Ok, This is my second fic. My first was serious, this one is random and full of nonsence, so yeah. Disclaimer. Yes I wish I owned The Pilots and their shmexiness selves, but I don't. I only lay claim to my freak ideas and Steve. You will meet her later. Yes, Steve is a her.
I own Flame now too. I wrote it on her. I DO NOT own Keanu Reeves though. Blah.
Warning! Wufei gets humped! OOC and craziness. Yes I know its short but it was just a random idea floating in the depths of my brain! Another warning. Gay puns. Releana gropes herself. Yeah... um... This started off as a fic, but flame showed up, AKA Kelsey, my co-worker... The fic went random and yeah... So the format goes from past tense to present in a matter of a few sentences. Please don't hate me T . T
Llamas like Leftovers
Duo walked into the kitchen of the new safe house. Quatre, making breakfast, greeted Duo with his usual cheer and charm. Trowa was at the table sipping on coffee. Wufei was droning about the latest news in the paper. Heero, like always, was endlessly tapping away on his lap top. "I want a pet." Duo proclaimed. Quatre looked at Duo. "Maybe a puppy or a kitten will be nice. Or even a fish or a hampster?" Duo shruged. "Something." Wufei scoffed. "Pets are weak." Duo looked at the Chinese man with a giggle. "So are news papers." With that, Duo sent his hand through the pages. Snatching the what part of the paper Duo had, skimpered away with Wufei trailing not to far behind. "Maxwell you will pay! INJUSTICE!" Duo carted into his room and managed to lock the door. Lowering onto his floor, Duo listened to Wufei yelling through the door. "Maxwell, you will pay for the injustice you have brought upon my paper!" Duo, blocking out Wufei's rant looked at the paper he had. Part of an ad that read "Llama for Sale. Color, tan with white spots. Likes to eat leftovers." There was a warning to the ad, however it was torn off. Duo grinned.
Later that evening, Quatre was making dinner. "Has anyone seen Duo?" Duo usually would have already been in the kitchen, beging for food at even the slightest aroma. Quatre heard the front door open, a few struggling noises and then it shut again. There was the sound of Duo's voice, a something making an awful moaning noise. Then Duo's bedroom door opened, more struggle, then close. Duo walked in moments later, a large sly grin on his face, like a cat who had found, and eaten, all of the cream. Everyone dismissed this, only because Duo usually had that very grin on his face when food was around. Bits of straw were poking out of his braid. "Um... Duo, what was with all of the noise? And why is there hay in your hair?" Quatre questioned. "Oh... Um... New chair from this farmer guy." Duo grinned sheepishly. "Can I eat in my room? Wanna try it out." Quatre looked at Duo. "I don't see why not." Duo grinned. "Great!" With that, he had piles of food, both cooked and uncooked, on a plate. Skittering off, Duo was laughing some. Quatre shrugged. "Guess he likes the chair."
Later on that night, Heero had gotten up at 2:00a.m. to get some water, only to find something large and furry at the refigderator. Heero blinked. "I need to stop drinking soy sause." He walked back to his room and went to sleep.
Several days later, Quatre began to wonder about Duo. He hadn't come out of his room in three days. Quatre went to Duo's room and knocked on the door. No answer, just a strange moaning sound. Quatre knocked again. No answer. Quatre got fed up, and did something he would never do. He opened Duo's door. The noise was loud and horrid. "Muuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhhh!" It screamed as it whirreled past Quatre. Quatre yelped and Trowa came out of his room. "Whats wrong?" Trowa asked. "Something big and furry ran out of Duo's room!" Quatre squeeled. "Was it grandma, or did Heero forget to shave his back again?" Heero walks by. "I shaved my back!" Heero ripped his shirt off just as Wufei was heard screaming. Everyone ran into the living room to find Wufei underneath a large furry creature. "Its raping me! Its raping me! Trowa get your grandma off of me!" Duo ran out of his room, eyes drooping still from sleep. "Steve?... How'dga get out, girl?" Duo yawned. "WHAT THE HELL IS A STEVE AND WHY IS IT HUMPING ME!" Duo blinked. "Steve is a llama. A girl llama. She likes you. She humped me the first time I saw her. The farmer I bought her from said she'd stop. Now that I think about it. The farmers son liked me too. He humped my leg while singing 'In the Navy'. And don't get me started on the horse, bull, chicken, dog, cat, and duck. They liked me too." Everyone blinked. "Mmmaaawwwhhh..." Everyone turned around, eyes wide, only to find Quatre rubbing Heero's back. "What? Its smooth..." Quatre runs away. Heero blinked. "I have assless pants..." Duo screeches. "Those are MINE!" Heero looks around. "Umm... To the secret soy sause cave!" Stomps on the floor. Falls through. "OW! Glass in my ass... Actually it feels kinda good..."
Zechs dances across the room wearing a bikini. "I wore an itsy bitsy, tiny winy, yellow polka-dot bikini!" Duo cracks up laughing. "Itsy bitsy, tiny weenie is right Zechs!"
Dorothy shows up with normal eyebrows.
"Do we know you?"
Jerks eyebrows out of pockets and throws them, impailing Zechs to the wall. bikini falls off.
"Oh god! He's a HERMAPHRODITE!"
"Oh that explains why my brother wouldn't have sex with me... And why he has tampons in his gundam... HA HA you have have a period and can get kicked in the balls!"
Releana walks in, holding her boobs. "Wanna feel! Their new!"
"Where are all of these people coming from!" Hollered Wufei.
Everything gets all pixely.
A girl with blonde hair streaked with black stares at screen with another girl with pink and red hair beside her.
Tsukiyono195. "Shit! Kelsey you broke the matrix!"
Flame." DID NOT!" Hits a button. Everything turns blue.
Keanu Reeves shows up. "The Matrix!"
Tsukiyono195. "No! OUT!"
Flame. "...Can I have your coat?"
Keanu. "Sure."
Tsukiyono195. "Shit..."
Quatre. "Who are you?"
"Tsukiyono195. "Um... The Author of this fic."
Flame. "I am the ONE! Look at my coat!"
Tsukiyono195. "Things got out of hand, we appologise."
Flame. "I am the ONE!" Reaches for a button.
Tsukiyono195. "Kelsey DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON!"
Pushes button.
World explodes.
Voice from nothingness. "I am... The..."
Another voice. "Shut up, Kelsey."
Fin.