Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Pants
Kieran Lee (aka count nobbus) 2002
disclaimer: enjoy this story and review it if you want to!
The scene=Hogwarts Harry and his friends are about half way through their third year
Chapter 1: Return of the Urkel Harry, Hermione and Ron are eating blood pudding in the Great Hall
Harry: This stuff tastes like...blood. Say Ron, what have you got there?
Ron: I brought some all flavour jelly beans
Harry: UGH, those taste like shit
*Snape walks past
Snape:I heard that, Harry! 5 points will be taken from Griffendor house
Harry: I'll just shut up and eat, before I lose any more points
*Harry eats
Snape: Harry Potter! 20 points will be taken from Girffendor house
Harry: What did I do this time?
Ron: We must be up to minus 1000 points now
*Dumbledore calls attention
Dumbledore: Attention students, its time to welcome some new students. They will be sorted into houses with the sorting hat. Please put your hands together for Urkel, he is apparently a skilled young wizard and an excellent quiddich player.
*a few people clap, Urkel takes the stage and sits down. Dumbledore gives him the hat
Hat: hmmmm...according to my calculations.....Griffindor house is short one person. He's a griffindor!
*a few people clap, Urkel waves to the people
Dumbledore: Thank you for your patience, students. have a nice day
*eating resumes
Ron: Hey, I found this in my locker
*Ron pulls out a note
Harry: It looks like a spell
Hermione: Let me see that..."Cheezius Cheetos"
ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!
*people turn and look at the Potter posse, then they resume eating
Ron: eek! what happened?
Hermione: It was a spell, but I dont know what it did
*harry points excitedly to his groin
Harry: Hermoine, look here! look!
Ron: Don't you think you're coming on a little too strong?
*hermoine looks confused
Harry: youve got to look here!
*harrt points to his groin
Ron: Theres a lot you don't know about women, Harry. But I must admit youre turning me on
Harry: NO, guys, my pants have turned into cheese!
Ron (looking at harry pants): eeeek!
Hermoine: oh dear, my bad
Ron: thats quite a sticky situation youve got there, harry!
Harry: how am I going to get out of here? What if someone sees me?
Hermoine: hmm, just try to hide behind me. I'll look it up in Cheese spells grade 4
Ron: when I pee my pants, I try to pull my robe down so nobody can notice
Harry: thanks for that, Ron. It's more than I wanted to know
Hermoine: thats what I call a sticky situation!
Ron: yeah, i already said that
Harry: HEY! get your hands out of there, Ron!
*Ron withdraws his hand from harry pants
Ron: sorry, couldnt resist
Harry: guys, this is my last pair of pants! What do I do now?
*the Weasly twins walk past, laughing and joking at themselves
Fred: I do say, what smells like cheese?
Ron: Harry's pants have been turned into cheese by a spell
Harry: and its my last pair...
George: I know where Dumbledore keeps the pants, theyre in the secret pants area
Fred: but its in the dangerous dungeon, where the fucking big rats live
Harry: thanks fellas, I'll give it a try
Fred: no worries, we've got to run
George: yeah, theres a fight going down
*the twins leave
Ron: fancy that, the secret pants area!
Harry: get set up, we leave tonight
Hermoine: agggrh...I guess I have to come with you...
Snape (walking past): Harry! 50 points will be taken from Griffendor house for improper pants!
*everyone laughs at harry
****end of part 1***
disclaimer: enjoy this story and review it if you want to!
The scene=Hogwarts Harry and his friends are about half way through their third year
Chapter 1: Return of the Urkel Harry, Hermione and Ron are eating blood pudding in the Great Hall
Harry: This stuff tastes like...blood. Say Ron, what have you got there?
Ron: I brought some all flavour jelly beans
Harry: UGH, those taste like shit
*Snape walks past
Snape:I heard that, Harry! 5 points will be taken from Griffendor house
Harry: I'll just shut up and eat, before I lose any more points
*Harry eats
Snape: Harry Potter! 20 points will be taken from Girffendor house
Harry: What did I do this time?
Ron: We must be up to minus 1000 points now
*Dumbledore calls attention
Dumbledore: Attention students, its time to welcome some new students. They will be sorted into houses with the sorting hat. Please put your hands together for Urkel, he is apparently a skilled young wizard and an excellent quiddich player.
*a few people clap, Urkel takes the stage and sits down. Dumbledore gives him the hat
Hat: hmmmm...according to my calculations.....Griffindor house is short one person. He's a griffindor!
*a few people clap, Urkel waves to the people
Dumbledore: Thank you for your patience, students. have a nice day
*eating resumes
Ron: Hey, I found this in my locker
*Ron pulls out a note
Harry: It looks like a spell
Hermione: Let me see that..."Cheezius Cheetos"
ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!
*people turn and look at the Potter posse, then they resume eating
Ron: eek! what happened?
Hermione: It was a spell, but I dont know what it did
*harry points excitedly to his groin
Harry: Hermoine, look here! look!
Ron: Don't you think you're coming on a little too strong?
*hermoine looks confused
Harry: youve got to look here!
*harrt points to his groin
Ron: Theres a lot you don't know about women, Harry. But I must admit youre turning me on
Harry: NO, guys, my pants have turned into cheese!
Ron (looking at harry pants): eeeek!
Hermoine: oh dear, my bad
Ron: thats quite a sticky situation youve got there, harry!
Harry: how am I going to get out of here? What if someone sees me?
Hermoine: hmm, just try to hide behind me. I'll look it up in Cheese spells grade 4
Ron: when I pee my pants, I try to pull my robe down so nobody can notice
Harry: thanks for that, Ron. It's more than I wanted to know
Hermoine: thats what I call a sticky situation!
Ron: yeah, i already said that
Harry: HEY! get your hands out of there, Ron!
*Ron withdraws his hand from harry pants
Ron: sorry, couldnt resist
Harry: guys, this is my last pair of pants! What do I do now?
*the Weasly twins walk past, laughing and joking at themselves
Fred: I do say, what smells like cheese?
Ron: Harry's pants have been turned into cheese by a spell
Harry: and its my last pair...
George: I know where Dumbledore keeps the pants, theyre in the secret pants area
Fred: but its in the dangerous dungeon, where the fucking big rats live
Harry: thanks fellas, I'll give it a try
Fred: no worries, we've got to run
George: yeah, theres a fight going down
*the twins leave
Ron: fancy that, the secret pants area!
Harry: get set up, we leave tonight
Hermoine: agggrh...I guess I have to come with you...
Snape (walking past): Harry! 50 points will be taken from Griffendor house for improper pants!
*everyone laughs at harry
****end of part 1***