Lina in Konoha
Alternately, Konoha gets blown up ahead of schedule.
(Slayers/Naruto) oneshot, potentially series
Disclaimer: There's lots of stuff I don't own. Slayers and Naruto among them. If you happen to own them, and are feeling generous, let me know, m'kay?
Divergence - just before the ending of Slayers Next, and during the month between the Forest of Death and the Sound/Sand invasion in Naruto.
-----
In a clearing in the forests outside Konoha, a ball of golden light winked into existence, floated towards the base of a tree, then deposited a certain young girl, with fiery red-orange hair, before disappearing. As she lay there however, she began to come to.
"Uhhhh," groaned the girl, putting a hand to her forehead. "Phibrizzo was trying to make me cast the Giga Slave, but then what...?" she began, before fully coming to, frantically looking around. "Gourry! Amelia! Zel! Where are you?"
"Oh, Lina-san, you're awake. I was expecting you to be out for a while longer, actually." responded a purple-haired man, who was holding a staff to the side.
"Xellos? What are you doing here? And for that matter, where is here?"
"That is a secret!"
Whacking Xellos on the the head, Lina continued "Be serious. Something's not right here."
"Aw, you're no fun, Lina-san." pouted Xellos "If you must know, this is Death Fog's world."
"D-Death Fog's world? As in the Mazoku overlord, like Ruby-Eye?"
"That's right, Lina-san. After you lost control of your spell, it seems the Lord of Nightmares decided to send you here."
"But why would he do that?"
"That is a secret!" Xellos exclaims, provoking another whack on the head, before whining "But I really don't know, Lina-san!"
"Hmph. Serves you right." responded Lina, before whacking Xellos a third time.
"You're cruel, Lina-san!"
-----
Elsewhere, just outside the walls of some hot springs
"When are you going to teach me something really cool, pervy sage?" whined a blond-haired boy, clad in a bright orange jumpsuit
"When I'm done with my research, Naruto!" yelled an old man, who was peering through a small hole in the wall. "And my name is Jiraiya, not pervy sage!"
Inside the walls, the noise of their argument finally was noticed by the women, which had the predictable resulting cries of "Pervert!", "Lecher!", and "Peeping Tom!", amidst more common screams.
"Now look at what you've done!" Jiraiya complained to Naruto. "I can't get any more research done now."
"Now you can teach me some super-cool jutsu!" cheered Naruto.
"Seems I'll have to, if I want to get any research done..." grumbled Jiraiya, before he grabbed Naruto, and ran off into the woods.
-----
Later, in a large clearing in the forest.
"Listen up, Naruto. I'll only show you this once. Pay attention!" barked Jiraiya.
"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up, pervy sage!"
"Summoning Jutsu!" intoned Jiraiya, creating a small cloud of smoke, which cleared, revealing a small toad.
"Hey boss. Need something?" asked the toad.
"No, just showing Naruto here the Summoning Jutsu. You can go back now." responded Jiraiya.
"Okay, boss." responded the toad, before poofing away in another cloud of smoke.
"That wasn't cool at all!" whined Naruto.
"I was just showing you a small one. Pump more chakra into the jutsu, and you can summon bigger toads. Now, you try it. I want to see you summon the toad boss, Gamabunta!"
-----
Later, as Lina and Xellos walk along a road in the forest.
"So, Xellos, you never did tell me why you're here."
"I wanted to keep an eye on you, Lina-chan. You're so good at making such yummy chaos, wherever you go." responded Xellos, with a cheeky smile.
Her eye twitching, Lina responded "Is that so?"
"Really, Lina-san!"
"Hmph... Wait a minute, what's that noise?" Lina asks, hearing some yelling in the distance.
"Sounds like some people yelling, ." said Xellos, with a cheeky smile, idly following Lina down the path, and towards the noise.
-----
"Again, Naruto!" yells Jiraiya. "You've got the capacity to summon Gamabunta, now do it!"
"Hey, this is hard, pervy sage..." grumbles Naruto.
Frustrated by Naruto's lack of progress, Jiraiya then exclaims, "I'll buy you ramen if you get it right on your next try!"
"O-kay! Ramen!" Naruto then concentrates, before yelling "Summoning Jutsu!", creating a giant cloud of smoke around himself.
"Jiraiya?" grumbles a loud, deep voice "Where are you? What's this whippersnapper doing on my head?", revealing a giant toad as the smoke dissipates.
"I did it! I did it!" cheers Naruto, then he looks down at the giant toad. "I summoned you, so you have to obey me!"
"Hardly, brat. Now then, Jiraiya. Why'd you summon me?" the toad grumbles again.
"Really, Gamabunta. Naruto did summon you." responds Jiraiya.
"Yeah! Like he said, I summoned you! Now you have to..." Naruto begins, only to trail off as he notices two people walking into the clearing.
"...A giant toad?" asks Lina, looking up at Gamabunta.
"My, my. This could be amusing." speculates Xellos.
"That girl..." mumbles Gamabunta.
"Hey, little girl. You shouldn't be here. It's dangerous, since Gamabunta here could step on you." calls Jiraiya.
"Little girl?!" asks Lina, her eye twitching.
"Well, yeah. You're too flat to be anything older."
"Flat!?" shrieks Lina, a vein on her forehead bulging now.
"Well, yeah... you are pretty flat..." interjects Naruto, rather unhelpfully.
"That's it! Fireball!" she yells, chucking the spell at Jiraiya, frying him.
"Oh, Lina-chan. Always blasting everyone you meet..." sighs Xellos.
"You want some too?!?" raged Lina, waving a held fireball at Xellos.
"Now, now, calm down, Lina-san." says Xellos, making placating gestures.
Lina glares at Naruto, and the still smoldering Jiraiya, before turning her head, letting out a small "hmph.", and letting the second fireball dissipate.
"Owie...." moaned the smoking heap known as Jiraiya.
As the wind whistles through the trees, Xellos floats up to Naruto, who is still standing on Gamabunta's head.
"You're one of these jinchuuriki people, aren't you?" Xellos asked, with a telling smile.
"Hey, wait a sec, what are you going to do?" stammers Naruto, backing off slightly.
"Oh, just this." responded Xellos, driving his hand deep into Naruto's abdomen, looking like he was feeling around for something.
As Xellos withdrew his hand, leaving no wound, Naruto collapsed. Raising his hand, it was revealed to be holding the scruff of a small, nine-tailed fox's neck.
"There, there, Kyuu-chan, isn't that better?" smirked Xellos, letting the fox drop onto Naruto's back.
"Wait a sec, 'Kyuu-chan'? You pulled that damned fox out of my head?" asked Naruto, falling into a panic. "It's going to destroy Konoha!"
"About time somebody let me out of that damn sewer. You could have bothered to do a proper unsealing, Xellos..." grumbled the fox, before glaring at Naruto "But you're still an idiot, Kit. If you had bothered paying any attention, you'd notice my chakra is still sealed in that idiot head of yours.", slapping Naruto with a tail.
"But that would have been more work!" whined Xellos.
"Hmph. Lazy as always. Why are you here, anyways?"
"Just keeping an eye on Lina-san over there."
"The Lina Inverse you've been mentioning from time to time?"
"You'll see." smirked Xellos, before popping down behind Lina.
Still mostly in shock, not noticing the fox on his shoulders, Naruto looks down at Lina and Xellos, before asking "Who are you two, anyways?"
"I am the perfect, invincible, beautiful young sorcery genius, Lina Inverse!" said Lina, with her usual flair.
Xellos, cheeky as always, responds "I am Xellos, the mysterious priest.", earning another whack on the head from Lina.
"Lina Inverse? Who's that?" wondered Naruto, scratching his head.
"Lina Inverse? It can't be her... She's supposed to be on Ruby-eye's world..." mumbled Gamabunta.
"Ugh..." groaned Jiraiya, as he finally came to. "Gamabunta, you've heard of this violent girl?"
"She's known as the enemy of all who live on her world. So, if you don't mind, I'll be going now." finished the giant toad, poofing into another cloud of smoke, dropping Naruto and Kyuubi to the ground.
"That girl? She doesn't look any older then I am..." wondered Naruto.
"You really shouldn't aggravate her, kit..." began Kyuubi.
Ignoring Lina, Naruto turned towards Jiraiya, beginning "Hey, I summoned Gamabunta, how about that ramen?"
"Uh, sure, Naruto. Let's go get it now..." said Jiraiya weakly, glancing back at Lina as he and Naruto jumped into the trees in the direction of Konoha.
"Don't you dare ignore me!" fumed Lina. "Raywing!" she yelled, floating up above the trees, heading in the direction Naruto and Jiraiya went.
-----
"Hey pervy sage... I think that crazy girl is chasing us." yelled Naruto, as they jumped through the trees.
"Just ignore her, she won't do anything..." Jiraiya responded without much conviction.
"I guess..." said Naruto, before falling into a mental chant of 'Ramen! Ramen! Ramen!'.
"Don't you ignore me!" raged Lina, before lobbing another spell at the pair, with a cry of "Bram Gush!"
Thrown into the walls of Konoha by the burst of wind, the pair slowly got to their feet, before Naruto yelled "What is it with you, you crazy flatchested girl?"
Screaming in inarticulate rage, Lina began "Lord of the Darkness and the Four Worlds, I call upon you, grant me all the power that you possess!"
Sighing, Kyuubi began "Now you've done it..."
"What was that, fox-teme?" asked Naruto.
"Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows..."
"Because you're terminally unobservant, Kit, it's left to me to tell you the obvious. " sighed Kyuubi. "She's fairly bleeding off power, just not the same type you're used to. And now, you've gotten her angry."
"Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows..."
"What are you talking about? She's just standing there, not even going through seals. Besides, no jutsu takes that long to build." Naruto stated confidently.
"In thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness!"
"Stupid as always, Kit..." grumbled Kyuubi, before it hopped down to the ground, and ran off into the forest.
"Uh, there's something I really have to go do, Naruto. I'll buy you that ramen later!" Jiraiya said quickly, as he ran off in another direction.
"Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"
"Oi, fox-teme, pervy sage, where'd you two go?" asked Naruto, oblivious to the impending doom.
"Dragon Slave!"
-----
A few hundred yards away, within an Uchiha district dojo...
"Now Sasuke, I'm going to show you a high-ranked technique, which should help greatly in your fight against Gaara." began Kakashi.
"Hn." grunted Sasuke, not paying much attention.
Kakashi sighed, as he went through the seals for the technique, culminating in a chirping ball of electricity in his left hand. "Pay attention, Sasuke. The Chidori is powerful, but it is also difficult to perform and even harder to maintain for long."
"Hn." acknowledged Sasuke, "...You feel something?" looking at a wall, before the dojo exploded into a raging inferno.
-----
In the crater that used to be the Uchiha district, Naruto pulled himself out of the rubble, yelling "Hey! What was that for!?"
"That was for insulting me!" Lina yelled back.
"If you want a fight, so be it! Shadow Clone Jutsu!" shouted Naruto, creating a few dozen clones.
"Bring it on! Flare Arrow!" she yelled, creating a swarm of small fireballs that then sailed towards the crowd of Naruto, popping several before obscuring the rest in the explosions.
As the smoke cleared, a reduced swarm of Naruto jumped out, each throwing a kunai, with the cry "My turn!"
"Gyaaah!" yelled Lina, as she ran around, kunai thunking into the ground at her heels, making several of the clones point at her and laugh.
Growling, Lina yelled "Burst Flare!", directing it at the largest concentration of Naruto, blowing up another group of buildings in the process.
Offput by the amount of damage Lina is putting out, Naruto, and a dozen or so clones left over held back, going into a huddle. Mumbling for a minute before breaking, they shout "This next move will finish you for sure! Sexy Jutsu!"
As the Naruto poofed into smoke, revealing a dozen, slightly obscured, but very nude Naruko-chans, whose endowments, naturally put Lina's to shame.
"W-w-w-why you...! DRAGON SLAVE!" Lina yelled, blowing the Naruto clones and the rest of the Uchiha district to kingdom come.
-----
That evening, in the Hokage tower, as Sarutobi overlooks the missing chunk of Konoha.
"Hokage-sama! It seems the Kyuubi escaped from the Uzumaki boy, but drained itself after just a few attacks!" yelled a faceless chuunin.
"Is that it? It would explain why we never actually saw the fox..." replied Sarutobi.
"Hokage-sama! I've captured the Kyuubi!" yelled a faceless jonin, who was carrying a small nine-tailed fox, by the tails, trailed by Naruto.
"Stupid fox." grumbled a scorched Naruto.
"Well, this is an even odder turn of events..." mused Sarutobi, before turning his attention to the fox, a questioning look on his face.
"I didn't destroy Konoha!" raged Kyuubi. "It was The Enemy Of All Who Live!"
His face white as a sheet, Sarutobi stammered "A beast able to humble even the monstrous nine-tailed fox...?"
-----
As Lina and Xellos walked down a road leading away from Konoha, Lina sneezed.
"Someone talking about me? Anyways, that's another person taught manners." stated Lina confidently.
"That's the fifth town you've blown up this month." observed Xellos.
"It was the town's fault for being in the way!"
"You didn't have to cast the Dragon Slave twice, you know..."
"So here's another spell! Damu Bras!" yelled Lina, directing the blast towards Xellos.
"You're mean, Lina-san!"
-----
Walking up to the ruined corner of Konoha, Orochimaru and Kabuto shared a look.
"Wasn't the plan for Gaara to destroy Konoha during the Chuunin tournament?" asked Kabuto.
"Who stole my moment of glory and revenge?!?" whined Orochimaru, not noticing a certain fox pad up.
"I wanted to destroy Konoha too!" raged Kyuubi. "Not five minutes after I got out of that damned seal, someone goes and steals my thunder!"
Kabuto just stared, as a large sweatdrop fell down the back of his head.
END.
This was originally finished back in late January, but unfortunately the forum I had been planning on using for C&C decided to give me the proverbial finger. So I dropped the site and held the fic, having lost most of my drive for a while. Yeah, screw you too, Fukufics.
Anyways, this exists because little can not be made funnier by the addition of Lina-induced mass destruction, as well as the fact that Lina didn't get to blow up enough towns in Revolution. Even if my writing doesn't really do justice...
I am certainly interested in continuing this, however, given my lack of knowledge of Naruto, I'd really like a beta and someone to bounce Narutoverse ideas off of, preferably in the same person.
Slayers spell compendium - in other words, what does what : www(dot)inverse(dot)org(slash)e(slash)bkg(slash)magic(slash)cats(dot)shtml