Somewhere in Smalltown, USA, she sat by her window staring up at the night sky. She saw the stars, something she could never do when she lived in the city. She counted them, tracing a path with her eyes from one to the other, knowing that she has wished on every one.
She loved the night sky, but she'd give up all the stars in her world if only she could see her love again. Her thoughts lingered there every time she saw a shooting star. The flash of light, the slight twinkle, reminded her of the shimmer she saw in those deep, dark chocolate pools she used to get lost in. Those eyes…those eyes that saw into her soul and breathed life into her heart.
Olivia's eyes. She could still remember every detail of those eyes. She could still recall every nuance of her face. She could still feel every texture, every curve of her toned, lithe, sensual form. Her memories were all she had and she cherished them with vigor.
She wasn't allowed to take anything with her when she was whisked away into witness protection, so she took a picture to carry in her heart. She played the memories of a different life, every night in her mind. Partly out of fear that she's forget even the most minute of details, and partly out of necessity. Those memories that she carried with her served to sustain her soul. The memories they made a lifetime ago, kept her warm on the dark and lonely nights.
Daylight saw a very different side of her. She was put together, composed, well-poised, and the epitome of a strong female. The sunlight brought day, which brought a small amount of human interaction, which she greeted gracefully. You could take away her name, but you could never take away what it meant to be a Cabot. She was remarkable. No one who looked at her would ever be able to speculate that she was merely a shell. That she was more or less dead inside. The mask, the façade, was unyielding.
But it was a façade that fell when the sun fled the sky. The cold of night, the darkness, served to exponentially enhance the cold in her heart, the darkness in her soul. As night set in, so did the loneliness. The devastating loneliness. The same loneliness that had caused her to cry herself to sleep night after night until she had run out of tears.
She didn't cry for herself, though. She cried for Olivia. Her dear, sweet Olivia. The pain she saw in Olivia's eyes that night inflicted more pain than any bullet ever could. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought of how Olivia must be doing. Your funeral's tomorrow. Olivia's words made her heartache. But it was the unspoken that made her heart break. I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry. She saw these words in Olivia's eyes. She saw the sadness and the regret. She saw raw pain that was ripping Olivia apart. And so she cried. She mourned their loss. The loss of the life they wanted together, that they had planned together. She cried hoping her tears would wash away a small bit of the pain and allow her even the remotest bit of relief.
With time, she thought the pain would subside. She thought it would get easier to be someone else for awhile. Like playing a game. As if Shakespeare were right and all of life was a stage and she was merely an actor. But it didn't. It never got any easier. Not even a little. The fear never left her. The weight of the loss never left her. Every new person she 'played' came with a different story, a different history. And none of them included a beautiful detective with a heart of gold. And so she cursed each role she played. Each new life, new woman, new history, was more infuriating than the last. None of them had the love of her life ripped away. None of these roles held a remnant of true life. None of them knew her pain and so they all forced her to hide her pain. But, never a day went by that she didn't think of her dear sweet Olivia.
Looking up into the night sky with tear-filled eyes, she whispered…I love you, Liv. Not a day goes by…
Got a picture of
you, I carry in my heart If you asked me
how I'm doing, I'd say just fine
Close my eyes to see it, when the night
gets dark
Got a memory of you, I carry in my soul
Wrap it
close around me, when the world gets cold
But the truth is, baby, if you
could read my mind
Not a day goes by
That I don't think
of you
After all this time
You're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain
Locked so deep inside
That baby, baby,
oh, baby
Not a day goes by