A/n: I have way to much fun writing Dave. Way way way too much fun. After my last trans!Dave fic I had an anon ask me for Dave being dominated by a cis guy. I told them unless they had a preference it would be John. Or Karkat. Or maybe both. They said both was good and here we are. (I love my OT3. A lot.)

ALL CHARACTERS DEPICTED AS 18

Your boyfriends make shitty furniture. Seriously. They're way too skinny. You'd worry about their slammin' bods you not look as good, but you're already a total pimp with boyfriends plural and Karkat's not as skinny as he used to be anyway. (Apparently the part where he can eat whatever he wants whenever he wants changed his entire worldview. Like mind totally blown, over and over until there's cum everywhere and his mind can't get it up again for days.) There's still not enough on his thighs to make him a good pillow when you sprawl over him like this, but the part where he absentmindedly runs his fingers through your hair is pretty sweet. John, on the other hand, is completely skin and bones everywhere lower than his pecs and having your ass on his lap is like sitting on a rock. Especially because he's hard.

Karkat has no idea that the two of you stopped giving a fuck about this movie about a minute after it started. It was way more interesting to play "see how much I can turn Egbert on without player 3 noticing" and today's high score is hella. John taps rhythms on your thigh with one hand, and from the set of his jaw it's pretty damn obvious that he's doing all he can not to hump you back. Not that you'd mind if he did. Sex is kind of the object here. Shark Week is over and South Davesvale is back open for business (it had been since yesterday, but John was off having family bonding time with Jake. You're selfish and when the crimson tides recede you like to have both of them at once. It's not like it happens to you every month anyway).

Finally, though, the credits start rolling. You're about to open your mouth to seduce Karkat with a sweet rhyme about how his bony thighs make you miss his flawless ass, but John starts whining first.

"Karkat, Dave's being a dick."

"You probably deserve it." You reach up to fistbump him and he obliges.

"No way! He started it."

"What?" You ask, "That's bullshit. You just can't handle having my plush rump anywhere near your dick. You always assume you can just get it, and that's just not right. It's fucking sexual harassment."

John blushes. "He's been grinding against me this whole fucking movie!"

Karkat looks pointedly unimpressed. "Look, I've come to respect your blatant disregard for quadrants and accept what it does to me. But if we flip ashen tonight no one's getting their bulges touched."

You sit up. "Well, that convinced me."

"Yep." He wraps his arms around your waist. "I love you with all of my four-chambered mammalian heart."

"Ugh, why do I put up with you two?"

"Because we're the hottest things left in this universe," You say.

"Right, that must be it." He turns off the TV and gets to his feet.

John adjusts his grip on you so that he has one hand on the small of your back and the other under your knees and stands. Sometimes you hate that he can carry you like this when he disappears the second he turns sideways. Karkat pets your hair and leans down to kiss you and you suddenly mind a whole lot less.

"Alright, John," he says, "just like we planned."

"Aye-aye, captain."

You raise an eyebrow. "We doing a pirate RP or something?"

"No. John's just being John," Karkat says. He bends down so that your faces are inches apart. He pulls off your shades, and because of how close he is you still see him in perfect HD. "We're going to fucking ruin you, Dave Strider."

Oh hell, now you really don't mind the carrying thing.

Karkat leads John to your bedroom. The towels are already draped over the covers. There's even more than usual, but you notice a complete lack of a bucket. Oh shit, this is going to get messy. Your stomach squirms excitedly. You're starting to get wet just from the thought.

"Put him on the bed and get the handcuffs. The hard ones."

John hums happily as he sets you on the bed. You struggle out of your shirt and pants but leave your binder firmly in place. Debauchery or not, you don't want to cross that line tonight. You see Karkat strip as John rummages in the toy chest. Eventually he comes back with the good metal handcuffs in one hand. He pushes you onto a kneeling position and cuffs your hands behind your back.

"Is that good?" He asks, "Not too loose or tight or anything?"

You give them an experimental tug, "We're good up here."

Karkat puts his hand on your cheek, "Can you tap out from here?"

"Yeah."

"Good, because I don't think I'm going to let you have your mouth for very long."

Your eyes flick downward. He's still trapped in his sheath, but it's about as bright red as it goes. You lick your lips and wonder if you'll be drowning in his pussy or choking on his dick. Either way, you're excited. You shift your thighs to relieve the pressure, but John notices and pushes them apart.

"Nope," He says, smiling. "I know you know how to be a good boy."

You whine softly, but it's not a real complaint. You love being called 'boy.' It's both demeaning and reassuring at once and that pings you like nothing else.

"Hey!" John pouts. "If you keep that up we can just leave you tied up."

"It's true. John's bulge is almost as good as your mouth."

You know. Oh boy do you know. And it's hot as fuck when they do it in front of you, but if they just make you watch tonight you're gonna explode. So you shut up and spread your legs a little more.

"Yeah. Just like that." John doesn't take his eyes off of you for a long time. Oh shit, his pants are gone. When did that happen? His cock twitches, heavy and flushed in his lap and you no longer care.

Finally, his eyes flick upwards. "How far can we go?"

For a minute you're confused. If you didn't want to get fucked you'd have told them to stop by now. Given, it wouldn't be the first time you pulled the plug. Sometimes your dysphoria acts up when the clothes hit the floor and you get too disgusted with your body to continue (though keeping the binder on helps. So does your harness, even if you're bottoming). They're always really great about it too: giving you your clothes back and making hot coca and snuggling until you start to feel better. They usually don't even sneak off afterwards to fuck each other in the bathroom.

"He doesn't want to ask," Karkat says softly to you. "So I'll do it instead. Can I fuck your nook instead of your mouth?"

You swallow. That's right, they always ask before they do that. You never told them to, but John always did and Karkat followed suit.

"Yeah," you say. "Yeah, you can do that."

"Not fair!" John says, "I asked first."

"Not properly." Karkat says, rolling his eyes. "And plans can change. I remember a few times when you said you were going to ride my bulge that ended up the other way around."

"Yep," you say. "You're in back. Next time you gotta call shotgun."

John looks put out for all of half a second but then you see an evil idea cross his mind. "Aright. But we're gonna need some lube then. Right, Karkat?"

Oh hell no, he isn't.

He is.

Little shit.

Karkat slides into his lap and lets John run one hand between his legs. The sheath swings open at the touch and they both let out tiny adorable moans. You try to keep your eyes on their faces and fail miserably. Instead you see gray fingers wrap around John's gorgeous (if slightly blurry) cock as Karkat carefully guides it inside of him.

There's more moaning as the head slips in, this time you join in as well. Thankfully, neither of them comment. Karkat closes his eyes because he fucking turns to mush whenever there's anything in his nook but John doesn't break eye contact with you. It's easy to make out his irises, white and blue a striking contrast to his dark skin. What's not so easy is making out the finer points of his expression, but you can imagine the cocky smirk, the feral gleam in his eyes. There's going to be no equality this time, not even between him and Karkat. No smile or soft tone can cover John's dominant streak tonight. You can practically smell the testosterone coming off of him and you're torn between arousal and envy.

"Turn." He says, and you scramble to obey. "Wow, such a good boy. Such a good little slut."

Fuck, he probably just could have used you. You're practically dripping. A moment later, his slim, talented fingers are circling your rear entrance. It's blazing hot when he breaches you. It always is when he uses Karkat to slick you up. You bury your face in the pillows to hide your blush as he begins the slow task of working you open. The whole time you can hear the wet slap-slap-slap as Karkat rides him. Fuck, you can't wait until it's you.

It takes a little longer than usual for John to work you open. The last few times you were the one doing the fucking. Eventually your body remembers how to take it, though. Karkat slides out of the way and you feel strong muscular arms wrap around you, pulling you into his place. Now John's cock is resting between your ass cheeks, twitching against your skin.

You need it inside of you, but with your hands bound there's nothing you can do. John's being gentle. He's leaving little kisses on your neck and shoulders and his fingers run over your stomach. It should feel like torture with how horny you are. A week of pent up sexual energy is making you really fucking desperate for cock. Instead it makes you want to melt and cry because it's John. It's John, who's always so confident, who's always been strong. He's just so normal compared to you and Karkat and you've craved his attention and approval since you were twelve. And now here you are years later and he loves you. He's still not good at saying it, but that's what the kisses and touches mean. Sexual attraction alone doesn't cause that kind of affection. It's almost too much.

Then you feel a warm hand on your cheek. You open your eyes and Karkat's looking back at you with slight concern. He's close enough again that you can see him clearly and you focus in on his eyes. At first you never thought about it beyond that they're the same color as yours, but now you know it means so much more where he's from. He understands you in a way John probably never will. He knows what it's like to hate your body, to hate yourself for the vessel paradox space stuck you in. He has the same kinds of scars as you, the ones all over his forearms from 'practice.' He knows what it's like to try to hide what you are from your friends for fear of rejection, only to find acceptance when it inevitably comes out. Every time you do it, whenever you see his tiny adorable breasts or his weird alien pussy, you feel a little more comfortable in your own skin and you know for a fact seeing your red eyes and pink blush does the same for him.

Karkat kisses you softly, sweetly, and with no tongue for just a moment. Then he pulls away and says, "For fuck's sake, John, just give him what he wants!"

John gives a little affirmative grunt and then reaches between the two of you to finally slide his cock into you. Fuck, he's thicker than you remember, or maybe it just feels that way because from this position you can actually take him down to his base. He's twitching like crazy, eager to start moving. But he doesn't.

"Hey, Karkat," he says, placing his chin on your shoulder. "I feel like you should help him out here."

He's on you in a flash. With how wide your legs are spread his dick finds you right away. Usually there's some squirming, some confusion, because as much control as Karkat has over his cock, he's not perfect and the more excited he is the less it listens to him. It's a lot easier to take him than John because he flexes to fit you, and as much as you loathe to admit it that part of you is literally made for cock. As he enters he slides against the back. He's – shit – he's pushing against John. The thin membrane between the two of them is being squished and it feels fucking incredible. Almost as good as the time they spent forever prepping you so that both of them would fit in the back and Karkat actually wrapped himself around John inside of you.

Both of them hold you tightly, and when you look down you just see stripes of different colored skin: brown and grey and pink all over each other and mixing at the edges. Both of them are twitching pretty badly, Karkat a little more aggressively than John because he can. You startle as you realize they're waiting for you, neither of them wanting to move too fast or trigger anything.

You want to talk, to give them an affirmative. Your tongue, however, is being incredibly uncooperative. A swallow does nothing to help, so you just nod at Karkat. He smiles, the light from your cheap lamp reflecting on his perfect, sharp teeth. Then he leans forward and kisses you at the same time as his bulge curls up and starts fucking you.

An undignified squawk certainly does not come out of your mouth when he starts to move. Nope. But you do start to grind up against him. Karkat is the king of all that is cunt. He didn't used to be, but he was a diligent student and you've been at this for a long, long time. He pulls away to give you that same look he always does. It's not curiosity, not even pleasure, it's determination. Sometimes you wish he'd just lighten up and have some fun, but how the hell are you supposed to argue when it's like a million tiny angels are singing hymns of the coming of the Lord Baby Jesus into your mangina?

It would have been nice if you could at least have your hands back to return the favor (you're pretty Karkat's so good at teasing your not-so-girly parts because he's so into having his own played with), but noooo. You shift against your cuffs, and suddenly remember you've got a second cock in you.

John's hands land heavy on your hips. "Come on, if you're on top you've gotta ride, Dave."

Okay, a voice almost as high-pitched as yours shouldn't be able to carry that sort of authority. You try. Really, you do. But it's hard with Karkat between your legs. The most you can get is sort of a rocking motion. He tries to play it cool, but you can feel the tension and annoyance burning within him. He's like a tiger stuck in a cage at the zoo and it's a hell of a lot more fun for all of you when you let the seme out of the box.

"Put your hands on my shoulders," you whisper in Karkat's ear.

"What? Why?" He asks, doing so anyway.

"Brace yourself, we're gonna take a dive."

His eyes widen in realization and his bulge retracts. Then you lift up and off of John's cock before falling forward. Karkat's hold keeps you from face-planting and then he carefully lowers your head to his chest so he can guide his bulge back in.

You shudder when he does. He's hot and slick and now his base rubs against your clit as you rut down against him. John gasps behind you and you turn. He has his "gee wowzers" face on, which you know for a fact makes him look about here years younger. After a moment his expression darkens and he pounces onto you. Suddenly he's balls-deep again, but you don't even mind this time. One of his hands is on your hip and the other's in your hair.

He tilts your head to the side but then pauses. You can see him out of the corner of your eye. There's slight hesitance in his expression, eyebrows scrunched up just a little and his lip between his teeth.

"Come on, Egbert," you say. "Give me what you've got."

All you get for a warning is a quick smile. Then he's slamming into you so hard you're pretty sure Karkat can feel it. The grip on your hair tightens and he yanks your head to the side. His teeth find your shoulder and he starts sucking a mark onto your skin.

Karkat whines jealously under you (he wants to bite too, you know it, but with his shark teeth there's no way in hell. Today at least. Maybe tomorrow. Sometimes you let him nom on you as a treat). His bulge moves faster, pressing and then fucking pulsing right on your g-spot and holy shit that's game. You scream as your orgasm tears through you. Neither of them slows down and you're glad. It fucking took them forever to get it through their heads that you don't want them to stop fucking you.

All you do is grip Karkat's chest and gasp for air as your body stops shuddering. Their cocks are burning inside of you, almost making you cry. And Karkat's caressing John through your fucking vag again and goddamn you can't recuperate that fast. John lets go of your neck with a slurp. He pulls his chest back and why the fuck is the room so cold?

"Red and purple look great on you, Dave."

"Fuck off," You reply.

Karkat laughs and kisses him over your shoulder and you hate it when they do that because they're too close for you to appreciate how hot it is. All you can do is sit there and listen to their harsh breathing and feel like a weird sort of third wheel even though you're in the middle of a hottie sandwich. Goddamn do you hate your life sometimes.

Then they shift so they're both hitting the best parts of you at once and you love your life, you love your life, you love your life.

"So…" John's voice has a lightness to it that's perfectly dissonant with its sex-induced roughness. "Should we leave and take care of ourselves, or do we just keep using you?"

"You'd better fucking finish what you start," you grit out.

John smiles, and now that you're close you can see that there's not a hint of the dork who did the walrus thing with his pretzel sticks at dinner. His hands grip your hips so hard you won't be surprised if there are nice big bruises there tomorrow. It's shit like this that's always made him the boss. Friend-leader your ass.

And then he does. His entire body is moving, putting all the force it has into fucking you. Karkat starts going again too. What he lacks in leverage he makes up for in dexterity because his prehensile dick is your goddamn bff when it does its counterpoint-rhythm thing. Not even you could spit fires rad enough to convey how amazing it is being fucked by the both of them. Partially because you're too far gone to think of a beat or a rhyme, shit you can't even think of anything other than "yes, good, more." You're practically screaming and trying to grab onto something, but with your hands tied the most you can get is a single scraggly hair or two. Mostly you just end up scratching John's stomach. His forehead presses against your shoulder blades. He's sweating on you and his breath is hot and wet. It should be gross but you're so fucking close and damn you should try to remember that for a rap at some point.

"Aah, shit! Dave-!" He sounds like he's about to have an asthma attack instead of an orgasm.

"G-go for it."

He shouts and shoves himself in as far as he'll go. Pressed against him like you are, you feel every shudder as it passes down his spine. Karkat's still inside you, but he's having trouble keeping his rhythm solid. You wanna give him a hand, but you're kind of stuck.

You nudge John and he does it for you. It's pretty obvious from the long drawn-out moan when John's fingers find Karkat's nook. You growl when he starts to buck away from you, more interested in having his nook taken care of, but he doesn't seem to care. Still, he manages to get you off again, which seems to be what sets him off.

Karkat has never actually come in your front before, and maybe it should be hot, but since you're already finished it's kind of disgusting, thick and slimy and way too much of it for that particular orifice (you ought to have realized that with how hard it is for you to swallow it all). Luckily he doesn't linger. The moment his bulge is gone his weird alien spunk starts to flow out. You give it a little push to make it ooze faster (John's limp weight on top of you probably helps).

Fuck, you need to tell him not to do that again. But damn the guy just looks so happy and he's purring up a storm under you. Sometimes you wonder if it actually hurts him with how much he'll shake. John mumbles adoration in your ear and caresses your side.

It's all really fucking adorable up until the part where your bicep starts to cramp and you're done enough with the sex thing to not want a limp dick in your ass. You tip to the side enough to make John roll off. He does so with a squawk, but then he undoes your handcuffs for you so he can't be too mad. You scuttle off of Karkat and start pulling the towels away, throwing them towards the laundry basket. You award yourself fifteen points and then climb back between your men.

"Goddamn I've missed you," you say.

"We've missed you too," Karkat replies.

John just kind of hums happily and buries his head in your shoulder. He's never been one for pillow talk. Luckily you and Karkat can easily blabber enough for three guys.

Somehow you end up talking about different kinds of cheese from your respective planets and if you think it's possible to make some because damn mozzarella would be awesome so you could have decent fucking pizza again. Karkat thinks it's possible, but you'll have to talk to Jade to figure out the species of bacteria you need to try to make.

Eventually the pauses is conversation grow longer and longer until you find yourself dreaming of fighting over a can of Cheese Whiz with Karkat because he wants to draw hearts on John's chest and you want to draw dicks. You end up all sucking each other off, covered in the stuff. It manages to be ironic, stupid, and erotic. It's just the way you like it.