Nick stormed out of the loft to the park across the street. He paced in front of a park bench for a while, mumbling angrily to himself. Eventually he managed to calm down enough to sit. He had an intense turtle face permanently etched across his face; he was a proverbial time bomb due to explode at any moment.
A concerned young mother approached the disgruntled man cautiously. She spoke gently, making sure not to upset him, "Excuse me, sir, are you alright?"
Nick barely even registered the question. He glared at the trees all around him.
"Sir?" The woman's voice was laced with fear. Nick looked up at her, his expression softening slightly as his eyes met hers.
"I'm fine, I just got into a fight with my room-friend." He bellowed, then went back to sulking.
The woman started to walk back toward the playground, but stopped and sat slowly beside Nick on the park bench. "I'm not a therapist or anything, but sometimes talking to an unrelated third party helps."
Nick buried his face in his hands and let out a muffled reply, "It's personal."
"Alright. I'm sorry to have bothered you."
Just as the stranger was getting up to leave, Nick let out a heavy sigh, "I don't know how it came to this." The woman looked startled, but re-settled herself on the bench and gestured for him to continue. "I guess I should start from the beginning. She was my roommate to begin with. I didn't want a female roommate, having her in the apartment would just complicate things and cause unnecessary drama. I tried everything I could think of to convince my other two roommates not to let her stay, but none of us could resist her big doe eyes. Plus, she's so beautiful that she makes it hard not to fall for her. She's infuriating, quirky, patient, and just downright sexy. It was difficult not to think of her in that way, but after I saw her naked, it was all over. I could have taken her right then and there, and if I hadn't have had company that night I probably would have."
The woman glanced down at her watch, then over at her children playing on the swing set. She hadn't expected him to tell her his entire life story, she was just trying to be polite; now she was contemplating how to sneak away without him noticing and pitching another fit. While the woman was having her own internal struggle, Nick was too invested in his thoughts to pay any attention to what she was doing. "I guess I should have seen this coming. We fight constantly; we hardly ever seem to agree on anything. We're just too different. You know how people say they're two peas in a pod? Well, we're two completely different peas. Hell, I'm not even a pea, I'm more like a bean- and not the magical kind that grows beanstalks or gives you magical powers; I'm the kind that makes you fart." He shook his head sadly before continuing. "It never could have worked between us. Even as friends we never really clicked. Oh, who am I kidding? We were never friends. Friends don't get annoyed with each other every other day and get into regular shouting matches about stupid things to try and hide their evident feelings for each other. Everyone could tell what was going on between us; they could all see it."
The woman who was sitting with him a moment ago had used the opportunity of him arguing with himself to rejoin her children over by the swings. Nick turned to his new companion on the park bench, a middle aged man with his face buried in a newspaper. His mind didn't even register that it was a different person sitting beside him. "I guess things didn't really start going downhill until I kissed her. That was a huge mistake. What was I even thinking? She had a boyfriend, but I just... I couldn't control myself. Seeing her strut around in that blue bra of hers as we played True American, I'm surprised I was able to pull myself away when I did. Damn that kiss; if I hadn't have kissed her, I never would have hurt her. The minute I grabbed her arm, she started to fall for me. I know because she didn't pull away. She could have easily pushed me off of her or slapped me, but she didn't and it's my fault. She had to fall for a broken man like me. She could have had a happy life with Sam. She would have been better off marrying him, a doctor; at least he could have provided for her. She needs security. She needs a man who isn't afraid to tell her how he feels; someone who doesn't panic moonwalk away from a situation, no matter how terrifying it may be. She needs a sure thing. She needs someone like Russell- the Fancyman. Hell, I'll admit it, I wish I was him. He's a class act. I wouldn't mind seeing her with a guy like that. I ruined everything when I made her fall for me. I brought her down to my level. I'm immature and irrational. I can't handle a real relationship. The longest relationship I ever had was with a woman who used me. And now I've used Jess. I used her for my own selfish reasons. She used to be a mature and responsible woman capable of having an adult relationship, but I drove her to insanity. I made her insecure. I broke her. I just had to sleep with her. I had to know what sex with Jessica Day was like and it was incredible. It was pure, mind blowing passion. A wise man once told me that the best things in life happen when you're not thinking. Well, I wasn't thinking that night that I chased her down the hallway to the elevator and picked her up and carried her to my room. It was the greatest night of my life, sure, but after it was all over, I started thinking again. Fuck, what have I done? We can't go back now. We've reached the point of no return. But the crazy thing is I didn't care about all that. Watching her sleeping so peacefully in my bed, I didn't care about the repercussions. I fell in love with her and I didn't want to go back." He leaned his head back and rested it against the back of the bench, closing his eyes. The man next to him had finished reading his paper and vacated his seat. A teenager was now sitting beside Nick with headphones in both ears, clearly not listening to him ramble on, but still Nicholas did not notice.
"For a while, I was over the moon with joy. Nothing could bring me down, until her father dropped in for a visit. She told me not to tell him about us, but I couldn't help myself. I've always wanted girls' fathers to accept me. I wanted him to see how much I love his daughter. I wanted his blessing; now I'm starting to understand why he wouldn't give it to me. Maybe he knew all along that I would hurt her. I wanted to call it. I was ready to give up on us. Maybe it's because I messed her up bad enough to distort her perceptions or maybe she really was in love with me. I wanted so badly to believe the latter, so I gave us another shot."
The teenager had left the bench and a large pigeon perched itself next to him. Nick glanced across the park and sighed. "Things were pretty great after that. We were both perfectly content with being together and not caring about what anyone thought. The whole loft was in agreement. We were really good together. The sex was fantastic. It was amazing.
"But then I did something terrible. It was the most awful thing anyone can do. I can't even believe I did that. It was moronic, inexcusable-unforgivable. I don't blame her if she never wants to talk to me again. I don't think I ever want to leave this park bench. I don't think I deserve to set foot in that loft ever again after what I did. I just," He suddenly got choked up. He tried to make the words come out, but they strangled him from inside his throat. He could feel hot tears forming in his eyes. He wasn't someone who usually cried in public, but he couldn't hold back. He swallowed a sob and buried his face in his hands, trying to hide his emotions.
"Oh God, Jess, I'm sorry! I was an idiot. I never wanted to hurt you. I never should have kissed you. I shouldn't have told you to prove that you had feelings for me. I shouldn't have carried you into my room that night. I shouldn't have made you fall in love with me. I shouldn't have uncalled it that night; maybe then we could have repaired whatever relationship we had left. I regret it all. I'm a fool. I just wanted you because I love you, Jess. I've always loved you." He was fully crying now, his chest heaving giant sobs that he tried to muffle with the sleeve of his red hoodie. He was so embedded in his own misery that he didn't even notice the woman sit down beside him. She was as light as a feather in her movements. She had tears in her eyes as she placed a small, pale hand on his back. He calmed himself down enough to look up at her and he could feel his heart shatter when he saw her big blue doe eyes. "Jess," he croaked.
Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. A tear rolled down her cheek. Nick started to reach up to brush it away, but he yanked his hand back, scolding himself. "I will never touch you again. I'm sorry, Jessica."
Jess grabbed his hand and pulled it close to her chest. She squeezed it three times before putting it up to her face to caress her cheek. He looked at her puzzled for a moment before she wrapped his arm around her shoulders and laid her head against his chest. He breathed in the sweet smell of her coconut conditioner and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. Neither of them spoke as they sat just like that on the park bench for an hour, maybe two. They didn't know what would happen when they got up, but they would figure it out together.