As a barrier, one feels nothing, and everything.
Ryoji, his name once was, a name, the only name he's ever felt for, felt anything before, his words are spiraling of control already. He desperately clings to the one time he was free, ignorant, the memories being used to save him, to push him along. He remember watching Them, the Barrier, in one world, where a dear friend of theirs had said...Had said memories are what one lives for. Ryoji only vaguely remembers.
What he remembers most are soft, warm memories, memories of closeness, deep affection, and no matter which world he peers in, it's the same type of feeling, affection so strong he fears he himself will bring the next coming with no prompting, the howling desires in him are nothing compared to the deep, dark muck of emotion he senses when he draws close to the Barrier. To Them.
Still, he always draws close.
He feels...He feels obligation, to name the word properly. Guilt. He's lost himself, he is losing himself, the one personality he had, the blessed, cursed thing. What They gave him. It was a gift he can't bear to let go of, but it's destroying him, traveling up and down his spine, whispering words so cold and so hard that Ryoji thinks it may be a sin to Live, even though a being like himself cannot. Living, in fact, is very far from what he's doing, even as he reaches to touch the Barrier, to try to keep them warm, even as he watches them harden and darken like the words that travel up his spine. He wishes desperately that he could take their place sometimes, when he sees their eyes turn yellow and their teeth grow fanged, when he sees the deterioration of one so once loved, when he sees them switch places, the one he loved and the other he Loved. When he watches them fall apart and can do nothing to pick up their pieces of flesh that turn into hard crystal. When he realizes that one of them did not ever get a long lasting memory, their timeline fell apart, was banished to be a neverending, cascading loop, he cries for ages, or maybe mere seconds, in a place like this, time is irrelevent.
Ryoji feels, even though he cannot. He touches the parts that are still soft, still human, still radiating hope. The softness of their cheek, even when their hair thins and stiffens, the kindness in their eyes, even though they yellow, their smile, as broken as it is, Ryoji takes it in. He begs for Nyx to wait a little longer. At least let those blessed by this one child, still a child, always a child, so kind and clean, at least let those he spent real time with live a little longer. What is a hundred or so years to the neverending Death? What is a few hundred years?
Ryoji wishes he could do something, anything. Anything to ease the pain. He wants to rip them from their crucifix and hold them close, cradle them as they dissolve, watch as Nyx, as his mother, his leader, himself, destroys it all, he wants...As he should not. As he should not be able to. He begs the false gods to save Them, to find a way to free them while still holding back what he knows is a terrible force, even if inevitable.
He can only do one thing though, only one thing for his dearest.
He waits for them to die.
[Koromaru]
The first to die is the dog, the sweet, lively, energetic dog, and Ryoji smiles at him when he comes to meet him. Koromaru growls a little at first, Ryoji doesn't blame him.
Koromaru, as usual of an exceptional dog like him, soon understands. He then walks towards Ryoji with a wag in his tail, but turns his head back, then forth, then whines. Ryoji understands.
"You can't stay any longer. They'll be fine without you though, I'll make sure of it." Koromaru barks. "I promise."
With that, he walks by his side.
[Junpei]
It is in a white hospital room that Ryoji sees Junpei again, aged, withering, but in high spirits despite it all. The first thing Junpei says when he sees him is, "You haven't aged at all, lucky bastard!" and Ryoji, as odd as it is, wants to cry. He smiles instead.
"You've aged quite a bit though. Still having trouble with the ladies?"
Junpei laughs. It's dry, and a bit rattling. A skeletal laugh.
"I've never had trouble with the ladies. You should know that, Ryoji."
There's a silence. Junpei coughs, then says, "I remember seeing you when Koromaru died."
"You did?"
"I thought I did." Junpei laughs again at Ryoji's surprise. "Nobody would believe me though. Yuka-tan got mad."
"Ah, Yukari-san...She won't be happy to see me, will she." Ryoji scratches the back of his head, sheepish, and Junpei grins at him again. But it fades.
"She might not be, yeah."
Ryoji nods.
"So you're here to bring death, aren't you?" Junpei says, and while he seems amiable, Ryoji can see the trembling of his hands, the wires stuck to him useless in the end. "Can I do something first?"
Ryoji nods. "What else could you do though?"
Junpei smiles, then reaches under the bed. A silver gun. Ryoji can't help but jump a little.
Junpei laughs. "Don't worry, it's my old evoker. Mitsuru gave it to me."
Ryoji nods a bit.
"I just...Wanted to say goodbye. I haven't seen Trismegistus since I ended up in here." Junpei laughs again. "It's funny. Even now I wish I was still fighting with...Ya know."
"I'm sorry." Ryoji says.
Junpei doesn't look at him with malice. Instead Junpei looks at his evoker and says, "I want to be mad at you, but he wouldn't want it like that. So I won't. It wasn't really your fault anyways."
There's a shot, a flash of light, and a solitary tear when Junpei touches Trismegistus for the last time.
"Chidori..."
It's as if he's the third person in that room. Ryoji, full of respect, turns away for their last moment.
[Yukari]
Yukari's death is a mess.
She's lying on the street, her car a flaming wreck nearby, and Ryoji rushes to her. She glares at him.
"You!"
"Yukari-san!" Ryoji shouts, distressed, even though he knew somewhere inside that this was how it'd go. He reaches towards her, but her glare pushes him away.
"Don't touch me! I can handle this!"
"Yukari-san..." Ryoji says helplessly. "You must know why I'm here."
She doesn't say anything, just bites her lip.
"...What about Aigis? Will she be okay? Will Mitsuru be okay?"
Ryoji nods. "Aigis will last a long time. Mitsuru-sempai-"
"It's not sempai anymore! Geesh Ryoji, you- you ought to know that at least-" Yukari begins to cry. "Dammit, I said I'd never run away- Looking at you though I- Dammit!"
Ryoji feels as if he's being punished, a heavy pressure against his shoulders as he leans in, trying to see if he really should be here, but he knows, he knows Yukari isn't going to make it.
"I'm sorry, I truly am, I didn't want it to be that way," He says again and again, and Yukari glares up at him.
"I'm not blaming you! I just- I wish I could see him again, I- I never said enough-!"
She sobs. Ryoji can only tell her that Aigis will live a very long time, and Mitsuru also, he tells her anything reassuring. He tells her about Junpei's last meeting, he tells her about Koromaru, he tells her Ken will last a long time too, he tells her whatever he can. She asks him about Them. He can't say anything.
She dies looking straight at him, with the words, "Take care of them."
[Akihiko]
When Ryoji comes, Akihiko seems like always, a radiation of life that Ryoji respects, even though he knows it ends then.
Akihiko glances at him like an old friend come to visit. He doesn't say much, except for, "So now I'll meet Shinji again. He better be prepared."
Ryoji can't help but laugh. Akihiko smiles.
"Mitsuru is going to give you a hell of a hard time, you know."
Ryoji nods. "Yukari-sa- Yukari already did."
Akihiko laughs again. "Figures."
Ryoji finds it odd that he can't sense any sort of fear, not even a trace amount. "Aren't you afraid at all?"
Akihiko gives him a look. "What's there to be scared of?"
He blinks, taken off guard. "I thought...I thought humans feared death? Even all of you..."
"Well, if you put it that way. But I'm thinking about it being just another step." Akihiko says, and Ryoji is, needless to say, baffled.
"Well, uhm, is there anything you'd like to do? Or something?" Ryoji asks, because he feels as if something is wrong. Akihiko doesn't say anything for a moment.
"...Nah. I lived the way he would have wanted."
[Mitsuru]
"...And I will die? No matter what?"
"Uhm, yes."
"...I see." She looks down at her hands, now thin, worn. She looks around her office.
"What will they call it?"
"What?"
"My death." She answers him straightforwardly. He's a little off balance.
"Probably overwork, a heart attack...Possibly even age. Some might call it a shadow. It depends."
"...Did you see Akihiko?"
"Of course."
"Will Ken be all right?"
Ryoji nods. "I made a promise."
"With him?" She says, and her voice wavers slightly, just for a second, and Ryoji silently apologizes again.
"Yes. And with another friend of yours."
"Then, I suppose I'll be going." She rises. "If there's nothing else I can do."
"Yes. If you please?" He holds out his hand. She takes it.
"The power of Kirijo will last a long time, sempai. I promise."
[Ken]
Ryoji dreads this meeting. He worries that Ken, of all of them, will remember Them as Them - not just as him, but as her. A child's heart is much better at recalling than an adult's would ever be.
"...You."
Ken says, from across the desk. Mitsuru's desk, Ryoji recalls, from years before.
"Yes. I'm surprised you remember me." He lies. He's not sure why.
"Did you take Mitsuru too?"
"I did. Though that was truly her time."
"I see."
There's a long, empty pause. Ryoji knows something is boiling underneath that body, hidden under layers of memories. He doesn't know what to expect.
"...How are they?" Ryoji cringes inside and hopes that Ken doesn't remember.
"Who?"
"You know who I'm talking about!" Ken shouts, slams his fist down on the table, and Ryoji can feel the anger, the resentment. "Them! Him! Her!"
Her. The word Ryoji did not want.
"You...Remember?"
"Only a little." Ken says, suddenly tired. "Sometimes I think...I think it was a dream. But I know it couldn't have been."
"They..." Ryoji starts, and then stops, because how can he explain the fading of life, the transformation to stone, to ice, to a cold shadowy shell, how can he explain? How can he tell him in words he'll understand that they are no longer able to be? That their purpose has become them?
"...Nevermind."
"What?"
"Nevermind. They wouldn't have wanted me to be like this..." He says, looking to the floor. "They would've wanted me to be nicer. They liked me because I..."
Tears drop onto the carpet. Ryoji feels that helplessness again.
"...Let's go."
[Aigis]
The flowers are brighter in the morning. Aigis touches them lightly, still amazed by texture; even though she's lived for more than a hundred years, she can't help but be amazed.
She turns when she senses his presence. "Ryoji."
Her voice is hardly metallic, now. Ryogi nods. "Aigis."
"This is...Our final meeting, is it not?" She asks, and he nods again. "This time, I will not fight you."
Ryoji laughs, though he's tired. Very much tired. "I'm glad to hear that."
Aigis pauses, cradling the flowers in hand. "Though I must ask you...Am I the last?"
"Yes, Aigis. The rest are waiting for you."
"Even now, I am not sure I can go to heaven." She says quietly, almost a whisper. "I am...Scared."
Ryoji can't be sure, but he says like he is, "But you're human now, Aigis. I'm sure you'll see them."
"Do you really believe so?"
"I truly do." And Ryoji finds that, he does. He trusts the false gods to give them this one solace.
"Then..." Aigis looks out the window. "I wish to meet them too. And him, again."
Ryoji wishes he could say she'll see them all. But he knows that at the very least, one will not be there.
"Then let's go, Aigis."
"Agreed."
Her circuits finally wear out, and she says softly, "I am...Shutting down. But this time, I will not be fixed."
"This time it's unfixable." Ryoji says. Aigis, with the last of her power, nods. "That is...How it should be."
[Ryoji]
With that, Ryoji begins his role, and brings upon The Fall. In his last moments before rebirth, he looks towards a broken crucifix and says, "We will meet again."
I finished P3P for the first time a couple of days ago, and now I'm close to finishing femtag...I had to write out some feels. Too many feels.
This one is pretty messy actually, it was more of just emotion extraction really UoU