He wants to kill and fuck the man at the same time.
Mohinder yawns again as dusk starts to set in Arizona. He and Sylar are at a NoTel Motel with nothing but miles of desert surrounding it. It's not as if Mohinder has anywhere to go anyway without Sylar close by.
The room's faded slate color, shabby furniture, and peeling wallpaper is like a beautiful piece of artwork displaying his state of mind. His eyes unfocus on the computer screen as he wishes the state didn't have Wi-Fi at all. Or even electricity.
The list continues to lick at burning wounds and when Sylar gives Mohinder that 'thank-you-for-the-list' smile, infection sets in. The wounds open further, stinging and filling up with Sylar's green pus. The list. The list. It stares back at Mohinder and it's no longer the list of special people with extraordinary powers.
It's Sylar's menu.
-----
Sylar is well aware of Mohinder's sick attraction towards him. Mohinder hates him even more for knowing. This almost trumps the whole murder-of-his-father thing. Mohinder tries to shut himself down when Sylar's around, but with Sylar playing music and stripping his clothes off at every opportune moment, Mohinder always winds up watching the man often, covertly.
Of course, Sylar's aware of the surveillance, but he never says anything. He strangely does nothing about the attraction, only taunting Mohinder about it when Mohinder starts his just-kill-me-now-or-I-won't-keep-updating-the-list speeches. Sylar will slide into Mohinder's personal space and breathe murder on brown skin.
Mohinder always instantly hardens.
He doesn't make the speeches as often now.
-----
One day, Mohinder can't take it. He's bobbing his head to the heavy bass and Sylar's freshly showered, leaning against the window in only his boxers. If he kills me, it'll be salvation, Mohinder thinks, and walks over to the other man.
Sylar turns an inpassive eye on Mohinder, apparently confident that he has broken Mohinder's resolve. And he isn't extremely wrong.
Mohinder looks Sylar right in the eye, dropping to his knees and placing his hands smoothly on Sylar's boxer covered hips. His heart is pounding to the beat of fuck that bitch, fuck that bitch, fuck that bitch, and even though the bass is practically vibrating the room, Mohinder knows Sylar can hear his slight anxiety. Still looking into Sylar's eyes, Mohinder pulls the boxers down and in one fluid motion slides Sylar's cock into his mouth.
That one surprised gasp is all Mohinder needs to know.
-----
So they fuck and Mohinder keeps updating the list. They fuck and Sylar sometimes blends into the man he used to be when he makes desperate sounds as Mohinder wraps him in a cocoon of pleasure.
The mask of Sylar slips when Mohinder plays the other man's mind. He slips underneath all the murder and insanity and says things that make The-Man-Before-Sylar kiss Mohinder with a passion any other person would mistake for love. Things that make The-Man-Before-Sylar run his fingers through Mohinder's hair when they're finished. Things that sometimes have The-Man-Before-Sylar smiling at him for no apparent reason before Sylar goes to feast upon some poor unlucky soul.
They fuck and sometimes Sylar stays. He stays and has rough bruising sex with Mohinder. He doesn't make Mohinder bleed. He never does. He says he doesn't like to mix business with pleasure.
Mohinder understands him completely.
-----
However, The-Man-Before-Sylar shows up more frequently and they no longer have sex. They make love.
-----
The appearance of Peter Petrelli, or Clan Petrelli it appears as a young girl, Nathan, and matron Petrelli stand behind Peter, leaves Mohinder staring.
It's so surprising, so unexpected, so damn random, Mohinder thinks for sure he's hallucinating. But as he blinks several times and they don't disappear, he still can't think of anything to say. Mohinder almost falls over when Peter wraps him in a hug and says several things that fly over Mohinder's head because he still can't believe it.
"Mohinder?"
Mohinder lifts his eyebrows in acknowledgement because it seems his voice only works when he's fucking Sylar and making love to The-Man-Before-Sylar nowadays.
Nathan materializes next to Peter and looks dismayed at Mohinder. "Jesus, what did that crazy fuck do to him?"
Mohinder's feelings aren't hurt when Nathan speaks about him, but not to him. He's sure he still looks out of it.
Peter frowns at his brother reprovingly and says, "Mohinder, Sylar appears to be planning something, do you know what it is?"
Mohinder just stares.
Both brothers ask several different times about what Sylar's up to, what he's planning, what kind of powers he has acquired, has he said anything about New York?
Mohinder shakes his head no because he doesn't know Sylar. Not really. Not anymore. He thinks that he may have fallen for The-Man-Before-Sylar. It annoys him because he wasn't supposed to become attached.
The brothers stop asking questions exchanging an obvious -he's sort of crazy- look. They gently steer him towards the women and try walking him over there.
I don't want to go.
The thought comes frantic and unbidden. Mohinder thinks his emotions, smothered by hopelessness and fractured by Sylar's clever mind games, are starting to reawaken. It's terrifying to suddenly be feeling all over again after being numb for the longest time. It's feels even more uncomfortable than rubbing pins, needles, and faint ticklish sensations out of his leg. It's like razor blades and explosions easing themselves out of his soul.
Peter frowns at Mohinder's hesitation and then gives him a placating look. "We're gonna get him, Mo-"
"No, I will," Mohinder says, and it's totally unplanned, but he knows he means it as much as his father, brilliant scientist and geneticist, is dead.
Peter's eyes widen and he says, "He's danger-"
"Like I don't know that!" Mohinder snaps. "I will, don't worry."
Nathan, the manipulator, steps in. "Now look, you're not in your right mind, so-"
Mohinder jerks away from them. "I am so! I can handle Sylar. Come back tomorrow and he will be dead."
The brothers appear to be horrified and try to persuade Mohinder several times, but Mohinder stays firm. Peter looks so devastated -like I'm throwing my life away- Mohinder feels a little bad about it, but a few choice words from Nathan soothe him a little. Mohinder doesn't like to be the one who put the little frown on Peter's brow, but he knows he can kill Sylar. He deserves his revenge.
Nathan gives him a nasty look and Mohinder doesn't blame him. "All right, we'll go-"
"Don't hide yourself here. He will know you're here. He has superhearing." Mohinder turns on his heel and starts to walk away, but stops. "By the way, do you guys know Sylar's real name?"
Peter answers. "Gabriel Gray."
The taste of the name in his mouth makes Mohinder salivate and flavor blooms on his tongue.
Nathan calls out, "Be careful, Suresh."
Sylar.
There is hate and murder in his heart. He feels it with every beat.
He understands Sylar completely.
-----
Sylar comes into their hotel room babbling. It makes Mohinder look at him strangely. Sylar never babbles. It must be Gabriel. The name is strange and foreign to him, but Mohinder thinks it fitting for The-Man-Before-Sylar.
Gabriel babbles about Mohinder finding a way to make himself special so that they could experience being special together. Mohinder stares and doesn't let himself smile. Instead he demurely makes himself -body- available and Sylar/Gabriel can never help themselves.
Only this time, Mohinder is sure that what he's experiencing is all Gabriel. The smell of blood is absent and the other man is more responsive than Mohinder's ever seen.
Gabriel isn't Sylar.
It's quite true, but he knows the monster that is Sylar. Gabriel is pretty harmless and a little strange, but innocent of Sylar's crimes really. It depresses Mohinder severely.
Mohinder bends to Gabriel's face. "Shush. We have all night." He starts a slower, more thorough pace.
We have all night, echoes in Mohinder's mind.
And they do, but only one of them has a morning.
-----
Mohinder's crying. But so is Gabriel. He keeps whispering words of endearment to Mohinder and it makes it all harder. But the most devastating word is love. Mohinder has never hated the word as much as now.
"I love you, Mohinder," Gabriel says, innocent eyes hazy with pleasure.
Mohinder gives him a deep kiss. He sniffles. "I love you too, Gabriel Gray." Mohinder's eyes shine with love.
Gabriel's face lights up in a way Mohinder can't remember ever seeing in his life. Oh god. But then Gabriel's face starts to fade to confusion.
Mohinder knows he isn't supposed to know his real name.
Gabriel doesn't get a chance to wonder about it.
-----
Mohinder dimly hears banging around the main room as he sits leaning against the toilet. The Petrellis have entered and they're making an unnecessary racket.
They burst into the bathroom and Nathan exclaims, "CHRIST!"
Mohinder ignores all the noise afterwards and clings to Gabriel's head. Mohinder never wanted Gabriel just for his body.