I'm Standing In Anonymous

by porsha principle

You swear to him that love in just a chemical reaction to prolong the human race, but you know different now." Set after 'The Beginning In The End' because I just had to have my say on it.

TITLE: I'M STANDING IN ANONYMOUS
FANDOM: BONES
POST-EP: THE BEGINNING IN THE END
SHIPPING: BONES/BOOTH
CHAPTER: ONE/UNKNOWN
WORD COUNT: 1,987
ANYTHING ELSE: WHILE THIS IS MY FIRST STORY POSTED, I AM NOT NEW TO FANFICTION. I HAVE WRITTEN QUITE A LOT OF STORIES, BUT THIS IS JUST A NEW ACCOUNT. IN ADDITION, I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN DONE A LOT, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO DO MY TAKE ON IT BECAUSE THE EPISODE WAS SUCH A CLIFF HANGER! THE TITLE, AND THE PARAGRAPH OF LYRICS, COMES FROM "YOU'LL ASK FOR ME," BY TYLER HILTON. PLEASE ENJOY AND REVIEW! (ALSO, I DON'T REALLY HAVE A BETA, ONLY KAYLAH TO LOOK OVER IT FOR ME, SO IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, CONTACT ME!)

well, i am what you see, i am not what they say,
but if I turned out to be, could you love me anyway?
i'm standing in anonymous, hoping your heart will
just wake up and ask for me by name. maybe some-
day you will ask for me by name, just not today

You haven't left the hospital in days and lucky for you, the nurses have took pity on you. At the moment, your hair is freshly wet from a shower in the locker room and you're dressed in a pair of green scrubs. Angela tells you that is worried, that you need to sleep, but you brush it off. This is Booth. You can't just leave him. Instead, you've preoccupied with another story—a story that has everything you want in reality but will never have. When you finish, it sickens you and you delete every word. You know you can't keep living in these fantasy worlds but you know you can't have him in the real one. Him and that damn line. You only wish you could tell him how much you hate it.

Booth has been laying in the bed unconscious for four days now and you're nervous, but the doctor keeps assuring you that he is fine, that this is his bodies way of healing from the surgery. Today, though, you have hope that he'll wake because he's been mumbling things. Even though you can't seem to catch any of it, it means that he's not unconscious anymore, only sleeping. The doctors have warned you of possible side affects, but you know he won't wake up with any of them. He is Booth, after all.

When you look up at Booth, he's awake and you can't help the smile that graces your face as you stand up, moving closer to his bed. "You're awake. Your operation was a success, but you reacted poorly to the anesthia. You've been in a coma for 4 days," you tell him, keeping your feelings, your fears, behind the mask you've developed over the years. It's harder than it used to be.

"It felt so real," he says and you're slightly confused before realizing it must have been a dream. Some people believe that when you're in a coma, you're dreaming so maybe he was. You don't know what he is talking about but you try to reassure him. "It wasn't real," you promise him, wondering why he hasn't said anything Booth like yet.

There's a pause and he looks at like he is confused before speaking again. "Who are you?" he asks and you stare at him for a second, trying to decide if he is joking before realizing he's not, he is completely serious. It only takes a few moments for you to feel like you've had the wind knocked out of you and you want to curl up and cry like you did when you thought he was dead. Only, somehow, this seems worse than that. Now, now he is alive but has no idea who you are. How can he not remember you?

You feel tears coming to your eyes and you know you need to get out of there before they start tumbling down. "I am going to go get a doctor," you mumble as fast as you can before exiting as fast as you can, leaving Booth confused.

The second you are out of the small hospital room, you find that you can't breathe and you're leaning against the wall, tears streaming out of your eyes. Most people who saw you would be alarmed because they think you are insensitive and don't cry and don't get hurt, but that's not true. You cry more than you'd care to admit, but never before have you cried in a public place. You know later you'll regret it because you hating showing others your tears but now you can't seem to stop them.

You know post surgery amnesia happens but you are hurt. You two have been through everything together; you know everything, then again nothing, about him, and it is the same for him with you. He's taken a bullet for you and while you don't know what it means, you've seen him looking at you when he thinks you can't tell. You do the same to him, as well. You'd love to say you don't know why you do it but you do. You're attracted to him but even more, between all the fighting and dinners and secret sharing, you fell in love with him. You swear to him that love in just a chemical reaction to prolong the human race, but you know different now. You know about all different kinds of love.

You know about the one that you have for your family because, believe it or not, you still love them after everything that they've done to you. You know about the love between a parent and a child by watching Booth with Parker. You also know about love for your friends, like Angela and, for a while, Booth. It took you more than a while to realize the love you felt for Booth was different than the one you had for Angela. You were attracted to Booth and you could see yourself kissing him and even having sex with him. When he has a date, you're jealous and wish that instead of whatever girl it was at the moment, you were the one that had his attention. It took you a night of thinking before you knew what it was—you loved him. Not just as a friend—you were in love with him.

You'd never admit it, though, because he has the stupid line and besides, you would never risk your friendship. You friendship is more important than anything is and you can't lose that. You don't know what you would do without Booth.

Eventually, you collect yourself and though it is obvious that you've been crying, you ask the nurses to alert his doctor and moments later, both of you are talking and walking back to his room.

"We won't know the extent of his amnesia for a while," the doctor told you. "It could be temperary and it could be permanent; he could remember some things, maybe certain people, or he could remember nothing. It is really hard to tell right now. At the moment, it would be best to try and jog his memory a bit, Dr. Brennan," he tells you and you suddenly feel lost and confused.

If Booth was to never remember anything, he just wouldn't be Booth. He wouldn't work for the FBI and he wouldn't be your best friend or the man that you loved. He wouldn't be the father that Parker remembered; they would only share the same DNA. He would be nothing without the things that defined him.

"Would you like me to talk to him?" The doctor asked when you reached his door. "Or would you like to tell him?"

Quickly, you shook your head. Even if he didn't remember you, you wanted to be the one to tell him, not some doctor who was going to forget his name the second that he left here. "I can do it, thank you," and with that, you slipped back into his room.

He looks at you confused again but doesn't say anything as you move beside his dead again, trying to hide the hurt you're feeling. "You were crying," he said obviously noting your puffy eyes. Damn him for being so observant. "Did I do anything?" he asks and even though in a way he did, you shake your head.

"No, you didn't and I'll be fine, honestly," you admit, hoping you that you will in the end of all of this. "Uh, do you know who are you?"

Again, he gives you that confused look before nodding his head slowly. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?" he said, looking at carefully. "Should I know who you are or something?"

Trying not to cry again, you nod your head again. "Yeah, you should," you manage out. "What year is it, Booth?"

Again, he nods before answering. "Yeah, 2004," and you sigh softly. In a way, you're relived to know that he hasn't forgotten everyone. He is still going to know Parker, Rebecca, and Cam. Then, a second later, it hurt again because God, just one more year and he would know her! Sure, he might hate her, but he'd know who she was and not just because she was a best-selling author, either.

"No, Booth; the year is 2009," and the look on his face is impossible to forget. He looks so confused but you figured anyone would upon finding that you're missing five years of your life. "You had surgery on your brain to remove a tumor. The surgery went well, the tumor is gone, but you had a bad reaction to the anesthetic and now, obviously, you have some brain damage. The doctor doesn't know if it is temporary or permanent; we just have to wait it out and see, okay?"

Booth looks white in the face, like he is about to be sick and at that moment, you feel selfish. You're pissed because he doesn't remember you but you forgot to imagine his reaction to learning that he knows nothing about the past five years. "Do you mean I don't remember five years of my sons life?" he asks, his voice sounding shocked and hurt at the same time.

"It will all come back to you, Booth. I'll help you—I have pictures of him and stories and I know that Rebecca does, too," you say, unable to look at his eyes. You know that if you do, you will break down again and you can't do that in front of him.

"You know about my son and Rebecca? Who are you?" he asked, slightly suspicious and you don't blame him. If you woke up and didn't know anything about the last five years, you'd be suspicious if Booth was there and knew about things related to you're personal life.

"Yes, I do," you admit, almost ready to laugh at the circumstances of this. He is suspicious of you of all people but it is still too painful to be funny. "I am your partner," you tell him and noting that could be taken the wrong way, you quickly add more. "We work together."

Again, he nods, seeming to accept that. "What's your name?" he asks you. "And I am sorry I don't remember who you are."

Yeah, I am sorry, too, you think but instead, you find yourself shaking your head. "Don't be. It's not your fault and you're going to remember, Booth. I know you will." It takes you a second to remember he asked what your name was. "Oh, sorry. My name is B-" and you stop, almost saying 'Bones.' No. This man was not Booth right now. Only Booth could call her Bones. Only him and, well, of course Parker but she wasn't going to tell him something that personal. That was something he needed to remember himself. "Brennan. Temperance Brennan," you say finally and you see him nod in recognition.

"The best-selling author?" Booth asks you and once again, you nod your head. "Oh. Why am I working with you?"

You're getting frustrated but you have to remind yourself that it is not his fault and he is going to remember. He is Booth. He has to remember. "I am a forensic anthropologist, as you know. We work together to solve murders that involve bones for the FBI. We have a pretty high solving rate."

Booth seems to accept this but doesn't say anything. Instead, he appears to be thinking and you decide should leave him alone. He has a lot to take in right now.

"I am going to go let everyone know, kay? I might go home and change into real clothes, too," you say softly and when he nods, you move to the door. You take one last look at him before exiting the room.

You manage to make it to your car this time before breaking down again.