Hurt And Loss - By Sian

Synopsis: Jack can understand Ianto's pain.
Characters: Jack, Gwen, Ianto
Episode/Spoilers: Post Torchwood, 1x04 - Cyberwoman
Rating: PG

Jack and Gwen continued to watch Ianto for a minute or more in silence, before Jack spoke. "Yes," he said.

"Sorry?" Gwen asked.

"I have been that much in love."

Gwen turned to look at him, but he was still staring down at Ianto. "What happened?"

"He died." Well that was almost the truth. "There was a fight, a battle. I got left behind and he... at some point he got killed."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"What was his name?" Gwen asked, but Jack didn't reply.

"I should go talk to him."

Gwen looked back down at Ianto. "I'd leave it a while. He won't be ready to talk."

"I don't expect he'll ever be ready to talk about what happened, especially not to me. I just want him know he still has a job, and that he can talk if he wants to."

"He didn't mean what he said to you."

"Sure he did," Jack replied. "And who's to say he's wrong."

"He is wrong, and he didn't mean it," Gwen assured him. "Maybe he would talk to you, I mean you know what he's going through. Although admittedly you didn't keep your bloke alive in the basement, but still."

Jack glanced at Gwen and then stared back down at the office space below them. No, he didn't keep him hooked up to machinery in their basement, but he did have his hand in jar. God, that was quite sick when he thought about it like that. But he didn't have the hand to keep the Doctor close to him, he had it... in truth he wasn't sure why he had it. "You go home for a while, I'll keep an eye things here."

"Be gentle with him," Gwen instructed.

"Yes, boss," Jack replied.

Ianto saw Gwen leave and knew what was coming. He was alone with Jack and his boss was going to want to talk to him. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later Jack came down the stairs and stood, hands in pockets, watching him.

Jack was actually at a loss for what to say. He should probably ask if Ianto was okay, but that would be a stupid question - of course he wasn't okay. "I'm sorry about Lisa," he said. "I wish you'd have told me."

"What could you have done? You'd have made me turn the machines off and let her die."

"Probably," Jack conceded. "At least I know why you spend so much time here," he commented. "You know she was dead already. She died last year when the Cybermen attacked Torchwood London," he said gently, trying to help, but fairly sure he wasn't doing.

"No she wasn't."

"Okay."

Ianto glared at Jack. "Don't use that condescending tone. You don't know, you never spent time with her." He shook his head. "What would you know about being in love anyway."

"I'd know," Jack replied.

"Really?" Ianto's voice was full of doubt.

"God, you really do think I'm a monster don't you?"

"No," Ianto sat down and started absently pulling bits off the bin bag he was holding. "I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it." I did mean to hit you though, he almost added.

"If you need to talk, ever, you know we're all here for you."

Ianto didn't reply, just continued shredding the black plastic bag.

"I'll be in my office," Jack told him. "I just wanted to tell you that you do still have a job, if you want it."

"After all this, you're not going sack me?"

"Where would I find someone else to clean up all my crap so efficiently?" Jack asked with a small smile. "We all make the wrong decision for the right reasons sometimes. We just have to learn to live with the consequences and move on with our lives."

"How?"

Jack shrugged. "By taking each day as it comes. It's up to you, but if you want to stay then your job's still here."

Ianto watched Jack walk away. He had no idea what he was going to do now. Lisa had been his life for so long, she'd been the reason he'd helped set up Torchwood Cardiff, the reason he'd worked here. But now she was gone, what reason did he have for staying? What reason did he have for doing anything? Maybe he would stay though, for a while anyway. Who else could possibly understand about Lisa?

Jack sat behind his desk and turned his monitor on. He hunted through the files for the ones he'd encrypted. Not many of Torchwood's records had survived The Battle of Canary Wharf, the ones that had were still being sorted through and cleaned up by the computer. But Jack had salvaged the ones he'd wanted, and everyday he ran his own program to encrypt any new ones the computer had found. He wasn't sure what he'd do when he eventually met the Doctor again, but the Time Lord was his own personal project and he didn't want the others knowing anything about him. So he hid the files away and waited for the TARDIS to appear in Cardiff, something Jack was certain would happen - the Doctor wouldn't be able to resist checking on the rift, a relic of the Time War that was now effecting Earth.

END