The Price
Every decision has a price.
Cook
She kisses him again at 3:21AM on a Sunday morning.
They've left Freddie passed out on the couch in his shed and Cook, feeling ever the gallant gentleman, offers to walk her home.
'Ain't safe alone' he tells himself and if she's walks a little to close or he moves to wrap a casual arm around her shoulder neither of them worry about it too much.
'It's nothing we haven't done before princess' he would say if she asked but she doesn't, just leans against him slightly and keeps walking.
His heart beats unusually fast.
---
They're half way to her house when it starts raining hard enough for even them to care and they take shelter in a shop doorway. Laughing she sneaks her hands under his shirt for warmth.
Her fingers tickle.
The rain falls heavy, like a curtain and suddenly it's just the two of them, soggy and shivering in the small space of the doorway and he can't quite remember where they were supposed to be 's holding his breath.
'It's you and me babe' he says with a grin, as soon as he can speak.
She looks at him for a long time.
When she responds it's with one of those trademark Effy smiles that make his chest tighten, all mischief and dark promise and he can't stop himself from thinking 'God I missed this'.
Her fingers are cold against his stomach and he's clutching at her hips, damp cloth of her dress tight in his hands.
Someone's started a fight on the other side of the road; they can hear the shouting and sounds of fist's meeting their mark.
He doesn't turn around.
---
Effy
She watches their breath mingle in the winter air and thinks if she knew how to tell him she loved him it would be now, pressed up against him in some ragged doorway. Two drowned rats sheltering from a storm.
But she was never good with words. Could never be like him, always so mercilessly unapologetically honest, despite everything.
So instead she closes the gap between them and kisses him. Again and again until he's kissing back eagerly and pushing her up against the wall behind her and he can't seem to stop touching her.
He laughs, his cocky manic laugh, when she can't seem to help one small desperate sound escaping her throat and she feels the sound of it low in her gut. She's leaning in to kiss him again and doesn't know if she'll ever be able to stop.
'I'm sorry' she says when they finally break apart and if they both know she's not talking about the kiss neither of them acknowledges it.
They don't say anything else, just lean into each other and kiss lazily, as if they have all the time in the world. As if stepping out of their doorway doesn't mean walking back into real life, where someone they both love lies unaware, sleeping soundly in his shed.
Where words like friendship and loyalty and girlfriend have meaning again.
---
They stay there until the rain stops, huddled as close together as they can get and then he takes her home.
Nothing has changed. They both understand that. Because she made her bed in a storage room in that shitty seaside town and now it's time for her to lie in it.
Tomorrow Freddie will call, hungover and grumpy in that way that always makes her smile. They will make plans (drinks, spliff, Keith's pub quiz) and it will be her and the three musketeers, fitting so well there's no space for anything else.
Kisses in the rain can't come before lifelong friendships; they've learnt that lesson well.
So when he turns up at the pub, with JJ in toe, she'll smile and nod and they'll be very careful not sit too close or look too long.
---
There's always a price. Effy knows they are paying it now.