The Thing About Rumours
by splica
Summary: There is a rumour going around Konoha and Naruto is determined to get to the bottom of it...SasuNaru.
Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own Naruto et al.
Rating: PG-13
Author's note: Could probably be considered AU after the Chunin exams seeing as Sasuke isn't an evil bastard and is still in Konoha – I wasn't really thinking in terms of keeping with the canon when I wrote it so...It's just something light, fluffy and hopefully entertaining for you all. Enjoy!
Warnings: Language, suggestive themes
The thing about rumours is that a lot of times there's a little truth to them...
"I'm telling you I never had sex with the bastard," Naruto growled.
Ino just laughed at him. "Well, someone seems to think you did," she replied reasonably, trying to give him a sympathetic smile even when she began to laugh again.
Naruto glared at her. "It isn't funny!"
Ino just waved her arm at him, "Oh, I think it kind of is. I would just never have thought you and him...I mean, he's so cool and you're kinda...not."
"How am I not cool? I'm going to be Hokage one day – you can't get much cooler than that!"
Ino just stared at him. "And that, Naruto, is why you will never be cool."
Naruto just glared at her some more before turning away to stare moodily down at the ground. "I don't get why everyone keeps saying that I slept with Sasuke, and they all think that I was the one on the bottom. Hell no! Like I'd let that bastard anywhere near my precious virgin butt!"
"Uhr...Naruto? Too much information there...I'll just leave you alone should I?"
Naruto was still muttering under his breath even after Ino had long since gone.
"Damn it, this is all his fault!"
Naruto caught up with Kiba when the other boy was out running with Akamaru, quickly drawing up to him and yelling his name to get the other's attention.
"Naruto! What're you doing out here? Come for a run as well?"
"No, I wanted to ask you something," Naruto said, slowly down until he was walking. Kiba slowed down with him, giving him a curious stare.
"Well, I don't know if I can help but what did you want to know?"
"It's about these rumours..."
"Oh yeah! I heard about them, you and him right? Didn't know you liked that kind of thing Naruto but whatever, I'm behind you all the way!"
"No, that's not it! They're all complete lies! Total lies! I just want to how you knew about them."
"Oh, really?" Naruto could've sworn that Kiba actually sounded slightly disappointed but told himself he was just imagining things, why would Kiba want that to happen? He watched instead as the other boy looked thoughtful for a moment before shrugging.
"Well, I heard it from someone else so I guess you'd have to ask them."
"Really? Who was it?"
"Sakura! Tell me who started these rumours, I'll use Rasengan on them and they'll never think about spreading such stupid lies again!"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Well, if I felt like telling you before I certainly don't now Naruto. You're just going to have to find out yourself."
"But why does everyone know already? Uhr, I mean – why does everyone know about these rumours?"
Raising an eyebrow the pink-haired girl gave Naruto a considering look before replying. "Well...I heard it from Neji first so maybe you should ask him where he heard it from."
"Neji?" Naruto almost shrieked, "As in Hyuuga Neji? Why would he be spreading rumours about me and him? That makes even less sense than before!"
Sakura just grinned at him. "Why don't you go find out?"
"I definitely will!"
"Oi, Neji!" Naruto yelled when he saw the dark-haired boy before him.
The Byakugan wielder slowed down, waiting for Naruto to catch up to him before replying. "What's wrong Naruto?"
"Why are you spreading weird rumours about me and...and that guy!"
"Ah, you mean the rumours that the two of you slept together?" Naruto nodded eagerly, watching as Neji seemed to think for a while before responding.
"Sleeping together whilst on a mission is perfectly fine, why are you so worried?"
"Sleeping together...whilst on a mission...Neji, do you really understand those rumours?"
Neji gave him a confused look. "What's to understand? I was on a mission myself and when I came back everyone was talking about it."
"Everyone was? Who is everyone? I'll kill the guy who started all this!"
"Well, I heard it from Lee; maybe he knows more about it?" Neji said and Naruto nodded again.
"Yeah, maybe that's it. Later Neji!" And he ran off again, leaving a bemused Neji behind.
"Thick eyebrows! Are you the one who started those rumours? Because if you are..." Naruto trailed off threateningly, watching as Lee just raised one bushy eyebrow.
"Ah, Naruto! I was just about to begin my morning workout, care to join me so we can enjoy our youth together?"
Naruto eyed him warily. "What's your workout?"
"I was going to start out with 400 press-ups, then onto 250 push-ups and then a run around Konoha...probably 200 laps around Konoha, then..."
"I think I'll give it a miss today, no offense bushy eyebrows."
"Oh," Lee's face fell slightly, his body visibility deflating before he straightened once more. "Well, I can't get better if I don't train hard everyday! You should train harder too Naruto."
"Hey! I was training this morning with Sasuke!"
"Oh were you?" Lee asked him, wagging both his eyebrows at him. Naruto watched them with a kind of morbid fascination before shaking his head roughly.
"What's that supposed to mean! We were training! Fighting each other! You know – sparring!"
Lee laughed at him. "Ah, your youthfulness invigorates me Naruto! I think today I'll train harder than ever!"
Naruto watched in silent disbelief as the other boy seemed to vanish from sight. He just caught Lee's silhouette against the sun before he disappeared again.
Heaving a sigh Naruto began to walk to Ichiraku Ramen, he definitely deserved a hot bowl after all this, he'd hardly discovered anything and the day was almost over.
"Why does everyone think I slept with him?" Naruto moaned, banging his head against the table.
Shikamaru gave him a non-committal grunt, content with trying to ignore his companion as he ate his own bowl of ramen in front of him.
"I mean – we've never done anything like that! Ever! Except...maybe that one time..." Shikamaru choked on a noodle, shooting Naruto an annoyed glance before chugging on some water. "But that was a complete accident!"
"How can something like that be an accident?" Shikamaru asked before abruptly turning away. "Not that I need to know," he continued.
"Aw, you gotta help me! I don't know how the hell to get them to stop!"
"Well, you'd stop them how you stop everything," Shikamaru told him. "By going to the source."
"But I don't know who that is!" Naruto replied, sounding almost desperate as he brought his hands to his head, grabbing parts of his hair and tugging them in frustration. "How the hell am I supposed to stop them when I don't know how the hell they started!"
"Maybe you should just ask him."
"Oh yeah, like that...that is a brilliant idea! Thanks!" Naruto jumped up, rushing out of the restaurant and leaving Shikamaru sighing behind him.
"My pleasure," he said in a resigned tone. "How bothersome..."
"Sasuke! Oi, bastard!" Naruto had tracked the dark-haired boy down to the training fields where he was sitting up in a tree, sharpening one of his kunai. He looked down at Naruto with a bored expression and Naruto could feel his hackles rising already.
"Why aren't you out there trying to stop these damned rumours?"
"What are you yelling about now?" Sasuke asked him, dropping down from his branch to stand next to the blond-haired boy.
Naruto glared at him. "You know! Those rumours about us!"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, leaning forward a little. Naruto, who wouldn't back down from anything, stayed where he was, still glaring at the dark haired boy. "You mean the rumours that say I had my dirty way with you?" Sasuke whispered into his ear.
"Like hell!" Naruto yelled, jerking his head away, "You know better than anyone that it was me who had my dirty way with you!"
A blush spread across Sasuke's face before he banished it, leaning back on his heels and folding his arms across his chest. "Oh yeah? Well, I don't remember that happening."
"You...you asshole! You know it happened! You were there!"
Rolling his eyes Sasuke gave Naruto a look that clearly said he thought the other boy an idiot. "Of course I was there dumbass, I just don't remember it being the way you say it was."
"But...that's definitely what happened, I wouldn't get something like that confused!"
Sasuke sighed, reaching out to pat Naruto on the shoulder. "Look, what we did...you can't really call it sex."
Naruto looked at him with a confused expression. "But I put it in you!"
The dark-haired boy looked pained as he answered, "Naruto it didn't go in."
"Yeah it did," Naruto countered. "I mean, some of it did."
"That's not the point."
"Yeah, well, those rumours are lies anyway and you need to help me stop them!" Naruto continued, ignoring Sasuke when he sighed in frustration.
"You really are an idiot aren't you? I started those stupid rumours."
Naruto stared at him with wide eyes. "You...you did? Why the hell would you do that?"
Sasuke glared at him. "Dumbass, the reason I started that stupid rumour is because you were avoiding me."
Naruto scowled back, crossing his arms defensively across his chest. "I haven't been avoiding you! We were training together this morning and—"
"And you left right after," Sasuke said. "And you didn't say anything the entire time."
"Yeah, well I had other things on my mind," Naruto replied defensively, looking away.
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Sasuke asked him, leaning close again with a dangerous expression on his face. "What had you so bothered that you wouldn't even look me in the eye this morning?"
Laughing nervously Naruto dug around in one of his pockets, bringing out a tub of something and thrusting it into Sasuke's face. With his own on fire Naruto ducked his head, muttering something about asking Kakashi for advice and going out to buy it as soon as they'd finished this morning.
"What...what is this?" Sasuke asked, taking the tub from him and turning it around, scrutinising it.
"It's...ah...lube," Naruto replied, his voice tight with embarrassment.
Sasuke dropped the tub immediately before reaching down to scoop it up again. A faint blush covered his own cheeks as he nodded. "Oh...right..."
"Yeah, so this time, we do can do things properly," Naruto told him, lifting his head and grinning at the dark haired boy.
Sasuke gave him a smirk in return, "Yeah, only this time you're going to be beneath him."
He left the blond spluttering behind him as he jumped back into his tree; ignoring Naruto's yells and curses underneath him. He looked at the tub, considering it for a moment before giving a small smile and putting it away in his satchel.
To think, the day had started out so badly. And all it had taken was one little rumour to turn things around...Sasuke wondered what a bigger rumour would do and laughed quietly to himself as he looked down at the annoyed blond beneath.
"Hey, dumbass, did you know that the Hokage has to have sex ten times a day?"
The end.