Now, this is perhaps a bit unorthodox. I have a book at home all torn and thoroughly read. It is one of my favorites but I've never met a single soul who has read it and I think that's a shame. It's a really good book and describes myself in a dangerous way. More people should read it.

Last week while I was taking my morning shower I thought about the fact that I hadn't posted anything for a while and that I had just recently re-read this book for the umpteenth time. The more I thought about it, the more I could picture Sakurazaki Setsuna as the main character of the book in a different version of it. And so I had an idea. Completely breaking down the chapters of the books I drew a mind map for myself and re-wrote the entire thing.

Oh and I also want to point out the fact that I am not Japanese and therefore I have little to no knowledge of the currency system and the school system.

I'd post the name of the book (and author) this story is based upon but I'll do it after I've completed it. I'd hate to throw anyone off with another title. Steady updates guaranteed. Hope you enjoy!

Monster

Something wakes me in the middle of the night and I'm sweating bullets. I'm all alone in my apartment and its dark outside. The autumn wind howls outside my half-open window and carries the screams from my dream as a reminder of reality. I rub my eyes. I feel calm despite it all and I get up from the bed and walk out to the kitchen to have a glass of water while I try to remember.
In the dream I was merely 8 years old. I had received an assignment from one of my teachers at the Shinmei-ryū elementary school while out in the forest. It was a task given to me by someone I held much respect for and so I had been determined to do my best to follow through with whatever needed to be done. Something caught my attention halfway through walking into the depths of the dark forest. There were two girls from the school with their backs to me that I recognized instantly. They were still and focused and I kept a secure distance behind a tree. Suddenly, without premonition, there was a flash of lightning in front of them – fire shot through the ground and they stumbled backwards. One of them fell and when she did I noticed that they had lit something on fire. Unnatural screams cut through my ears like nails against a chalk board; it was painful.

"Fuck!" gasped the girl who had been able to keep her balance. "What have we done?"

"It was your fucking idiot idea!" the other one hissed back. I didn't see what was burning, but it was shrieking. Loudly. False. I could feel my body begin to shake.

"Let's go!" one of them said and ran off towards the exit off the forest. The other one yelled out in a hoarse voice, pleading for her to wait; stumbling after her friend through the leaves.

I watched them both disappear into the shadows and waited until their voices no longer reached my ears before I finally stepped out from my guarded position and walked slowly towards the fire. The flames were voracious, insatiable… Thick against my eyes that had gotten used to the evening light of the forest. The screams now sounded forced, as if the flames were smothering them and I approached with caution.
A bird's nest. Four nestlings, unable to fly, trapped in the inferno and its unforgiving dance of hysteria. The stench of branches, burnt flesh and feathers filled my lungs and I cringed. The smoke began to spread. I stared at the nestlings, twitching and shaking – one by one they were broken down to bone and ash – and it was then, when the fire caught hold of the grass that I broke out from my paralyzed state and reacted. I stomped down on the newly born flames and continued to do the same with the bird's nest. Soon the fire had died.

This happened to me when I was 8 years old and it was what my dream had been about tonight. The screams felt real and they still echo inside my ears for a while after I woke up. When I sit at the coffee table and drink my water I think about what had happened afterwards.
Word had gotten out around school but no one knew that I had witnessed it all. Everyone knew, however, that Riyu and Lin were the ones who had committed the horrible act and the school shrink had been called in. After that they became isolated at school. No one wanted to have anything to do with them. Acts of cruelty towards nature's innocence was not tolerated and could not, would not, be deemed as a simple prank performed by young children. Especially not among other children the same age. I remember they disappeared after a while. I don't know what happened to them but eventually the whispers around the hallways stopped.

I return to my bed again and try to close my eyes for a bit. For a while I just lay there, listening to the wind outside the window. There's a murmur in the treetops and it brings a peaceful illusion to my mind – leading me into believing that I do not live in the city, but out by the countryside. The dream is keeping me from falling asleep though. Where did it come from? This is the first time that the nestlings have haunted my dreams. They've returned, after so many years, as if they wanted to tell me something.

Morning comes and I get up to eat breakfast. I read the newspaper while waiting for the tea to start boiling. The newspaper has a big article regarding the homeless in the city and how their situation has worsened and that we have no money for decent healthcare. It makes me think about the incompetence of our local politicians and of their salaries; even though I have no idea what they earn or how hard their job really is. Fact of the matter is that our prime minister is a man of great authority with the ability to make things happen. I think in patterns and am vaguely aware of it, but it doesn't soothe my frustration. This is itching to become a day of impotence. I can feel it in my bones.
On my way to the station I see a scrubby looking lady in ragged clothes approaching. Despite her wandering gaze I assume she has her sights set on me.

"Excuse me", she asks lazily when I approach her, "have you any change to spare for cherries?"
Cherries? I stop and begin to search my pockets. I found a five and I handed it over. "Thank you", she says and looks sincerely grateful. I walk away towards my newly arrived train without sparing her a glance.

The autumn weather arrived fast this year and forced back the summer quickly. The trees adorning the avenues burn with red and yellow – and the leaves create speckled patterns over the otherwise dull and grey sidewalks. The clouds across the sky at dawn cracks and the sun finds its way through and grants us with its warm rays upon chosen spots all over the city. A cold but fresh wind blows in from the sea. People wear scarfs and their cheeks are red and they look happy. We bathe in light.

A young man sits next to me on the train. He listens to loud music and I can hear it seeping through his headphones. After two stops he gargles and spits on the floor. I say nothing and do nothing, but I am irritated by his act and I imagine myself grabbing the back of his neck and rubbing his face into his own saliva now a filthy spot on the train floor.
I get off and during my short walk to work there is a bicycle roaring past me; almost jostling me into the road. City cyclists are maniacs. I jerk the door up to the office with unnecessary strength and immediately wish I was somewhere else.

I am mentally absent during lunch when my co-workers indulges themselves in loud pointless discussions while eating noodles. I pick up bits and pieces about a girl some guy met over the weekend but he never mentions her name. I have never liked him - he looks like a pig and today his grunting is extraordinary disruptive so I walk back to the office before everyone else to avoid visualizing a snout across his face. By the water tank I am ambushed by the biggest ego in the office. A girl who only talks about her boyfriend, her friends and her closet. I can't hear a word she is saying even though she keeps calling me Setsuna without proper honorifics and when I decide to walk away without saying anything she yells that we can continue our talk during the three o'clock coffee break.
The afternoon meetings are a blur – the only thing entering my dimly aware brain is my boss's voice from time to time. He sounds like a high frequency beep, like tinnitus. Even if I held my ears shut or shook my head he would continue his wailing. How do you silence such a noise?
I can't focus on anything. I'm tired and frustrated. There are nonsensical acts all around me and it annoys me, but today it feels like the stupidity culminates.

When the clock hits 5 I decide to visit an art store to buy a frame for my girlfriend. To my utter horror I see an approaching situation before me that I absolutely not have the strength to deal with.

An old classmate.

From high school.

Someone I never had anything in common with.

I look straight forward and pretend like I don't know her. I just can't muster up the strength to go through another set of charades with someone today.
It works. She reaches the checkout before I do, pays and leaves. I hand over the frame to the cashier when it's my turn, pay and just when I thought I was safe I can feel her umbrella nudging my knee and I know she did it on purpose; I realize that I lost the game.
I turn around.

"Hi, Setsuna-san", she says with a wide smile on her face. She's gained a bit of weight and cut her hair short. It doesn't suit her at all.
For a moment I sport a fake hesitance on my face before I fold and smile towards her: "Well, hello Saotome-san. How are you?"

"I'm good, just swell. How are you?"

"I'm great. Just out buying a frame for the girlfriend."

"Oh yeah? Konoka's picked up painting?"

"No. She likes to frame photographs."

"That's cool, maybe she can frame some of my explicit artwork!"

Ha ha ha, our shared laugh is strained and of course we are heading the same way. I'm going to the mall, she's going to the mall – she's buying clothes and I'm in actuality on my way home to Konoka. I fabricated my trip to the mall to Haruna because it was close and it seemed like an unlikely destination for her, but I was wrong. We talk about weather and wind when we walk together. I learn that she is trying to start her own business. A bookstore together with Miyazaki and Ayase. "But I do all the work!" she laughs. I smile. She asks what I do nowadays and I give her an evasive answer because I can't be bothered with explaining what I do; she seems content with that. I don't think she's interested anyway.
We finally arrive at the mall and end up on the middle floor. She's going down and I am not. I decided that since I was coaxed into coming here I might as well buy something and we end up at a crossroad by an escalator.

"Well, take care", she says and gives me a vague smile.

"You too", I respond and for a second I believe that she might be able to get out of this situation with a little dignity. But no.

"Hey", she says.

I turn stiff. "Yes?"

"It would be fun to grab a coffee someday and catch up. Like… Next week or something. For fun's sake. It's been awhile."
Indeed. I have standard answer prepared, even a business card to hand out and I fumble around my pockets for it. Where is that damn card? What an idiot she is.

"Sure", I say. "You can call me, or I can call you and we can figure something out. Might be fun." But I can't find the card and Haruna doesn't have one herself so I get some time to think and I realize that I can't cope with this anymore I've had enough of the bullshit I don't want to see Haruna I don't want to have coffee with her and I should actually tell her that NOW!
I stop my search and look up. She's observing me with a blank expression that now devolves into that of confusion.

"Hey", I say and am strangely neutral for what I am about to do.

"There's no reason for us to meet over a coffee, is there?"

Haruna frowns. "What?"

"Yes, well, we never had anything in common in High School. We were never good friends. It would be a waste of time if we decided to meet up. It's better if you invest your time with your friends and I do the same with my friends."

"Ooo-kay…"

"What would we talk about? We had barely anything to talk about during our three years together in school."

"Well…" Haruna starts to scratch her head and I'm close to asking if she's looking for something but it looks like she's getting annoyed. "Whatever, let's not then. I just wanted to grab a freaking coffee."

She's starting to walk away from me and says over her shoulder: "Take care then."

"You too", I say and I mean it. I don't mean her any harm. I just don't want to have anything to do with her.
Afterwards I feel relaxed. There is no regret or room for reflection and I put the miserable day behind me. I breathe easy for the first time in a long while.

There's no spontaneous buy at the shopping mall because I go straight home to my girlfriend. There's nothing in my apartment that's waiting for me, I live alone and like it. Besides, Konoka lives in the middle of town in a newly renovated flat. If you don't have good connections or you're ready to kill someone, it's difficult to get a place like that. Konoka has got good connections because of her family.

I step of the tram and walk through the park up a hill. It isn't dark yet but the clouds are beginning to gang up with each other and hang like a heavy, gray blanket over the city. It's going to rain any minute now. People don't look so happy anymore. The moisture on the curb have stopped shimmering and the wind is lashing cold against my cheeks. I stop outside of Konoka's gate and peer up against the sky. The first drop of water hits my nose.

Konoka isn't home so I unlock the door with the keys she's entrusted me with. Her apartment is small but tasteful; a little gray today because of the weather but I chase away the darkness with the help of a few lit lamps. The apartment is barely 50 square meters with a modern kitchen and a table fit for two. The living room is big with wooden floorboards and has a nice view overlooking the park. Konoka has effectively furnished in garish colors: the couch is blue, the rug under the red coffee table is green and the window boards are filled with plants. The room always seems to shimmer with a warm atmosphere.
I decide to be a bit creative and find old wrapping paper from the previous Christmas to use for wrapping her frame into a nice gift. When I'm done I place it on the kitchen table, I lit candles and walk into the living room just to lay me down on the comfortable cushioned couch.
Informative pictures flashes inside my head warning me of the dangers of leaving lit candles alone in an apartment. Curtains on fire. Doilies catching on fire. Bird's nests in infernos. Luckily, Konoka doesn't have any of these things in the kitchen. I shut my eyes and almost fall asleep to the sound of the rain pattering on the window.

A moment later a key is pushed into the lock. Konoka is home and brings autumn with her. A couple of leaves have gotten stuck on her boots, her long brown hair is wet and sticks to her head and her jacket is almost soaking. She looks at me with her brown eyes through her hair and gives me a smile that makes me feel like I'm still in high school; and there's nothing more important than us.

"Hi", she says and takes one of her boots off. The storms of autumn have not been able to budge her.

"Hi", I say back and lean on my elbow.

"It's so cozy in here! Were you asleep?" She asks and manages to get her other boot off.

"Barely."

Konoka sees the light coming out from the kitchen. "Secchan… What have you managed to come up with now?" She walks in, I lay still. I hear her when she calls out from the kitchen: "Yes! You bought the frame! Thank you!" I stretch my limbs out on the couch again and she walks in from the kitchen and joins me. Her hair is still damp when she lays with her head on my shoulder; but her body is warm. She reaches up and kisses me tenderly on the lips. "Thank you" she whispers softly and I smile.

Konoka is beautiful. She's tall and she's got long brown hair. Sometimes she wears it in a ponytail. Her eyes are lighter than mine and she's got dimples when she smiles. Her lips are red and skin is white. Everyone likes her. She's doesn't have any controversial opinions but manages to keep steady discussions with people that do. She never judges anyone and always seem to know how to deal with people. "I want to become a diplomat" She's said before and I think the world would be a better place. But as of now she works in a clothing store downtown and she seems to like it there.
We call a pizza restaurant for a delivery and while we are waiting I decide to take a shower. Konoka plays the Sims and I can hear her cursing over the father of her virtual family setting fire to the kitchen while his kids are in the bathtub and the mother spends an unusually long time on the toilet. "What kind of family is this!" she yells out. "I'm going to find a new husband for my woman. This dad is completely incompetent! And he never showers!"

30 minutes later there's a teenager with a moist pizza carton in hand and a cross helmet strangely worn at the doorstep. I regard him and his strange way of removing the helmet halfway over his head with interest while Konoka shuffles about for money. Why is he wearing it like that? Doesn't he know that he looks like an idiot? The temptation of punching him in the forehead with the palm of my hand makes me step forward when Konoka receives the pizza. Strengthened by the confrontation with Haruna today I feel that I am ready to go from thought to action but my everlasting nemesis called Reason stops me and the entire movement looks more like a strange jolt from my side. The guy stares at me. Konoka gives me a puzzled smile, thanks the cross boy and shuts the door.

"What was that?", she asks when we enter the kitchen.

"Nothing", I respond. "Just a twitch."

The pizza doesn't taste bad and while we're eating Konoka talks vividly about her day. I listen and register every word, but she doesn't have my full interest until she reaches the finale, ten minutes before closing time. It turns out to be at about the same time I snapped at Haruna.

"In walks a middle aged lady", she begins. "In her hand she carries a white shirt. I can see that a seam has burst in the shoulder of the shirt and I also notice that the shirt is of a brand we don't have. She puts the shirt down on the counter and says 'what do you plan on doing about this?' so I ask for the receipt, but her gaze wanders and she doesn't even seem interested. 'Oh, I don't have one. But you can fix this anyway can't you? I shop here frequently.'"

Konoka drinks a bit of water and continues thereafter: "I ask her who sold it to her. 'It wasn't you?' the woman asks. I respond by telling her that we don't sell that brand and ask her if it may so be that she bought it in the store a block away from our store, because they sell that brand."

"And I assume she didn't", I interpose.

Konoka shakes her head. "Of course not. But now we both know that she is mistaken. From here on out she still has room to save her face and admit that she has made a mistake. But she doesn't. She insists on having bought the shirt at our store."

"Embarrassing."

"Yes. We stand there. I repeat with patience that we do not sell this brand at our store but she doesn't give in! She insists on having bought it from us and that she wants to have a word with my manager! She understands immediately when she looks at me how embarrassing it's going to be." Konoka pauses and cuts a piece of pizza and leans back into her chair.

"Guess what happens", she says and bits down on her fresh slice. "Guess."

I lean my chin against the palm of my hand and think. "She insists on having bought it at your store, becomes angry when your manager tells her she's wrong and she swears she'll never shop at your store ever again."

"Wrong", Konoka smiles. She swallows the last piece. "When I come back, she's gone. She took the shirt with her."

"Huh."

"And my pen."

I release an honest gasp. "What? Your pen?"

"Yes! A regular ballpoint pen; costs close to nothing in any bookstore! And she took it!"

We both break out in laughter.

The evening proceeds with watching TV together, curled up on the sofa. We watch a new reality television show called "The Mansion", where 8 young people are, for an indefinite time, locked in a mansion together. The Mansion is huge; several hundred square meters filled with many tiny rooms and small corridors. They have everything except a line of communication with the outside world. The only line of communication they have is to the studio. They report how they are feeling and what they want. One of the participants, a 17 year old girl, tried to get out after only three nights at the Mansion but it was impossible. The door was locked and no one came for her. She cried for one whole day, the other 7 tried to comfort her and now she seems fine again. A little out of it perhaps but fine nonetheless. They've been in there for a week now.

"What's the purpose of the show?" I ask Konoka, but she doesn't know.

"What do you win?" That, she does know. One million tax free. Not bad.

"When do you get it? What do you have to do to get it?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not sure. I think I read it somewhere." But she doesn't remember. We continue watching The Mansion and one of the guys stands in front of a camera in the kitchen. He's barely over 20 and has a cap turned backwards on his head. His eyes are idle.

"Y'know…" He's speaking to all the viewers "In here… There are some hot girls. Like… four hot girls." He looks beside the camera for a second, like there's someone standing behind it. He laughs and stops just as sudden as he started. He sounds hoarse now. "Uhm… Yeah… By the way… Hiromi… Now while I'm in here and all… Y'know… And I don't know when I get out… I thought maybe we should… Y'know…"
He looks down at the floor; tongue glides over his dry lips. He lifts his cap off, runs his hand through his hair a couple of times and puts it back on. You have to look good when serious business are at stake. "Like… I thought we could break up. Y'know."
He looks into the camera but can't face the neutral lense for too long and eventually walks away with a heavy sigh. The Mansion ends, the picture fades away.

"How can an idiot like that roam around free?" I say, distracted by the awful song played at the end.

"What do you mean?" Konoka asks.

"You saw what happened."

"What?"

"You saw what happened", I repeat and make a gesture towards the TV screen.

"What do you mean 'saw'?"

"He just sat there and broke up with his girlfriend, live on TV."

"Who? Where?"

"Yes but he sat there and was disgusting with his cap and… and… Oh well figures. Wow, we're fun."
Konoka tries to hide a smile but when she sees that I understand what's happening she laughs wholeheartedly which makes my heart skip a beat. I hit her playfully with a couch pillow and try to put on my best pout.

"Sometimes you're out of it, Secchan." She tilts her head and looks at me.

"Are you going to keep teasing me?" I grab the pillow.

"No." She affectionately brushes back a few curls of hair from my forehead. "Sometimes I wonder. Where everything comes from. All of you."

"From this place right here", I point towards my head, squint my eyes and stick out my tongue.

Konoka snorts and grabs the pillow from my lap, "Now you've ruined it all. Let's go to bed."

Nothing more happens that night. We crawl into bed, turn the lights off and fall asleep.

I don't dream about the bird's nest. I do, however, slap the cross helmet off the boy's head.