled to Megan's room.
Megan sat up and turned a lamp on. "Why are you in here?" she demanded.
Something prevented Drake from blurting out, "Josh is gay!" (or "is queer," or "is a homo," or "is a fag,"--but Drake liked to think he was somewhat tolerant, and wouldn't have used those words anyway.) Maybe it was a sense of brother-brother confidentiality. Maybe it was simply that he didn't want to say it and make it true. Whatever the reason, Drake instead said, "Josh and I are fighting again."
"You mean, 'Josh and me,'" Megan corrected.
Drake frowned suspiciously at Megan. "Isn't it always supposed to be 'I'?"
"No," Megan answered. "Sometimes 'me' is right."
"Oh. Then Josh and me are fighting again."
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" Megan asked. "You wouldn't like what I could do," she added thoughtfully.
Drake nervously looked around, as if expecting some sort of booby trap. "Um, can I sleep in here tonight?"
"No," Megan said again, in a different tone this time. "I'm not dealing with your snoring and mumbling again. Sleep in the guestroom."
"Isn't Walter's train set still set up in there?"
Megan shook her head. "Mom made him take it down."
Drake sighed. "'Kay, fine." He turned and started down the hall, but Megan called after him.
"Oh, and Drake? It was 'Josh and I.'"
She always had to make fun of him. Just because he wasn't some sort of genius child prodigality like she was.
Drake flopped onto the bed in the guestroom. The guestroom felt like a guestroom. The bed sheets were clean, but they had a stiff feel, like they were never slept on. Probably because they weren't. Drake wished he was back in his own bed, with the soft worn sheets. He should have kicked Josh out; after all, it had been his room first. And Josh was the one who was gay.
Drake sighed. Why was it such a big deal, anyway? He didn't have a problem with gay people. He'd had a gay guy in his band for a little while--what was his name? Oh yeah, Adam Whitely. Why was it an issue that Josh was gay?
Maybe it was because they shared a room and, well, everything else? That made sense…sort of. But it wasn't like Drake was worried about being molested in his sleep or anything.
Drake tried to think of any other reason he'd feel weird about Josh being gay. Or any clues that he was gay, for that matter.
Well, there was the whole thing back when they had first become stepbrothers with 'Miss Nancy.' And wasn't 'nancy' like, slang for gay in England or somewhere? But that didn't prove anything--Josh wasn't a drag queen or anything, just unclear on how to give advice. He didn't even like wearing that dress. And speaking of that dress…wasn't it still hidden in some box under the platform? Oops.
Josh was obsessed with Oprah, which seemed to be common mostly to middle-aged women. But that didn't prove anything either, except that Josh was a dork. He was an awesome cook--his Fudgie Boos were to die for--but so were lots of guys. Like Emeril. And they weren't all gay.
Josh did have his ear pierced. Which ear was it that meant you were gay if it was pierced? Drake didn't remember. And lots of guys had both pierced nowadays--more than once and/or gauged really big, usually. That probably didn't apply anymore.
Okay, so there was no evidence that Josh was gay. Time for reasons why Drake would feel weird.
The first thing that came to mind was the fact that he and Josh touched each other. A lot.
There was their constant wrestling, which usually involved Josh grabbing him around the waist and bringing them both to the floor, or Josh pinning him to the couch.
There was their hugging, which was almost as common as their fighting. Maybe even more common? It had started when they first became stepbrothers--after Drake had told Josh they were brothers for the first time, in fact.
That fight they had had over Drew and Jerry had ended with a hug.
After Drake broke up with Kelly Hayfer.
After they escaped from Mrs. Hayfer's evil dog.
When Josh told Drake he got him booked on TRL, and after Drake performed on TRL. They had woken up spooning at about that time too, when they were kidnapped.
When Drake's song--his version--was on the Daka commercial.
After all the college spring break-ers left "The Drake & Josh Inn."
When Drake discovered Josh could play pool.
When Drake gave Josh tickets to see Oprah for his birthday.
The list went on and on.
And actually, Drake realized, remembering Josh's last birthday, there was kissing involved too. The first time--he had kissed Josh in a closet when Josh agreed to help him in the Academic Bowl. And then when Josh had gotten over his stage fright to help Drake win the talent show with their Blues Brothers routine. Then there was the time Josh gave Drake a "Yudonian thank-you" right before Drake had ended up married to Yooka. After they won that dance contest--boy, that was worth some musings itself. He'd get to that in a minute. And of course, when he gave Josh the backstage passes to the Oprah show, and Josh had kissed him full on the lips.
So, that dance contest. It had been his idea that they dance together--good thing they had practiced those partner cartwheels. Some of the dance was just silly--like Josh's shower and tennis moves--but other parts of it…well, Josh had been kind of grabby.
Drake paused. It wasn't like he minded Josh's grabbiness. He was always that way. After they rode the Demonator, for example, Josh was holding that curtain tighter around Drake than he was himself. And--well, their lives had been in danger during the helicopter incident, so that didn't count. But the point was, Drake never minded--until the grabbiness turned into near-groping, like when they were stuck in that tree house.
And what was he thinking about, anyway? The fact that Josh touched him a lot. Not a big deal. It was the potential feelings behind the touching, Drake realized. It was entirely possible that Josh had a crush on him.
Drake thought about what he did when he wanted a girl to know he was into her (when he didn't just kiss her, of course). Well, he talked to her, and he sat close to her and "accidentally" brushed her when he pass--
Oh. Oh man. Josh sat close to him all the time. And they "accidentally" brushed all the time. Maybe that was just was siblings did? But he and Megan never acted like that.
So…there was a very strong possibility that Josh had a crush on him. And…he was sometimes the…investigator? In…well, he sometimes started it. Did that mean that he had a crush on Josh? No, of course not. He'd never had a crush on a guy and never would. Well, there was Devon Malone, but that totally didn't count. The man was a guitar god, and a total Adonis to boot.
Okay, so if he did all that stuff and still didn't have a crush on Josh, then it was probable that Josh didn't have a crush on him after all. And…
..He'd been an idiot. He never should have walked out on Josh like that. It didn't matter if Josh had a crush on him or not. He'd had crushes before and had never acted on them. He had to fix things.
Drake leapt up off the bed and ran upstairs, dimly registering that it was nearly two AM as he glanced at the clock. He flung the door to their bedroom open. Josh was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Dried tear-tracks were visible in the dim light cast by the lava lamp Drake had replaced after their appearance on the Dr. Phyllis show.
"Josh," Drake said, panting a little as he closed the door behind him. "Josh, I'm so sorry."
Josh sat up and looked at him. He didn't say anything.
"Really, I am. I just--freaked out."
"You can say that again," Josh said bitterly. "I thought you'd understand, Drake. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone else yet. And you--"
"I know," Drake interrupted. "And I'm sorry. Josh, I'm sorry. I did a lot of thinking the past couple hours. I thought…I don't know, I thought about us and realized I was worried that you had a crush on me. Because you touch me a lot. But then I realized that I inseminated it a lot of the time--"
Josh burst out laughing at what Drake had just inadvertently said. "Instigated," he gasped out. "You instigated it a lot of the time."
"That's what I said," Drake replied.
Josh shook his head, still laughing. "No, you said 'inseminated!'"
"Same thing," Drake replied moodily.
"No Drake. To instigate something is to start it. To inseminate something is to…well…fertilize it."
"Like with Miracle-Gro?" Drake asked, slightly confused.
Josh covered his face. "No, like with semen."
Drake wrinkled his nose. "Ew, dude. Plants won't grow like that."
"I cannot believe we are having this conversation," Josh moaned. "Okay, when a man has sex with a woman, and he ejaculates, his sperm, contained in the semen, fertilizes her egg and a baby begins to develop. He inseminates her."
"Oh. Um, thanks for the biology lesson. Anyway…what was I saying? Oh yeah. So I thought that you had a crush on me since you touch me a lot. Then I realized that I touch you a lot too and don't have a crush on you. So you probably don't. And um…yeah. This apology got sidetracked."
"It did," Josh concurred.
Drake carefully edged closer to Josh's bed. "Do you accept it?"
"Do you accept me?" Josh asked in return, standing to face Drake.
"Yeah. And I'm sorry it took me this long for you to know that."
Josh smiled. "That didn't make much sense."
"Probably not," Drake said agreeably. He hesitated, and then held out his arms. "Hug me, brotha?"
Josh stepped forward and hugged Drake tightly. Drake hugged back. "I am sorry I freaked out," he said as they let go.
Josh held up his hands. "It's all right."
"Not really," Drake countered. "But you're forgiving."
"I am. But, um, Drake…"
"Yeah?"
"Would you be totally freaked out if I did have a crush on you?"
Drake panicked quietly for a moment, and then thought to ask, "I don't know. Do you?"
"Not right now," Josh answered
"I guess I'd be flattered."
"You wouldn't freak out?"
"Nah. Well--the incest angle is kind of weird. But the you're-a-guy-I'm-a-guy angle? I can handle it."
"Hey," Josh said, "it's only incest if you're related by blood."
"True," Drake conceded. "Okay, so no freaking out. About anything"
"You're the best," Josh said sincerely.
Drake grinned and, on impulse, hugged Josh again. "Also true."
Josh rolled his eyes and squeezed Drake affectionately.