Looking back, Harry isn't sure how his day went from an awesome plan to the most awkward conversation ever, but he blames Victoire. It was supposed to be a bonding day between Harry and Teddy. Harry hadn't really had a lot of time for Teddy, what with his Auror duties, James getting home from Hogwarts, dealing with James and Albus's fights. But Harry specifically set aside this Saturday to go to the muggle mall with Teddy.
Harry wasn't counting on Teddy betraying him. It wasn't technically his fault. He had been asking Victoire out for weeks and she just happened to say yes this one weekend. Well Ginny had already planned a getaway with the kids. But Lily had fallen ill this past Friday. So Lily stayed home from day care and Ginny took the boys Friday night. Then Saturday morning, Harry woke up to find Lily was faking so she could get to spend Friday with Ginny all to herself. Ginny had skipped practice with the Holyhead Harpies to stay home with her. But Ginny had taken Albus and James to Holyhead for a weekend of quidditch. So Harry figured he would take this opportunity to take his four-year-old daughter to the mall.
Then Teddy decided he felt bad. Teddy hadn't seen Harry in weeks and asked Victoire if they could go to the muggle mall. Plus, he figured he might be able to bum lunch off on Harry. That way, Teddy and Harry could have lunch before he and Victoire went shopping. So Saturday at eleven, Harry, with Lily, ended up in one of the fancier restaurants in the mall as he waited for Teddy and Victoire.
When they finally arrived, with their hair mussed and fifteen minutes late, it didn't take a genius to figure out why. But Harry put aside his irritation and started the small talk. He asked Victoire how Hogwarts was and if she had given any thought to working in England or in France. Victoire sent a side glance at Teddy and brushed off the conversation. Then Harry and Teddy got to talking and Lily started asking Victoire all manner of questions.
"What's makeup? Are you wearing it now? What color do you think would go good with my red hair? Daddy, can I wear makeup?" Victoire couldn't get a word in edgewise to even attempt answering the questions. So she just sat back and let Lily babble.
Harry having heard the last question, broke from his conversation with Teddy to say "No."
But Harry wouldn't complain if it gave him time to speak with Teddy. It was all going fine until Lily said she had to use the bathroom. Harry just sent a pleading glance at Victoire, practically begging her to take Lily with his eyes. Victoire just huffed, and stuck out her hand for Lily to take, before she led Lily to the bathroom.
Harry and Teddy talked for awhile, then Harry glanced at his watch and realized that Victoire and Lily had been gone for fifteen minutes. So Harry decided to check what the heck was happening.
As Harry walked towards the bathroom he saw two girls head in. He also heard "Tinkle, Tinkle, let your pee out from inside of you," being sung from an off-tune voice that vaguely sounded like Victoire.
"What's taking so long? Everything alright in there?" Harry asked.
Victoire exited the bathroom. "Lily refuses to go pee without the tinkle song. And since I clearly don't know any tinkle songs, I've been singing about pee for the past ten minutes, so no everything is not alright! I'm going back to my date now. I can't believe this is how my first date with Teddy is going." The last part was mumbled under her breath. Then she turned on her heel and stormed back to the table.
Harry didn't know what to do, he couldn't sing the tinkle song through the door to the woman's bathroom could he? Imagine if someone had walked by. But Harry also couldn't leave Lily stranded in the bathroom. He just had to shuck his pride. Harry really was left with no choice. He had to go in there, only to find see the same two girls who had walked in as he was heading over.
They were two teenagers and one of them had just exited the stalls to see him walk in.
"Um, you know this is the girl's right?" she said.
"Yeah sorry, my daughter is in that stall and her cousin just left her in here." Harry explained with a desperate expression on his face.
"Oh, what a bitch!" Harry sighed, he really hoped Lily didn't hear that or if she did that she never repeated it.
From the other stall over a voice rang out "Who is a bitch?" Harry let out another sigh, repetition was not helping his cause.
"This bitch just left her little cousin and the dad just walked in to get her." The first teenager said loudly. Harry just wanted Lily out of there.
"Lily you alright in there? Have you finished your business?" Harry asked. He walked towards the door of the closed stall that the teenagers voice didn't come out of.
"I need the tinkle song!" Lily demanded.
"Ok honey." Harry really didn't want to sing this song in public like this, but he clearly had no choice.
Harry took a deep breath in then started to sing as quietly as he could, "Tinkle, Tinkle on the Potty, when you feel pressure in your tummy, like a good girl wipe your tusch, then flush it down with a woooosh! Tinkle, Tinkle, on the potty, when you're done wash your hands like Daddy!" Harry finished.
He heard Lily peeing while he was singing. But even though the song was finally over she was still going. How could a four year old hold so much pee inside her? And just when he thought this nightmare couldn't get any worse.
"Becky do you have a tampon?" The girl in the stall called out. Either she forgot about his presence or just flat out didn't care.
The first girl patted her pockets, checked her purse, and when she clearly didn't have any tampons called out "Nope not today Stephanie." Oh Merlin! When would Lily be done?
"I need a tampon!" Stephanie yelled.
"Calm your tits, let me look for a pound." Becky said. Thus she resumed rummaging in her purse. She seemed to come up empty. Finally, she turned to Harry.
"Hey mister, you got a pound?" Harry prayed that he did just so this whole thing could be over. He patted his pockets and pulled a pound coin out of his right butt pocket.
"Here you go." He said as he handed it over. Becky put it in the machine in exchange for a tampon. Then she passed it under the stall to Stephanie. At the rate Lily was going, he may never get out of this terrible situation. Stephanie got out almost as soon as she was handed a tampon. Then the two teenage girls left. Harry let out a thankful sigh.
Lily eventually finished in the stall. Then she couldn't reach the sink. Harry lifted her up. As Lily was washing her hands, with Harry holding her up to the sink, an older woman walked in. She was clearly scandalized. This day just was getting worse and worse. Harry had never been more embarrassed in his life.
"Mister, who do you think you are? This is the ladies' room. You are supposed to be in the men's room. Where is your wife? She should be doing this. I will not leave until you do." With this she crossed her arms and glared disapprovingly at him. But while she was yelling at him, Lily had finished washing her hands.
Harry was just happy he could leave that cursed bathroom. When they got back to the table, they saw that Teddy and Victoire were done eating. They decided to head of and begin the rest of their date in the mall.
Then Lily said in the loud voice of a kid who hadn't completely learned how to control her voice, "What's a tampon?" At this point Harry just wanted to go home. It was made worse by the fact that he saw the same old lady at a nearby table looking even more scandalized. Not only did this cause a lot of disapproving looks from nearby tables.
Harry just called out "Check!"