I don't need a heart, I have you

by YouMakeMeLaugh14

'I don't need a heart to love or feel. I never did. You made me feel, Roxas. I only needed you.'

I don't need a heart to love, I have you.

Chapter one: Painful Memories

I was falling. Falling into darkness.

I couldn't breathe; it was as if I was drowning, except there wasn't any water.

Just darkness.

A sharp pain ran throughout my throat and down through to my chest. I began gasping heavily for air, but there just wasn't any.

I'm going to die. I was going to die.

I kept running those words through my head. It didn't help, but it was obvious. The darkness was going to suffocate me.

How did I even get here? The last thing I remember was walking through the forest.. It was that stupid black creature, wasn't it? It's the reason I'm here, and it's the reason I'm going to die.

I should have just ignored it.

More pain shot through me, except this time it was through my limbs, and it hurt.

All I could hear were echoing screams, my screams to be exact. And I just kept screaming.

The darkness was all around me, and I couldn't see a thing, but suddenly my friends flowed through my mind- one by one. Each of them were smiling and I thought of the good times we'd had. I wouldn't experience that ever again. I felt tears run down my face. Why me?

The images of my friends started to fade, like burning photographs. They just burnt away, out of my mind. Those memories lost, somewhere in the darkness.

My screams died down, but how I could be screaming when I couldn't even breathe? It doesn't make sense, none of this does. Why was I still alive? I should be dead by now.

Why did I have to suffer this torture?

"Claire…" A deep, raspy voice cut through the air. Even though it was only a whisper, it echoed louder than my screams, that one word deafening.

My name.

"Relixca!"

I jolted upwards, breathing heavily. This time, air greeted my lungs, and I breathed it in greedily, like it was gold. My hair was wet with cold sweat and was matted against my face.

Slowly colour began to fill my vision and I realized I was in my room. The four white walls surrounded me and I felt a cool breeze come from the window next to my bed.

I was sitting upright in my bed, my white blanket tangled up between my legs.

I turned to look to my right and saw the familiar red-head I knew so well, standing right next to my bed. His emerald green eyes studied me, "Are you alright?" He asked, his normally smirking face was replaced with a look of confusion and concern. Which was rare to see, from Axel. He had bright red hair that was always spiked into large points and was wearing a black coat- our uniform.

I rubbed my head and sighed heavily, "I-I'm fine." I tried to calm myself down, but my entire body was shaking.

He rolled his eyes and that smirk showed up on his face, "Now, why don't I believe that?" He walked across the length of my room- which wasn't exactly big- and then came to a stop in front of me again. "Oh, that's right, because about two minutes ago, you were screaming in your sleep." I looked to the ground and gripped the covers on my bed to stop my hands from shaking. Why? Why did this have to happen each night? The same dream, of the same night..

I shook my head from side to side and my hair whipped across my cheeks, trying to shake off the dream, no, nightmare. But it was no use, I still felt as if I was back there, experiencing that pain, the torture.

I felt the bed move a little as Axel sat down next to me, "Bad dreams, huh?" He said in a low, serious voice. I nodded my head but continued looking at the ground.

"It doesn't matter, I'm okay." I looked up and gave him a weak smile, and he looked as though he didn't believe me. "Why are you here anyway?" I asked, suddenly curious. He never came in to wake me up. Then again, I was usually the first one awake here, but not today, it seemed.

A grin crossed his face, "You know that no one is allowed to sleep in longer than me!" I giggled a little and he jumped up off the bed, "Besides, it's time for you to go on a mission. I think you're going with Roxas again today.." I felt my face redden a little as he mentioned his name. Axel raised his eyebrow and had a slight look of amusement on his face, "Why is it, that whenever you're around Roxas, whenever someone even mentions his name," He poked my nose, "Your face turns as red as a tomato?"

I looked away and felt myself blush more. Darn it, why did I always blush when I was around him? I was starting to think I had developed a... crush on him. But how was that possible? I was a Nobody, I didn't have a heart. Therefore I couldn't feel anything, I wasn't supposed to. Then why were you just shaking from fright? "I-it's nothing. I'm a new Nobody, okay? I'm still learning how to handle all of this."

"Heh, good excuse," He said, grinning. I had become a Nobody about two months ago, and it was true. I was still learning how to deal with things. Having no heart... was different.

I rolled my eyes and stood up off the bed, "Do you mind? I want to have a shower before I go on a mission."

"Aww.. Do I have to go? I can't watch?" I narrowed my eyes at him as I blushed madly. I punched his arm as hard as I could and he laughed loudly. "I'm just kidding. I know how you feel about Roxy," He gave me a wink and smirked.

"Nobodies can't feel anything."

"Hmm.." He looked at me and he was still smirking. He reached out and pinched my arm, hard.

"Ow! Axel!" I glared at him as I rubbed my arm, "What the hell?"

He just grinned, "Well, it looks like you felt that. So Nobodies can feel. Got it memorized?"

"You're an idiot. You got THAT memorized?"

He scoffed "And I'm only the coolest idiot in the world. And you know it!."

I shook my head softly, wanting to hit Axel. "You drive me crazy."

He raised his eyebrow, "I drive you crazy, eh? I'm flattered, really. But you're a bit young for me, Relix," He said as he continued smirking at me.

Whatever, I thought as I rolled my eyes. Whenever I was around Axel, my eyes hurt, from the amount of times he said something stupid that made me roll my eyes. "Just leave so I can have a shower."

"I don't think Saïx will allow you to waste any more time, having a 'shower'. He's been getting impatient. Pretty much everyone else in on mission's right now."

I rubbed my chin a little as I thought of a way that I could distract Saïx. I always unintentionally rubbed my chin when I was thinking. "Could you make excuses until I finish? Please? I'll be quick!" I pleaded. Having a shower cleared my thoughts and it was relaxing, before going on a mission to fight Heartless- it got tiring sometimes.

"Hmm.." He rubbed his chin slightly, mocking me. I had the urge to punch him in the arm again, but then he said, "Alright, I'll do it. But only five minutes, no more. Got it memorized?" Five minutes? I could deal with that.

"Thanks, Axel!" He walked outside and closed the door behind him. I quickly scurried around my room, making my bed and tidying up my room. I grabbed my black coat- the one that was pretty much uniform for us, in the Organization. Mostly everyone else slept in them, but I couldn't stand it, I always got hot during the night. That's when I realized what I had been wearing. I looked down at my clothes- I was wearing a large, oversized t-shirt that covered me like a dress. I looked over to the door and shook my head lightly. Axel saw me wearing this. I rolled my eyes as I walked over and opened my door, peeking outside; the coast was clear. I practically sprinted down the hall to where the bathroom was, well, one of the bathrooms. I didn't know how many there was, considering the amount of people that were here. I only knew of this one, and I was grateful it was just down the hall from my room. So far I'd already gotten lost so many times and I still didn't understand why they had to make the castle so big and confusing. Axel was the one that had saved me oh-so-many times from getting lost. That was pretty much why we'd become friends, because he always bumped into me when I was lost, and helped me find wherever I had to go.

Once I'd reached the bathroom, I had a very quick shower, probably the shortest shower I've ever had, and once I'd finished, I pulled on my black coat. I looked in the mirror as I brushed through my hair. My hair was a dark blue. It's natural, believe it or not. I remember all the times that my Somebody had gotten teased for it. She'd gotten to the point to where she'd hated it, and she'd always wanted to dye it another colour. And me? I thought it was pretty cool, to be honest. My eyes were a dark blue as well, which went well with my hair.

Once I'd finished brushing my hair, I brushed my teeth and then slipped out of the bathroom, hoping no one knew I was in there. I then sprinted back down the hall, all the way down to the Grey Area where I saw Axel and Saïx talking to each other. Axel had a smug look on his face and I was hoping that was a good sign.

I ran up to them and stood next to Axel, "I'm here now," I announced. I made sure that I was careful with my wording; I didn't want to give away the fact that I'd just had a shower despite the fact that I was already late. Saïx turned his gaze from Axel to me. His yellow eyes gave me an accusing glare, and I could instantly tell he was suspicious. He just so happened to be always suspicious of me. Why? I don't know.

I'd always found Saïx strange. He is such a cold person, but insanely calm- most of the time. When the moon's out, well, he goes berserk. It's kind of creepy. I always stay out of his way when he's in that state. Something else that's strange about him is the way he looks. The blue hair, yeah I can relate to that, but the gold eyes and pointed ears? Weird. Then there's that 'X' scar on his face.. I'd always wondered how he got that, but I've never had the guts to ask.

Not wanting to have to look at Saïx and his accusing glare, I looked at Axel, who had dropped the cocky look and know seemed a bit nervous. Damn it, Axel! You better have thought of a good excuse.

"Why is your hair wet?" My head snapped back to Saïx, who was looking at my hair. I hadn't had enough time to dry it properly, so it was still a bit wet. How am I supposed to explain this? Leave it to him to notice the little things.

"Uhh…Umm…" I couldn't think of anything to say and quite frankly, I was now screwed.

"Demyx attacked her!" Axel suddenly half-shouted.

Saïx and I both looked at him. Saïx looked as though he was going to say something when out of nowhere Demyx jumped up from a couch and shouted, "I did what?"

I hadn't even known he was there. His turquoise eyes were widened in shock. He was wearing the black coat too, like all of us, his was slightly different though, it had pointed shoulders. He also had dirty blonde hair that was in an odd style. I'd never seen that style much before; it was a mullet-like style. He looked very youthful too, probably one of the younger people in the Organization. Not as young as me, obviously. But I liked Demyx, he was a nice guy. He didn't act heartless, like a few other people here. Sure, he didn't really feel emotions- none of us did- but at least he pretended to.

"He did it as a joke, of course." Axel added in. He winked at Demyx but I don't think he saw it because his face was still frantic,

"But I would never do that! I don't remember doing it! Why are you trying to blame it on me?" I resisted the urge to face palm. Why did he have to be so unaware all the time?

"Demyx, calm down. I, uh, erased your memory. That's why you can't remember," I said, somehow thinking that would ease him.

Instead he freaked out more. He threw his hands up in the air and gripped his head, "You ERASED my memory?"

I sighed and I saw Axel face palm. I giggled a little and Saïx gave me a cold look that made me stop. I couldn't help it given the situation we were in. Whenever I didn't know what else to do, I laughed. "No, no. I just erased that one memory."

"Why would you erase that memory?" It was Saïx that spoke now.

"Oh, I don't know. I just felt like it," I replied sarcastically.

I glanced over at Axel, who hadn't said anything in a while and he looked just as annoyed as I was. I just wanted to shout out 'help me!'. Then Axel looked at me and gestured at Demyx, who was in a panic and Saïx was trying to get him to relax. I raised my eyebrow at Axel, and he continued gesturing to Demyx. I can't read minds, you idiot. I mouthed the word 'What?' to him. He rolled his eyes and pointed to his head and then pointed to Demyx whilst mouthing something. The only word I could make out was 'memory' and that was enough for me. I knew what he wanted me to do. It was the one thing I hated to do. Well, at least to the people I know. Axel was telling me to mess with his memory.

By now you've probably guessed what my 'element' is, being a Nobody and all. I can control people's memories. This makes me kind of like Namine- a special Nobody, although she can only control Sora's memories and those connected to him. Whereas I can control anyone's memories. I can erase memories, change them and even create false memories.

I paused for a moment and then sighed as I took a step towards Demyx. I really didn't want to do this to him, but I didn't really have a choice. It was either create a fake memory in his head and erase it later, or suffer severe punishment from Xemnas. Even though I haven't really done anything wrong. But no, to Xemnas, I may as well have blown up the Castle. Little things annoy him, so he dishes out real bad punishments, all the time. It always makes me wonder why I did it in the first place. I just couldn't help but break the rules- something my Somebody never dared to do.

I stood in front of Demyx and grabbed his shoulders, "Calm down." I said in a what I hoped was a soothing voice. I stared into his eyes, into his mind and he became still. I concentrated on the fake memory I was creating. The memory of him hiding around a corner, waiting to strike, Then of me walking around the corner and being completely doused in water by him. I placed the memory in his mind along with all his other memories, and took a step away from him.

All of this had happened in a matter of seconds of course. Any longer and Saïix would have gotten suspicious.

"Relixca!" Demyx suddenly yelled out. Axel, Saïx and I all gave him strange looks and jumped from his sudden 'outburst'. "I'm so sorry!"

Saïx gave Demyx a confused look, "Five minutes ago, you were shouting out that you hadn't had anything to do with it and now you're apologizing?" Saïx looked as though he would say more, but didn't. I'm guessing he just couldn't be bothered with us. "Just… Get on with your missions. But if this happens again, Relixca, you know what will happen."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure she's got it memorized." Axel said hurriedly.

Saïx looked at me, "Your mission today is to collect hearts in Twilight Town. Roxas will be joining you." And with that he turned and began walking away.

Axel and I both watched Saïx until he was out of sight. Once he turned around the corner, I let out the breath I was holding in. We'd gotten away with it today, barely. I glanced over at Demyx, who hadn't moved. He stood completely still and was staring at the ground. He then looked up at me and said, "I'm confused."

I let out a laugh and Axel hit him upright the head. "Ow! What was that for?" Demyx whined, rubbing the back of his head.

"For being an idiot." Demyx went to hit him back but then Axel gave him a look that made him cower away.

I grinned at their childishness. At times like this, I actually liked being here.

"So are we going out on our mission now?"

A familiar voice came from behind me and I turned around and smiled once I saw who it was.

Roxas was sitting on one of the white couches, grinning. His bright blue eyes were focused on me and I felt a flutter from inside me as I blushed. His eyes were amazing. His short blonde hair was styled upwards and the tips were swept to the right.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"About thirty minutes."

"So you saw all of that?"

"Yup."

I scoffed, "Well, thanks for the help, Roxas." I said sarcastically, giving him a smile. He laughed and got up from the couch.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going on our missions now," Axel stated. "You both know where you have to go, right? Go to-"

"Twilight Town to kill Heartless and collect hearts, then RTC. Trust me, I've got it memorized." I said, smirking at Axel. It was fun annoying him, except he didn't seem annoyed this time. He just smiled at me and then waved his hand out to the side and a dark corridor appeared.

Dark corridors are our means of transport, We- Nobodies- can summon them, and we use them to go wherever we want, in a matter of seconds. In other words, they're pretty handy to have around.

I watched as Axel walked towards the portal but before he walked into it, he said, "You two have fun!" He winked at me and then laughed as he walked into the dark corridor. I almost ran into it just to slap him, but, luckily for him it closed in before I could. I felt my face redden and I glared at the spot where Axel had been standing. Why did he have to do that all the time?

Thankfully, I didn't think Roxas understood what Axel really meant by that. But I made a mental note to kill Axel later, anyway.

"Fun? Since when is fighting heartless fun?" He looked confused for a moment but then shrugged. He waved his hand out to the side and a dark corridor appeared, one that would lead us to Twilight Town.

I suddenly remembered Demyx, and quickly looked around for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. He must already be on his mission, or goofing off somewhere. Oh well, I'll have to erase that memory I implanted in his mind later.

I grabbed Roxas's arm and walked towards the portal, pulling him along with me. He froze and stared at my hand. When I finally realized, I quickly let go of his arm and jumped backwards, "S-sorry." I looked at the ground, blushing once again. I'm such an idiot.

"No, no. It's okay." He smiled at me.

I gave him a small smile, but didn't grab his arm again. Instead I just quickly walked into the dark corridor, Roxas following.

After a few seconds, we were in Twilight Town.

Roxas glanced around before saying, "So; Heart Collection. We just need to find the all the heartless first…"

I looked around and saw a black spot on the ground. I stepped towards it and bent down to see what it was. It was unusual, that's for sure. I slowly reached my hand out towards it, when suddenly something black jumped out at me. I squealed and fell backwards onto my back. My head hit the ground hard and I moaned from the pain.

"Relixca!"

Roxas ran up from behind me, Keyblade in hand and swiped it at the heartless. The heartless disappeared and a red heart slowly flew up to the sky. Roxas then ran back over to me and kneeled down next to me on the ground. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," He helped me sit up and I rubbed my head. I felt insanely dizzy, and I now had a headache- and we'd only just started the mission. Great.

I know what you might be thinking; 'Wow, you hit your head. Big deal.' Well, for me it is a big deal. Because my power is to control memories, I have to fight with my mind. I have a good physical resistance, but I was very vulnerable when it came to my mind. So whenever I get attacked at the head or got attacked mentally, I become very weak and I can't concentrate because it's very painful. If I can't concentrate on something, then I can't fight. If my mind is weakened even the slightest bit, I can't even summon my weapon. My mind is a huge weakness of mine.

"W-we can go back to the castle if you want," Roxas asked. Concern and nervousness were written on his face and it made me feel slightly happy. Happy that he was worried about me. Even though that sounded selfish, I couldn't help the feeling. Feeling. You have no heart, you can't feel emotion.

I shook my head, "I'm fine, and besides, you know what will happen if I go back now."

"Right," He said, sadness now on his face. I guess he was remembering what had happened to me. It was about two weeks ago, I'd done something wrong and Xemnas had tried to turn me into a dusk. It was only something little, but he'd been really pissed off and he'd tried to turn me into a dusk- yet it hadn't worked on me. I don't know what it was, but he couldn't turn me into a dusk. You'd think that would be good news, but it's not. Instead, it had given me so much pain in my mind, to the point where I was screaming. I'd screamed at him to stop, but he hadn't listened, he just watched me as I fell to the ground in severe pain. So severe, that I hadn't been able to stand and I wasn't able to fight for a week. That's why Roxas was so worried. And that's why I can't go back now.

I started to stand up and Roxas instantly helped me, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. Once I was standing up straight, I wobbled a little, since I was still dizzy, and Roxas held onto my arm to keep me from falling again.

"Are you sure you're okay? You can go back to the castle if you want, we just won't tell Xemnas and I'll do the mission myself-"

"Xemnas would find out either way."

A look of anger crossed his face, "Even if he does, I won't let him hurt you."

I was shocked by his anger and his sudden… protectiveness. Over me. I inhaled sharply and felt that flutter inside me again.

"I-I'm okay, Roxas. I can fight." The look of concern returned to his face but he just nodded. I took a step forward and stumbled a little and Roxas came to my side again, this time wrapping his arm around my waist to support me. I blushed a little. Roxas saw me and then I think he realized what he just did.

"Oh, uh, s-sorry. I can-"

"No, it's fine, Roxas." I smiled at him. "Let's go now."

"Right," We began walking and I slowly began to feel better. But even though we only just began walking, numerous heartless appeared around us. I swallowed, where did they come from? Why are there so many? I'd never seen more than a few at a time. I felt Roxas stiffen next to me, "Can you fight?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think so." He let go of my waist, and this time I was able to stand without staggering. He smiled at me, before turning to the heartless. He summoned his Keyblade, which appeared in his hands. He then looked at me and nodded.

I held my right hand to my forehead, closed my eyes and concentrated, desperately hoping that it would work. I flung my arm out the side and my katana appeared in my hand. Silently praising myself, I gripped it tightly and shifted into a battle stance. "You ready?" I asked Roxas. I felt a grin grow over my face.

"Yeah," We stood back to back, the heartless surrounding us.

"Then let's do this."