TITLE: Broken
AUTHOR: Pilla Jeffrey
CATEGORY: Drama, Angst, Missing Scene/Epilogue, Thoughts
PAIRING: Weir/Sheppard, Teyla/Sheppard
SPOILERS: Episode "The Long Goodbye"
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS: pretty benign…
SUMMARY: Screams. Pure, undiluted screams. And still no one could hear any of their thoughts. "The Long Goodbye." Weir/Sheppard, Teyla/Sheppard
STATUS: Work In Progress
ARCHIVE: anywhere else, ask.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own. Or lease. Or rent.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: There was too much subtext in this episode to let it be. So many shipping possibilities, so much angst. I gave into temptation. The same event, told from three points of view. It's been written quickly, so the flow may be slightly choppy. Please read and review!

Elizabeth

"Kill him."

Screams. Pure, undiluted screams. Her throat felt sore, but she had no throat. Or she did. But she had no control over it. She felt so small, so powerless. However, she was Elizabeth Weir. Elizabeth Weir did not give up. She would not let John die. She would not be responsible for his death. She could not live knowing that her weakness—her stupidity—had killed him. She could not live knowing that it was her voice that had ordered his death.

Phebus laughed at her attempts. Do you not understand how futile your efforts are? I have complete control over you. And—Phebus added, smiling at the emotionally ravaged Teyla on the screen, the P-90 quivering under her normally-dexterous fingers—them.

"Kill him now, or I vent halon fire suppressant into all the living spaces in Atlantis." There was so much hatred in Phebus's voice. Hundreds of years later, both their peoples destroyed, and she still hated Thalen. Despite herself, Elizabeth was in awe of Phebus's conviction, her unwavering loyalty to her people. This awe, however, was crushed by her horror at the ramifications. A war had turned into a battle between two, two who were going to die within hours. And Phebus was going to make sure it was Thalen would die first—with John Sheppard's death serving as simply a lovely bonus.

You can't kill him, Elizabeth pleaded. Please don't kill him.

Oh, Elizabeth, that is why I must kill him. I have not followed Thalen this long to let anything in my way, let something nullify my victory. Afterso many years, I need more collateral for his death. Everyone will forget us, forget my victory if I don't make you remember. And you will remember. If I kill John Sheppard, you, above all others in this city, will remember. It will haunt you every day of your life. I relish in that pain.

Of course I'll remember! Elizabeth screamed again. He's falling causality to an anachronistic war!

Elizabeth, you disappoint me, Phebus chuckled. It's much more than that.

"Why are you doing this?" Teyla's voice broke their mental war.

Please don't do this, Elizabeth begged with Teyla, her mind moving too fast to come up with any argument other than a desperately-felt plea for John's life.

Phebus ignored Elizabeth and responded instead to Teyla aloud. "I have spent my entire life at war with his world. Thousands have died with no hope for victory, both sides reduced to a mere handful of fighters. If he really is the last, then in the end my people will have won." Bitterness replaced by satisfaction. Loss replaced by hatred. Phebus was fighting her own emotional demons at this point.

Thalen glared at the camera. Elizabeth was taken aback by the harsh, glassy nature of John's eyes, eyes that she was so used to gazing into whenever she needed comfort. "Don't believe her," Thalen said. Thalen was not John. John was gone, somewhere unseen, under the surface as she was now. Elizabeth longed to reach for him, tried to reach for him, tell him that she didn't want any of this to happen, asking him to forgive her...

Phebus ignored Thalen and addressed Teyla. "Believe me when I say I have absolutely nothing to lose. In a very short time, I will feel excruciating pain, this body will convulse, and I will cease to exist. That's what is ahead for me. All I can hope for now is to achieve victory for my people." Phebus had one last goal, one last hope, just like Elizabeth.

"Phebus, your people are long dead. Who lost or won a war so many years ago does not matter," Teyla implored desperately. Elizabeth heard her own voice in Teyla's, the same helplessness forced into strength. They both cared so much for him—didn't they all care about him?—and Phebus was trying to ignore her own pain through punishing them.

Phebus's voice sharpened, her mind clenching. "It matters to me."

Stop this, Phebus, Elizabeth pleaded once more.

Phebus remained haughty and distant. I have lost all whom I've loved. You will lose who you love.

This isn't just me! We all care about John! Please spare him. He doesn't deserve this.

A sour taste overcame Phebus. Do you know what it's like to lose the one person you care about most in the universe? Before Elizabeth could respond, Phebus continued. Thalen killed my husband. So I took up my husband's mission to seek Thalen. To kill him. My pursuit of Thalen has become my husband, my lover. It is the only reason I live.

Strange compassion flooded through Elizabeth, mingled with hard logic. Then why cause such pain to others?

You must lose your husband. You must. I did. You must feel my pain. You will remember.

John is not my husband, Elizabeth mentally corrected Phebus.

But you love him as I loved my husband.

Fright, indignation. You're mistaken. Elizabeth ignored the comment. She did not love John Sheppard. She did not. She cared for him as a friend, as a co-worker, certainly. You're mistaken, she repeated.

I am not mistaken, Phebus replied, and I will kill him.

Elizabeth's mind, heart, soul was racing. What was she supposed to do? Regardless of how she felt about John romantically, he could not die. He couldn't.

Elizabeth looked out onto Teyla. Teyla's eyes were caught in horrible thoughts. Elizabeth could feel the pain in those eyes, the anticipated loss, the hated responsibility. It was the same frantic rush of thoughts and emotions that were careening through fear, hope, desperation, love. Iretract my statement, Elizabeth, Phebus said, rising above her own emotions to make one more biting remark. This one too would remember.

Before Elizabeth could process the comment, Thalen spoke again to Teyla. "If you kill me, you're killing him. He cares about you more than you know."

No more processing. Just shock. Elizabeth had always assumed that Teyla and Sheppard were close, fascinated by each other's differences, perhaps the victims of short-lived crushes, but this caught her completely off-guard. John and Teyla…no. It couldn't be.

And suddenly Elizabeth Weir, a self-proclaimed beacon of strength, collapsed. She was no longer screaming. She was silent and frozen, unable to think coherently or fight off Phebus's controls. Was Phebus right? Had she secretly held onto a love for John Sheppard she was even unwilling to admit to herself?

As Phebus, Thalen, and Teyla argued, Elizabeth felt something break inside of her.

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Next chapter: Teyla's hand trembled. She couldn't do it. She couldn't kill John.