The Troll Rat

By Goa1aso

"Ne, Kii-bou. The same guy offered even more money for your sword."

Kirito hummed in thought, missing the subtle nuance, as Argo walked beside the boy jauntily, her arms swinging back and forth like a little girl going to her favorite amusement park. A few players in the crowded city square of Tolbana brushed past the pair, ignoring them for the most part.

"What's their name?"

"Oho, so you're interested in the guy who wants your sword?" 'The Rat' replied loudly, as if trying to make sure everyone around them heard, as her seemingly perpetually grinning face took on a more sinister look to it.

A couple players looked at her curiously, before continuing about their activities.

Kirito looked at her nervously, already recognizing her facial cues, having been subject to her many whims on too many occasions. "Whatever you're thinking about, just stop. Please, just stop."

"Stop what? This guy really wants your sword and he's willing to pay good money for it," the foxy rat continued on loudly, uncaring of her companion's rapidly paling face. By this point, a small crowd of players seemed to be slightly paying attention to their conversation, more than a few frowning at the implicated 'relationship'.

"Ugh, just… no. Tell him never," the already-bedraggled boy sighed, holding his face in his hands.

"Ah, I see, you don't swing your sword that way. I guess your morals are as straight as your sword."

Kirito refused to deign a response to the comment, choosing to pretend he didn't hear the last sentence.

"I know! How about you and I go to an inn, so you can show me this sword and maybe I'll see why this guy wants it so much!"

At this, the surrounding players who were pretending not to listen swiveled to stare down Kirito, who shrunk under the exposure like a slug under the sun.

"DAMN IT, ARGO!" Kirito shouted, his face rivaling that of a fire truck, running into the nearest inn in embarrassment with Argo following close behind, cackling evilly.

Kirito laid in his bed, cowering, trying to ignore the two girls sitting on the other bed, engaging in the dreaded girl talk.

Asuna sat on the edge of the bed, all prim and proper, while Argo was sprawled across the sheets, putting a new meaning to 'make yourself at home'.

God knows why that rat was here. She just had a sixth sense for getting him into all sorts of trouble. Her unexpected arrival already caused mental scars as Asuna destroyed him for letting Argo into the occupied bathroom.

At least it was unlikely that she'd do anything more, as she seemed to know when to stop the teasing.

"I heard that you got a sword from Kii-bou over here, and you liked it a lot."

Then again, her measure of 'enough' was usually 'too much'.

He buried his face into the pillows, already knowing where this was going. Maybe he should jump out the window to end his misery.

"Yeah, this is definitely my favorite sword from now on!" the chestnut-haired girl smiled beatifically. "It's so much better than the other swords I used before!"

Argo's grin widened into a 100-watt smile. Kirito snorted loudly, quickly covering his ears as well as he could, Asuna glancing at his back with an almost visible question mark above her head.

Argo continued relentlessly, showing no mercy for the innocent girl.

"I bet he also showed you how a little bit of hammering could make it hit harder and faster."

"Yup, he even let me hold his pinky for good luck while the blacksmith did his thing."

At this, Kirito just curled up as small as possible in his bed, pressed the pillows against his ears as hard as he could, as Argo broke into whooping laughter.

"What's so funny?"

Argo laughed even harder, choking words out between breaths. "You're so pure, please never change."

Asuna's face darkened immediately, finally realizing the wrongness of the whole conversation, her eyes turning to bore holes into Kirito's back.

"Uuuuuuuuuu" she growled cutely, tears forming at the edges of her eyes.

Rushing over to the window that Kirito was facing, she opened it quickly, and with strength that didn't fit with her character's stats at all, heaved the still-cowering boy out the window.

"DAMN IT, ARGO!" Kirito shouted, his voice fading as he fell to the ground, Argo racing out of the room crowing, before she could share the same fate.