Normal Week
Alandra: Here is a new, one shot fic about the Slayers.
Maliska: A sequel to our fic Normal Day, request by our Russian fans.
Sunny: And for last, the Slayers series doesn't belong to us. It belongs to Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Arazumi.
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Day one
Lina and Gourry walk down the road with Lina humming excitedly.
"Oh man, I can't wait! I can't wait!!!!"
"What is the matter with you Lina?" Gourry asked curiously. "You are acting like you just found a map to a treasure."
"No, not a treasure. But an announcement about a real neat, first class hot spring with some really delicious meals." Lina replied. "I am so exited about this! I can't wait to try that hop spring and devour all they food!"
"What is so special about this hot spring? We have been in many hot springs before."
"Yes, but if we go to this hot spring we shall be treated like royalty. This hop spring is well known to treat its customers like kings! And I have saved the world at least four our five times so I deserve to be treated like a very important people."
Gourry was about to respond to that last part but he decided not to, it would be too easy, and he was not in the mood to suffer a fireball, actually he never is. "So how long will we be there?"
"It is almost a weeks journey, but it is worthy, trust me! So let's hurry up! YAHHOOOOO!!!!!" Lina hooded very loud.
Unknown to them that they are being watched by a very large numbers of bandits, armed to the teethes.
"So we finally found you, Lina inverse!" The bandit leader chuckled. "Finally the time for revenge it's at hand."
"Its been six years since we last saw her, she was accompanied by another sorceress who had a much better figure than her, and she was practically semi-naked." Said the second bandit, drooling as he remembers Naga.
The third bandit sniffed. "Yes, Lina blow us all away with her spells and besides all that she stole all the money we stole, it was not fair!"
"And we got so crispy that we weren't able to move for a mouth." The first bandit remembered.
"Yes, but now the time for revenge is now! And we shall unleashed right now!" the Bandit leader stated very determinately and points his giant sword at Lina and Gourry. "This is the result of our eight years of frustration and pain!"
"Six years." The first bandit corrected.
"Six years! Exactly, six years! This is the time our revenge will be unleashed!"
"Boss, you already said that." The first bandit reminded and he was already rewarded by a punch from the Bandit leader.
"Unleash your swords boys! It's pay back time!"
"So what is the plan boss?" the third bandit asked as he and the other bandits unleashed their swords.
The Bandit Leader just stood there in his position, he made all that speech, that is if that was even considered a speech, and he did not form any attack plan. "Well we…we…we….."
All the bandits sweat dropped. "We do have a plan, don't we boss?" the first bandit asked.
The bandit leader hits the first bandit on the top of his head with his elbow. "Of course we do! We simply appear from behind the bushes and the trees and we attack them by surprise."
The bandits gasped.
"You-you want us to give them a direct attack?" the second bandit asked all frightened.
"She'll fireball us for sure!" the first bandit screamed but he was silent when the bandit leader hit him again.
"You idiots! We have the advantage in numbers and it is impossible for her to hit us all at the same time! One of us will manage to stab her with the blades of our swords!"
The bandits did not say anything but there is certain logic with what the bandit leader said.
"Now all to your posts! And prepare to attack at my signal!"
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"Lina, can't we camp tonight? The next town is so far away and we won't be able to get there today." Gourry said.
"We will if you hurry up!" Lina replied, she is so anxious about going to that famous hot springs she just heard.
"C'mon Lina. I'm so tire."
"No! Now hurry up!"
"Oh man, I wish a bandit would show up. I bet that way it would make Lina waste some time and make her decide to camp tonight."
In that moment the Bandit Leader shouts "ATTACK!!!" and dozen of bandits appear from behind the trees and bushes and attack Lina and Gourry. The funniest thing is that neither Lina nor Gourry noticed them.
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Five seconds later.
All the bandits are bruised and bashed from all the beating that Lina and Gourry gave them, they all fell like insects, still Lina and Gourry did not notice them. Lina is so eager about the hot spring and Gourry is so fatigue for both of them to notice the bandits. They clobbered the bandits by mere instinct.
The bandit Leader is not so lucky because he is being dragged by his ears by Lina and Gourry.
"C'mon Lina, let us camp tonight." Gourry insisted, still dragging the bandit leader.
"I said NO!" Lina shouted, lifting her hands up and pulling the bandit leader by his right ear.
"STOP IT PLEASE!!!!" the bandit leader implored and wined when Lina pulled his ear up very brutally.
"But why not?" Gourry moved his hands a little back, pulling the left ear of the Bandit leader.
"PLEASE DON'T INSIST! There are lives at stake here!!!" the Bandit leader cried.
Lina wraps her arm around the bandit leader, choking him. "Because I want to sleep in a nice, comfy, snug bed in a nice and comfortable bed!" Lina responded as she slowly chokes the bandit leader. "I am not in the mood to sleep in the out doors in a cold night with no food on the horizon. And I am sure not in the mood to be next to the wild animals."
"The…only…..wild Animal here…..is you…." The Bandit leader gasped for air.
"Oh man…." Gourry throws a kick to the ground, ending up kicking the bandit leader on his family jewels by accident.
The bandit leader squealed very loud, even with all the torment that Lina and Gourry are giving to him they still have not notice the bandit leader.
"But hey Lina, there is a small lagoon over there." Gourry points to the lagoon. "Maybe we can catch some fish there."
"Fish?" Lina finally releases the bandit leader and looks to the direction that Gourry is pointing. "Well yeah, there is a lagoon there. Let's go there then and grab some fish! I was sure in the mood to eat some yummy fish!" Lina said very jumpily and ends up stepping on the bandit leader's head. "Let's go Gourry!"
"Alright!" Gourry follows Lina, ending up stepping the bandit leader's head as he passed by.
"You know Gourry, I have the strangest feeling that I hit something without even noticing." Lina said, still not noticing that she beat up a large number of bandits.
"Strange, I also have that feeling. Maybe it was some mosquitoes that we hit without noticing. There are many in the area." Gourry said.
"Mosquitoes?" the bandit leader wined. "They beat, bashed and fireball us and they have not even notice us? Are we that insignificant for them?"
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Day Two.
Lina and Gourry arrived to the nearest town after agreeing to camp for the night after a delicious fish meal.
The bandits also follow them from the distance, still determinate to get their revenge on Lina. The bandit Leader has his entire face covered with bandages because of the beating he received from Lina and Gourry. "You two will pay for this! I will not rest until you pay for this!"
"Those are such lame lines you put up boss." The first bandit commented. The bandit leader pokes him on the eyes. "OUCH!!!"
"Be quiet!" The Bandit leader shouted. "Do you wan them to hear us?"
"So what is the plan boss?" The third bandit asked.
"The same as yesterday, we hide and attack them by surprise!"
"What? You want to go through that same plan again?"
"Yes because this time we are the ones who have the advantage because we are in an area that is completely unknown to them, that is why they caught us by surprise back on the road."
"I think that they did not even notice that we attack them." The second bandit murmured.
"Enough talk! Now all to your places!"
-------
Lina and Gourry continue to walk calmly on the streets without a single care and not noticing that they are being followed by the bandits.
"Hey Lina I heard that there is going to be a festival here in this town, how about we stick around for it?" Gourry suggested. "I bet there will be lots of food."
"No way!" Lina immediately responded.
Gourry almost feel down with Lina's sudden respond. "You want to turn down an opportunity to eat free food? That is not like you Lina."
"True, but I want to try that famous hot spring as soon as possible. I am so excited about it."
"I can tell that."
The second bandit approaches Gourry from behind, ready to stab him from behind.
"But we have been on the rush the entire day and……" Gourry hits the second bandit with his elbow, breaking the poor soul's nose. "And if we keep this up we will be exhausted that we will become easy prey for bandits." And he steps on the back of the second bandit.
"Oh c'mon, you are over reacting Gourry. Still I have to admit that things have been boring since yesterday." Lina hits the third bandit behind her with her slipper and then throws him to the wall without noticing of his existence. "a little action would sure kill this boredom I am feeling."
"So we are going to the festival?"
"Well, Ok we'll go."
"Cool!"
In that exact moment the first bandit jumps from the top of a house ready to attack Lina and Gourry but they throws him a uppercut, making the first bandit fly away to the air.
"So let's go Gourry, let's get ready for the festival." Lina said with Gourry following her.
A few seconds later the first bandit falls down to the ground, completely broken. "They did it to us again……it's like they don't even know we exist…." The first bandit murmured.
"Oh shut up…." The third bandit murmured back. "Instead of complaining start to thing of a safer way to make a living……"
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The bandit Leader growled with the failures of his comrades that he decided to attack Lina and Gourry on his own, once he noticed them passing by a bridge he appeared from the water and land right in front of Lina and Gourry. "The time is now Lina Inverse! I am going to make you pay for all the……."
PACH!!!
The bandit Leader was silence by a slap by Lina and land back on the water again with his face more broken then what it was yerterday.
The funniest thing is that both Lina and Gourry did not notice him even when Lina slapped him, they just continue to talk about the meal they are going to eat on the festival and how boring this day is being.
"Will you stop ignoring us….." the bandit leader wined once he emerged to the surface.
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Day Three
Another day passed and Lina and Gourry arrived to another city and stayed in an inn, not the best inns they could find.
"This place stinks!!!" Lina growled as she walks around the room she rented for the day. "This is a small place, there is only one bed, no fireplace, it smells bad, and heck I don't even want to continue because if I do I will fireball the entire place!"
"This was the cheapest inn in the entire village. You were the one who chose it." Gourry reminded very sarcastically.
"Of course! I am saving the money for that Hot spring I've been talking about! Still that does not excuse this place for being so rotten!"
Suddenly they hear a knock on the door.
"Well, at least they have room service." Gourry went to the door and open it to see the second bandit with a knife on his hand.
"Now I got you, you…..!!!!" the second bandit was interrupted when Gourry pass him some towels.
"Those towel are dirty, in fact almost everything in our room is dirty. This is not the better way to receive your customers, you better change your police here or we are going to complain this to the innkeeper." Gourry complained and then closed the door.
The second bandit was stunned. "What? What? Do I look like a waitress to you?" he then knocks the door again more brutally.
Lina growled when she heard the knock again and then answer it. "What!?!?" She snapped. "Are you expecting a tip? Well forget it!" She then slams the door right on the second bandits face.
"OUCH!!!!" the second bandit cried because he hurt his fist when he was about to hit Lina when she slammed the door right on his face. "why that little…."
The second bandit takes a few steps back and then rushed at full speed against the door to bash it down. But in the exact moment when he was about to hit the door, Lina opens it. The second bandit rushes into the room until he crashes against the window and fell down the inn, and just to make his luck even worse he fell into a carriage of manure.
"Let's get out of here Gourry!" Lina said in a loud and annoyed voice. "This inn completely stinks, the rooms are so rotten that even the windows break easily!"
Gourry agreed. "Yeah, and I can even smell manure from here."
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The second bandit on the other hand is now finding a place to take a bath, and because of the crash he even lost some teethes. "This job is a murder to my teethes."
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Day Four.
Lina and Gourry ate on a restaurant and consumed almost all of its food, like they usually do.
Even so with all the excitement of going to the famous hot string Lina could not help if her digestions get all mess up and forces her to go to the bath room.
Lina went to the ladies room with Gourry right behind her. "Why the heck do you have to follow me Gourry? And especially here in the ladies bathroom? You are making me nervous!"
"I know but I heard rumors about this village, saying that there are many peeping toms here and I just want to make sure that they won't do anything to you."
Lina blushed with Gourry's care, she never gets use to it. "Well, ok, but just wait here and don't do anything!"
Lina enters the cubic, and right there waiting for her stands the third bandit with a dagger on his hand. Once Lina enter the cubic the third bandit attacks Lina.
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Twenty minutes later Lina comes out of the cubic, sighing in relieve. "What a relieve. Let's go back to the inn Gourry and get some rest."
As soon as Lina left Gourry took a peek to the cubic that Lina was in by mere curiosity and finds the third bandit upside down, stuck in the toilet seat. "Damn Lina, what the heck have you been eating?"
"This was humiliating and disgusting……someone please get me out of here….." the third bandit moaned.
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Day Five.
The bandit Leader is waiting for the first bandit to appear with Lina and Gourry, luring them to this warehouse where he can catch them by surprise.
"Yes, yes, yes! As soon as Lina enters I will attack her! This time I will win! I will win! As soon as Lina enters I will attack her!" the bandit leader said very excitedly.
In that moment the door of the warehouse opens to reveal the first bandit all bruised and smashed.
The bandit leader even drops his sword with the shock. "W-w-w-what happen?"
The first bandit walks slowly to the bandit leader with his knees all weak and trembling. "They throw me against the wall, dump me to a garbage can, trash me against the window…… they did all those things and even more to me and……and they did not even notice me, and……and….." as soon as he was in reach the first bandit cries on the bandits leaders shoulder. "And I can not take this any more!!!!!"
The bandit leader shakes his fist with fury. "So they still ignore us, huh? Alright, the fun is over! This time I am going to end this once and for all!"
"That is what you said five days ago." The first bandit reminded and was rewarded by a punch from the bandit leader.
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Day Six.
The day finally came, Lina and Gourry finally arrived to the city that has the hotel that has that famous hot spring that she was so anxious about all week.
"Yes! We arrived!" Lina said all excited.
"I am glad for that. I am so tire with all these rushes that I can not feel my legs." Gourry said as he cleaned the sweat on his fore head.
"Well, this is all to buy back for the extremely boring week we had! We haven't found, not even one, single bandit on the road!"
"That is true."
The bandit leader and his bandits heard that from a very safe distance and snarled with what they heard. They spend the entire week beating them up like trash, all the bandits have marks on bandages all over them and Lina and Gourry did not even become aware of them?
The truth is that Lina is so anxious about the hot spring that she did not even notice the bandits, Gourry on the other hand is very tire of Lina always rushing up to arrive to the hot springs that he did not even notice the bandits. Both of them manage to beat them all up by mere instincts.
"Laugh all you want Lina Inverse! Today is the day of days!" the bandit leader whispered.
"So what is the plan boss?" the third bandit asked.
"We'll let her go to that hot spring of hers, once she is there her guard will be completely low, that is when she……I mean we, attack! This can not possibly fail!"
"That is what you said in these last five days." The first bandit reminded but he was rewarded by a punch from the bandit leader.
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The hours pass by, Lina and Gourry went to the hotel that was supposed to be a five star hotel but the truth is that it is just another normal like anyone else, and the hot spring is high up on the top of the hill, Lina took one hour to get to the hot spring.
Lina finally manage to go to the hot spring that she was anxious about for the past few days only to be disappointed.
"The water here is so cold I can not even feel my legs, and the water here is complete overshadow! After all the time I traveled with Naga I got to learn a thing or two about hot springs and this one is as low as you can go!" the water of the hot spring started to heat up because of Lina's anger. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!?!?!? I so anxious about this hot spring only to find out it was nothing but a fluke!?!? All the anecdotes I heard were nothing but false commercials!!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!"
In the mean time the bandit leader and the first, second and third bandit are near the hot spring doors with swords on their hands, ready to make one last assault on Lina, all of them a bit tire after climbing up the stairs of the hill.
"Alright boys, swords at the ready! At my signal we attack!" the bandit leader exclaimed.
"Are you sure things will work out this time boss?" the second bandit asked, not very sure about this plan. "We don't have much luck."
"Fool! What can possibly go wrong? Lina is completely unprepared for our attack. Victory is ours this time, now c'mon!"
The bandit leader finally kicks the door open then he and his bandits enter the hot spring. "This is it, Lina Inverse! We have you……"
The bandit leader did not finish his sentence because an enormous tree is flying right towards him and his bandits. "Ops…."
The tree hits the bandits, making them fly away from the hot spring and making them go down the very long stairs. It took them an hour and haft to arrive to the top of the hill and in just ten minute they arrive to the ground very painfully and to make things worse the tree landed on top of them. All of them ended up moaning in pain.
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"And now there are peeping toms around!?!?!? This is the worst hot spring I ever been in!!!!" Lina is so angry that she started to pull trees from the ground; she did not even realize that the peeping toms were the bandits.
Still frustrated Lina starts to grab an enormous boulder and throw it away to the air. "What is the meaning of this!?!?! I waited to for this hot spring the entire week and they had the nerves to trick me like this!?!?!? I am going back to the hotel and demand my money back, and if they are lucky I will MegaBrand the entire hotel!!!!"
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The bandits manage to remove the tree from over them but they are all broken.
"Please boss, can we give up on Lina Inverse?" the third bandit begged. "It is so bad for our health."
"This is much worse than being fireballed by her. Please let us give up…." the first bandit implored.
The bandit leader gave in. "Ok boys, you convinced me, I give up……Lina Inverse manages to break us to pieces when she doesn't notice us, I don't even want to imagine what she will do to us if she finally become aware of us."
Suddenly the bandits notice a huge shadow around them, they look up to the large boulder that Lina has thrown to the air is coming right towards them.
"No, our bad luck can't be this bad……" the second bandit whimpered as he sees the boulder coming right towards them.
BOOM.
The huge boulder falls on top of the bandits. Poor souls, they received such a horrible pain before, now they are receiving even more pain.
"But I said I give up…...why am I still being torture like this?" the bandit leader muffed from under the boulder.
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Day Seven.
After pulverizing and destroying the hotel with a huge Dragon Slave, Lina and Gourry leave the village with Lina growling all the way.
Gourry kept a safe distance from Lina, he knows not to bother her when she is like this. "Hum…..Lina, are you much calmer now?"
"CALMER!?!?!?!?!" Lina spoke like a demon has possessed her.
Gourry almost freaked out. "EEEEEPS!!!!!"
"I was fooled but fake news, I spend the entire week anxious about trying this luxurious hot spring, I spend the entire week without killing any bandits, and we are absolutely low on money, and…..and….." Lina falls down on her knees with tear on her eyes. "And I am so bored that I can not think right!!!! It s so unfair!!!!"
Gourry rubbed the back of his head, it is amazing how sometimes Lina can act so childish in certain matters. But after the boring week that Lina had he decides to cheer her up. "Well, I did not say it sooner but I did notice a bandit camp just out side the city."
Lina even gets up to her feet's, all lightened up with the news, like a kid receiving a toy. "A Bandit Camp?!?!?"
"Yup. All full of bandits just the way you like it."
"And how did you manage to remember about…..? Never mind, lets just get going! I'm finally getting some excitement."
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All the bandits return back to their camp, all covered with bandages and each one of them holding a piece of stick to support them while they are walking.
"As soon as we are all recovered we will continue on stealing people on the woods, boys. It is far much safer and less painful." The bandit leader said from behind all the bandits.
"Yeah, we always did aright that way." The first bandit said.
"True, true……" the second bandit agreed.
"I on the other hand won't leave my comfortable bed for the next two years." The third bandit said. "I want to forget the painful beating we received this week.
"Don't mention about any more pains and any more battles!" the bandit leader snapped. "And most of all I don't even want to hear the name of….."
"Lina Inverse is here!" Lina introduced herself from behind all the bandits.
The bandit frozen in fear when they head that voice, then they slowly turn with pale faces to see the scary figure of Lina Inverse with Gourry right behind her. All of them screamed all terrorized.
"See Lina, I told you there was a bandit camp here." Gourry said very proud.
"SO you did. Thank you very much Gourry." Lina said all sweetly and walks towards the bandits with a fireball starting to form on her hands.
The bandits immediately ran back inside to the camp and immediately closed the gates and barricade it with everything they had in their camp. All of the bandits were barricaded inside the camp, all but the bandit leader who did not manage to get inside. "COWARDS!!!!! You can't do this to me I am your leader!!!! Let me in!!! Let me in!!! Let me….." the bandit starts to hear some sinister chuckles from behind him, he knows that it is Lina.
The bandit leader turns around and kneels before Lina. "No!!! please, please, please!!!! If you have any human graciousness then please, leave us alone!!!! Don't you think you made us suffer the enough?!?!?"
Lina was a bit confused with the bandit's attitude but she didn't care. "MEGABRAND!!" and the poor bandit leader flies away to the air.
Lina politely knocks on the door. "Open the door please."
"HAVE MERCY!!!!!" all the bandits inside the camp implored very desperately.
"No mercy for the wicked." That was Lina's response as she blats the door open and starts to fireball any bandit that she sees.
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Outside the camp Gourry watches the entire show with popcorns on his hand. "Poor Lina, she sure was having such a boring week. I'm glad to see that she regain her good humor this way."
In that moment the bandit leader falls right next to Gourry who completely ignored him. "Boring week? You people are crazy……."
THE END
Sunny: well, I don't know what to say. This is defiantly one of the craziest fics we ever made.
Ramon: you can say that again.