Voldy's Revenge!
It was the as-usual-ho-hum day at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and it was the as-usual-asinine-boredom in Professor Snape's Potions class. Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, and Harry Potter sat by their cauldrons, silently stirring THE smelliest Hair Removing Potion, green and sickly stuff; everyone was wearing a clothespin on their noses.
In the store-closet at the back of the room came the most inaudible chuckle of evil laughter. Voldemort, the powerful Lord of Darkness and Evil (well, sort of) was in a stopped-up glass cylinder, knowing he would be let out when the class used the liquid in his bottle the next day.
Ah, revenge will soon be mine, he thought. And I will be back!
POTIONS, THE NEXT DAY
Harry took out his recipe for the day's Potions lesson: Sheet Shrinking (for laundry).
"God. Snape is fricken running out of ideas!" he groaned.
"Oh, stop complaining, Harry!" said Hermione. "It's just potions."
"Well, yes, that would be the problem," countered Harry.
Just as they finished stirring the last ingredient into the Sheet Shrinking Potion, Professor Snape called the class to order and announced that there was to be an all-school assembly in the Great Hall, right then. The class abandoned their cauldrons quickly (and with a bit of inward glee) and filed into the Great Hall.
And can you guess who followed?
Ah, yes. Voldy.
VOLDEMORT: (cutting in) HEY! Writer! My name is NOT Voldy!
WRITER: Hey, this is MY STORY. Deal with it or I'll stick you right back in the smelly bottle you came from!!
VOLDEMORT: Eep, noo, er yes, back to the, er, story…
WRITER: Thank you! Now as I was writing before I was so evilly interrupted…
As soon as Dumbledore called the assembly to order, Harry felt a strange sensation taking over his body. He got up on the table without his own consent and tap-danced on it, singing, "Dumbly's got poo in his knickers!"
A moment later, Ron joined him tap-dancing on the table and singing, "Sevvy Snapie's got no balls, got no balls, got no balls, Sevvy Snapie's got no balls, his bloodline will fall!" The students and teachers stared in amazement.
Hermione joined in as well, tap-dancing like a madwoman. "I'm a bloody smart-arse, I'm a bloody four-eyes, I'm bloody better than you! Get that through the lugholes in your knickers!" Her eyes got huge as saucers and her face reddened.
By this time, Draco Malfoy was looking very pleased with himself. Voldemort saw that and grinned. "I shall make him pay for his father's betrayal!" He made Draco take off all his clothes, dance on the table and sing, "Look at me my dick is tiny, look at my tiny hiney…" Several of the Slytherin girls got quite red in the face and giggled madly.
It was, as you can imagine, absolute pandemonium in the Great Hall. Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers were trying to calm everyone down but to no avail.
Now it is time for Snape himself, Voldemort thought.
Snape rose to his feet and began to dance wildly on the table, kicking glasses over and making food fly everywhere. But Voldy didn't leave it at that, oh no.
Snape began to sing, loudly and very much out of tune:
"My name is Snape and I smell like poo,
I have no life so I torture you.
I've eaten worms and even worse,
I take money from Dumbly's purse.
And don't forget my huge dickers,
I love to peer up McGonagall's knickers!"
Everyone was roaring, even Dumbledore and McGonagall, who carefully smoothed her skirts down at that last part.
My work here is done, thought Voldy, and left Hogwarts in a state of total disarray.
VOLDEMORT: (cutting in AGAIN) I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT VOLDY!
WRITER: As I said, deal, Voldycakes.
VOLDEMORT: Why you… AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!
WRITER: Not real.
VOLDEMORT: Damn real-world Muggles!!!!