The Next Contestant
Copyrights reserved to their current owners, the author makes no claim to anything other then writing this down.
It was a well known fact that Hayate Yagami had an open door policy. It was a rarely known fact her door was open to her friends as well. Which lead to the present predicament. Zwei was fetching water to stave off the inevitable hangover that was going to ensue when Hayate's guest finally went to sleep.
"I've started to judge by what she's wearing just how many heads I'm tearing off of assholes coming on to her. And each night seems like its getting worse!" Enforcer Fate, top of her evaluation class when she finally focused on it, was drunk and pouring out her frustrations. "I wish she'd take the night off, so I don't have to fight off every asshole coming on to her." Fate leaned over and held herself up with a blood stained hand upon Hayate's collar. "It happens every night she works! She goes to the bar afterwords and she just doesn't see it!" It was... slightly awkward for Hayate to sit there still and be sympathetic to her friend. "They go and ask the DJ, trying to find out what she would say if they tried it." It was horribly easy to picture the scene in Hayate's mind. The bar, Nanoha in her off duty clothes, not realizing as every man in the room stared, and Fate stressed out.
"Don't they know it's never gonna work?" Fate said as she leaned over further, getting right into Hayate's face as she spoke and giving her a whiff of Cranagan Pink that made her eyes water. At Hayate's silence, Fate half stumbled half levitated to her feet, Hayate rapidly removing the table from her way. "They think they'll get inside her, with every drink they buy her, as they all try coming on to her." Fate swayed slightly a half a magical circle forming below her feet and steadying her in place.
"This time somebody got hurt." Hayate didn't need to be an expert intelligence agent to connect the injury reports with Nanoha and Fate being in bars. Fate didn't register the tone of voice, or perhaps that Hayate had spoken at all, still raving. It was easy for Hayate to piece it together as she spoke, seeing Fate in the bar saying the words.
"Is that, your hand, on my, girlfriend? Is that your hand?" Fate said, before a bolt of yellow light streaked from her hand with only a flicker of an array, taking a chunk out of the man's leg.
"And I wish he'd do it again." Fate gestured, swinging around to face Hayate. "I watched him leave their limping." Fate's smile would have been bone-chilling had she been sober.
"I even fear the ladys,-" Fate made a dismissing gesture, sparks of potentially deadly lightning flying from her still reddened fingertips. "-their cool, but twice as crazy!" Hayate's eyebrow quirked at that.
"They are just as bad in coming on to her?" Hayate asked.
"Don't they know its never gonna work? I swear each time she bats an eyelash, somebody's grabbing her ass. Everyone keeps coming on to her!" Fate lamented.
"Well Nanoha probably doesn't realize its happening." Hayate supplied, silently sending a plea out to the Knights. The amount of static electricity in the room was starting to make her hair stand up, always a bad sign with a lightning affinity mage.
"I've started to hate what she's wearing. Everybody there kept staring, can't wait tell they get what they deserve." Fate started to draw Bardiche, but the weapon wisely refused to deploy. "I swear this time somebody's getting hurt!" Fate said. Hayate's thoughts were simple 'this officially crosses the line. Now its a matter of public safety that I get them together.' the struggle bind clearly confused Fate, even in her drunken state she struggled mighty.
"Fate, calm down. You need to rest, I'll take care of the next contestant." Hayate reassured her. A moment of staring into her eyes, killing intent clear if she had lied, then Fate collapsed into unconsciousness from the alcohol and fatigue.
"She took down thirteen of the Enforcer Elite Air Corps with her hands, then blew out the suppressors on magic in the bar before flying here and scaring Cranagan Air Defense Control." Zwei said as she came back with the water and a written report.
"How is Nanoha taking it?" Hayate asked as she pulled up her communications app.
"The usual, denial and confusion." Zwei sighed shaking her head and pulling up a blanket.
"I'll handle it, make sure she sleeps, okay?" Hayate said as she prepared to clean up the latest incident. 'and put an end to this stupid perpetual courtship.'
Authors Note: So ya, its obvious what inspired this little piece. It's very description sparse, mostly to keep the focus on events and dialogue. The song that inspired this, by the band Nickelback, titled Next Contestant, is perhaps not the best inspiration, but the image of Fate thinking this way, and then confiding in someone, which Hayate fills nicely, wouldn't leave my head. Considering it's only about 800 words, I think it worked out well. Cranagan Pink is a fictional drink with enough alcohol that it could be used as fuel.