Title: Smittany For a Day
Author: slacker_d
Crossover: NewsRadio/Glee
Pairing/Characters: Brittany/Santana, Rachel/Quinn, Artie/Tina, Finn, Mercedes
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Artie mixes a potion for Brittany.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,000
Spoilers: 5x05 for NewsRadio, none for glee
A/N: Everything Brittany says about Shakespeare and the Oscar/Tony thing is true.
2nd A/N:Unbeta'ed, so all mistakes are mine.
It starts out innocently enough. Artie causally mentions in glee that he has a Chemistry project he needs help with. However, everyone is shocked when he asks Brittany for the help.
No one is more surprised than the blonde herself, because science is most definitely not her best subject.
Still she agrees to meet Artie the next morning after Cheerio's practice but before the first bell.
…
Santana decides to go with her. She feels confident that Artie would never do something to intentionally hurt Brittany or anyone really, but it's her job to protect Brittany and she doesn't want the blonde to become some sort of guinea pig. Just because she's not valedictorian material, doesn't mean she deserves that.
"I should comment on your inability to trust," Artie tells Santana. "But since you're still kinda intimidating, I'll just explain why I asked for Brittany's help."
"Smart move."
"I've come up with a potion of sorts, I guess," Artie says. "And I was hoping Brittany would test it out for me."
Eying it suspiciously, Santana asks. "What kind of potion?"
Artie holds up a medium sized glass beaker, mostly full of a greenish substance. "I call it, Smart Drink."
"Smart Drink?"
Artie nods. "It should help improve intelligence."
"Why didn't you ask Finnocence?"
"Honestly?" Artie asks, looking behind him to make sure the Chemistry lab door is closed. "I figured it might work better on Brittany. She has way more potential."
Santana's eyes narrow.
Artie holds up his hands. "I mean that in a good way."
"What's it taste like?" Brittany asks.
Artie shrugs. "I don't know. But it kinda smells like sour apple bubble gum."
"Is that why it's green?"
"Let's hope so."
"What if this stuff makes her sick?" Santana asks.
"I wrote down everything that went in it," Artie tells her. "And how much. If we have to go to the emergency room, then at least we'll be prepared?"
Santana balls up her fists.
"It shouldn't though," Artie offers, holding up his hands again. "Everything in it is perfectly safe and nothing becomes toxic when mixed together. I promise I took every precaution, Santana. I don't want to hurt Brittany."
"Artie's not like that, S," Brittany adds.
"Fine," Santana says. "But you have to be with either me or Artie all day."
"What about class?" Artie asks. "I only have one class with Brittany."
"Yeah. And you only have three," Brittany says.
They're right. Santana tries to remember if she knows anyone else's schedule. Because between her and Artie, they have almost all Brittany's classes covered. They just need to find someone for the first two period of the day.
"Okay, then, Brit," Santana says. "Who's in your first and second period that we can trust?"
…
"Berry?" Santana exclaims as Brittany drags her down the hallway towards Rachel's locker.
"She's very responsible," Brittany tells Santana. "And she's in my first three classes of the day."
Santana knows this, sort of, because she usually spends part of third period harassing the diva. Her indignant squawks are very funny.
"I still think we should have asked her before you drank the stuff."
"Rachel'll agree. That's just how she is."
They find Rachel at her locker quietly flirting with Quinn. Santana makes a small gagging noise that causes the pair to turn.
"Yes, Santana," Rachel says. "How can I help you today?"
"We need a small favor."
"From me, Santana? You don't say. Whatever could you need from me?"
"Just because you're dating Q here, doesn't mean I won't still dump a slushie in your locker, Berry."
"What's up, guys?" Quinn interrupts, hoping to halt yet another verbal sparring match between her girlfriend and her best friend.
"You remember yesterday when Artie asked Brit for some help with his Chemistry project?"
"We do," Rachel nods.
"Well, it turns out his project involves Brit drinking this weird concoction he mixed together. Artie calls it a smart drink, which of course is complete bullshit, but B, here, still agreed to drink it."
"Brittany," Rachel says. "I'm not sure that was the wisest move. While I don't believe that Artie intends any harm towards you, it is still highly foolish to drink something if you're unsure of the contents. Studies show that nearly sixty percent of—"
"Can it, Berry," Santana interrupts. "It's too late, she's already drank it; despite my reservations. But it would be nice if someone kept an eye on her throughout the day until we're sure she's okay."
"That seems sensible."
"But between me and Artie, we've only got 4 classes covered. Can you keep an eye on her in first and second?"
"If you're so concerned, S," Quinn says. "Why did you let B drink it?"
"I didn't let her do anything, Fabray," Santana snaps. "Brittany can make her own decisions. Unlike somepeople, I'm not a controlling bit—"
"Don't finish that sentence, Lopez," Quinn warns. "Just because I have a strong opinion about things, doesn't mean I'm controlling."
"Oh really," Santana replies. "So that wasn't you yesterday in glee ordering Berry around?"
"Picking what we should eat for dinner is hardly ordering someone around. Besides, we take turns picking and yesterday was my choice. Tell her, Rach."
They both turn to face their respective girlfriend, only to find both gone.
Quinn's phone then beeps. It's a text from Rachel.
"Brittany and I left, since neither of you needed us as witnesses to fight. Tell Santana I'll keep an eye on Brittany. See you at lunch."
"Nice job, S," Quinn hisses.
"Who cares? As long as Berry's keeping an eye on Brit, I've got no complaints. Later."
…
Santana doesn't see Brittany again until before third period. Part of her wishes she'd stopped the blonde from drinking it. Smart drink; as if.
Neither Berry or Brittany is there when Santana arrives. She shrugs and goes to her seat. A moment later, the pair enter chatting away. This is no surprise to Santana, with Berry, there's always plenty of chatting. But as they get closer, she realizes that Brittany is more than keeping up with the diva. That is a bit unusual.
"…eight is actually a lot when you think about it. However, there's nothing more recent than Joel Grey's win for Cabaret which was 1966 for the Tony and 1972 for the Oscar. It just goes to show the fall of the big Hollywood movie musical, doesn't it? Or perhaps that the modern day actor has to choose between Hollywood and Broadway."
"Certainly that's possible," Berry agrees. "But isn't more that no studio is will to put up money for a brand new musical? Just because it did well on stage and perhaps even wins multiple awards, doesn't mean that it'll translate to the screen. Take Once Upon a Mattress. That's a classic show. It was made into a TV movie, sure, but I'm not sure that it transitioned quite right. They changed a great many things before they put it on TV."
"Maybe it's the actors' faults. They don't want to be pigeon holed. So if they're offered a chance to revive their role, even if it's in a different medium, they refuse because they want to expand their horizons."
"What about Christian Campbell? He played Jimmy Harper in both the stage musical and the movie—"
"Hey, Brit," Santana greets, interrupting them because they show no signs of stopping. "Berry. How's things?"
"Swimmingly," Brittany replies.
"Yes, despite my reservations about some random concoction that Artie mixed together, there seem to be no ill effects so far."
"Really?"
"Certainly, she's is a bit more loquacious than normal, but I don't see that as a bad thing."
"I wouldn't say loquacious," Brittany says. "I would call it verbose, yet succinct. The latter being something you need to work on, Rachel."
Rachel grins. "I suppose that's true, but I'm already known for being rather voluble."
Santana is getting a bit freaked out. "Ah, right, well thanks for the help, Berry."
"Anything to help out Smittany."
"Smittany?
"Smart Brittany," the blonde answers.
"It just seemed weird to call her Brittany," Berry explains. "So Smittany came up with that instead."
"Whatever," Santana mutters. "Weirdo."
The bell rings and they all slide into their seats. Santana is still a bit freaked out by the whole thing. While it isn't unusual to see Brit and Berry getting along, Santana certainly isn't used to B not asking Berry for definitions every time she speaks.
In English, they've been discussing Shakespeare, which Santana has no interest in and Brittany doesn't understand. They've been passing notes back and forth for the past week instead of paying attention. However, today Brittany's attention is riveted on their teacher.
"Shakespeare often took his inspiration for his plays from other sources," their teacher says. "Can anyone tell me of the possible inspirations he might have had for Much Ado About Nothing?"
Everyone is thrown when the blonde raises her hand and doesn't ask to use the bathroom.
"I believe he found his inspiration from three different sources," Brittany answers. "The Claudio/Hero storyline was most likely from a dramatization about Ginevora and Ariodante by Aristo in his epic Orlando Furioso and perhaps Matteo Bandello's talk of Sir Timbero and Fenicia in a collection titled, Novelliere. As for the Beatrice/Benedick plot line, his inspiration is most likely the passages in Baldassar Castigliones's Ill Libro Cortegiano, which was translated into English in 1561."
Silence.
"Uh, thank you, Brittany," the teacher says, finally.
"Could we also possibly discuss Shakespeare's use of wit?" Brittany asks.
"Um, certainly. I'm guessing you have some thoughts."
The blonde nods. "I just find it fascinating how the wit of the play informs the words spoken by the characters. It places the characters themselves as truly witty and intelligent, inappropriately facetious, or ingeniously witless and suggests the lines of actions these characters will take. And as intelligence, plays a fundamental role in the dramatic action; the triumphing or true wit in alliance with harmless folly over false or pretentious in the tripartite form often taken by jests."
The silence is longer this time.
"Okay, then. Why don't we discuss the villainy of Don John?"
The rest of class is the same. Not only is Brittany able to answer all of the teacher's answers, she's able to expand to the point where the teacher is speechless.
When the bell rings, everyone else shuffles out except for Santana, Brittany and Berry.
"I think Artie might be a mad scientist type genius," Santana says.
"The Smart Drink certainly does seem to be working," Berry agrees. "I owe Artie an apology. I'll see you guys in glee."
…
Their next class together is the same. Normally Algebra would be spent doodling and gossiping in the back corner. Instead, Brittany is again raising her hand and answering questions in a detailed manner. Their math teacher doesn't even attempt to keep the shocked look off his face. Neither do any of their classmates.
Santana's glad lunch is next so she can hunt down Artie and ask what the hell is up.
When the bell rings, Santana has to forcibly drag Brittany out because the blonde wants to have a discussion with the teacher about the factorization of polynomials.
…
In the lunch room, Santana makes a beeline for Artie as Brittany strolls along behind her.
"What the hell was in that drink, Artie?" she asks, spinning him around in his chair.
"It's just an infusion of certain vitamins, amino acids and herbal extracts. Why?"
Brittany appears a moment later. "You know, S? Since we're really not allowed to ingest anything substantial for lunch, I think I shouldn't tarry here any longer. I'll be in the library if you need me." And she flounces off, stopping briefly to talk to Berry.
"That's why," Santana growls.
Artie grins. "It's working then."
"What's working?" Tina asks.
"The Smart Drink I made," Artie explains. "I gave some to Brittany this morning. I should go observe. I should be collecting data for my report."
"Brittany's not a monkey in the zoo."
"No, she's definitely not, but I do need information for my project."
Artie wheels himself out of the cafeteria. Tina shrugs and follows. Santana follows, having nothing else to do.
…
In the library they find Brittany bent over four different books. They watch as she appears to read each book before flipping the page. She's mouthing the words as she reads, so Santana feels that the old Brittany is still there.
"She's reading four books at one time," Tina whispers.
"I'm going to be rich; a drink that actually makes a person smarter. I could call it Intelli-Juice or Smart Fruit Punch."
Santana ignores them both and approaches her girlfriend. "Hey Brit."
"Hello. Enjoying the show?"
"We're just curious is all," Artie says, approaching slowly.
"Are you really reading four books at once?" Tina asks.
"I am." She flips the pages again.
"But that one's upside down," Artie says, pointing to the one closest to the blonde.
"No offense, Artie," Brittany says. "But have you ever read four books at once?"
"No."
"Then don't tell me how to do it."
"She's got a point," Tina says.
"Fascinating." Artie has pulled out a notebook and is quickly jotting down notes.
…
"So you're really smarter?" Finn asks later in glee.
"Apparently."
"But it's just some weird thing Artie mixed together," Mercedes says.
"So it seemed," Brittany agrees. "Before I drank it, I thought, this is highly unlikely. Actually I thought, I hope it really does taste like sour apple bubble gum. But then I thought the other thing and that's how I knew it was working."
"So are you like a genius now?" Finn asks.
"Perhaps. I'm certainly the most intelligent person in this room. In addition, my knowledge retention level is astronomical. I'm curious if this will have an adverse or beneficial effect on my dancing ability."
"I don't see how an increased aptitude would have an unfavorable effect on your dancing skills," Berry says. "You're a natural, Smittany. It would stand to reason that your instincts will easily come into play."
"I suppose that's logical. I'd hate to think I could only either be intelligent or an excellent dancer. It seems so limiting."
Santana can only watch in disbelief. It's been like this since lunch. Brittany really does seem smarter.
"It's creeping me out," Quinn whispers.
"I know," Santana agrees. "What's even worse? Is how she's getting along so well with Berry."
"Yeah, Rachel has always had a soft spot for Brittany. Having someone to rival her talkativeness is like finding a golden ticket."
"Great. I guess this means I'll be seeing more of the two of you?"
"Not necessarily, S," Quinn says. "They don't seem to have an interest in either of us at the moment."
Finally, Mr. Schue breaks up the panel of questions directed at Brittany and by extension, Artie so they can actually rehearse.
…
Santana is still cursing Brittany's helpful nature. Not only is her making out time being cut into by the presence of Quinn and Berry, Tina and Artie are at Brittany's house as well. Artie claims it's research for his project.
The reason doesn't matter to Santana. She tuned them all out about an hour ago. She was so bored, she actually did her homework.
"Ow," Brittany says, grabbing her head.
"What's wrong?" Berry asks.
"Bad news, guys," Brittany answers. "I think it's wearing off."
"What?" Artie asks. "That's fine. I'll just make more."
"It won't do any good," the blonde informs them.
"Why not?" Tina asks.
"Because the Smart Drink doesn't actually work," Brittany says.
"How can you say that?" Artie asks. "The existence of Smittany would prove otherwise."
"Guys, it's simple. While Artie is quite clever, he's no chemist. The only reason the concoction worked is because Brittany believed it would. Her lack of common sense is what allowed this sort of placebo effect on her brain. In short, my drinking it now would have no affect on me because I know exactly what's in the potion and it's nothing to substantiate the reaction that's occurred."
"Oh," Tina says.
"So I shouldn't contact the patent office? No Intelli-Juice?" Artie questions.
"I'm sorry to say, no," Brittany answers.
Artie sighs. "Great. No A for me in Chemistry."
"On the contrary," Brittany says. She holds up a packet. "I wrote a short thesis on the phenomenon for you, Artie. I figured you would need it."
"When did you have time to write that?"
"During my classes today."
"How?" Santana asks. "I never saw you write anything down. You were always raising your hand in class. Plus, it's typed. When were you even by a computer?"
"There are twenty four usable hours in every day, Santana."
"Well, then I guess that's our cue to exit," Artie says. "Thanks for this, Smittany." He holds up the thesis. "I owe you."
"Think nothing of it, Artie."
"Bye, Smittany," Tina says. "It was nice meeting you, I guess."
"Bye you two."
"We'll get going too," Quinn says.
"What? No way, I have way too many questions for Smittany before she disappears," Berry protests.
"Too bad, Rach," Quinn tells her. "Santana's already annoyed with you. Let's not push it."
"Santana's always annoyed with me," Berry replies.
Well, that's true. "Never let it be said that you're stupid, Berry," Santana tells her.
"See," Berry says. "But you're probably right." She hugs Brittany. "See you guys tomorrow, sort of."
"We know what you mean, Rachel," Brittany says.
After it's just Santana and Brittany alone, they head up to the blonde's bedroom.
"Finally," Santana says, flopping onto the bed. "I don't suppose you want to make out."
"Normally, I'd readily agree," Brittany tells Santana. "But this switch over is giving me quite a headache, so I'm going to have to decline."
Instead, they cuddle up on her bed and watch a movie until they fall asleep.
…
The next day Brittany is her usual bubbly, but non genius self. Santana's glad things seem to be back to normal.
People are still giving the blonde odd looks in the hallway, but she either ignores them or doesn't notice. Santana's glares make them divert their eyes as the pair stroll through the halls, pinkies linked.
With Brittany seemingly back to her usual self in class, the weird looks quickly stop.
…
With Smittany's thesis, Artie gets an A on his Chemistry project.