Author's Note:
This is my first Downton Abbey fic and my first attempt at writing Cobert. I'll admit this is more Cora than anything. There is an original character, but she gets nothing more than a few sentences and then we're never going to see her again.
This is unbeta'd. I did try to edit it myself about 100 times, but I'm sure there are still some mistakes. It kind of got away with itself the more I edited it so if it seems choppy or repetitive, I apologize. I hope you enjoy it.
I'm not sure if I'll continue this particular story. I'm don't think I could write Robert; I just feel I could write Cora better. So if I do continue it, it will probably be from more of Cora's perspective. However, I do have another story in mind for Cora and Isobel. I know her main purpose was to spar with Violet, but I wish she and Cora had had more of a friendship; especially after Matthew died. So if anyone is interested in that, shoot me a message and I'll tell you my ideas and maybe you could help me write it. And maybe one day I'll have the guts to write Robert.
XXX
Cora sat at her vanity, her head in her hands, her fingers gently massaging her temples, as she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. To say the week had been trying was an understatement. With Robert away fighting in the war, the girls constantly at each other's throats, and the fact that she was having to search for a new Lady's Maid, had her on edge. But today, after what seemed like a never ending tea with Mama, Rosamund, and Lady Helena Rossford, Cora had had about all she could handle.
Initially the tea had been going smoothly, until Lady Rossford started laying into her about the fact that she had still yet to produce an heir. Cora had done well to bite her tongue, even briefly thinking how nice it was to not have Mama picking at her for once. Rosamund had remained quiet as well, glancing occasionally to her sister-in-law, wondering how she wasn't losing her temper, and silently praying that Mama would intervene, but of course that was so unlike her mother. She sighed and squinted her eyes at the woman across from her when Helena made another cutting remark to Cora. She was about to speak up on her behalf, but as soon as she opened her mouth, Cora had risen from her chair
Cora stood, glaring at the woman, hands balled into fists at her side, and spoke, "I'll have you know, we've been trying. Ever since we had Sybil." She swallowed, trying to compose herself and not raise her voice, "I don't see how this is any of your business. But now he's off fighting in this stupid war and well - I can't very well get pregnant without him here. So if you'll please excuse me, I'm going upstairs to lie down. I have a headache." She turned on her heels and exited the room without so much as a look over her shoulder.
And so she sat, holding back her tears, and replaying the words of Lady Rossford over and over. How she hated that her mind liked to rewind itself any time she was faced with confrontation. Cora was not someone who hated people, but how she hated that woman.
She heard her door click open and the shuffling of feet, not recalling when she had rung for Mrs. Hughes who had been taking care of her for the last few days. She sighed, drying the few tears in her eyes with her hands and turned around. There standing before her was seven-year-old Edith holding onto the edge of the sleeve of Sybil's dress. Cora looked at her youngest daughter and stifled a laugh. Four-year-old Sybil stood with her sister, her head bent down to her chest. Her pale pink dress was covered in a mess of colorful stains and something that looked like mud. Or at least, Cora hoped it was mud. Sybil's hair, that had been neatly pinned from her eyes when she saw her earlier in the afternoon, was sticking up in every which way. She sniffled and looked her up at her mother, her face red and tear stained.
Cora covered her mouth with her hand and kneeled in front of her daughter, "Oh Sybil, come here." The little girl tentatively stepped closer to her mother and looked down again. Cora took her little hands in hers, looking her over and making sure the child wasn't hurt. When she saw nothing serious, only a few scratches she spoke, "Well what have you two been up to? Where's Nanny?" She looked at Edith and noticed that she, too, was a mess. However, not as covered as Sybil.
Edith shrugged and let go of her sister's arm. "We were outside playing with Pharaoh. Sybil was holding onto his collar, when he started chasing something into the lake. She fell and I couldn't find Nanny so I brought her to you instead."
Cora nodded and tried to hide the anger that was swelling up within her. Nanny hadn't been neglectful before, but now Cora was wondering if, perhaps in her age, she was becoming so. She pulled Sybil into a hug, despite the state of her clothes, noting that she looked dry. She rubbed her hands soothingly up and down Sybil's back trying to calm her. "Edith dear, could you please ring for Mrs. Hughes?"
Edith nodded and ran quickly to pull on the bell next to her mother's bed.
Cora moved to sit in her chair again, bringing Sybil into her lap. Edith returned to her mother and looked at her expectantly.
"Could you do me another favor," she asked. The little blonde nodded and waited for instructions. "Can you go into my washroom, grab the small linen near the sink, wet it with warm water, and bring it back to me?"
"Yes, Mama." Edith ran off to do her special task.
Cora sat back to look at Sybil. "I need to clean these cuts so they don't get infected all right?" Sybil nodded and sniffled again, wiping her nose with her right arm. Cora pulled her daughter close to her again and rocked her gently while she waited for Edith. She heard a knock on her door before it opened to reveal Mrs. Hughes.
Mrs. Hughes stepped into the room, her eyes widening at the sight before her. "Oh Milady, what's happened?"
Cora sighed, "It seems Lady Edith and Lady Sybil were left outside unattended and there was an accident. I'm not sure where Nanny is, but I think we're going to have to let her go." Edith came back into the room, rushing to her mother, and handing her the wet cloth.
"Here you are, Mama."
"Thank you, Darling." Cora took it from her and gently started pressing it to the cuts on Sybil's left arm; carefully removing any dirt. "Mrs. Hughes, we can finish talking about it this evening; I just wanted you to be aware of the situation now."
Mrs. Hughes nodded, "Should I ring for Doctor Clarkson?" She watched as her Ladyship shook head. "Is there anything else I can do to help, Milady?"
Cora thought a moment as she surveyed the cut on Sybil's right cheek. "Do you know where Lady Mary is by any chance," wondering if her eldest daughter had snuck down into the kitchen to speak to Carson.
"She asked Nanny if she could stay in the nursery and read," Edith answered before Mrs. Hughes could.
Cora looked to her other daughter and smiled, "Thank you Edith, you've been so helpful." She looked at Sybil's arm again before addressing Mrs. Hughes, "Do we have peroxide? I'd like to keep these from getting infected.
Mrs. Hughes nodded, "Yes ma'am, I'll go fetch it for you." She turned and left the room.
"Did you leave Pharaoh outside?"
Edith shook her head, "I called for him to come with us, but he ran around to the back."
Cora nodded, "Good. I'm sure one of the kitchen boys found him."
Edith giggled, "Oh he was so messy, Mama." She scrunched up her nose at the memory of her father's beloved dog.
Cora laughed, "Well then, I sincerely hope a kitchen boy found him first instead of Carson or I would have to write a letter to your father explaining why his butler has gotten rid of his dog."
Edith giggled again, covering her mouth with her hands, and looked at her little sister who had stilled in her mother's embrace. "I think she's asleep, Mama."
She leaned back again and chuckled quietly, "I daresay Pharaoh has worn her out."
Mrs. Hughes returned and held out the glass bottle of peroxide to Cora.
"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes. Could you put it on my vanity please?" She watched as the woman carefully placed it behind her. "That's all. I'll speak to you further after dinner."
The older woman smiled and left the room once again, shutting the door behind her quietly.
Cora stood from her chair, carefully cradling Sybil in her arms, and moved to place her gently on the bed. She turned to her other daughter after slowly placing Sybil's legs under the covers.
"Could you go to the nursery and grab Sybil's nightgown?"
Edith nodded, happy to do yet another task for her Mama, and left the room.
Cora walked to the washroom, grabbed a clean linen, and then the peroxide from her vanity. She walked to her bed and gingerly sat down next to Sybil. She placed the bottle on her nightstand and ran a hand over Sybil's head, smoothing down her wild curls. She sighed, hating to wake her, but knew it had to be done and would need her awake to change her out of her dirty clothes anyway. She bent down to press a kiss to her forehead and decided to wait for Edith to return, giving her little girl a moments rest.
Edith returned shortly with Mary in tow. Her eldest daughter stood at the door, staring blankly at her youngest sister, as Edith bounded over to her mother's side of the bed and handed her Sybil's nightgown.
Her mother took it from her and smiled her thanks. Edith stepped back and watched her, waiting for further instructions. Cora folded the nightgown neatly and laid it on her lap.
"I-I'm sorry, Mama," Mary said quietly from the door.
Cora whipped her head towards her daughter, shocked that she was apologizing for something she had no control over. "Whatever for, Darling?"
Mary looked down at her feet and crossed her arms behind her back. She dared not look at her mother.
Cora waited a moment and probed her again, "Mary, what is it?"
Mary dug her shoe into the rug and willed herself not to cry. She still said nothing.
Edith spoke up, "She thinks if she had gone outside with us, Sybil wouldn't have gotten hurt."
Cora looked at Edith, her head cocked to the side, and raised an eyebrow, "And why is that?"
"Because..." Mary started and then hesitated, "they wanted me to go outside with them. They were bothering me, but I wanted to stay inside and read Alice in Wonderland instead."
Cora turned to her eldest daughter and sighed. She knew how much she loved to read, especially her favorite book, and knew that her two youngest daughters could be rambunctious after their lessons and luncheon. They were to have thirty minutes outside every day, weather permitting, but she knew that sometimes Mary just needed to be on her own.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, Mary. This isn't your fault." Mary looked up at her mother and nodded sheepishly, Cora knew she would still blame herself.
"Nanny should not have left them alone, but even if you had been outside with them, this still could have happened. Pharaoh can be a handful." The dark haired girl chuckled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Now come here, please. I'm about to clean her arm and I'll suspect she'll need a hand to squeeze."
Mary quickly, but carefully climbed onto her mother's bed and took Sybil's left hand. The little girl stirred, slowly opening her eyes, and looked at her sister then her mother. Tears started pooling in her eyes when she realized where she was; her eyebrows knitting together at the realization she was in pain.
"I'm sorry, Mama," she choked out.
Cora ran a hand over her daughters head again and bent down to give her another kiss. "It's all right Sybil, Darling. You're not in trouble." She reached for the peroxide on her nightstand, unscrewing the cap, and carefully poured some on the linen.
She turned back to Sybil, "I'm going to use this to clean the scratch on your arm so that it doesn't get infected. It's going to sting."
Sybil squeezed her eyes shut, "No Mama, please."
"I have to, Darling. It'll be all right. It will only take a few seconds and you can squeeze Mary's hand."
Edith walked up to the bed, standing to the left of Cora, and offered her hand, "You can squeeze mine too."
Cora smiled at her daughter, "Now you have two hands to squeeze should the pain be too unbearable."
Sybil looked at both of her sisters then nodded to her mother.
"On the count of three," Cora said preparing her daughter for what was about to come. On three, she gently patted the linen on Sybil's arm, hearing her hiss in pain, and quickly drew it away after a few seconds, blowing gently on the scratch that was searing red.
She studied her daughter's cheek again, "I need to clean the one on your face." Sybil shook her head vigorously.
"Sybil...," Cora said in a warning tone.
Sybil sighed and turned her head away from her mama, closing her eyes, and squeezing her sisters hands once more.
Cora quickly dabbed the linen against Sybil's right cheek and blew across the cut.
"There all done," she said patting her arm, "let's put your nightgown on and then you can rest in here until dinner."
Cora helped her sit up and unbuttoned the back of Sybil's dress with the help of Mary. Once her dress was off, Cora carefully slid the nightgown over her head. She removed her shoes and her stockings as well, which were not only dirty, but ripped in multiple places. She placed Sybil's legs back under the covers and gathered up her clothes.
"Edith, will you run these down to Mrs. Hughes? The dress can be cleaned, but tell her to throw away the stockings. They're of no use now."
She nodded taking the clothes from her mother and left the room.
"Would you like me to get your bunny from the nursery?" Mary asked, desperate to do something.
Sybil nodded as Cora spoke, "That's very nice of you, Mary."
Mary crawled off the bed and quickly left the room.
Cora turned back to Sybil and patted her stomach gently, "I'll stay here until she gets back then I want you to get some sleep." Sybil nodded and let her eyes drift close content in her mother's safety.
XXX
"Mama?"
"Edith, darling." Cora turned her head from the book she was reading and looked at her daughter, "What are you doing out of bed?"
Edith stood tentatively in the doorway, "I can't sleep."
"Oh sweetheart, come here." Cora held her arms open to her daughter and watched as she climbed up on Robert's side of the bed.
The girl snuggled into her mother's side, feeling her arms snake around her middle, and watched as she tucked the covers around her.
"What's the matter, hm?" You were such a great help this afternoon. You're a wonderful big sister." Cora kissed the side of her head and waited for her reply.
Edith huffed, "Mary doesn't think so."
"Well, that's because Mary is your big sister. She doesn't have anyone to fuss over her. She wouldn't dare let me do such a thing." She felt Edith chuckle against her, "Besides it's what matters to Sybil, not Mary. Mary has never been one to accept much affection from anyone except your father, of course, and Carson."
Edith rolled her eyes, "I wish I was friends with one of the servants."
"Oh? But don't you get along with Mrs. Hughes? She was telling me how much of a help you've been downstairs."
Edith nodded, "I help her, but I don't think she likes me very much."
"Oh, but she does. She told me she's very fond of you."
"Really?" Edith looked up at her mother who nodded.
"Really." Cora sighed, "Truthfully, you girls aren't even supposed to be down in the kitchen, but with Papa away I don't see how it could hurt. They like having the extra help now that more of the boys are at war. And well, your Granny isn't here to say anything about it either. I know you're helping and not getting into any trouble. So long as you keep doing that, it's harmless you being down there. I know Mary regularly pays Carson a visit and I can assure you, they don't get any work done when she is there."
Edith shook her head, "They don't."
"Well then," Cora started, "I see now why you're the favorite among the staff."
XXX
21st May, 1900
My Dear Robert,
Oh, how I need you here. The past ten days have been nothing but chaotic. Not only am I having to find a new Lady's Maid, but now I'm having to look for a new Nanny as well. It seems Nanny Harding has gotten on in age. I don't want to anger you since I am dealing with it, but one afternoon she left the younger girls unattended and Sybil got hurt. Nothing serious, thank goodness, but as their mother I couldn't let her stay on. As you know, she's been with us since we had Mary and after the incident with Sybil, I noticed her declining rather quickly. It pained me to watch her go since she has been so good to us, but I could not put our girls at the risk of being in danger any longer. A few of the maids have been very helpful, taking turns in caring for the girls, who surprisingly have been on their best behavior. I can assure you that was not the case before the incident.
Oh Robert, I feel as if I'm going mad. I've never fully realized how much work goes into running the estate. I'm always running about, meeting with this person and doing that, but I am finding that I'm enjoying myself even though I am exhausted. Carson and Mrs. Hughes have been tremendously helpful and it puts my mind at ease to know we have the two of them running the house as well. I would be completely lost without them. Mrs. Hughes has also been serving as my Lady's Maid and I know she must be awfully exhausted too. I've never been more grateful to her. I would like another Lady's Maid, but would it be terrible of me to say, I wish she could remain with me instead? However, I know we would be at a great loss if we had to replace her with another housekeeper. Maybe if I don't find someone soon, I can beg for her to stay with me a while longer. How she's so calm and composed while running about like a chicken with its head cut off is beyond me.
You'll be happy to know I've been dealing with your absence rather well until the last week. Lady Rossford joined Mama, your sister, and I for tea on the afternoon of Sybil's accident. She had upset me so that I would have done anything to be in your arms. Somehow, I've come to handle your mother's remarks about the lack of an heir, but I would have taken her insults over Lady Rossford's any day. Robert, I would so love to have another child, to give you an heir, but sometimes I can't help look at the faces of our darling daughters and be completely content with the three of them. Maybe one day that will change. I'm not sure. But for now, I am happy with the way things are. Lady Rossford's comments only upset me because she kept nagging and nagging. Rosamund told me how Mama had scolded her after I left the room. Can you believe that? Your mother sticking up for me? I've noticed she's been much nicer to me. What with seeing how I've taken charge of the estate in your absence, I guess she has no choice. I will welcome it with open arms as long as it lasts.
Sybil will be five soon. Goodness, where has the time gone? It feels like only yesterday we welcomed her into our world. How I wish you could come home. Oh, Rosamund has decided to throw small party for her. Sybil asks me every day if you'll be coming, but it's becoming less and less hard to tell her no. She doesn't cry anymore; just nods and is off to busy her mind with something else. She's such a happy child, Robert. I wish you could see her. When she doesn't get her way, instead of throwing a tantrum like our other two girls were prone to do, she goes into a corner and quietly hums to herself until she calms down. I'm not sure where she learned it, but I am thankful.
Mary and Edith have been getting along better for the most part. I think since the incident with Sybil, they've realized how important it is to watch out for each other. Oh, I keep making it sound worse than it was. Edith and Sybil were out playing with Pharaoh when he got over excited, and took off toward the lake. Apparently, Sybil had been hanging onto him and when he took off, she fell. She was all right; nothing more than a few scratches. Perhaps they've decided to take pity on their Mama and not set her teeth on edge. They both help in the kitchen. I know they're not allowed, but I know they get tired of being cooped up in the nursery all day. Edith's been helping Mrs. Hughes and now she's started helping Mrs. Patmore as well. I'm not sure Mary does much work. I know her main reason for spending so much time down there is to be with Carson. You know, next to you, he is her favorite person. I don't have the heart to tell her to leave him alone.
Pharaoh, of course, sleeps in your dressing room every night. I've found myself sneaking in there a few times and cuddling up against your pillow, but he tends to hog the bed so I'm never able to stay long.
Golly, this has gotten longer than I intended. It's just I've missed you so. I admit I hadn't realized how much until sitting here, writing this to you, but I do. My mind has gotten away from me.
I hope you are well and I cannot wait to hear from you again. To have you in my bed; within arms reach. Just knowing you're in the house, no matter if we're in the same room or not, would gladden my heart. I love you, Darling. So, so much. I hope that keeps you warm.
Ever yours,
Cora