Though it was bright and beautiful outside that afternoon, Severus felt in such a dark and dreary mood. Hence his curtains being drawn, and no lights on. He felt as if he had no idea what he was meant to do with his life. Severus, had just graduated from Hogwarts not even a week previous. Upon coming home without even issuing a hello to his parents, he ran to his room and did the one thing that he needed to do to clear his path for his future. He had to dispose of the past.
Severus slammed his door shut and with a force for such a young and scrawny young wizard that he was. He was young in the fact of his age, elder in his mind of course. You-Know-Who sought to take away his youth as he did with all of his followers. No, now was not the moment to think on these matters, and Severus knew that. In fact Severus also knew that if he was to dwell on such memories indeed his "cleansing" would not be complete.
With as much force as he could Severus tried to keep his thoughts away from those moments, and tried to think on the happy memories. Sadly for Severus those were few and far. Indeed as Severus pulled open his trunk and sank to his knees all those memories seemed to come flooding back.
First classes…Friends…Enemies…Projects….Humiliations…red hair and green eyes… Severus had to take a deep breath to re collect himself. If he was not careful at the moment he would be rendered incapable of doing his task. Yes Severus Snape was one of those people whom did not like to start something and not finish it. His many award winning potions was indeed one of the many proofs of his accomplishments.
Severus knew that of course no matter how long he sat there and stare at the trunk, it would not disappear for him. Of course he could take his wand and with a few simple spells, and render the horrible thing to ashes. Which was of course what he really wished to do, but even as he reached for his wand he could not bring himself to destroy the blasted thing. Perhaps he could use it some day as a makeshift potions table or perhaps something to store his potions in, or his many books. His shelves at home were indeed becoming very full. Waste not want not, he thought as he placed his wand next to him and began to dig into his past.
Hours later Severus found himself covered with amounts of debris that not any normal muggle child would ever have around their room. Piled to the side of him were many of his old and worn schoolbooks that had helped course him through his years. Of course as well around the floor was numerous parchments, quills, inks, and bits and bobs as well. Severus had made sure that his robes and all of his potion equipments were safely set aside. Those of course, and some very choice items that he pondered their importance to. Alas Severus sighed in relief as he peered down into his trunk and was relieved to see it empty. Though, Severus' happiness was soon cut short as his eyes suddenly focused on a small square pieces of parchment that was left behind staring up at him. The other more fluent ink to S.S smiled sweetly up at him, begging him to open it.
Severus knew exactly what was in that one letter. In fact even though he had never read the one that was the reply back to him, he indeed knew what was coming. Three simple words. I hate you!!
Not really wanting to delve into his precious memories once again Severus slammed shut his trunk and left his room to get his mind off of that letter. Oh how many days of his last year did that letter haunt him. Indeed how many nights he lay awake pondering whether or not he should open it? Of course in the end his mind won over his heart, and at last one night he threw it at the bottom hoping to never see it again. As his hand reached upon the door he stopped. Suddenly Severus realized that he could forever go on in his life and ignore that letter and try to resolve his own issues. Alas of course that would be the nicest resolution, but indeed it would not help him. Scowling at himself he turned on his heels and stomped over to the trunk. Standing in the pile of debris that he had still not yet cleaned Severus did the one thing that he knew he would regret for the rest of his life. He opened the trunk.
Sitting down into his previous spot Severus very cautiously reached into the trunk and withdrew the note that he had dreaded for so long. The note that he was sure would indeed be the reason for him to finally change. He stared down at the beautiful way the ink spelled his name…the hand that wrote it…the brain that thought it…attached to the girl that wrote it…
Taking another deep breath Severus studied his hands as he turned the letter over and broke the seal of his heart. Something fell to the ground but Severus' eyes fell to the words that were staring at him. Her beautiful scripture stared at him, and in his heart he feared that this is exactly what he knew it to be. The beginning of the end of Severus Snape. Willing himself to try so hard he ordered his eyes to the beginning of the page and followed it line by line.
S. Snape
So many words I want to say to you, but alas I can not form them. My heart breaks for the fact that we are no longer friends. Everyday I have prayed that you would have seen sense and reason, but I suppose that God has so many other important things on his plate, that my simple request shall not be answered. I can not forgive you for what you have do- for your betrayal to me. I do not need to tell you everything because you already know it all. Severus we shall no longer ever be Lil's and Sevi, God it hurts so bad to write this. I
know that you are more than likely to always be trying to find your place in the world. Sev…Severus I…You have to know this no matter how much it hurts me. If you would not have done what you did, you- You would have had a place at my side. There it is done and said now. I know that we never formally established anything about our "feelings" for each other. I indeed know that I loved you very dearly but- now you are nothing but a stranger to me. I do not know you and I do not love you anymore.
I- I am washed of you and now I can go on. This is my closure I suppose in a way. Oh I know that if I were to ever see you again I would be most pleased. Of course you won't, and even I am contradicting myself. Perhaps I do not know what I want. I want you to be happy and if you doing thatis your happiness then I won't stand in your way. So I guess all that is left is this. Goodbye.
Lily Evans
Severus stared at the letter in horror the tears flowing down his long nose smearing her words from what seemed so long ago. Only two years it had been since that letter fell into his hands. He wiped the tears from his face, and threw the letter onto the floor. His mind was in overdrive. She had loved him, and had possibly, no truthfully had admitted her feelings as well. Severus smiled very faintly at that mention in the letter. Though the rest was not pleasant at all. She definitely hated him for what he had done, and the part that tore at him the most was the fact that he did have a place in the world, right there next to his Lily. Oh how Severus wished he could have changed it. Of course he knew that he would never be able to go and change what he had dammed himself to. An endless life full of dark and dreary things, instead of the beautiful light that he knew he could follow. As he glanced toward the letter a flicker of light caught his eye and he followed it to the object that had fallen out of the parchment. It was a small and simple silver necklace that had a beautiful silver Lily attached to the end.
Severus twirled the necklace in his long fingers and stared as the silver bounced off of his walls. He remembered of course that he had given this necklace to Lily for their first Christmas as friends. He was pleased when he clasped it around her neck and found that every day forward she had proudly worn the necklace. Now of course because of his actions he now held the gift in his hands. It broke him to know that no longer would she ever be his Lil's as she claimed in the letter.
Severus contemplated his actions for a moment before it was all too clear what he was to do. Arising from the pile of debris, the Lily still clutched in his hand he swiftly glided through the mess and left his room behind. Quietly as not to disturb his drunken father on the couch, he crept into the bathroom and very softly shut the door behind him. .
Switching on the light Severus stared at himself in the mirror and his eyes fell to the object in his hand. He reached with his other hand and simultaneously as he continued to watch himself in the mirror, his hands found the clasp and undid it. Brining the necklace into view Severus reached around and behind him clasped it back into place. The Lily fell perfectly onto his chest and a very warm sensation flooded through him warming his heart. A smile began to creep at the corners of his mouth and Severus Snape smiled a true smile. Something that he had not done in a very long time. Quickly tucking the necklace under his sweater where the metal felt warm against his cool skin, he turned to leave knowing one thing that the world did not know. She would always be his Lily.