This is for those,
who told me to stay alive.
This is for those,
who don't believe things will get better.
Stay Alive
It was the morning after I overdosed.
The night before I had collapsed in the centre of a forest after purposely taking more than the suggested dose of not one - but three different pills. Carelessly spilling them out in the middle of my palm and tossing them to the back of my throat.
Kid, Black*star and Soul having to strive to take me home after finding my passed out, damaged body swamped in the nights rain and filth. Each taking turns to carry my distraught, depressive body in their strong, subtle arms.
So unfortunately - I woke up the next morning.
I could feel the pills revenge taking place throughout the whole of my body. The pulsating, stabbing pain kicking and tugging at every muscle with inside me, wanting to rip apart my skin and free themselves from my suffocating flesh.
The pain took over me, almost to the point where I forgot why I took the pills in the first place. Why I so badly felt the need to bring my life to an end within a moment of fear, anger and pain - all mixed into one.
It was because I missed him. I missed the boy who I so recklessly lost because of my stupidity. The boy who meant far more to me than life itself. More than breathing, tasting, feeling, seeing. More than me.
So if I was to exist without him. I'd rather not exist at all.
I was crying again. The tears had found a weakness and shed themselves upon my cheeks. Having no control over them as I did the pain that remained running through my veins.
He saw me like that. He saw me broken and ripped apart the night before. Sprawled out across the forests damp ground, laying in a pool of my own vomit from the poison the pills had released throughout my insides.
I missed him. I missed Kid.
And I knew he missed me too, I knew he still loved me like I loved him. And I knew because he told me.
He would always tell me, how much he missed me, how much he still loved me. But there was still that fear between us that would keep us both apart.
And it didn't take a miracle to work out that the fear was of course mine.
The fear of hurting, thinking that maybe I'd ruin it again. Make him believe as if he ought to leave me, because of what I do to myself.
I gripped hold of the pen at my bedside table, and turned to face the pink wall beside me. The wall that were swarmed by years worth of writing, screaming within ink that I would never stain upon my lips.
And I wrote.
"You held me to the sky, you forced me in the dark. To you I cannot cry, you will never hear me weep. I was always broken down, never strong enough to rise. The smiles and the laughs, all the many lies. The biggest say I'm fine, when I know I'm really not."
I pulled back to admire my work of graffiti on my bedroom wall. Watching as it already mixed itself in with the others, all sentences twining themselves together like a thorn bush that showed no sign freeing the years worth of emotion behind it.
My wrist placed itself against the wall once more as I added, "if this world really does exist, let me be alive."
"Maka!" My father called up the stairs. "Someone's here to see you!"
I didn't care. I laid there with my feet pressed against the posters on my wall. Holding my toes against Oli Sykes' face, covering his eyes and then uncovering them, as if to play peek-a-boo with a little child.
Despite my boredom, this somewhat amused me.
"Hey." My door was pushed open. "You okay?"
My heart stammered within my ribcage. Stumbling across beats as the golden eyed boy slowly worked his way across the room towards me.
I didn't dare look, feeling as if my mind were playing tricks on me and his presence would disappear as soon as I were to look in his direction. I didn't want him to ever leave.
But the mattress pressed down as he sat on the bed next to where I laid. His presence feeling stronger than ever.
"I just came to see how you were."
I didn't dare look towards him with my teary eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."
I was so utterly terrified. My hands and feet were shaking and I couldn't control it. It were like something else had taken over every inch of my body, something that longed for me to be afraid.
He breathed deeply. "You scared me so much, Maka."
What?
Now I couldn't fight the urge to turn to face his sweet, pale, beautiful face. The face in which had stared down at my broken body with more terror on his face than I could ever possibly muster.
"Watching you lay there, almost breathless." He placed his palm against his face. "I thought I was gonna lose you for a minute."
I had broken him, as well as myself. I was the reason for such destruction to both his heart - and mine.
My mouth felt cold. "I'm... so sorry."
Punishment was all I could think of. How I should punish myself and cause myself despair for creating his. Wanting to destroy myself completely for being the reason tears bled upon his beautiful face.
Until the moment he threw his arms around me.
"I need you back!" He crushed my body against his. "I need you back before I lose you altogether!"
He smelled like aftershave, the aftershave that I had missed so dearly. The aftershave that had stained my clothes and smelt like him for weeks. Which caused me to dig my despair pit a little bigger, so I could sit in there with everything he smelt of.
I pulled him closer. "I'm yours, I'm swear it."
His hands against my shoulders, he pulled away, fixing his golden orb eyes against my green ones. "Really Maka?"
The fear was trying to consume me.
"Yeah." But I consumed it.
He threw his arms round me once again. "Just promise me one thing."
"Of course." I didn't hesitate to agree. "Anything."
He squeezed me tightly, pressing me closer against him.
"Please don't hurt yourself anymore."
My heart stuttered.
"I promise."
He raised his arm above my head, my fingers twined with his as he did so. Turning his wrist slightly, he nudge me to spin beneath his arm like a dancer in the summer night. Like nothing could hold me back.
I could hold back my laughter as I span, feeling the slight breeze tickle against my cheeks as I tilted back my head. Feeling so much more alive than I ever had in my entire existence.
We had been back together for nearly a year, and we were so beyond happy together, like nothing and no one could tear us apart. We were strong against ever force of darkness, we were a light that blinded everyone and everything.
His arms were wrapped tightly round my waist. "I love you."
They created a warmth inside my stomach. "I love you too."
After standing there for a moment or two, enjoying the company of his strong arms, enjoying as they protected me from all evil that could ever possibly push me back into my hole of tears and anger.
After struggling to have Kid pull me out. I was standing on the edge.
"I have to be back soon." He laced his hand in mine. "Mother needs help with something."
But, I want to be with you for longer.
"Okay."
We walked up the long road heading towards the park, walking side by side and hand in hand. Everything was perfect. And I knew I was shinning far brighter than the sun itself.
We were invincible.
"Here they are!"
Startled I turned my head to see Soul, Black*star, Liz and Tsubaki waving their arms above their heads as the stood at the top of the slide. Waving down on both Kid and I like little children.
"Where you been?" Tsubaki jumped down first and began walking towards the gate to meet us.
"You know how long it takes someone to get ready." Kid didn't hesitate to turn to face me.
I shamefully lowered my head. "I couldn't find anything to wear."
Everyone followed Tsubaki towards us, crowding round like something died in the middle where we were standing, and I couldn't help but feel as if the deceased were none other than myself.
"You missed the most funniest thing!" Soul threw his head back in laughter. "Black*star-"
"It wasn't that funny." The blue haired boy quickly interrupted.
"It really was."
Liz rolled her eyes. "No Soul, it wasn't."
I pulled myself closer to Kid, wanting to feel his biceps against the side of my face. Wanting to feel the warmth of his body next to mine, wanting to feel nothing but him.
"Well guys, I gotta go." He placed his hand against the side of my face, holding it as if it were such a delicacy.
"But you just got here," Black*star argued.
"Yeah Kid can't you stay for longer?" I tugged at his arm. "Please!"
Keeping his hand held against my cheek, he slowly bent forward to place his lips against my own. "You know I can't sweetie."
My heart broke.
"I'll talk to you later." He moved a strand of hair away from my face. "Okay?"
I nodded slowly as he placed his lips on mine once more.
"Cya Kid." Liz smiled. "We'll take care of her."
He smiled back as he slowly pulled away. "You better."
"What about me Kid?" Soul chuckled, puckering his lips.
Kid walked towards him, placed both hands on the side of his face and slowly inched their faces towards each other, Kid's eyes staring passionately into Soul's.
Soul threw him off. "Get off me!"
Bye Kid.
We sat in the middle of the park. Black*star and Soul jumping on each other, arguing, play fighting, kicking a ball to and from each other like idiots.
It was funny to watch them, it made me remember the days before I became broken, and made me remember the day almost a year ago that I overdosed. I couldn't help but wonder if they remembered.
Liz and Tsubaki sat on the bench next to me, sitting each side of me like to protect me from the air that could brush against my cheeks, staining such a pale ounce of skin with the earth's unpure wind.
And then people arrived.
They walked into the park, a crowd of four boys, walking over to us. Walking closer while holding smiles on their faces that didn't need a genius to work out that they meant trouble.
That's when I couldn't breathe anymore.
I tried to drown out their voices, I refused to let myself here anything they were saying. Every word that escaped their lips were drowned out by every non existing thought within my mind. I just couldn't deal with their existence.
My nails subconsciously dug themselves into my bare kneecaps, gripping at the skin and trying to tear it apart in my hands. Praying that maybe I could drown them all in a pool of my own blood.
But no matter how much I pinched at the skin beneath my nails, no blood were drawn to run down my skin and to my ankles.
Liz saw my body shaking slightly, so in order to try and keep me sane, she placed her hand on top of mine, twining her fingers with my own, trying to stop me from unwillingly causing my body harm.
"What the hell do you want?" Soul spat as they walked closer.
I wouldn't listen, I didn't want to hear their voices, I didn't want to know who and what they sounded like. My ears were locked to them. They didn't exist to me. I wouldn't let them.
Tsubaki grabbed hold of my other hand. "Let's go."
The three of us stood up to leave, both Tsubaki and Liz holding each of my hands and they guided me to the gate where we'd take our leave back to someone's home. I didn't care whose home, I just needed to escape.
One of the boy's turned to face us. "Awe ladies, leaving so soon."
Shut up.
"Leave them alone." Soul hissed. "They have nothing to do with you."
They turned back to face him. "Who says, you?"
We do.
Black*star slowly shook his head. "Whatever, come on Soul."
Drown them out Maka, they don't exist.
Soul's arm was grabbed as he tried to leave. "You think you're better than us?"
"What?" He snatched his arm away from them. "Why the hell do you think that?"
I stopped walking. "Because they're pricks."
And then silence was the loudest thing I could hear.
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
The fear flooding through my veins caused me to grab on tighter to both Tsubaki's and Liz's hands. Wishing that they'd consume me and shield me from the destruction I had just created.
They followed along behind us. Following us for what felt like hours as we walked up and down roads. Following us for as long as my heart was thrashing inside me, while myself were longing to rip it from my chest.
Soul was hanging back, taking all the shit they were throwing at him, fighting their ignorance with silence as he held his hands in his jeans pockets and just proceeded to ignore them.
It by far, angered them greatly. To the point where they had grabbed at him, tossed him about and punched him and kicked him, and mockingly forced him on his knees to apologize... to them.
So I walked slower, dropping hands with my two best friends to stay at the back of the group, walking on further behind Soul. But walking in front of the boys who so arrogantly decided to follow us.
I was shaking. I was like a tree in a midnight storm. Wanting to break and crumble to the worthless ground for having to stand for far too long. My legs ached, and I felt my mind bleeding.
Terror built up deeper inside my aching stomach. Feeling the boys presence no more than two metres behind where I walked. Being able to feel as they laughed and pointed at my weakened body.
"Hey." Their voices snickered. "Grab the girl."
I gritted my teeth. "You won't dare touch me."
I stopped in the middle of the road. Deserted by cars and any other kind of vehicle. And I hated myself for doing so, but I slowly turned to face them, coming face to face with their pathetic faces.
"And why is that?" They couldn't help but smile wider.
And neither could I.
"Because - I'll kill you."
Blood stained my lips as I looked at my reflection in my bedroom mirror. Blood smudged from my mouth to my chin, and mascara smeared across my cheek from the rain and the tears of pain.
I had run home. I had dragged my damaged body back to my house without the others noticing my disappearance. They hadn't noticed I hung back, they hadn't realised I was missing. They don't know they hit me.
I clutched hold of my stomach as I pulled myself up the stairs, gripping hold of the wall beside me as if it were to save me if I tumbled to bottom of the staircase, save me from being hurt more than I already was.
My body managed to strive itself through my bedroom door and over to sit on the bed across the room. Feeling relief wash over me as I let my injured body rest.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of my phone ringing. Only managing to find the strength to move the moment I rang off. Only to find that it rang back almost immediately.
"Kid..." I tried to hold the pain within my voice.
"Are you okay?" He screamed so loudly down the phone. "Black*star said you were followed last night!"
But Black*star doesn't know everything.
I suddenly felt nervous. "Soul was the one who got most of it."
You're a liar.
"I know." He sighed. "But if they did anything such as even breathe on you. I'll kill em'!"
Kid... they hurt me. They really, really hurt me.
The cuts on my cheeks stung as my salty tears ran through them. "I was so so scared Kid... I didn't know what to do."
"Hey, it's okay." His voice had fallen more gentle as he heard my sobs. "Meet me in an hour okay? You can tell me everything."
I nodded, knowing he couldn't see me. "Okay."
"I love you."
… "I love you too."
I had tried so hard to cover my cuts and bruises up with make up. They appeared less noticeable, but they were still visibly marked upon my face, no matter how much to tried to make them fade away.
Despite the temperature, I wore skinny jeans and a hoody. Trying to shield Kid's eyes from ever meeting the wounds that marked my body as well as my face.
My feet walked quickly, watching as the park came into view as I walked towards it. As doing so, telling god how much I wished Kid didn't live on the other side of it, so I didn't have walk passed... them.
I wanted to vomit my heart out.
"Hey, look who came back for more."
I tried to barge passed them, but as soon as I thought I was free from their presence they grabbed hold of my arm, turning me back round to face them.
I yelped in pain.
And they laughed.
I want to die.
"If that last beating wasn't enough for you, we'll be glad to give you seconds."
"Please." I could no longer control myself. "Do me the honour."
They looked confused, startled, scared.
"You'll be doing me the favour." It wasn't me. "Kill me while you're at it."
Some of them stepped back, but the others remained standing there ready to attack like they were a predator and I was nothing but their emotionally damaged prey.
"What the hell...? Shut up."
I would never. "Only then will I never have to live in a world where people like you exist, ever again."
Never again would I long to breathe, I didn't want to.
"I said shut up!"
He lunged towards me, fist at the ready to mark my distraught body with another set of bruises. Bring me a great deal of suffocating pain, that Kid wouldn't help but have to notice, he's broken girlfriend.
The boy's fist was grabbed. "You won't dare touch her."
Kid stood there. Hand wrapped tightly around the boys fist before it came into contact with my stomach. His eyes wide and unblinking as he didn't hesitate to push the boy away from me.
The boy struggled to remain his balance. "Who the hell are you?"
The golden eyed boy grabbed me by the waist. "I'm her boyfriend."
"Oh..." The boy smirked widely. "Well this is interesting."
My heart was slowly climbing up the back of my throat, sliding across my tongue and towards my lips, where it would leap from my body altogether.
"Come on Kid, let's just go." I tried to escape his grasp.
But he pulled me back to him. "What's so interesting?"
The whole group of boys decided to find the situation funny. "You think you can protect her?"
Kid had never held me this close to him before. "I will protect her."
"Really?"
"Really."
Don't say it.
"Well you certainly wasn't protecting her last night."
And it was then. I could feel myself, slowly ever breaking.
"What."
… "Do."
… … "You."
… … … "Mean."
… … … … "By that?"
Then for the first time since he showed up, Kid turned to face me. His jaw tightening, his eyes widening, nostrils flaring as he saw every scratch, cut and bruise that marked the skin upon my face.
And then his grip around my waist didn't feel as tighter, as well as his presence beside me.
… Because he wasn't there.
There were thuds, smacks, crashes, cries and yelling before me. All sounds created as each boy hit the floor, punches and kicks being thrown at them from no one other than the boy who had vowed to save me. Vowed to protect me.
"If you dare to...!" Kid's panting voice was all I could hear. "Ever lay a hand on her... ever again!"
I love you.
… "I won't hesitate to kill you."
It was a month later. My cuts were healing and Kid had pulled me a little further away from the edge of the pit of despair. Everything was as it should be, everything was fine.
I laughed. I hadn't cried within months, nothing was holding me back from being happy. Kid and everyone protected me from the dark, so I was able to show them the light I held within me. Because they believe that I had it.
"Okay, you get on the skateboard." Black*star handed the skateboard to Kid. "And I'll pull you down the hill."
Liz shook her head slowly. "We all know this is gonna go terribly wrong."
"Yeah, but it'll be well funny." Kid smiled widely, walking towards the top of the hill.
Soul stood at the bottom of the hill holding the camera to film the stunt the boys were about to create. And me, Liz and Tsubaki stood at the top, ready to watch everything proceed into ciaos.
Kid stepped onto the skateboard, wobbling slightly as it threatened to roll down the hill without his permission. And Black*star stood before him, holding the other end of the rope Kid were tied to.
I couldn't help but smile. "This is gonna go so bad."
"Okay!" Soul waved from the bottom of the hill. "You guys ready?"
Kid waved back. "Hell yeah!"
"Okay ladies." Black*star wrapped the rope around his hand. "Count us down."
… "Three."
… … "Two."
… … … "One."
Two boys walked passed. No words spoken between them but their eyes were laid directly on me. They were staring at one else, but me. Like we were all that existed in that moment, just myself and them.
And how that moment made me feel as if I were no longer alive.
They snickered, passing glances between each other before staring back at me with their hateful eyes and mischievous smiles.
"Fucking emo..."
And then I wished I was really deceased.
Bury yourself Maka. You can just fall to the ground right now and bury yourself alive. No one would miss you.
That's exactly how it started last time.
The depression that ate me from the inside out. This was how it started. This was how I broke myself.
But I couldn't help and let it consume me.
"That was awesome!" Soul shrieked from the bottom of the hill.
"Maka?" Liz placed her hand against my shoulder. "Are you okay? You don't look too good."
I held my palm against my forehead. "No, I don't feel all that well."
Straight away her eyes widened with concern. "I'll walk you home."
She held my arm as we slowly walked back down the hill, meeting up with Kid, Black*star and Soul who had started their walk back up.
"Hey what's going on?" Kid stopped in front of me and placed his hand against mine.
Liz shook her head. "Maka's not feeling to good, I said I'd take her home."
His grip on my hand tightened. "Is she gonna be okay?"
"She'll be fine."
On the way back, Liz eventually dropped her hold of my arm and proceeded to let me walk ahead how I chose to. Letting me tilt my head back to face the darkening sky and feel the summer wind against my cheeks. And it were only for a second, but I did feel free.
I could tell Liz anything. "I wanna drown."
"What?"
I span against the force of the breeze, turning to face my brown haired friend and then faced away from her once more. Carefully placing each of my steps in front of each other, as if I knew one of them were to be my last.
She sighed. "I thought you were over all of this."
Clearly - I really wasn't.
"I wanna drown."
She began to get angry. "Why? Why do you wanna drown?"
"To be free." The wind caressed my cheek. "To fly underwater. To die."
ITS THEIR FAULT.
"Okay. Fine. You know what?"
I turned to face her. "What?"
"Kid didn't want a girlfriend who cut themselves, tried to drown themselves. He only got back together with you because he felt sorry for you!"
In that moment; I needed no blade to stab myself in the heart. Liz did it for me.
I ran home.
I knew my weakness.
I tried to take it all away.
I was dehydrated. I was already dizzy. I ran to my bathroom. I turned on the taps. Only the hot water. And I watched as the bath before me filled itself with suffocating, burning, heat-wrenching water.
I grabbed the blade. I grabbed the pills. I laid beneath the surface of the water.
I wanted to die.
I could already feel the hot water getting to my head. Feeling myself spinning without motion, feeling as it burned against my smouldering flesh.
"He only got back together with you because he felt sorry you!"
The tears bled down my cheeks.
"...sorry for you!"
"Don't you dare sympathize..."
I gripped tightly onto the knife beside me.
Ran its blade across my fingertips.
And slashed at the skin against my wrists.
My blood bled out across my skin, staining the bath water as if I were in an ocean full of hungry sharks. But I would give anything to feed my blood to them.
The pain were excruciating.
But yet beautiful.
I poured the pills out into the centre of my blood stained palm.
"I will protect her."
Everything was fading away from me.
"I love you..."
Then it all went black.
"Maka!" Kid's feet splashed against the forest floor.
His footsteps were the only thing I could hear as he raced towards my weakened body. My body that lay motionless against the rain and dirt covered ground. My body that lay full of pills and nothing else.
He crashed to the ground beside me. "Wake up Maka!"
My body ached.
"You can hear me, Maka?" His hands were held against my shoulders.
Of course I could hear him, his voice was beautiful.
The rain seemed as if it were falling harder. Falling as if the clouds were throwing it from the sky themselves. But with a little help from the tears that dripped from the black haired boys eyes. The rain was by far falling harder.
No, please don't cry.
"...please wake up Maka..."
Trust me, I want to.
I could feel him crying, hear him speaking, know him breathing. And I wanted all of it to be mine. I wanted to hold him in my arms and let us die together.
"I'm sorry Maka..."
"...he felt sorry for you!"
I'm sorry too Kid.
… I broke my promise.
"Maka!" My father's arms pulled me from the baths overflowing bloody water.
Blood swamped over my white t-shirt, staining the soaked skin beneath it also, as well as the wound it were drawn from. The cut, in which had already, stopped bleeding.
My father laid me out across the floor. "What the hell were you doing!"
Water vomited itself from my lips, spilling itself against my chest as I tried to sit up against the tiled flooring. Feeling the effect of the dehydration kick in and send me dizzy back to the flooding floor.
"I..." More water escaped my lips. "I don't know."
Quickly he slammed the tap water off and snatched a towel down from above me, throwing it around my dripping body and holding me to catch each and every drop that threatened to escape my aching skin.
I broke my promise.
I woke up the next morning with another suffocating headache that caused me to believe that my mind itself had exploded and were now bleeding. And my wrist throbbed and ached greatly from beside me. The pain singing within my veins.
My tear stained cheeks felt sticky as I tried to lick my dry lips. My lips salted shut from the tears than had ran into my mouth from where I must of unwillingly cried myself to sleep.
Kid.
The sound of his name within my mind forced a few stray tears to bleed down my face. Running to my chin and dripping on my chest, bringing back memories of being pulled from the bath water the night before.
And without being able to control myself once more I gripped hold of my phone by the side of my bed. Hesitantly dialled Kid's number and pressed the phone to my ear.
It rang.
… It rang.
… … It rang.
"Hello?"
His voice was beautiful and innocent, pure and wonderful, amazing and his. And as I heard it at the other end of the phone, everything with inside me, broke down like ice in the summer. I could no longer hold myself together.
"Maka!" The concern in his voice could no longer hide itself. "What's wrong?"
I sniffed and I cried, I sobbed and I died. "Kid, do you love me?"
"What are you talking about?" He sounded as if he were running. "I love you so bloody much Maka!"
He was defiantly running.
"Kid, I've done something so terrible..."
He was panting. "I'm near yours now, I'm on my way."
Please hurry Kid.
It was only three minutes later that he threw himself threw my bedroom door, running across the room to where I sat in the corner of the room, my face burying itself within my tear stained palms.
He threw his arms around me, slamming me against him so that I could no longer catch my breath, because I didn't need to. He breathed for me.
"I came as fast as I could Maka."
He panted so heavily. He must have ran for blocks.
His hand was pressed against the side of my face. "What was it you did that was so terrible?"
I couldn't hold back. My lips were trembling, but no way on earth would I let that stop me now. As well as the thundering of my heartbeat, no matter how hard or how fast it thrashed around inside me. I wouldn't go back.
I handed him my slashed wrist. "I broke my promise..."
There was silence, but I could still hear the sound of his unsteady breaths. And with my closed eyes, I couldn't tell whether or not that was because he were still worn out, or he were breathing heavily in anger.
I could feel myself slowly fading away into the darkness. Holding onto the edge of the pit of despair with nothing but my fingertips, slowly being able to feel as depression grabbed me by the ankles.
Kid I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you didn't want someone like me. But please don't leave me.
He placed his lips against the wound across my skin.
I opened my eyes.
A tear dripped from his eyelashes, the salty water dripping against the jagged outline of my cut. Stinging with an amazing kind of pain before it disappeared.
"Its okay." He still held his lips to my wrist. "I'm not mad."
I stammered. "You're not...?"
Shaking his head, he looked up at me. "I'm just sad you didn't talk to me instead."
Our hands had slowly began to twine themselves together. My fingers laced in his and his laced in mine. Feeling the tickle of his skin brush against my knuckles.
"But tell me why?"
I swallowed the last of my fear. "Liz said you only got back together with me because you felt sorry for me."
"I did feel sorry for you." He crushed me to him once more. "But I still loved you when we weren't together, I needed to have you back."
My cold body were delighted to be buried within his warmth. "I love you."
I was squeezed tighter into the warmth of his hoody. "I will never stop loving you."
I've never felt so happy.
And for the first time in my life, a tear trickled down my cheek with nothing other than happiness. No despair hidden within such a tear.
He wrapped his arms around my waist as he pulled me from the pit.
"Five more years Maka." He chuckled softly. "Five more years and we'll be away from this place. To a place where I'll never let another mark find your body ever again."
"I can't wait."
He brushed his fingers through my knotted hair. "We'll have three kids, one cat and we'll live by the river."
I quickly pulled away. "A river with fields?"
"With as many bloody fields as you want!" He smiled widely.
My nose on his. "You promise?"
… "I swear it on my soul."
Half a year later.
His promise remained.
And so did mine.
To those who told me to stay alive.
This is just some of what's happened since You'll never know.
And with every beat of my heart,
every inch of my uncut skin,
and every breath I will ever breathe,
thank you for telling me;
Things will get better.