"I didn't want this." you mumble, tears rolling down your cheeks. You swipe at them roughly, frustrated at your weakness.
"I didn't want this. How could she… how could she do this to me?"
They're looking at you like you've gone mad. You feel raw power coiling in your gut, the sun's burning rays buzzing in every one of your cells, held in check by the cold metal around your wrist. You feel heavy, slow, useless, the bracelet weighing you down, keeping your feet on the pier and away from your fiancée, already miles away by now.
"Fuck!"
You've never been one for cursing, but you need that release, you need to expel that raw frustration and sorrow and anger because you're choking on it, it's so thick in your lungs, so heavy on your chest, on your wrist, on your wrist.
You rip the band off and fling it somewhere, anywhere, so long as it's away. Power bursts through you like a song, but it brings no peace to you, no joy. All you can feel is bitter sorrowangerbetrayalpityfearfearfear pounding through your veins, strong as the tide, strong as the sun itself.
Your feet refuse to leave the ground.
You lash out with a yell, a burst of stardust shattering a post thicker 'round than your waist. Someone yelps. You flinch, ashamed.
Niko grabs your wrist, gently, cautiously, making soothing noises all the while. You shrug her off, but gently, careful not to hurt her. You've never been able to stay angry for long, and certainly never one to hurt those who do not deserve it.
You refuse to meet their eyes, fixing your own firmly on the sky.
"'Lina?"
"… yeah."
"Xavin… she's tough, you know? She can handle it."
Your breath hitches. This is the girl you love, your brilliant, cocky, selfless soldier. Of course she can handle it. But…
She shouldn't have to.
But she's also the girl with vicious nightmares that leave her breathless nearly every night; the girl who opens her heart to you, who shows you all the fear and insecurity and weakness she hides; the girl who believes in you more than you do yourself. She's the girl who hides little gifts around the Hostel for you to find, the girl who you can spend hours talking to about nothing in particular with, the girl who holds your heart in hand.
She doesn't deserve this.
She deserves so much. She deserves to wake up every day to I love you I love you too, to a big house in the hills with room to fly, to a gaggle of kids who'll kiss her cheek and call her Mama. She deserves a long, boring life of work and taxes and family and friends who love her as much as you do. She deserves to get old and grey and die peacefully surrounded by the life you've made together. She deserves so much, and you ache to give it to her.
You don't want her to be your hero, you just want her to be safe and warm and happy and yours.
"Karolina?"
"I know. I know. I just… please. I just need to be alone, okay?"
Hesitant silence. An exchange of wary glances.
"Please."
Chase is the first to go. He rests his hand heavily on your shoulder for a few seconds and does not say a thing.
He knows how empty words feel, after…
The others follow, slowly. Niko hesitates.
"We're here for you, you know. If you want to talk."
You nod, eyes still fixed on the darkening sky, and then you are alone.