Disclaimer: Bleach is written by Tite Kubo and published by Shueisha. I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, settings, plots, or any related merchandise, advertisements, etc. This is a not-for-profit fan-written fiction story. Please support the official Bleach manga and its related products.

All other elements not derivative of the official product are original ideas, meaning original characters. I do not waste time reading other people's fanfics.

Chapter 1

My name is Onigiri Kamishirou. I am a high school student at the school in Kawakura Town. In my class are those delinquents Ichigo Kurosaki, Uryuu Ishida, Chad something, and Orihime Inoue. They always go to the bathroom and never come back. They must have bad diarrhea or constipation because they are in the bathroom a lot.

I have a secret: I can see ghosts. This happened after my parents died of cancer. My mom had tooth cancer and my dad had hair cancer. I was sad because then I was alone and had to be stronger of the hollows would try to eat me.

One day my life changed forever because a hollow attacked me and my family at night. After dinner I went to my room to listen to music on my MP3 player by the Vocaloids, which were a J-Pop group. Then suddenly a strange girl in a black clothing jumped into my room and tried to hump me. I threw her off because I wasn't feeling horny and I already finished watching hentai anime on my laptop. The girl probably didn't know I could see her because she got confused and said, "You can see me?"

I said, "Yes, you crazy nympho bitch!"

Then she cried and I patted her head and asked, "I'm sorry. You can do what you want."

She looked happy and smiled. Then a hollow attacked my living room and she got serious. Out of nowhere she took out a katana and started slashing the hollow that looked like a beetle with a big hole on its head. Then the hollow beat her up and I was laughing because it was funny. But then the hollow crushed my plasma TV and I was mad because I paid a lot of money for that TV and I never even used it yet. So I tried to attack the hollow but it beat me up too.

"Please help me save my family!" I screamed.

"I will help you," replied the girl, "but I need to explain things to you first."

"Okay," I said.

Then she took out an e-tablet and turned it on. "Oh no!" She blushed when it showed that she was secretly taking pictures of me in the shower. "I'm sorry!" She yelled.

"It's okay." I said. "Just explain this to me."

She turned on an app called 'Hollow Tracker' and it explained to me everything. Then the hollow attacked again but I dodged and caught the girl when she was pushed into the air.

"Help me save my family!" I reiterated.

"Yes." She replied. She held out her katana to my chest and said, "I will give you some of my shinigami powers so you can be powerful too. My name is Miko Ginyuki. Will you take responsibility?"

I didn't have any doubts. Without hesitation I said, "My name is Onigiri Kamishirou. I will accept." And then I tried to pull her katana into my chest, but she was resisting.

"What are you doing you baka?" She said. "You're not supposed to kill yourself after accepting my heart!"

I was confused so I asked, "What should I do then?"

Then she pulled my face close to hers and said, "Kiss me!"

So I did, and I felt more powerful. Then her sword became smaller and I got a huge sword that was five times my height. I had cool black clothes too, but only a black shirt. I still had on white shorts and beach sandals. But I jumped at the hollow and beat it in one slash because I was a bleach. Then I pose and looked cool and Miko was impressed so I gave her a thumbs sign.

And then I became a shinigami. That would be the start of my legend…

To be continued…