Notes: I was in a very good mood when this idea struck me. I usually am when Kushina is involved heavily, which she is here. This is a brief collection of short stories, playing with the idea of certain characters getting exactly what they want. Or at least think they want. And how that can backfire on them, or everyone else.

Summary: Getting what you wish desperately for isn't always a good thing. Various characters get what they think they need. Unintended consequences follow. Featuring Kushina, Team 7, Team Minato, and Hinata.

As You Wish

A Naruto One-shot by

Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)

Minato's Problem

If Konoha fell, it would not be due to foreign invasion, enemies from within, or natural disasters.

It would be because the Yondaime Hokage could not regularly have sex with his wife after nightfall.

To be fair, they had sex during the day all the time. They pretty much had to. And if anyone ever found out that Minato had learned the Hiraishin mainly so he could zip between his office and his bedroom, he would gladly live with the shame. And if anyone ever wanted to bring either of them back from the dead, they could easily collect DNA samples from virtually every room in the Hokage Tower, especially the broom closets, restrooms, and desks that were far too important to have done such a thing on (which made it kinkier every time).

Sex with Kushina was worth it. Sex with any Uzumaki woman who was equally horny would have been worth it, frankly. And he only knew that because Kushina had bragged about it on their first date (though he hadn't found out for himself until their seventh).

There actually was a valid reason for Minato acting like a horny teenager at night: Naruto.

More precisely, when Kushina went to bed, so did Naruto... in the same bed.

At first, this had been a matter of convenience and safety. Naruto had been a baby, after all. Kushina hadn't wanted to let him out of her sight. Minato had understood and agreed.

However, Naruto was a genin now. Nothing had changed.

Minato did not fear Naruto gaining an Oedipus complex. Every year on Minato's birthday, Naruto shadowed him throughout the village, telling anyone who would listen that it was the Hokage's birthday, and so they had better look sharp. And then Naruto would sleep over at a friend's house the same night, giving his parents plenty of alone time, which was always put to good and thorough use. And Kushina would shower immediately after, then send Minato to wherever Naruto was, so he could be brought home to Kushina no matter how late it was.

It was entirely her fault, of course. Kushina was raising Naruto to be a boy with an over-attachment to his mother. Naruto had noticed that none of his pals were as close to their mothers, but he just thought they were deprived.

Minato had begged Kushina to stop, but his argument always fell apart.

No, of course he didn't want Naruto to feel as if his parents didn't love him.

Yes, of course he wanted Naruto to have a close relationship with his mother.

No, of course if Naruto loved them so much that he wanted to sleep in their bed, it wasn't a problem... on some nights. But on that, they could never agree. Kushina had actually suggested applying a temporary noise-canceling jutsu and letting Naruto stay in the room while they had sex. Minato had only shot that down because they would also be vulnerable to attack and easily caught unaware. Also, Naruto might wake up during... though if that sent him to his bed, which was surely collecting dust by now, Minato might have risked it.

Sakura, the Future Mrs. Uchiha

Ino never showed up for class that day.

Sakura was confused, but not concerned. Today was flower arranging after lunch, for the girls. Ino could have learned everything they were covering in class over the next few days with just an hour's work in her family's shop. In fact, that was likely what she was skipping class to do. Nothing to worry about.

As Suzume-sensei began her lecture, Sakura made sure to pay close attention. Ino was always the top student in this class, that was a given. But Hinata consistently placed second, and Sakura wanted that spot badly. And she figured she could get it, with enough hard work.

And because Sakura was paying such close attention, she was the only girl in the class who had any indication that something was wrong. And she only knew that because Suzume-sensei's eyes had never been red before.

The next thing Sakura knew, she was sitting inside a hallway, instead of the classroom. It did not take her long to put the pieces together.

She recognized the house, despite never having been in it. She and Ino had spied on Sasuke at home enough times to know the inside of the Uchiha compound when they saw it. That also meant the flash of red in Suzume-sensei's eyes had likely been a Sharingan, though Sakura had never even suspected that their sensei was an Uchiha. But perhaps that was the idea. Or perhaps that hadn't been their sensei at all.

"Figuring it all out, Forehead?" a familiar voice asked.

Sakura jumped, startled to find Ino right next to her. "Ino-pig! What are we doing here? I was in class, and then-"

"Save it, the same thing happened to me," Ino interrupted. "Long story short, we won! The Uchiha clan has decided to accept us."

Sakura stared at her, very much confused. "I don't understand."

Ino rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll spell it out for you. We get to marry Sasuke!"

Sakura frowned. "What do you mean, we get to?"

"Sasuke is the bachelor, Sakura. You don't really think one woman could possibly satisfy him? And it's his duty to create the most powerful children possible, so he can't put all his hopes on a single wife. That's just stupid. Anyway, what's with the attitude? I put in a good word for you, and this is the thanks I get? You're pretty lucky, you know. They were going to ignore you entirely, but I told them you were special."

"That doesn't explain how I got here, when I was-"

"You know, you're asking a lot of questions," Ino noted with a frown. "The clan doesn't like that sort of thing. You don't want to get kicked out before you're officially in, do you? I used up the one favor I did have to get you in, and it wasn't easy. Do you want to marry him or not?"

"Of course I do, but this is-"

"Is anything the matter, Ino-chan?" interrupted a pleasant voice.

Ino spun around, all smiles as Sasuke's mother approached them. "Mikoto-san! How nice to see you again! I was just explaining to Sakura how things are around here! She's a little confused, you see. She's from a small family, and she's new to having a marriage arranged for her."

"That is an issue," Mikoto murmured, sounding quite concerned. "I think you should both attend the lecture in the main meeting room. It explains so much about your new lifestyle."

Ino nodded quickly. "That's a great idea, Mikoto-san! Thank you!" She grabbed Sakura's arm and tugged her from the floor. "We'll just get out of your way now!"

"There's no need to hurry, girls," Mikoto called after them. "If you miss the lecture, you can just catch the next one. Remember, every hour, on the hour!"

Any lingering doubts Sakura had were dismissed when she caught the last few minutes of the lecture. Basically, a room full of girls around her age were being instructed on how to become proper wives for their Uchiha mates. Most of this seemed to involve having as many children as quickly as was humanly possible. And it was heavily implied that if they could go beyond that, even at the cost of their bodies or sanity, that they would be the envy of the other wives.

Sakura knew then that she'd make a huge mistake in ever publicly expressing a desire to marry Sasuke.

She hadn't married into the Uchiha clan. She'd been kidnapped into the Uchiha cult.

Naruto, Mama's Boy

Iruka was just about to take roll for his morning class when he noticed that there was a visitor. Again. Sighing, he slowly made his way to the topmost row of seats, where Uzumaki Naruto always sat, third from the right.

Also where, a few feet behind Naruto, sat Uzumaki Kushina, in a comfy chair she had both summoned and permanently affixed to the floor on the first day of school. Awkwardly, Iruka could not really complain to anyone about this. The academy administrator had to approve any "special projects" (and anything concerning any Uzumaki almost always was "special"), and final say on those came from the Hokage. Who happened to be both Kushina's husband and as whipped as a married man could possibly be. Though in his defense, Kushina probably used her own hair as the whips, and there was not a man in Konoha that didn't fear the very sight of that hair. Likewise, her presence in the class generally meant the students were on their best behavior.

Iruka politely cleared his throat. "You'll be joining us again, Kushina-sama?"

Kushina, who was expertly using her chakra to mute the clicking of the knitting needles she was using to make a sweater in Naruto's size, gave him a sunny smile. "Yes, Iruka-kun, I thought I would. I want to make sure that my Naru-chan is studying properly." She gazed fondly at Naruto's back. As if he had eyes in the back of his head, Naruto instantly turned in his seat and blew his mother a kiss, which was playfully caught and returned in similar fashion.

In the third row, Inuzuka Kiba pretended to vomit. He did not have to pretend very hard.

Iruka shook his head. "I see. I trust I don't need to remind you about the new ruling concerning history?"

Kushina nodded. "Having personally lived through the history technically makes me an expert, and so I am forbidden from providing such relevant knowledge to any student in the class. Although, I have to say, the section on beginning Uzumaki sealing techniques in this year's textbook is extremely watered down."

Iruka nodded patiently. "Because when it wasn't watered down, certain students who shall not be named accidentally turned the classroom into a small body of water."

"I said I was sorry," Naruto muttered.

"Could have happened to anyone," Kushina insisted, reaching forward to give Naruto's lowered head a soothing rub.

"I don't blame you for that, Naruto-kun," Iruka assured him. "That textbook was written under the assumption that there would be no actual Uzumaki in the class. I should have taken that into consideration when I planned the lesson. I'm sure if I had consulted your mother first, she would have noticed the oversight."

"That wouldn't be fair to the other kids," Naruto disagreed. "Kaa-chan only ever thinks about me, so the others would probably die of chakra depletion by the second day."

Iruka wasn't sure what disturbed him more: that Naruto knew how much larger his chakra reserves were compared to the rest of the class, or that he was absolutely right about Kushina.

Hinata's New Attitude

"I'm gonna be the clan head! Believe it!"

This was Hinata's battle cry. Also her catchphrase. And uttered no less than twice every minute.

The clan was sick of her and wanted her dead.

Hiashi had thwarted numerous assassination attempts, out of love for his dead wife... and even he was at his limit.

The Raikage could not quite believe his luck when he received an encrypted message from the clan, containing detailed instructions on how best to kidnap Hinata. And perhaps out of human decency, there was a warning that if he succeeded in taking her, Hinata would instantly begin a lifelong quest to obtain his job, so it was in his best interest to make it seem as unappealing as possible to her.

Kakashi's Live Teammates

Kakashi considered himself lucky that he had taken his sensei's advice, and found a good woman to settle down with. It was fortunate that he hadn't needed to look far or hard, or he might have made a real mess of it.

There were two people he really had to thank, though.

Rin, for putting up with him, and Anko, for being insane. Really, both of them for being just insane enough.

The details of that disastrous mission were still sealed, to everyone who hadn't been a part of it. Kakashi had been there, and even he hadn't managed to put together all the pieces. All he really knew was that each time he had given up one of his teammates for dead, Anko had come out of nowhere, like an angel trapped in a berserker's body, and brought them home safely. Despite the facts that she never had any business being in the area, was not supposed to ever leave the village, and could not even begin to explain what she had done five minutes previously. Whatever Orochimaru had done to her, she was damaged goods at worst, and an uncontrollable weapon at best.

And for whatever reason, she thought it was her job to keep Team Minato alive.

Kakashi had hated her, at first. When she crawled out of the woods, covered in blood and bearing Obito's half-ruined body on her back, everyone had praised her, even those who said she could never again be trusted only days before. Kakashi was supposed to be the hero, not her. But from the moment Obito regained enough mobility to walk, he went to her cell and insisted on being locked in with her. It wasn't love, at least not then. But Obito had followed Anko ever since.

Then Rin had been taken again. Once more, Anko emerged the hero: covered in blood, carrying Rin on her back, and holding a half-legible scroll bearing a sealing matrix that very well could have spelled the end of Rin's life. And though that lead to another war, Kakashi could not find it in him to hate Anko for saving Rin or bringing war to their doorstep. That war had secured his fame, and Obito's as well.

Their lives were simpler now.

Anko had gotten to Rin before the entire sealing array had been applied, so the demonic chakra had never actually made contact with her body. But in an effort to thwart Anko's efforts and kill Rin, one enemy had gotten in a single slash with a kunai. Rin survived, but she would never have children. Kakashi found that she minded it far more than he. He would have been a terrible father. In any case, Konoha would always have orphans, and Rin was happy working at any orphanage that needed her medical expertise.

Obito saved up enough money to open a store with Anko. It was called "The Spice Shop" for obvious reasons, and did not sell spices of any kind. What it did sell was a wide variety of adult toys, although some were supposedly edible. And no matter how much noise the prudes made against it, somehow, business was always booming. Perhaps it was the annual swimsuit calendar that featured Anko. Kakashi couldn't be sure, Rin only ever allowed him to buy one per year. He understood that the shop had certain arrangements with both the prison and Jiraiya, so he was sure that Anko's calendars saw far too much use.

Anko was... stable. Sort of. Between Minato and Kushina, Orochimaru's seal had lasted all of six minutes. Kushina had even copied the design, framed it, and was known to pull it out when telling people how not to create seals, assuming they wanted the target to live. But, as it turned out, the seal had actually restrained Anko a bit. With it, she spent at least half of her time dwelling on the constant pain it caused her. Without it, she had a lot more time to get into trouble, which was a specialty of hers, and was yet another thing she had in common with Obito. They had never married, to Kakashi's knowledge, but they lived in an apartment over their shop, and at the very least, had tested all of their products on each other. Obito was ridiculously happy with this arrangement, and was the envy of most males in the village. To avoid causing his clan any further embarrassment, he had agreed to take Anko's family name, so they were married in the eyes of the village, if nothing else.

Obito never asked to have his eye back. Kakashi had offered, once. Obito awkwardly explained that memories were embedded in such eyes, and that Kakashi had basically just offered him a chance to see Rin naked, assuming Kakashi had. Kakashi stopped offering after that. Although from then on, when Obito drunkenly joked about them exchanging eyes for a week, Kakashi was the only other one who laughed.

Team 7 + 1

When they learned that Naruto's mother would be accompanying them on their first mission outside of the village, Sakura and Sasuke had teased Naruto mercilessly, once his mother was out of earshot.

This ended promptly when they saw Kushina beat Momochi Zabuza into submission with his own sword. She had thankfully used the flat of the blade, but Zabuza still suffered what had to be a severe concussion and many broken bones.

The fake ANBU who tried to remove Zabuza had gotten the mother of all spankings for his trouble. This made more sense when his mask was removed, revealing a feminine face, but then less again once he admitted to actually being a boy. Even so, Kushina had not apologized, and threatened to spank him again for pretending to be a girl. Naruto had managed to talk her out of it, barely.

That had ended whatever involvement Zabuza and Haku had in trying to kill Tazuna. Zabuza was in no shape to do anything other than moan in pain, and Haku was not entirely convinced that Kushina had abandoned the hope of spanking him again.

While Kushina and Tsunami were out shopping for groceries, Gato himself had strolled up. He had to see the beauty that took down Zabuza for himself, and foolishly thought he could simply buy or capture her.

Killing him would have been kinder, compared to what Kushina did instead. Tsunami had seen it all, and she was convinced that if Gato ever learned to walk again, he would quickly walk as far away from Kushina as he could get. And if he never walked, then he would pay someone to carry him.

When the bridge was completed, Tazuna named it the Super Red-Hot Habanero Bridge. The locals even roped off the spot where Kushina had defeated Gato, and charged tourists to lay in it and twitch as Gato reportedly had. Naruto was slightly embarrassed, but decided that it was just something a Hokage's son had to learn to deal with. And there were far worse things his beloved mother could be known for than completely emasculating Copy-Nin Kakashi.

The Right Side for Sasuke

Sasuke had thought he would be truly happy, if only he could surpass his older brother. Their father would praise him, their clan would acknowledge him, and Sasuke would want for nothing. Power was all that mattered in his world.

He had no idea that his entire clan thought the same way, until that fateful night.

Itachi said he wanted to celebrate Sasuke's promotion to chunin, just the two of them. He took Sasuke to the top of the Hokage Monument, and for that one moment, sitting beside his brother, who had finally made time for him, Sasuke enjoyed a little piece of true bliss.

It was shattered when Itachi began to speak.

"Sasuke, in one week, our clan will attempt to overthrow the village."

Sasuke knew, without being told, that this would bring death, and much of it. Then his thoughts snagged on one word. "Why did you say 'attempt', nii-san?"

"The village knows. They will resort to countermeasures before the uprising even has a chance to start. No matter what happens, there will be a massacre. And you must choose, Sasuke."

"Choose what?" Sasuke asked.

"A side. The clan or the village. But you must understand. If you choose the clan, and the village wins, you will die. If you choose the village, and the clan wins, you will die. I have made my choice. You must do the same."

Sasuke stared at his brother, completely lost. So he did the one thing he always did in such a situation. "Which-?"

"I will not tell you which side I chose, Sasuke," Itachi interrupted. "I do not want to influence you. You should choose the side that you feel you must protect. The next time we see each other, it will be on the battlefield. We may be outcasts. We may be heroes. We may be executioners, for our family, our village, or even each other. But whatever we become, we must have the strength to follow our beliefs to the grave and beyond."

Sasuke found that he could only stare at his brother. He did not know what a world crumbling around him might sound like, but he felt sure it was happening then all the same.

Sensing Sasuke's distress, Itachi reached out and clapped him lightly on the shoulder. "That is then, though. For now, we are still brothers."

Sasuke nodded faintly, but still could not form a thought beyond sheer panic. What if he chose wrong and found himself facing his family in combat? What if he chose right and had to watch the village burn?

It was several minutes before he realized that the direction of his thoughts had already made the choice for him. And he knew, instinctively, that Itachi was on the other side. He had to be. Because if they were on the same side, Itachi would have told him nothing, and simply protected him, from harm both physical and mental, including knowing that their clan was bringing death to the village.

When they returned home, Sasuke risked total embarrassment by asking if he could sleep in the master bedroom with his parents. For several moments, they merely stared at him with a mixture of both shock and perhaps suspicion. Then his mother's face had softened, and after a quick glance at her husband, they actually agreed to allow it.

They knew he was on their side. Or at least they figured they could put him there, and that this might be their last chance to do so. It made Sasuke feel ill to think that way, to know Itachi was telling the truth, and to also know that Itachi would not be joining them. But he could not betray Itachi to them, not yet. If only because they were all still family, for the time being. There would be time for betrayal and pain and fire and death later.

So much later. But not later enough.

The End.

Endnotes:

Essentially a bunch of random short stories united under a common theme of they would never happen in canon. Although if Sakura and Ino were kidnapped and brainwashed back then, it would explain so very much. Anyway.

I can't say for certain that Kushina would be overprotective to this extent. And yet Road to Ninja suggests that she would be, at least a little. And perhaps should be. For Menma to end up how he did I bet she wasn't overprotective enough.

I do not think Orochimaru would bother to reprogram Anko to save Team Minato. If anything, he might reprogram her to do just the opposite. Unless of course he was interested in eventually stealing Obito's matured eyes. But that's another story for another day, maybe. You do it, I'm tired.

Before anyone says I gave Sasuke the crappiest story: I didn't. Kishimoto did. All I did here was delay it and give Sasuke a few more years of peace. Which is far kinder than what he got in canon. And I don't even like the guy much.