At Mossad, I never had the problem that I have here at NCIS. Back in Israel, I was always Eli David's daughter, future agency director, respected ninja/assassin and feared opponent. But here I'm no one. Here, I'm new, inexperienced, ignorant and ignored. Here, I'm the sister of the psychopath rogue that killed Agent Todd. Here, I'm the person who could've prevented it from happening but didn't.
I have an event to attend in Indiana, but that's not the main reason that I'm heading there on this plane: I need to talk to someone- someone who won't snap at me like Abby; who won't give me sarcasm like Tony; who won't tell me to suck it in like Gibbs and who won't sympathise with me like McGee or any of the others.
I'm probably being stupid- the person that I'm going to visit can't talk back, but I know that she's the only one who'll understand me (which is all I want at the moment). She knows exactly what it's like to leave one agency to join another, having to prove herself to another team and leave old ways and friends.
"Passengers," the voice of the pilot echoes over my head, "please prepare for descent into Indiana."
Once we've landed, I exit the airport and hire a cab. I know exactly where to find her- I skimmed over her file before I booked this flight.
As I near the cemetery gates, I feel a pang of nerves in my stomach: what if she doesn't understand? What is, somewhere up in heaven, she's shaking her head and judging me, just like everyone else in this unfamiliar place?
Although it takes me a good 10 minutes, I finally find her amongst the rows of granite, slate and marble headstones.
"Caitlin Marie Todd," I read aloud, "beloved family member, devoted worker & adored partner."
'Adored partner.' As I read the words I can't help but wonder if Tony wrote those words- I mean, they were partners (at work at least), and I can tell by the pain in his eyes when anyone mentions her name that he adored her.
"I don't think there was one person at NCIS who didn't know your name Kate," I tell her, kneeling down in front of her headstone. "I would introduce myself, but I have a feeling that wherever you are, you already know my name and who I am to you. I hope you can look past my brother's actions and help me."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, it's as if I can feel her eyes upon me. I continue.
"How did you do it?" I whisper. "How did you move so abruptly from the Secret Service to NCIS, and have people take to you so quickly? Please, I just wish there was a way that you could tell me how to prove myself to this team."
I slump to the ground in despair, wishing that she could answer me.
"When you joined, I heard that Abby took to you almost immediately. For me, it's been slightly under 3 weeks and she won't even look me in the eye. If I speak, she ignores me and mocks me, just because I'm your 'replacement'.
"Tim- he's alright. He's nice to me, but over nice: as if I'm a 10 year old that can't take care of anything or anyone. I can't tell whether he was like that with you or not.
"Gibbs. He's harsh, but I've had harsher. He seems like a good leader- a father figure, perhaps. He's frosty around me though, as if he doesn't want to accept me."
I sigh, staring up at the evening sky. Kate probably isn't paying attention to me, but it feels as if she is.
"And Tony… Well, if Gibbs is frosty, Tony is as cold as a glacier. Sure, he'll look at me, but when he does, his eyes are stone cold. And yeah, he's nice to me, but I can't tell whether he's being genuine or sarcastic. I watch his every move, and though I pretend not to, I see him tense up whenever I sit at your desk. I see him pull out his cell and text your number even though he knows it's been disconnected. I read the pain in his eyes whenever someone mentions your name.
"I'm no expert, but I can tell that you two were way more than just partners in the field, and its killing Tony that you're gone."
Now she's smirking, knowing something that I quite clearly don't.
I check my watch: it is essential that I'm on time for my event- and slowly rise from the ground.
"Thank you for listening Kate," I murmur. "I'm so sorry."
I collapse onto the sofa in my apartment, exhausted. The event was horrifically boring, just as I expected it to be.
As I take in my surroundings, something catches my eye.
A plain white envelope is sat on the tiny table in front of me, my name written on the front in curly, unfamiliar handwriting. There's no address, no postage stamp, just my name.
Cautiously, I reach out and pick it up. After examining it and determining that it's safe, I open it.
Inside are 3 photos.
One of them is taken in the NCIS lab. Agent Todd has her chocolate hair half up half down and is wearing a red top underneath her white lab coat and goggles that matches those of her best friend Forensic Specialist Abby Scuito. The two friends are hugging each other and grinning at the camera.
The second is a whole team picture, and Kate is poking her tongue out at Gibbs, her hand on Tim's shoulder. Tony is standing behind her, grinning down at her. They're all wearing their field gear, sigs holstered and all.
The third and final one is taken in fall, and the trees in the background are a mixture of crimson, auburn and gold. Kate and Tony stand under an arch of trees, their arms around each other, their lips pressed against each others. They're wearing matching jumpers, scarves and hats, and they look like a proper couple, one from the movies that Tony loves going on about so much. Now, I understand why.
I can only blink the photo: now it's obvious why Tony is so frosty with me. I mean, his girlfriend just died, my brother killed her, and I'm the one replacing her. It must be hell for him.
I'm about to dispose of the envelope when I find a note at the bottom of it. My hands tremble as I take it out and read it aloud.
"The place in which I stand in these photos will one day be yours. You're a fighter Ziva David, don't give up. Have faith. Have faith in yourself and have faith in me. I promise you it'll get better- KT."
I drop the note hastily and grip onto the table desperately. My hands are shaking and tears are forming in my eyes, but deep down, I'm happy. She understands me, she has faith in me. She comforts me even though I should be a felony to her.
"I will." I whisper. "I'll have faith. I'll have faith for you, Kate Todd."
A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoyed this short fic, I'm sorry that I haven't updated this week, I've been really busy with school. Aria will be updated again this week!
I am happy to say that A Family Camping Trip will be updated again tomorrow: the hiatus is over and I've finished writing the story itself. I have two chapters of it left to post before I can call it complete, so watch this space tomorrow afternoon!
Louise :)