"I don't have any intentions of being friends with you. Sorry."
Mizutani Shizuku sighed. That was the third time in a single hour that she thought of that particular phrase. At the moment it was uttered, Mizutani had not completely registered the finality of it. Yamaken-kun was out of her life for what seemed for good.
Shizuku placed her mechanical pencil on her open notebook and rubbed her eyes. Studying was not coming easily this time around and she couldn't put her finger on it.
'It's because of what he said,'her inner thoughts pointed out obviously. Shizuku didn't want to admit that that was the cause of her distraction. She reasoned pointedly with herself that if he didn't want to be friends with her, then she had to understand.
'But just because I understand doesn't mean...' she paused her own thoughts, not liking the territory in which she was headed. The rubbing of her eyes became a pinching of the bridge of her nose. Her forehead scrunched up and she sighed once more, relaxing her features.
Deciding that she was getting nowhere studying in the library, Mizutani quietly shut her notebook. She laid her head upon folded arms and stared into the shelves of books across from her.
The din of the library was soft and soothing and Mizutani soon felt her eyes growing heavy. The temperature of the room was cool and comfortable and Shizuku shivered delightedly in her seat.
Not exerting any effort to fight off sleep, the pig-tailed girl decided to give into her body's demands for a time. Her thoughts drifted lazily for a moment, however, and she thought once more of the yellow-headed boy.
'Doesn't mean... that I don't miss his company...'
'Please don't tell me...'
A boy wearing a blue Kaimei academy uniform paused hesitantly while walking down a library aisle. A little ways off, he spotted what seemed to be a highly familiar hairstyle strewn across a table.
He debated with himself for a moment on whether he should go up to her or not. Yamaguchi Kenji, or more commonly known, Yamaken, sighed heavily and ran an irritated hand through his yellow hair. He continued to stand in one place, watching her sleep peacefully among her study books.
Yamaken knew that with his last words said to her, that he had meant them. He told himself constantly that this was the only path left for him in regards to... Haru's girl. She didn't like him... and no matter what his confidence tried to exhibit, perhaps she never would. He figured it was the right thing to sever ties; seeing as though the very sight of her set him on edge. Yamaken was calm around her after the confession and they exchanged just as few words as previously. It was almost as if he had never confessed at all. But it hanged in the air regardless and the Kaimei student knew he had to let her go for good.
Yamaken stood deathly still.
The prospect of not talking to Mizutani ever again churned uncomfortably in his stomach.
Yamaken gripped the book in his hand tightly and fought the urge to sit across from the sleeping girl. His foot betrayed him as it took a tentative step towards her, followed by another and another until he was silently pulling out a chair to sit down.
Mizutani was still dozing away; the tips of her eyelashes grazing gently against her pale skin. Yamaken watched her for a moment before yanking his gaze to the window instead.
'What the heck am I doing...' Yamaken felt suddenly foolish, running his fingers once more through his now unruly hair. Sneaking a glance once more, he decided he had enough with torturing himself and got up to leave.
As he was turning to step away and forget the sleeping girl behind him, he heard a groggy whisper.
"Yamaken-kun..."
The boy in question stiffened for a moment at being caught. He had to play it cool, however, so he turned around and with a blank expression spoke only her name, "Mizutani-san."
Expecting to leave it at that, Yamaken made to turn around once more but the girl rose from her sleeping position to speak again.
Rubbing her eyelids, Mizutani whispered in a tired voice, "I thought you were never going to speak to me again." Whether it was from the daze of newly released sleep or not, Shizuku started at the bluntness of her own words. And how hopeful they came out sounding.
Yamaken also held a bewildered expression for a moment before finally composing himself.
"I... I said I didn't wish to be friends," Yamaken wracked his brain for a suitable answer to the surprisingly inquiry. For a second he thought she sounded genuinely concerned. He shook the ridiculous notion off and continued calmly, "not..." Yamaken paused. He himself was not sure what he wanted to say at this point.
Mizutani remained stoic as ever, "not...?" she urged him to continue. Her eyes became imploring and Yamaken was having trouble looking at her. This was not as easy as it was before. He thought he was better than this. But it seems as the days had flown by and he had fought to avoid her company, talking no longer came easily.
"I don't know what to say," Yamaken finished lamely, hanging his head to the side in embarrassment. Mizutani's inquiring look was beginning to bore into him and he could no longer handle it.
They sat in a weary silence for a minute or two, before Mizutani, now fully awake, spoke plainly as she always does.
"After..." she hesitated, settling her eyes to the books before her instead of looking up, "you told me you didn't want to be friends, I understood."
Yamaken looked at her with the side of his eye, listening intently.
"And I have dealt with not having friends before so I figured the idea would not bother me as greatly as it did."
At this, Yamaken fully turned to look at her, mouth slightly parted. She raised her gaze to meet his.
"I remember something you once said to me about how people who are alone cannot feel lonely. At the time, it really struck a chord. I had always been alone and so I didn't feel badly."
A crimson blush rose steadily upon Mizutani's face and she rubbed as if to wipe her heated cheeks away. Her eyes shifted to the side once more and she continued.
"When I got Haru and Natsume and Sasayan as friends, I realized I didn't feel different because previously I never felt lonely at my lack of company."
The boy opposite her was leaning forward now, waiting for her to finish. All notions of leaving were lost on him for the time being. The sun set hazily in the window behind the two conversing teens but neither took notice of it.
"Becoming... friends... with you, I took no notice of it either. When we would speak of studying and books, it felt... natural. It was different from the conversations I would have with the others..."
The red on Shizuku's face was blooming in full force now. The embarrassment of her admittance was clearly advertised to any and all who might have seen her.
"When you told me you didn't want to be friends with me anymore, I felt something I was unsure of. I..."
"Stop, Mizutani-san, please."
The Yamaguchis' son held up a hand in a pleading gesture, his other hand splayed across his face in apparent pain. Hearing her speak like this was making him upset and it was obvious that she was struggling and that pained him more.
"You do not have to explain this to me. There would be no point." Yamaken's expression was hardened and he could not bring himself to look at the blushing girl across from him. He didn't want nor need an explanation as to why she couldn't be with him. Or why she feels the way she does. Or why she...
Yamaken paused in his own thoughts, staring almost angrily ahead. No matter what she said now, would make no difference other than to hurt him further. Yamaken pushed himself back in his chair.
"Wait, please, Yamaken-kun." Shizuku had a palm in the air, urging the boy to stay.
At the pleading in her voice, Yamaken paused but slowly continued to prepare his departure.
Mizutani spoke quickly now, "I'd like to explain please, if you'll listen." Yamaken looked at her now with a stony expression. She was not deterred, "When you told me you didn't want to be friends anymore, I felt..." Mizutani sighed for the fifth time that day.
"I felt lonely."
Her words were nothing but a whisper but the blonde boy heard them all the same in the quiet of the library. He was staring straight at her now.
"You're the only friend I've made that I can talk to completely and honestly. About the things that matter to me and about different studying techniques..." Shizuku's eyes turned up slowly to peer at Yamaken's expression. It was unreadable.
"I've never lost a friend before... I didn't want to lose you as a friend. I don't think, even now, no matter how I reason with it, that I want to never not see you again."
That last few sentences of her explanation came out in a rushed jumble. Mizutani's cheeks were still fully alight, and she crossed her arms as a barrier from Yamaken's piercing gaze. He was looking at her dumbfounded as she spoke. Apparently shocked at the feelings she was confessing to him. It felt impossible to him that she might've felt this way; that she honored their exchanges as more than a simple acquaintanceship.
Another fit of silence passed before it was broken by the overhead loud speaker, "The library will be closing in five minutes! Please make your way to the check-out stand."
In those brief seconds,Yamaken moved towards the girl, gripped the sleeve of her arm tightly and said, "come."