AN: Lets all face it, one of the worst things in this community is finding stories with at least somewhat good ideas, that we only read because of that, and not because it's actually a decent story. That is what this fic is about. Finding terrible stories that have some potential and fixing them. I aim to include as much of the source material in terms of plot points and character traits, but improve upon them in a way that makes you want to read the story. All credit of the original ideas will be given in each chapter.

This first story is a Harry Potter one. It is based off of a fic called "Harry Potter: King of the Amazons" by TheSilverboar. It is pretty bad, owed to the fact that it was written as an experiment by its author to try and find a style of writing that fit him best, though it's major flaws really shine later on. The whole thing comes across as author wish fulfilment, though I have been informed this was not intentional, where Harry has off screen sex with lots of Bikini clad women and generally acts like an asshole to everyone. This is my attempt at a first chapter. I have messaged the original author and he has given his consent.

Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling

HP: King of the Amazons

Parseltongue

Chapter 1: Arrival

Vernon Dursley was not a happy customer. In fact he was quite livid. He and his family had been invited on a sea cruise in the Mediterranean on his boss's private mini cruise ship, along with a number of other high ranking employees, as a result of achieving an increadbly large contract in America, which would bring in record profits for that year. The owner of Grunnings had been so ecstatic, that he had offered everyone involved on a 2 week cruise in celebration.

Now normally this would do wonders for Vernon, but there was a rather large, in his mind, problem. The boy had to come too. All his usual minders were sick or away, and the image he and his family had built about the boy meant no one wanted to look after him for the fortnight they would be away. Therefore, they had been forced to drag the boy along with them. His mere presence always managed to make Vernon mad, knowing he was always so close to his freakishness and forced to play the part of a loving uncle to his coworkers. It was enough to drive a man to drink.

So that's what Vernon did. Drink. A lot. Though never while in the presence of others. That would ruin all the hard work he had put into preserving his facade. So for each of the 5 nights they had been sailing, he had snuck out of bed (which due to his weight and girth was no easy feat), and raided the mini bar for all he could. This is where we find him, face flushed red, his movements sluggish and his drunken ramblings slurred. Most of what he said was unintelligible, but in Vernon knew just what he was mumbling about.

The boy. It was his fault he couldn't enjoy this holiday. He had worked hard to earn it, and he couldn't have any fun, because the boy was always there. He'd tried to fix the boy, by God he had tried. The chore's didn't help, though it never stopped him piling on more. Holding back food didn't either, though he always thought it better to eat as much as possible rather than let the boy have it. He'd even tried smacking the boy a little when Petunia wasn't watching. A smack here, or a light punch there would do the boy some good. At least he had thought. It hadn't. Nothing he did would ever fix that boy and get rid of his freakishness.

It was this last thought that stayed in Vernon's head. Get rid of the freakishness. That was what he wanted. For it, and the boy, to be gone. In a drunken daze, he stumbled towards where the boy was laid, fast asleep on the couch. He hadn't been given a bed, there were only 2 and Vernon certainly wasn't going to force Dudley to sleep on the sofa or with the freak. Sliding his hands under the boy, he lifted him up, and left the room.

Making his way through the largely deserted ship, he eventually reached the cargo bay. There were a number of steel boxes filled with what Vernon assumed were foods, drinks, and other things, along with a few wooden crates. Being mindful of the child in his grip, and the consequences of him waking up, Vernon searched around for an empty crate. Finding one that was thankfully close to an exiting stairwell, and small enough to fit through it, he wobbled over as fast as he could, and laid the slumbering child inside. Fastening the wooden lid on, he used all his limited might to pick the crate up, and toss it overboard. With a whispered "Good riddance." Vernon wiped his hands clean of the boy for good, before staggering back to his room.

The impact of hitting the water would jar the boy from his sleep. For an hour he screamed and yelled and begged, but no one came to save him. Giving in to hopelessness, he went limp, and allowed the ocean waves to lull him into a restless sleep. For 2 days he drifted, until eventually the boy felt the crate he was in settle on solid ground. For the first time since he woke up in his wooden prison, the boy felt hopefull. Beginning his banging and screaming anew, he silently prayed that he would be saved.

A few hundred meteres away, a young women was standing with 2 others, her hand wrapped around a spear she had planted in the ground to steady herself as she caught her breath. She and the others were patrolling the beaches, in search of any useful items that may have washed up over the past few days. It was a duty all Amazons had to perform, though it was often designated to trainees or those who had recently completed their training. Hylla, a lithe blonde 16 year old, was the designated leader for this patrol. She was not overly muscled, but her arms and legs were firm and strong, and her stomach was toned. Her friends and fellow Amazons had similar bodies, having gone through the same training as she had. Her hair was currently tied into a ponytail that reached her mid back, and her eyes shone a forest green. She was wearing rather sparse clothing, the day's heat to high to wear much other than fur bikini's that their people often wore. Civilian Amazons typically wore clothes that had been washed ashore rather than the fur and hide clothing that the warriors did, though almost everyone had a set of fur clothes.

Stretching out a few kinks a couple of meters away was another young women named Reyna. Hylla had always considered her to be her polar opposite. Her hair was short black and wild, compared to Hylla's carefully cared for blond. Her eyes were and icy blue, sharp and filled with suspicion, whereas Hylla's were mischievous and welcoming. The only common ground between them were their bodies which shared the muscles of young Amazons, as well as similar busts. Despite this though, Hylla and Reyna did get along, even though they had a lot of petty arguments.

Turning around, Hylla faced the last member of their group, a women several years their senior, and a fully trained Amazon, Otrera. The differences between them and her were easily apparent. Her chocolate brown hair reached her lower back, and had no distinction styling, save for a number of golden beads that held some strands together. Her body was much more weathered compared to the teenager's as well, a six pack clearly visible. Her hips flared outwards, giving her a shapely appearance, and her bust and rear were significantly larger than the two girls. She was a perfect Amazonian specimen. The kind of women they all looked to become. Though they knew it would not come easy. For Otrera to achieve her own physical state, it had taken 15 years of her life, from training to that day.

The group had stopped for a quick rest, having spent a number of hours in search. The two trainees were feeling the strain, though Otrera looked barely winded. She stood stock still, her eyes focused as she gazed over the horizon. Her eyes settled on what looked to be a wooden box, half buried in the sand a few hundred meters away. "Girls!" She called, getting their attention "I think I see something, a few hundred meters down the beach, let's check it out."

Grumbling over their break being shattered, the group picked themselves up and began striding towards where Otrera had claimed she saw something. As they got closer, their ears began to pick up the sounds of banging, and the occasional cry. Rushing forwards the group soon arrived at the crate that Otrera had spotted. Exchanging a look with her fellow Amazons, Hylla stepped forwards and slid the tip of her spear into a gap between the lid and the crate, and began forcing it off. After a bit of struggling and help from Reyna, the kid popped off, revealing the box's contents to the group.

It was a boy, shaking like a leaf as he stared up at them through squinted eyes. His hair was similar to Reyna's, a wild mop of jet black, while his body was tiny and frail. He was wearing a faded grey t-shirt that hung of his small frame, along with some trousers that was only held up by a bartered belt. Gasping at the child's condition, Othrera leaned in and gently pulled the child out, holding him close to her as she rocked him gently in an attempt to clam him down.

"Otrera, what, um, what do we do?" Hylla asked unsure, Reyna silently wondering the same as she shuffled in silence. The pair had never expected to find a boy in their search, and they were completely ill-equipped to deal with it. Otrera gave a cursory look over the child, noting the paleness of his skin and his astonishing lightness. Who knows how long he had been in that crate, it was a mirical he was even alive.

Settling on a course of action, the elder Amazon turned to the pair and said "We're taking him back, he'a in poor health and he needs help. We will probably send him back on the next passing ship." Hylla looked satisfied with the answer, though Reyna seemed rather unhappy. Their first patrol stopped before they could find anything inportant because of a little kid. It was enough to plant a seed of dislike towards the boy in her mind.

After quickly introducing themselves to the boy, who said his name was Harry, the patrol group and their newest charge set off. Due to his weakness and shorter legs, Harry could not hope to keep up, so Otrera elected to carry him, as he would slow her down the least. Almost an hour into their journey, the hairs on the back of Otrera's neck stood up, and she began to get the feeling she was being watched. Holding the child closer to her, she signaled the others to be on their guard. Reaching a clearing, the group abruptly stopped as the sound of rustling leaves and breaking foliage drew their attention. Then the hissing started. It was loud and seemed to echo in the Amazons' ears as they stood back to back, trying to find it's source.

"Python..." Otrera whispered in fear, as her fellow women gaped in shock. The great snake of the island was a legend amongst the Amazonians. It was said to be as long as a tree is tall, its venom could kill in a matter of minutes, and its hide was strong enough that any weapon they used did little to damage the serpent. Even the handful of firearms they had collected over the years were ineffective, only scratching the beasts scales. There was a popular myth that claimed that it was the descendant of a dragon, and was unkillable by any Amazon. One of the first rules any Amazon was taught was that if you came across the Python: run. Never engage. Any who did often ended up dead.

Knowing that the snake had found them, Otrera desperately thought up a plan. Turning to face her fellow warriors, she had barely managed out a single word before the beast struck, shooting out of the bush Otrera had been facing, fangs bared and dripping with caustic venom. Quickly pushing Harry out of her arms and yelling at him to run, Otrera was defenceless as the snake wrapped its body around the 3. Agonisingly, it began to tighten and constrict around them. As much as they tried to escape the snake would not budge, and they could feel themselves begin to choke, and their ribs begin to crack.

Harry had not moved from were he was, too shocked to move a muscle, as he watched in silence as the group who had rescued them were crushed by the mighty serpent. It was a shout of pain from Reyna that shocked him into action. "Leave them alone!", so desperate, angry and scared he was, that he didn't realise that his words came out, not in English, but as a series of hisses and spits.

The Python's head shot round to face him, teeth no longer barred as they had been before, and his grip on the group slackened. "You speak?" It replied, disbelief heavy in its voice. Harry was in a similar state of shock. He didn't think the snake would actually speak back. Come to think of it, he hadn't really known what he had expected the snake to do. He'd just panicked and his mouth started moving on it's own.

Registering what the snake had asked, Harry stuttered out "Y-y-yes?". The snake's grip loosened even further as it moved its face closer to the child. His body shaking once more in fear, Harry was paralysed as the serpent's eyes bored into his skull, its tongue poking out to taste the air.

For a whole minute the snake simply looked at him, never blinking and never mooving. The 3 women had managed to wiggle some of their upper bodies free, as they tried desperately to save both themselves and the child. "Amazing," the snake seemed to gasp "Never before have I met a human who could speak the language of the serpents." Pausing for a moment as if considering something, the snake continued "I am Pythos, how may I aid you, speaker?"

"Wh-what do you mean? What are talking about?"

"Ah, you do not know? All serpents are bound to follow those who speak our language. This linguistic gift is only given to those who the gods seem worthy."

Harry didn't quite believe it. A giant snake wanted to serve him purely because he spoke to it. It was just a little bonkers if you asked him, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. At least not yet, there would be time for questioning Pythos later. "Could you, let those 3 go please, they saved me and you're kind of crushing them." Harry asked, remaining respectfull as he still didn't quite believe the snake's promise of obedience.

When the Amazons were released they rushed to Harry's side, checking him over for any injuries. After assuring them that he was just a little shaken up, Otrera and Hylla questioned the boy, while Reyna collected their dropped weapons and aimed them at the snake, that was now curled up and watching them. One explanation about Pythos' absurd reasoning for letting them go, and said snake chiming in to tell them he was coming so he could stay with "the speaker", the nervous group set off to the Amazon village, once more with an extra member.

Another hour of walking, or in Pythos' case slithering, the unusual group passed through the gateway to the Amazon main village. The houses were basic wooden cabins, built with function over style, though each seemed to have had additions made to it. A painted picture here, and an animal horn or bone there. Each was just a little different from the last. The pathway was hardened mud, heavily compacted, but still soft enough for Harry's shoes to sink in a tiny fraction. As the group continued their way through the village, led by Otrera, they garnered a lot of attention. They, being Harry and Pythos, who had allowed Harry to ride on him, allowing them to keep pace with the women. Anyone who saw them gaped, stared, pointed, or screamed as the legendary Pythos slithered past, a small boy on his back.

Otrera lead her party up to the top of a hill that overlooked the entire village. On top of said hill was a house that was far larger and more decedent than the others. The wood was smooth, and painted a rich dark red, and intricate drawings and symbols were artistically placed across the walls. Two women clad in armour made of leather and animal hide guarded the entrance. When they had seen the group approached they had each drawn a machete that had been hanging by their sides. One more hurried explanation and the group was given an audience with the queen of the Amazons.

To say Harry was nervous would be an understatement. He was quite frankly terrified. Not as scared as he had been when Pythos first arrived, but scared nonetheless. The room they was lead to was a spacious dining hall, at the back of which stood a throne like chair. Five minutes after they was brought inside, one of the most beautiful women Harry had ever seen entered from a door to the side. Her skin was a tanned brown, and her powerful visage was framed by long golden hair. Mint green eyes gazed upon them, flickering from one member of the party to another, taking in even the minutest of details. Unlike the warriors that stood before her, she wore a simple white dress with no visible patterns, along with a few golden bracelets and anklets. As she walked they clittered and tingled against each other. She did not stop infront of the group, instead she turned and walked towards the throne. Sitting herself down, her voice carried through the room as she asked "Otrera, who have you brought before me, and why are they in the company of the great serpent?" Her voice held an icy coldness, as she sought to contain the rage and fear that came with being so close to the creature that had killed so many of her people.

Kneeling before the women Otrera explained. "Queen Bellona, I was overseeing a routine patrol being conducted by these 2, Hylla and Reyna, when we came across a crate that had washed up on the beach. When we opened it we found the boy inside. We were on our way back when we were attacked. I was so sure were were going to die, but then the boy started to, talk to it." More than a few eyebrows were raised at her decleration. "It claims to be called Pythos, and seems to obey the boys orders. Though it's reasons are suspicious to say the least."

The hall remained silent for a few minutes, while Queen Bellona rested her head on her hand, her brow creased in thought. "What is your name, child?" Her sudden question brought everyone out of their distracted states.

Stepping off of Pythos' back, Harry copied Otrera's kneeling position, thinking it was the right way to greet royalty. "Harry Potter, m'am."

Standing abruptly, Bellona strode up to him, and tilted his head up to face her. Her free hand traced the side of his face, the gentle touch raising goosebumps on his skin. The hand trailed past his face and lightly ran over the rest of his frame, almost as if she was searching for something. Confusion was written across his face, but Harry did little to stop her, secretly enjoying the woman's soft caress. Pulling away, the Queen gestured a guard over. "Take the boy to the healer, check for any serious injuries, and make sure he eats plenty. I could count his ribs for God's sake."

As the group was carted off to the healers, Pythos picking Harry up and plopping him upon his back once more, the Queen sent another guard to retrieve the Oracle. 2 minutes later, a hidden panel next to the throne popped forwards, and a through the hole left in the wall, a women popped out. Amongst her people, she was a visual anomaly. Her hair was a pure white, bedraggled mess, while her eyes were a mesmerising pink, framed by a pair of wire glasses. Instead of the tanned, muscular body that the typical Amazon had, the newcomer's was incredibly pale much like her hair, and seemed to have a tad more pudge to it than others. She was clad in civilian clothing, form hugging jeans and a tank top just a size too small. All in all, she had the appearance of one that did not get outside a great deal.

"Ah, Propheta, glad you came so quickly." Bellona said as she embraces her friend and trusted advisor.

"Well your guard seemed like she was in a hurry so I took the back door so to speak." Propheta replied, jerking a thumb in the direction of the hole she had entered in, which appeared to have a tunnel of some sorts connecting to it.

"Yes well, I need your help. Let's discuss this somewhere a bit more private." After placing the panel back onto the wall, the pair departed to the queens bedchambers. Giving the village oracle a run down on what she knew, Bellona asked for any advice she could give her.

"Well, if, Pythos you said his name was, does indeed follow the boys commands, having that boy on 'our side' would be our top priority. But the question is how does he do it?" Propheta began mumbling to herself as idea after idea ran through her head.

"I doubt it's something that can be taught easily, the snake seemed to make such a big deal about it, so having him teach us is out of the question. Aside from that, I have no clue, unless he was just born capable of speaking to snakes..." Bellona drifted off. There wasn't many reasonable explanations, so for all they knew it was a genetic trait. It didn't sound possible, language being passed down through DNA, but then again, speaking to snakes shouldn't have been posssible either. A ridiculous skill may just have a ridiculous origin. Shaking her head clear of those thoughts, Bellona continued "Finding out how he can command it can come later, right now we need to figure out how to make him stay here willingly."

"Your right, if we try to keep him a prisoner he might just sick Pythos on us. No way we'd win. So the trick is having him want to be here." Here, Prohpeta took on a teasing smirk "Ya know he is a male, you could probably just seduce him into staying." Her snickers made it clear she was joking, but Bellona turned the idea over in her mind. Turning to face her mirror, she ran her hands over her body, admiring the curves her dress hung to. Her hips were wide and her rear was firm, while her breasts were magnificently large and maintained a good deal of bounce. With a body like hers, she could string any straight man along the path she wanted. The only problem with the plan, and it was a big problem, was that her target was a child. Who from the looks of it hadn't even started puberty.

After a few moments of consideration, Bellona asked "Propheta, you wouldn't happen to have any herbs or plants in your stores that act as aphrodisiacs do you?"

"I think I do, why? Wait! You aren't actually going to have sex with him are you? He's just a kid!"

"Exactly why I need those herbs. Hear me out. If we spike his food and get him used to being, physically intimate, so to speak, when he is old enough we can really, persuade him to stay. Until then we treat the kid like family, with no sex, I promise." She hurriedly added at the end in response to Prohpeta's slightly disgusted glare. "Look, I'm only doing this to get Pythos. I could barely care less about the kid. And if making him stay means drugging and having sex with him, I'll do it. Plus when he does grow up I'll have a willing little sex slave."

For a few moments there was utter silence as Propheta tried to comprehend her queen's plan. She planned to drug him with aphrodisiacs, have him as physically close to her as much as possible, and treat him like an Amazon, all in the hope that the boy would make Pythos act in the favour of their people, and act like a sex slave. Prophets was beginning to wonder if her friend had some mental issues. She was going to attempt to convince her that it was a terrible plan, but one glance at the steely, determined look in Bellona's eyes told her it was pointless. The Queen got like this sometimes, made a rash descision and would follow it regardless of any advice telling her to stop. The results were mixed. Propheta could only hope this whole thing didn't blow up in their faces. "I'm just gonna go down on record as saying I think this plan is stupid."

"Great!" Bellona cheerfully replied, completely ignoring her friends defeated tone "You go get the herbs ready, I'm gonna make sure this place is ready for my guest tonight."

Propheta's face went red with rage as she yelled "You said you wasn't gonna sleep with him!"

A sultry smirk plastered across her face, Bellona replied "I said I wasn't gonna have sex with him. I never said anything sleeping with him."

Propheta's cry of indignation was heard through most of the village.

AN: So there we have it, the first chapter of Harry Potter King of the Amazons, redone. Those of you who have read the original can probably tell the differences already but for those who can't here is a quick rundown:

1. Vernon didn't simply go on a cruise to get rid of Harry, here he has actually motivation. I also toned down the abuse talked about in the original fic to something closer to canon, rather than Vernon viciously assaulting him anytime he felt like it.

2. The Amazons actually have descriptions that aren't just hair and eye colours. I don't feel great about the descriptions I did but the characters do seem a lot more detailed than before. Propheta has been changed to a full on albino, rather than simply having white hair.

3. There is now a legit reason why the Amazons were defeated by Pythos, and haven't been able to kill him before now.

4. People are doubting Pythos' allegiance to Harry instead of immediately accepting it.

5. The village actually has things in it beyond simply being there. The 'palace' is more than a big hut like in the original.

6. Harry is not crowned King as a result of 'taming the great serpent', instead the Queen decides to seduce him in order to control Pythos with him as a proxy. There will be no underage sex nor a magic ritual that makes him able to reproduce, just herbal remedies that make him horny so the Queen's job is easier.

And those are the major ones. Leave a review telling me how it compared to the original, and how it did as an independent story.