His Ninja Way
His Ninja Way
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summary: Iruka after he loses his ninja way. Death
Author's Note: I read chapter 9 of Aidannwn's Iruka's Obsession and then this appeared. I couldn't get it out of my head, so now you get to be subjected to it. Also is probably riddled with mistakes as I am my own editor. Possible out-of-characterness, ANGST, death, angst, swearing, and more angst
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 10 March 2008
Rating: T
When Kakashi said that Iruka was just some low-ranking ninja and implied that he was weak, Iruka was hurt. He tried not to let it show; wouldn't that just cement Kakashi's belief of him? Anyhow, he reasoned, this was the Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi; surely most ninjas had to seem weak to him from his level of skill.
When Kakashi told Iruka that he was a decent enough replacement fuck but that he didn't need the chunin around any more, Iruka was beyond being hurt. He said nothing and left almost immediately afterwards.
Iruka holed himself in his tiny little apartment for two days, an emotional wreck. He cared for Kakashi a lot—he knew he was close to being in love with the jounin—and it had given him more strength to go forwards and defend his ninja way. To be told that he was just a cheap fuck that couldn't even pull his own weight crushed him.
He had felt so good, so special when Kakashi had approached him. He was a no-name chunin with no special moves or flashy skills and when Kakashi had shown that iota of interest in him, he had thought that perhaps he wasn't such an invisible face, after all.
Iruka wouldn't say that he hadn't admired Kakashi from a distance before, but always saw Kakashi something like a beautiful mansion or a tropical island; you see pictures of them and hear stories, and you dream of owning one, but know that the picture and the story is the closest you'll ever get to it.
Now, he had basked in the sun, seen the beauty that could be offered, only to have it ripped from his fingers, never to have again. It was almost worse now because he knew what Kakashi was like and at least before he hadn't known.
Iruka finally left his apartment for work, smiles carefully in place to hide how badly he was hurting. He would not let anyone know how used and how worthless he felt. This was a private pain, one he was going to keep close to the shards of his heart and pride. No-one else would know how deeply Kakashi's careless and callus words had cut.
Still, the difference was there. His students complained that their Iruka-sensei was no fun any more and never reminded them to find their own way of the ninja to live by. They also felt that he was working them harder than ever. The other Mission Room workers wondered why Iruka was suddenly always willing to be in the dim and dusty back room, doing the arduous and unpleasant job of sorting and filing reports, especially since he had been such a people's person before, but since it meant that they didn't have to do it, none of them looked too deeply into it. Teuchi would plop more ramen into Iruka's bowl because he didn't stop in very often any more and he thought that the chunin had picked up a pained look around his eyes. Tsunade denied Iruka the extra missions he kept signing up for because she felt he really gone over the edge with his obsession with work. Kotetsu and Izumo both thought Iruka's new training regime was insane. On top of his increased work schedule, they thought he was suicidal.
Iruka would only smile and assure people he was fine, even though he wasn't. All he could hear in his head was the echoing statements of him being weak and a 'decent' replacement fuck. If he worked himself into enough exhaustion, the words didn't matter as much any more. Exhaustion hid how empty he had become and how little purpose his life had.
Iruka didn't know where he would have ended up if one of his students—angry at being flunked yet again—decided that if he couldn't graduate, no-one would. He riddled the classroom with explosive tags and planned to set them off with a blast of chakra.
Iruka had gotten lucky and managed to get most of the children out of the classroom before the tags went off but two of them were still in the room. In the three seconds Iruka had, he knew he didn't have the chakra to transport them out and he didn't have anything he could substitute them with, so he did the only thing that could possibly let the escape with their lives.
For the second time in his life, Iruka used himself as a human shield.
He didn't know much that happened after the explosion, but he heard the children under him crying, which meant they were alive. It meant that he had saved his entire class.
For the first time in months, Iruka was at peace. He felt no pain and he felt no shame. He had refound his way; he had protected the future generations of Konoha and nobody could tell him that it was a weak or worthless path. He thought he might be smiling, but he didn't know how much of his face was even left for him to smile with.
He had lived by his ninja way.
It was a good way to die by.