Summary: Maybe if she repeats it, it will be true...

Rating: CSI-1

Category: Angst

Spoilers: Umm... I guess the ep where Ecklie breaks up the team. I am too lazy to remember which one it is right now.

Disclaimer: Okay, do you seriously not know by now! I own nothing! You don't have to rub it in!

--Repetition--

I do not need him. The only one I need is Lindsey. I do not rely on anyone but myself.

I am strong.

My knees don't go weak every time I catch a glimpse of him. That would be a weakness. I am not weak.

My heart doesn't beat faster than a galloping horse every time his hand accidently brushes mine.

I am not a naive fool. I don't lie awake at night wondering what it would be like if he had romantic feelings for me.

I have never woken up from a dream that seemed so real, I cried when I realized it was a dream.

I have never secretly wished that Lindsey was his child instead of Eddie's.

I don't replay every moment we were together that day before I go to bed each night.

I never think of him as I watch sappy movies or read a romance novel.

I never wish it were his hands instead of mine roaming all over my body as I take a shower.

I do not do any of that.

Because I don't need him. I do not love Gil Grissom.

I am not in love with him. That would be stupid. And Catherine Willows is not stupid.

Then why do I feel so empty?

Why do I feel complete when I talk to him? When I am around him?

And most of all, why am I standing outside in the pouring rain, tears mingling with the cold drops, for no reason other than that I will no longer get to see him as much every day? Especially when I should be inside celebrating my new job as swing shift supervisor?

Because I am stupid.

I am weak.

I am a fool.

Because I, Catherine Willows, am in love with my best friend. A best friend that will never return my feelings. Will never even know that they exist.

Because I will not destroy our friendship. I can't. If I lost what little I already have of him, I think I would die.

So I keep repeating. I have to. Keep on until I believe it.

I do not love Gil Grissom.

I do not need Gil Grissom.

I do not need his smile, his touch.

But I do.

Fin

Note: Sequel/Gil's pov? Yes or no?