"HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR PEOPLE SKILLS "
This was the class. Aya gritted his teeth. Yohji was gonna pay bigtime for this. He could still remember the twinkle in his eyes as he watched Aya open the envolope he had handed him. He replayed the scene in his mind.
..............................................
"Happy birthday, Aya-kun!" Omi had chirped happily, as he handed Aya a box. Aya carefully removed the wrapper. He could *still* use it for wrapping gifts in the rare event that he bought any.
"C'mon, Aya! Tear it up! That's the idea, you know!" Ken yelled. "By the way...here's MY gift. Happy birthday!"
"Put it there on the table." was his only reply. He opened the box, and saw what Omi had gotten him. The first edition release of 'Catcher In The Rye' . Omi sure knew how to give gifts.
"Thank you, Omi."
Omi just smiled at him.
He opened Ken's present next. He wondered...or should we say...DREADED to see what the box contained. Ken had already given him a string of VERY bad gifts. The first, being a nice, autographed, vintage baseball cap. He had accidentally mixed the gifts up. Aya's gift, a shiny, expensive, ceremonial knife, ended up with Yohji, who admired the craftsmanship. He had no choice, but to leave it be. Which meant Yohji's gift, an ivory mirror, ended up with Omi. And that wasn't the end of it. He got a fishing rod, rubber shoes, UNDERWEAR (Aya shivered at this. It was meant for Yohji.), the list could go on and on. Even Yohji and Omi were now watching expectantly.
Ken obviously noticed the change in Aya's face.
"You don't have to look like you're going to die the moment it opens, you know."
He opened the lid. It was empty.
"Where's the gift?" Yohji asked.
Ken sheepishly handed Aya a check. "Here."
"Explain." Aya instructed.
"Well...I always seem to either mix the gifts up, when I get you something nice, or get you the wrong one. At least, this way, you can buy whatever you want. Not that I think you need anything else. That's why it's so hard to shop for you, ne Omi-kun?"
Aya wiped his brow. Whew. That was close.
He promptly put on his SERIOUS face.
"Thank you, Ken. I appreciate it."
Aya looked at Yohji expectantly. "Well?"
"If I'm giving it to you, you better make the most of it." Yohji replied, an odd grin on his face.
"I spent a lot of money on this." He added.
"Hn." was the answer he got. Dammit. He should've taken that as a sign. This was NOT good.
......................................................
And here he was, now.
That bastard enrolled him in a class for idiots. Communication Skills, indeed.
He could still hear Yohji's laughter, as the look of pure shock on his face registered moments after reading the slip of paper the annoying man handed him.
......................................................
"School starts on June 5th? What's this?" Ken asked, as he picked up the paper Aya dropped.
Aya was frozen stiff. Man. Was that a shocker. Omi took the paper from Ken.
"C-Communication Skills CLASS???" Omi read aloud. It took a full minute for the words to sink in. Ken and Omi ran to the safety of their room and laughed hysterically soon after. (To laugh at AYA in HIS PRESENCE meant DEATH.) When he finally gained composure, Yohji managed a greeting.
"Happy birthday, Aya-kun."
.....................................................
He could see SD Yohjis prancing about in pure delight, in his brain. Yo-tan was gonna get it bad, one of this days. He repressed the urge to extinguish the impossible man for the nth time that day alone, and stepped into the classroom. He was taken aback to see so many people. He saw an empty seat in front, and sat beside a silver-haired man, who sported what looked like an ice-sword.
"Let me guess..." The man with the silver hair began, "...your friends got you into this, didn't they?"
"Mi-chan!!!" A girl yelled, waving to the man beside him.
"Oh, look!" Omi said, excitedly. "Aya-kun's already MADE a new friend!"
Aya heard the comment, and decided to walk over to his so-called 'friends'. Yohji carefully placed himself behind the two younger boys. Heh. Smart jerk.
"What are you doing here?" He asked in his all-too-familiar 'you-better-have-a-good-reason-or-you're-dead' voice.
"We were making sure you were...ah...comfy?" Omi asked, helpfully.
"By the way, Yo-tan, It's good you're here." Aya began.
"Why is that?" Yohji asked nervously.
"Because...I enrolled you for it, as well. You'll be joining me."
"NO WAY!!! I have a date today!!!!" Yohji wailed, although a bit relieved that he would still be alive...FOR NOW.
He was going to protest further/ think of a way to escape, when he glanced at Aya and saw THE LOOK(tm). He slumped his shoulders momentarily, and resigned himself to the fact that he WAS going to HAVE to.
"I could teach this class, myself..." they heard him mutter.
"Too bad." was all Aya said. The look on Yohji's face was priceless. He calmly walked over to the man he sat beside moments ago. He even laughed when he noticed WHO the instructors were, and that there were no more seats left, aside from his. Yohji was gonna have to lean on the walls for FOUR HOURS, FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS. The grim look on Yohji's face told him that the obnoxious man was thinking just the same thing.
"You really had this coming, Yo-tan." he replied with a chuckle.
"Ohaiyo! This is the communication skills class. I am your instructor, Amanda Albert, and these are my other co-instructors, Jasmine Misa, and Aurora Modena."
"We need THREE instructors???" Yohji asked, incredulously.
"Oh, c'mon. Like we're supposed to handle ALL you close-mouthed people." Amanda stated.
"We're not instructors..." Jasmine answered. "We're the four horsemen...er...women... of the apocalypse."
"There are only THREE of you." Yohji replied.
"I'm here!!!" they heard a voice from behind say.
"As I was saying...Four."
"And since we want to get to know you on a personal basis, we'll call you by your first names!" Amanda continued.
She started the roll call.
"Mitsukake.(are you sure there's hope for that one?) Aoshi. Ryoma. Vegeta. Enishi. Tomoe. Kenshin..."
A scream came out of Jasmine. She promptly dashed over to where Kenshin stood and glomped him, with stars in her eyes.
"...Kai. Folken. Nakago..."
all sounds and movement ceased for a whole second.
"...very well. Tsubame. Dias. Yohji..."
This time it was Aurora's turn. She built a fence around the standing man, and put up 'KEEP AWAY!!!' signs. Amanda shook her head.
"...Pantyhose...PANTYHOSE?????EHHHH??? NANI????"
Everyone turned to look at the unfortunate man. And laughed their asses off.
"Whahahahahahaha!!!!!WHAT KINDA NAME IS PANTYHOSE????AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Even Aya couldn't resist. He laughed.
"What an ice-breaker." was all Jasmine could say.
What happened next shocked everyone, except the instructors.
"LAUGH AT ME, WILL YOU??? YOU WILL TASTE MY WRATH!!!" the unfortunate man named 'Pantyhose' screamed, as he splashed cold water on himself and turned into...
Someone from the class stood up and pointed at 'Pantyhose' .
"Hey! Look! He just turned into a Bull, or is it a horse?... with a bird?.. and a...snake?..and AH HELL!!! WHAT IS IT???"
writer's note: sorry. forgot what he's supposed to look like...gomen...
Amanda took out the kettle with boiling water from under the table.
"If you don't behave...THEY'RE GONNA SEE A NAKED BOY WITH THE NAME OF 'PANTYHOSE' VERY SOON. So I suggest you go take your warm water in your flask, return to your boy form and come back to class...OR ELSE." she remarked.
"Then again...you never know...we just might get creative on you..." Jasmine stated, an evil gleam coming to her eyes.
*********************************
"By the way..." the fourth instructor remarked. "I caught two of our students trying to escape."
referring to the two SD's she had dangling from one hand. She dropped them on the desk, as they landed on their asses with a loud thud.
"Master Greywords...Lord Milgazia...escaping, are we?" Jasmine commented, drily.
"Xelloss is gonna get it when I find him." was all Zel could muster.
"Mil-kun!!!" Aurora exclaimed, as she dashed towards him. "I'm so GLAD you're here!"
"Greetings, Shadow." Milgazia merely said. Aurora/Shadow carried the plushie-like dragon elder off the desk and onto her lap. "There." she said. "I can watch you from here."
"What happens to us, should we disobey your orders?" Yohji asked. He truly wanted to know.
"Well..." Amanda began, as the other two started taking out pails of water from under their desks, and one of them dressed in the 'Bunny' costume held up visual aids, "We have water from the JUSENKYO springs. (insert picture of Jusenkyo Springs) And an arsenal of the most annoying things you wished you never came across."
"What does this Jusenkyo water do?" he asked, again.
"You don't want to know." Pantyhose replied.
"Of course he does. That's why we're giving him a demonstration."
Pantyhose shivered. He didn't like the sound of this.
"Tarou." Jasmine called. "Yes. Be kind enough to call him that, from now on, minna., Come here."
Pantyhose Tarou came forward. Theresa, the fourth instructor held him by the shoulders.
"As you well know, he transforms into that...that...thing, when he gets doused with cold water. That's not a genetic abnormality. He just fell into one of the Jusenkyo springs in China. The springs are cursed. You'll turn into whatever animal drowned there last, the moment you fall into it. Warm water brings back your original form, until the next time you get splashed with cold water. The only cure is the spring of drowned man, if you're a guy, and spring of drowned girl, if your a girl. Of course, we have that, too, but we forgot to label the pails, so you really DON'T want to disobey us." Amanda finished, with a flourish.
Everyone was staring in disbelief, except for Nakago was already thinking of a way to use it for world domination.
"You don't believe us? Well. We'll just have to prove it to you. Unfortunately, we can't use Tarou. He's already cursed. Shall we use one of our escapees?" Jasmine asked, the evil gleam in her eyes returning.
"Not Mil-kun." Aurora said, as she held onto the SD dragon elder tightly.
"Fine. Zel-kun, then." Jasmine compromised.
Zel snorted. heh. so like them to make up stuff.
"You better turn him back, Jas." Amanda threatened.
"Yes. Now, Let's get this show on the road! So...what shall we turn him into?"
They took a random pail, and splashed Zelgadiss. He instantly turned into...
"It's a Bull, or is it a horse?... with a bird?.. and a...snake, again!!! (why do I even bother...)" The random guy shouts, as he stands up and points to the transformed Zel-kun.
Zel was too stunned to speak. (can he??? i don't know.)
Everyone's jaw dropped. Now there were two of them. So it was true!
Aya was banging his head on his desk. NO, NO,NO!!!! IF I GET WET BY THAT WATER... YOHJI'S GONNA DIE FOR THIS!!!
Oddly enough, Yohji was thinking the same thing.
"Shit! If that thing hits me, Aya's gonna get it REALLY BAD, DAMMIT!"
Nakago surrounded himself with his blue psychic shield. No way was he gonna get duped and doused by those instructors. He smirked at the thought of extinguishing them, ESPECIALLY THE CURLY-HAIRED ONE. He felt a presence behind him. Speaking of the devil. And she was holding a pail right smack above his head.
"Blast me, and you get it bad." Jasmine whispered to the blonde warrior.
"What is it you wish?" He asked, his voice taunting.
"A kiss, my dear Nakago."
Everyone was watching intently.
Aurora/Shadow was pulling the same trick on Milgazia on the other side of the room.
"Of course." The man replied, as he took the pail from her bent down to give her a kiss. Her knees gave way, and he held her close. He carried her to her desk moments after.
"Thank you, Nakago. Well...Shall we start the class? Where's Aurora?"
"She took the dragon elder out." Amanda answered.
"Oh. Very well. Let's-"
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
The newly-transformed THING was still standing there. Like a rock.
"Turn him back." Amanda said.
"Aa." Jasmine replied, as she took out a large flask, and splashed Zelgadiss with it.
He turned back, in an instant. And was clothed in a flash.
Sorry. Can't put him there naked for long. There are girls. He'll never get over the humiliation.
Then again...none of the people involved seem to mind seeing Zel naked...hmmm....
Okay...
He turned back to his normal form, and everyone's jaw dropped. Amanda and Jasmine, on the other hand, were discussing the matter while staring at the yummy naked chimera.
"Was that warm water or the 'spring of drowned man' water?" Amanda asked.
"The latter."
"Good. Let's begin."
Zel was in shock. Theresa took something out from under her desk. A certain red-haired sorceress was now looking at Zel's shocked face, both of them blushing from head to toe.
"This was the surprise you were gonna show me?" Lina squeaked.
Zel managed to snatch his clothes from the three gaping instructors, and was clothed in a flash.
"That should make you think twice about escaping." Jasmine whispered.
Xelloss appeared from the shadows in the room, and walked over to where Lina was standing.
"My, my...that was very entertaining, however...Lina and I have a date today ne, Lina-chan?" Xelloss asked.
Lina merely nodded her head. She was obviously experiencing the delayed first moments of shock. Xel picked her up and waved goodbye. They teleported out of the room soon after.
"Now...Shall we begin?" Aurora asked.
"Wow. Back so soon?" Jas asked, smirking. "Too bad."
"Why? What did I miss?" Aurora asked.
"The Naked Chimera Show."
"Ah. Well. Although I am a bit disappointed to have missed it..I did get to watch a show of my own. Heheheh.(giving Mil a meaningful look)"
Mil was blushing a very bright red. Everyone turned to look at Mil. The random guy elbows him.
"So...dating the instructor, eh? You sly dog! You want to get an easy 'A' , don't you?" He added with a wink.
"It does not concern you." was all Mil said.
Whispers of "Teacher's pet" started going around.
Mil traces a circle in the air and mumbles something that sounded like 'dil brand'. The random guy flies to the moon soon after.
Wow. That random guy's getting a lot of lines, and air time, for a random guy. heheheh.
Aya merely shook his head. Yohji didn't enroll him in a class for idiots...He unwittingly sent them to the Land of The Mentally Unstable, and Criminally Insane.
Yohji was muttering something along the lines of "I'm thinking twice before I pull another stunt like this AGAIN."
Meanwhile...The four horsewomen of the Apocalypse were sitting back, and enjoying the show.
-----------------------------------------------------
They were allowed a few minutes' break.
"Yohji. What did you get me into?" Aya asked, in a voice dripping of acid.
"Had I known it would be like this, and that you'd enroll me just to retaliate, I would've saved us both the trouble." Yohji replied, obviously disgusted.
"I've got an idea. We could always revolt. Why don't we attack them? There are too many of us, and most of us, if not all, are very skilled fighters." A random guy whispered.
"That would work!" Yohji exclaimed, a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes.
Aya had a very BAD feeling about this. He grabbed Yohji by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him.
"We're keeping out of this, Yo-tan. They can handle it by themselves."
---------------------------------------------------------------
They were able to gather at least a third of the room to join them. The only people who refused were Kenshin, Tomoe(who replaced Jas' death grip on his arm), Nakago, Zel, Tsubame, Milgazia, Kai, Dias, Jigen, Mitsukake, Mikagami, Goemon, and Aya. They all sat at the very last row of chairs, far away (hopefully) from ground zero.
Tension was rising. Any moment now...
Then it happened. Everyone started running forward, intent on destroying the instructors. Swords were unsheathed, Magic was being called....The instructors used the arsenal of Jusenkyo water on anyone who was close enough...the front-liners turned into different kinds of animals...and people...and...things...and they couldn't get an attack through, because Amanda and Aurora had put up a shield...Then...
They noticed that the instructors had earplugs. And so did the guys behind them.
Jasmine took something from inside her box...
Zelgadiss and Milgazia stared in horror, and started thanking Ceipheed for giving them earplugs.
"I've had just about enough of this!!!" Jasmine screamed. "Minna...meet the ROYAL FAMILY OF SAILLUNE!!!!!!!"
What happened next, was...very shocking.
Mostly, due to the fact that the royal family had MICROPHONES. That were attached to very loud SPEAKERS.
"Ceipheed, Help us..." Zel muttered.
At first, the warriors were taken aback. Some even laughed. Others stared at Naga's...er... splendor...um...right...How were three people going to stop them??? Then...they heard the most horrid sound in the world...
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A mushroom cloud appeared right over the vicinity, as the destructive sonic wave engulfed and leveled the city.
Too bad, none of them knew about the infamous laugh.
Everyone was now twitching on the floor. A pile of SD's, with REALLY BIG sweatdrops.
The royal family started talking amiably with each-other, over a cup of tea.
"Wow...We can put water in the pool!" Jasmine exclaimed.
"A pool of sweatdrops from our victims-er, STUDENTS!" Theresa squealed, in delight.
"You had it right the first time..." Amanda said, shaking her head. What a mess. She started to pick up the newly-transformed animals, and put them in a large cage, while Theresa slapped the other students awake.
Jasmine and Aurora ran over to see how the "good" students were doing.
Both Nakago, Zelgadiss, and Milgazia had put up shields around their small group, which they lowered to let the two inside.
"Ko-ko-wai.." Tomoe whispered.
Goemon, and Mikagami were sitting quietly, eyes closed.
Jigen *still* had the hat covering his face.
Aya and Yohji had wide-eyed, shocked looks on their faces. Aurora and Jasmine, promptly gave them a kiss. And they snapped out of it. Zel dashed to Amanda's side, turned SD and asked to sit on her shoulder. She consented, and he grabbed onto her neck as if his very life depended on it. (awwww...how cute...)
Mil and Nakago both kissed the instructors, and carried them to their desks.
"I 'm definitely enjoying this..." Aurora purred, as she buried her head on the curve of Mil's neck.
"Thank you for warning us, my dear." Nakago softly murmured in Jasmine's ear.
"I want something in return, you know..." she replied, blushing furiously.
"I wouldn't mind...even without the favor." he said, silkily.
"Well, then...take me home later. Right now, we've a class to run. Then, we'll rule the world, ne?" Jasmine kissed Nakago on the cheek, and resumed her "business" demeanor.
"Very well. I look forward to it." he answered, with a smile.
The transformed animals were doused with warm water, and returned to their original forms.
Naked.
They quickly gathered their clothes and clothed in a flash.
The others had recovered, and were glaring murderously at the instructors.
Theresa grabbed the SD royal family and showed them to the students who cowered in fear.
------------------------------------------
"Well, well...will someone explain to us what happened here?" Amanda asks.
"They wanted to one-up us." Jas answered.
"You will remember that we DID warn you, but did you listen? Nooooo. You had to do it the HARD way. Have you learned your lesson, yet?" Amanda admonished.
The class nodded.
"Due to your performance today..." Aurora began. "Class is over. Everyone passes."
"And I'm sure you're all relieved, too." Jas added.
"Sayonara!" Theresa shouted, waving like mad.
"What IS this class?" The random guy asks. "We paid big money and this is it? You torture us, poke us every which way, make us do your bidding, and we didn't learn a thing!"
Everyone looked at the guy. And waited for the answer.
"Hmmm...Well...All of you used to be very tight-lipped and unagreeable, OR, extremely obnoxious, that not one person could like you, OR, Any Other Stupid Reason I Can't Think Of right Now, NE???" Jas asked.
"Yes." the random guy answered.
"But because we poked and prodded and tortured and experimented and terrorized you, you actually TALKED to each other and even GOT ALONG, for ONE, SINGLE, CAUSE(waving away the fact that the 'cause', in particular was to kill them). All of you are finally learning to understand each-other. AND you got a show of Magic and great weaponry and Martial arts skills.Of course...the KISSES were VERY EXPENSIVE. and you call that NOTHING???"
"I didn't get a kiss!!!"
"You didn't pay EXTRA!"
The class nodded in agreement. Everyone started filing out of the room. A lot were even in groups. The instructors were fixing up their stuff. Zel was on Amanda's shoulder. Theresa was escorted by Nuriko, who came to take her home. And Aurora and Jasmine had Milgazia and Nakago walking them home. And All was well in the world.
Aya and Yohji went home, dreading the next time Aya's birthday came around.
End Fic.