Story #1: Letting Go

Carly walked in and the past slammed into her like a slug to the chest. She took a moment to steady herself against the pain before continuing her forward motion. She gave the bar a slow once-over taking in each of the features that had meant so much. Their table, the pool table, the jukebox, the dance floor and the stairs—the stairway to Heaven. She began to chuckle, slightly hysterically.

I know it's past tense
It's been a minute since
We were a couple
And, walking and holding hands
Kisses and 'I love you'
Doing what lovers do
Baby
But baby that was then

She stumbled toward the bar. Jake's was so empty even the bartender was missing. She considered calling out to Coleman, but figured he'd be around soon enough. Removing her coat and setting her purse on the bar, she climbed on the bar and reached down to find the bottle of tequila and a glass, then sat to fill the glass. Whoever said the first cut is the deepest has felt the extended torture of a slow, painful death. That's what being with Jason had become.

They had started out so instantaneously connected. It was just sex, but the connection was indescribable. But as time went on things went wrong and people couldn't wait to ruin what should have been the beginning of a truly unique, beautiful, and special bond. Robin, Tony, AJ, Sonny, Liz, Courtney, Lorenzo, Sam, and Jax. For a long time, she pondered how each person had worked to pervert what made them so beautiful until she realized the truth. No one could ruin their relationship without their permission. And Carly and Jason had obviously given it somewhere along the way. That's why they stood where they did now. On opposite sides of boundaries.

'Cause now we don't
Talk no more
You gotta a new girl
And, it shouldn't bother me
But boy, it's driving me, crazy
And everybody says
Girl, why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can

Boundaries.

It was what she had been waiting for the death knell for their incredible life together. Carly had known since the day she set eyes on the little lying tramp that she would be the one to ruin her life and break her heart. Sam. At the time, she could blame it on her being a home wrecker who was out to take her husband, but she could have cared less about that. Otherwise, she would have just fought harder for him instead of running to find comfort in Lorenzo's waiting arms—although the arms she longed for were really Jason's, but that was not an option then.

I sit up all night
Thinkin' about you
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know) (x2)

No, she had taken one look at that tiny brunette's face and known she could take her Jason away. Robin and Liz had just been temporary. She knew they could never accept or handle the life of a man like Jason and all she had to do was push until they decided to push back and he would shake them loose. They were Jason's attempt at being Jason Quartermaine for those who missed him. He hated failing people and his inability to fill that role would have grated on his psyche. They were balm to his ego. But Sam. She was a problem. Not because she was Jason's soulmate or the woman he loved with all of his heart, but because she was a dangerous combination of everything Jason craved.

I'm holdin' on to hope
I know it's a foolish thought
Think that someday he might come back
Wish on it all the time
Knowin' it never may happen
But see I'm not a fool

Carly had immediately recognized a lot of herself in the devious brunette. A broken woman from a shady past unafraid to get her hands dirty to get what she wanted. She could feel the desperate need to be loved and accepted that matched her own along with a schemer's core. They were two of a kind, her and Sam—the kind of women destined to be the best of friends or the worst of enemies. But she was able to pull off being the two things Carly couldn't be for Jason: a petite brunette martyr and safe to his heart. Sam could NEVER wreck Jason the way Carly could so she was the safer choice, and with Sam he got the best of both worlds. See Sam was an even better liar than Carly because while Carly could never completely believe the lie she told herself with Sonny… Sam believed hers. And Jason ate it up.

'Cause no we don't
Talk no more
You gotta new girl
But, I'm gonna keep the faith
I've got the patience
That some lack...
But everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can'

She had done it all wrong the first time around… See Sam had thought what everyone else did… that it was the martyr that was going to win his heart for the long haul. A broken sob escaped her as she poured another couple of fingers. No one wanted to acknowledge that his heart was Carly's.

Always had been.

Everyone tried to break their connection, but no one could because no one seemed realized that Jason loved her for what she was—and not in spite of it. And Sam could genuinely be enough of those qualities to confuse his love. She was just enough like Carly to make him believe all of that love he felt was for her. So Sam focused on that, the second time around. And Jason never stood a chance. Carly had been waiting for this and fearing it. When Brenda came back, she knew it was too much because as clingy as Brenda could be Sam's insecurity where she was concerned wouldn't last. No, she would eventually look to use Brenda to replace Carly in Jason's life. But it hadn't worked, nothing ever worked for very long. Then came Jake's death and Jason was blindsided. The loss weakened him and she had sunk her claws and forced that wedge just a little deeper.

I sit up all night
Thinkin' about you
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)(2x)

She knocked back more of potent liquor just to feel the burn. She hadn't been able to explain to him why the pain ran so deep until he had said that word. He was pushing her away again. Every time it was just a little farther than the last. And her hope was dying a little more with each loss. Carly's soul was dying. All her hopes and dreams of true everlasting love had been pinned on one man who could never love her enough to put aside his fears. Now he was marrying someone else and she had to figure out how to let go. And Carly was desperately afraid that that was not a trait she really possessed.

I don't think I can let you go
I can't let you go
No...
I don't think that I can let you go
Let go...
And everybody says...
And I don't think I can...

Carly heard a noise and looked up suddenly to see that her once full bottle of tequila had about three fingers left. As she began pouring, she looked towards the door to see who was coming in on such a dead night.

She saw Spinelli enter first, but knew instantly he wasn't alone. She felt him before she saw him. Looking away quickly, she reached over the bar to grab another bottle just as Coleman came to the front.

"What's shakin', guys?" Coleman asked before noticing Carly reaching behind the bar. "Well, little lady how long you been here? We're closed to stock for tomorrow night's party."

"Good, barkeep," Spinelli began babbling, "I assure you the gentle Valkyrie would always be welcome to celebrate the auspicious occasion of the Master's nuptials. Wait, did you say tomorrow because I assure tonight was supposed to be the night of the festivities."

Carly zoned out of the conversation as she focused on emptying her old bottle of tequila and starting on her newest victim. She could feel his eyes on her waiting as Coleman and Spinelli stepped away to discuss what she assumed was meant to be Jason's bachelor party. He took the seat beside her, and she grumbled, "Don't mind me. I'm in mourning. No intentions of disturbing your big night. Just here for a drink or ten."

He was silent for another moment before responding, "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"You have no idea," she mumbled lifting her glass to take a deeper drink. He took the glass away and downed it. "I'm a Spencer. We don't come with limits. But you used to know that."

"Tequila," he growled, and she practically feel the liquid burned a path to his gut. "What's wrong?"

"I already told you," she snarled, grabbing another glass and filling it. "Now, you can either shut up and drink or go back to your impending bachelor party, but either way I don't care to hear anything you have to say."

I sit up all night
Thinkin' about you
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)
~Let Go, Ne-Yo

So they sat in silence and Carly once again was left to wonder how they had come to this place. He was so close, and yet so far away. She sat there trying to figure out if she would ever learn the greatest lesson of her life and if Jason would once again be the one to teach her: the art of letting go.