You Love Me
I don't own anything, whatsoever
"Sir, would you like for me to RSVP?"
"To what?"
"The invitation Sir. It's been resting on your desk for the past two months."
If being deliberately obtuse to what his Lieutenant was asking him unusual, then consider it to be his latest trait, when confronted with questions about a five-by-seven white, linen envelope, that was burning a hole on his desk. The mere mention of the forsaken invite left an awful taste in his mouth. His mind told him otherwise, that although he should be happy for the upcoming proceedings, and he was, but his heart was completely on the opposing end, reminding him of a truth that never once made it to the light, but shrouded in complete darkness.
"The event is only a week from today. I would think that they would appreciate your appearance. If you would rather not attend, then I should send your regards, Sir." Riza gazed at him with the most innocent brown eyes, but under that look lied something more like "Sir it's very dishonorable to not show you face."
Riza didn't know what truth clashed between his heart and mind, but she was being thoughtful and he was grateful. He was a master of masks and this is a reality that he'd never let slipped once, even for someone like Hawkeye, who knew him well enough to know when he was hiding something.
"Lieutenant, as much as would like to take a couple of days off for sentimental affairs, there is too much going on presently." He waved his hand nonchalantly at the stacks of paperwork across the table. "Not to mention Grumman will be meeting with parliament in two weeks."
"Surely, Sir, those can be all sorted out before the week is over and I'm certain that the Fuhrer will not admonished the likeness of your absence. You haven't taken any time off in two years. The country will still be here when you return." She responded with amused smile.
"Very well," He sighed, rubbing the side of his forehead. "Please send my RSVP for one, and Lieutenant this matter is over."
"Yes, Sir. I'll see that this is mailed out no later than today and I'm delighted in your reply."
"Is that all, Lieutenant?" Roy asked and drew in a long breath, not bothering to hide the weariness in his tone.
"Yes, Sir." She said and saluted before turning to leave the confines of his office.
Roy returned to signing some documents and after he heard the sound of the tumblers clicking into place of the lock to the door, he dropped his head into his hands.
'What did I just signed myself up for?' He thought, feeling a headache come on.
There was a death sentence waiting patiently when all this was over and done, he just knew it.
Roy was born and raised in the city and traveling by train was never something he quite enjoyed. The seats were uncomfortable and the constant jostling of the rail wheels, rattling across the tracks, left him feeling nauseated. He could find solace that he was sitting in a private cabin, but that did not hamper down his irritable disposition. The journey is supposed to take five hours, but seldom does it, with passengers disembarking and boarding, added another hour to the already far too long commute.
The train juddered along, leaving the bustling city of Central behind, and passes through East City, making it's way over bridges and weaving it's way through mountains. Roy leaned his head against the carriage window and watched as smaller cities roll past like a blur. The scenery outside was changing, no longer were the houses densely packed, but were separated by several miles. They spread out, leaving large expanses of greenery speckled with natures beauty. Each farmhouse like an island surrounded by prairies, plains and trees, which blanket rolling mountains painting a picturesque backdrop. Rice paddies littered the land, farmers getting ready for harvest, tilling their fields and the occasional wild life popping their heads up from grazing. He spotted a hawk swooping down into a lake, capturing a fish in its talons, one behind soaring gracefully, no doubt keen on taking the easy prey.
Despite the atheistically pleasing landscape outside, beautiful sunshine an few wispy clouds scudding across an azure sky, Roy still felt constrained. Hawkeye kept reminding him that it was going to be lovely weekend, but all he felt was the weight of the invitation in his breast pocket, subjugating against his heart. Why did he bring the object of his heart imprisonment with him? This was one of those times that the answer eluded him... along with the power of rational thought.
Inside the private carriage, the Lieutenant was detailing the weekend itinerary to the rest of his subordinates. There was something comforting hearing them a talk about the planned activities. His mood might be dampened, but they were all congruously cheerful.
He tried to sign a couple of last minute requisition forms, but the words on the pages glared at him, his mind completely miles away. He felt his eyes succumb to sleep and he dozed off, despite the scrapes and screeching of the moving train.
It's two-thirty in the afternoon when the train finally pulled into the small depot. Roy stepped unto to the platform; it was nothing like Central. No hustle and bustle of passengers bumping into each other, no noise of the several steam trumpets indicating their exit or entry. No line of people waiting for tickets, no family members waiting to see their love ones board or smiles of when they get off the train. It's still, just the chatter of the rest of the party retrieving their luggage and the conductor waving a hearty goodbye, giving the Engineer an all clear signal to leave.
It's been about 8 years since he last set foot on the dusty trails of Resembool. It's the same as he remembered. It's like time has stopped here, keeping the town isolated from the harshness of the moving world around.
A lone ticket-master is sitting in the shade of the station on a bench reading a newspaper. From the looks of the front page headline "Former State Alchemist...". He didn't need to read the remaining text, they were already committed to his memory. When he picked up his own copy of the 'Central Times' in the morning, seeing those words was a reminder why he was sulking for days and was uncharacteristically quiet. If anyone from the team thought anything of his behavior, well they didn't say anything. They could chalk it up to the pressure of the Parliament Meeting in a couple of weeks, to vote on a bill that would have the country elect a President, hence forth.
Roy took in the remaining railroad station, always diligent to his surroundings. In his position their was extremists, activists and thugs everywhere attempting to assassinate or demand some sort of retribution towards him. If it wasn't for his work with Ishbal, after the Promise Day, then it was his time spent during the war that wiped out half a civilization. His status of the 'Hero of Ishbal' was always questioned and it was one title that he would gladly relinquished, but as foolish as that thought was, he knew that if he even he saw himself less of a hero, the people who served with him during the Ishbal Civil War saw him as one. His ideals of the war may have been shattered, but those soldiers who were grateful to him for taking the lead was one of the reasons that he would continue to make it to the top, and hope that this country would never once again bare the scars of a senseless war and power hungry men who thought themselves gods.
Resembool train depot itself was rebuilt after the war and although it did not resemble the splendor of Central, it was charming and quaint; just what you'd expect of a small country station. Resembool may be big in term area it occupies, but the town was too rural for Roy's tastes. He looked around; a magazine stand, a newspaper rack, a bulletin board with notices for sheep trading and what to expect during the Next Year Festival occupied the to small for comfort platform. Whoever was in-charge of the overall maintenance of the area, had outdone themselves. They'd manage a few flowers bushes and plants and admittedly it was well-kept.
"You folks not from around here?" The man reading the newspaper was asking. "Been seeing lots of people come off the train, guess ya'll are here for the big shindig tomorrow. Military, uhh, guess that's expected. Do you folks have transportation?"
"Yes, we do, Mr..." Riza was addressing the man.
"Mr. Fenn, Ms, but folks around here call me Garrey." He said, smiling politely.
Riza mentioned to Mr. Fenn, that they were expecting two cars to be here, but it seemed that they were late. He continued chatting with her, while they waited for to be picked up. Roy had secured the cars for their trip. Hardly anyone in Resembool owned a decent vehicle, but during the last year the Military had commissioned two cars to be in the town for when officials visited. One car would have suffice, but in addition to Riza, Falman was present as well as his wife, their two kids and Kain Fuery. Breda and Havoc was taking a later train, along with Alex, Maria and Denny Brosh. It seemed like they were meeting for a reunion, Roy haven't seen or spent that much time with anyone during his time in Ishbal and after, except his subordinates, but they rarely socialize outside of work. Trading stories of what everyone was up to in the last two years would probably clear away some of the entanglements of his current frame of mind.
"...the highest quality wool?" Roy was catching the tail end of a question Vato's girl, Maisie asked Mr. Fenn.
"That'll be Merino Wool, child, comes from merino sheep. Only one family up in these parts raise those kind of sheep." The man answered.
Maisie seem enthralled with the information and was asking her mom if they could visit the farm. Garrey had suggested to them that the family owned a petting zoo. Falman of course had studied assiduously on 'Things to do in Resembool' and had an itemized schedule planned for his family for the next three days. No doubt, the petting zoo outing was already listed.
By the time the two cars pulled into the station, the summer sun was making it's lazy descent in the sky. It was 3:15pm, the brunt of the heat already slipping into a cooler temperature. The drivers had apologized, they had picked up some other Military personnel and they did not compensate the time it took to drive to and from the destinations. Their lack in judgement had delayed them due to a horse drawn carriage that was painstaking going too slow, on the one way street that lead to the station. Roy accepted their apology and said that he understood. Small town and its charms. The bags were loaded into the cars and they made their way towards the town.
It took them twenty minutes to reach the main street into the town. It was unspoiled of corruption from the neighboring cities. Brick shops lined the narrow street, a market displayed signs for farm fresh vegetables and fruits, and wool of every color was stacked in crates, a small bank, grocery store, two restaurants and the Inn where they would be calling home for the next three days. Resembool a community forgotten entirely, that had no infrastructure, no gods presiding in a citadel and no enthusiasm for architecture. The simplicity of the place comprised of buildings that fabricated a patchwork for that laid-back, quiet town character and stretching out as far a the eye can see was a vivid backdrop of the countryside.
Given another time, Roy would have enjoyed the view, but right now he longed to collapse in a bed and take a warm bath. He also wanted to gather his thoughts before they attend the dinner later in the evening. The weather continued its path of promising to be near-perfect, but it still could not dispel the shadows of Roy's inner contention of the mind and heart.
Roy had his doubts about the feelings that pressed constantly on his consciousness. The obscurity of what he repute the truth of matter, was his cowardliness to take the steps to confront his heart desire. He was afraid to admit, he was afraid to fall, to commit and that's why he's still in the same predicament as he was, when this all started. A losing battle of letting go, of taking the plunge to see where it may take him, but the fear of it all, never disappears.
Almost three hours later, Roy stared out of the car window at the countryside. In the distance grassy low hills ringed the valley, rolling away into the hazy bluish mountains. Golden sunny rays play peek-a-boo through the vista of trees before dramatically dipping behind the crest of the mountains, leaving behind a wash of colors on the horizon. The outlook was living, changing and Roy looked on keenly as the last of daylight melted away curtaining the end of sunrise-to-sunset. A star blinks it's way into the black, night sky, alone, waiting, until the millions follow in pursuit shimmering like hanging diamonds and silhouetted among them, the moon, silvered and radiant.
The weather semblance was reflecting the opposite of what he was feeling. A numbness was manifesting, taking root in his body and was even more pronounced as the night waned, bringing them closer to source of the chaos of his tormented soul. It was all a mockery, but perceiving the sun as it tried to linger onto the daylight, made Roy rationalize his own thinking.
He could accept, and learn to live without, escape this memory and consign himself to moving forward. But he could also worked out with his heart to lay it all out there and hope the sincerity of his truth is enough. He wished that it was as simple as one, two, three, and perhaps just in the distance, his hopelessly darkened universe was already waiting for the light to filter in on his heart, mind and soul. It was a forlorn hope and he knew it, but finding some sort of desperate justification for what plagued his dreams these last years would suffice his heart's content.
Therefore, he would smile tonight, converse and through it all he would not show that his heart is not stable, that it's just waiting to be pushed over and shattered completely. He would reminisce about the past, ask about the future and yes smile and keep smiling until one day it's no longer required.
That was the least he could do.