Chapter One: The Rehearsal Dinner
I couldn't wait to get out of here. Every time we were here I felt sick to my stomach and it was more than just the smell that did it. It was the night of the rehearsal dinner and apparently Alice had tried to get us to mingle, because she put out placecards and she had me at a table without any other werewolves or anyone from La Pus for that matter. Oh, except for one of course- JACOB. Were they trying to drive me to insanity, cuz it was definitly working. I had to use all my focus to keep from phasing and it was incredibly difficult to tune out the happy chattering all around me.
The mini leech was sitting on Jacob's lap, though it was beyond me why she couldn't sit in her own seat like a normal little kid of her size and supposed age. It was hard to know how old to tell all the guests she was, because in the short span of time that they were staying here she had grown so much. Next to Jacob was Alice with Jasper at her side. She was chatting animatedly wiht one of Sue's relatives on the other side of Jasper. Probably something like my second cousins great aunt once removed. Seth and I had never met almost all the people Sue invited to the wedding. She was sitting with her husband, who was next to me. On my other side were some of my other distant relatives- teenagers. I tried not to look at them because they were fervently making out, which was, in my opinion both absoulutly disgusting and incredibly rude since they were at a rehearsal dinner.
As I surveyed the table I felt like gagging. Because every single one of them was wearing the same big giant hallmark card smile. Lately I've been seeing that smile everywhere. Everwhere I look, everyone is so wrapped up in themselves- or should I say in their... "significant other"- and smiling all the time like they're on crack or something. I was somewhat proud of myself that I could resist phasing at this level of anger, but I knew nobody here really cared.
Sue only cared about Charlie. It was just sick that they were getting married- now I would have vampire in-laws. Alice only cared about Jasper. He wasn't attacking anyone, so she was happy. Edward was fine as long as Bella was happy. Paul didn't care as long as whats-her-name-Jacobs-sister was happy. Jacob... I couldn't even bear to think about Jacob. I had to look down to avoid seeing his gorgeous face. His deep brown eyes, his glowing russet skin, and his deep, loud laugh piercing the air. Half of me hated him. We were perfect for each other- we used to be in exactly the same boat. We used to look out for each other. Though I know he had absolutley no idea- I happen to be extremely good at hiding my thoughts- it was almost inevitable that we would be together. That is, until he imprinted on this stupid baby. I allowed myself to skim over her face quickly, though I knew it was a bad idea, I was already lightly quaking. She was wearing the same little smug face, complete with big giant hallmark card smile. Everybody looooved her. In the brief moment I looked up at her I saw her reach up to touch Jacob's cheek. I still don't understand why she can't just talk.
But as I forced my thoughts away from her and allowed them to float back to Jacob, I knew that the other half of me...more than half of me was still madly, passionatly, and irreversably in love with him. Stronger than imprinting, because I actually loved him, it wasn't just some crazy instinct that made me love him. I had just barely moved on from Sam until fate threw Jacob at me. Now all I wanted was for Jacob to look at me the way he looks at Renesme. It shouldn't have been that much to ask- the only competition I had was a half-vampire half-human less than a year old.
Yet it did seem to be too much to ask. Every time he looked at me it was with frustration or revulsion and every once in a while pity. He didn't care about me- he didn't feel guilty for what he did to me. He just felt guilty that he didn't care about me. I knew I needed to move on, yet I couldn't. I couldn't let him go that easily. He looked at me just like anybody else did. Everybody here loathed me as much as I loathed them, except they tried to cover it, which just made me loathe them more.
Like I said before, I couldn't wait for the dinner to be over, but it wasn't just the dinner. As I continued to tune out the conversation around me I realized this was my life. This was all that was destined for me. I would always be Leah, the genetic dud, the whiny teenager, the cynic. Nobody- especially one particular somebody- would ever look at me like I was worth something. I would always be annoying, lonely, sulking Leah.