Just a cheeky little spin off from "My Best Friend's Boobies" you dont have to have read it... but you should :) enjoy!
A round of applause for James potter
"WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?" James potter asked his best friend of 6 years.
"That's only a valid question if you're a good person." the girl with the neon red hair replied.
"Izzy! I am a good person!" James seemed to be very stressed out now.
"Yeah to me, your family and yourself. But most people think you're a prick." Izzy said simply, and with a smile.
"Great! I really needed that. Right at this point, that's exactly what I needed." james threw himself into a nearby chair in the Gryffindor common room.
"Well you shouldn't have slept with Hufflepuffs biggest whore should you?"
"No one told me she had clap! Thats what you get from sleeping with a load muggles." James had his hands over his eyes. Izzy surveyed him over her book in the chair opposite where James was having his tantrum.
"You want to know what my favourite part is?" she said, shutting her book and leaning forward, "You're under 17!" at this Izzy fell back laughing heartily.
"Why is that funny?" izzy didn't answer James, instead she carried
On laughing. "Isolde? Why is that funny?"
"Dont call me that James! And it's funny because you're underage. You've got to tell mummy and daddy!"
James sat up, his face had gone suddenly very pale.
"Oh God. I can't tell my mum. She'll kick the shit out of me! But I can't Bare the I'm disappointed in you speech from my dad it's like he's kicked me in the chest when he says that!" Izzy giggled. James gipped.
That weekend James decided to visit his parents at their cottage in Godrics Hollow, they were over the moon to see their eldest child.
James waited till his father had gone to work, then he walked down the road to a little florist in the centre of the village. He bought Lilys for his mum, they were her favourite.
"Oh James Darling they're beautiful!" Ginny Potter said accepting the Lilys from her son and placing them in a vase of cold water on the kitchen table. "What's brought this on? Are you in trouble or something sweetie?" she asked with an oblivious smile. Ginny leant in to hug James, as she grew closer James blurted out;
"I've got chlamydia" Ginny's body froze for a couple of seconds then she stepped back and surveyed the boy in front of her.
"I have no idea what that is, but it can't be something good if you've bought me flowers to tell me."
"it's a muggle disease."
"Don't give me that. There's more."
"It's sexually transmitted."
James received a hard slap to the side of the face.
"Are you telling me you've been sleeping around with muggles?" Ginny boomed.
"No! A girl at school."
"Thats no better James. You are underage and stupid! Did you even use a contraceptive charm? Or was she on the potion? is she your girlfriend?"
James hung his head. "She said she was on the potion, no she's not my girlfriend and yes I'm stupid."
"I am going to kill you. Wait till your father hears about this! Did you know we waited till we were married? Because we are in love!"
James would never say it, but he didn't believe what his mother had just told him for a second. She was Ginny Weasley. Ginny Weasley and waiting till marriage didn't go in the same sentence.
"Who was this girl? Not Izzy surely?" Ginny asked, still fuming.
"Ew! No, Izzy's my best friend. It was Maddie Mclaggen, 6th year Hufflepuff."
"Mclaggen? I knew her father."
I bet you did. James said in his head.
"Get your sorry arse to the fireplace."
"Why?" James suddenly felt very scared.
"You choose, ministry or St Mungos first?"
"Oh god. Ministry." James was not looking forward to either but facing his dad first seemed easier than the embarrassment of St Mungo's.
"Come in." the voice of James' father came from behind the heavy wooden door of his office. James' stomach swooped uncomfortably as he read the words "Harry Potter, Head Auror." on the door.
Ginny pushed open the door and pushed James inside.
"Hello darling! What a surprise!" Harry stood up and kissed his wife.
"And James!" he also hugged his son.
"James has something very important to tell you Harry." Harry suddenly looked serious and motioned for his son to sit down in front of him.
"Wait. What's that?" Harry said pointing to James' cheek. A red swollen hand Mark now resided there. "Gin have you hit him?" Harry sounded surprised, his wife had never layed a hand on any of their children out of anger.
"You'd better listen."
And so James recounted the embarrassing tale to his father. Who asked all the same questions his mother had and more embarrassing ones.
"James Sirius Potter. I am disappointed in you. Your mother and I didn't exactly wait until marriage but we had sense! I thought you had sense too!" Ginny had turned red and James smirked inwardly. Not daring to let it show on his face.
"You've got to realise that although it may seem like a good idea to shag everything you can, it's really not. You'll end up with another STD or worse, a kid!"
James now had his head hung low,
Ginny cupped his chin and pulled his head up again. Stroking his swollen cheek softly she said "Get to the hospital you little pervert."
Harry laughed and kissed his sons messy black hair. They might love him, but he was still in deep shit.
"Why do you get to cover your face up and I don't?" James asked his mother. Ginny had on her purple duffle coat and huge black sunglasses. Her easily recognisable hair tucked away into her hood.
James however was just In his weird sisters top, jeans and his leather jacket.
"welcome to St Mungos teenage support clinic, if you've got it we'll stop it. Please hand in your wand as identification and take I free vial of contraceptive potion." said the witch at the desk. Her voice was unenthusiastic and monotone.
Ginny huffed.
"This is so embarrassing." she said quietly as she handed over her wand.
"Why? No one knows who we are here." James said handing over his own wand.
"Are you impaired? I'm the seeker and captain of the England Quidditch team and your father is Harry bloody chosen one boy who lived Potter!" Ginny spat angrily.
The witch behind the desk gasped and looked at Ginny, who huffed again and took off her coat and sunglasses. The smile she gave the reception witch fell too soon and she looked slightly offended.
"Mrs Potter, here at St Mungos we pride ourselves on our discretion. Any treatments you require will be kept a complete secret. Wizard/ healer confidentiality and all that."
"Im not here for me! I'm here for my son!" Ginny hissed.
"Of course Mrs Potter, right through those doors."
Ginny pushed her son through the White double doors and into a waiting room where they threw themselves into uncomfortable chairs in the same disgruntled fashion.
10 minutes past and several teenagers had passed trough the second set of double doors. One boy hopped uncomfortably, a hugely pregnant witch of around 18 waddled through and a pair of very scared looking teenagers followed. Then a young female healer with long blonde hair and a White tunic on came through the doors and called very loudly; "James Sirius Potter?"
The room full of people gasped and began to point. Ginny's head fell into her hands.
"Mum?" James said. "Arent you coming with me?" he looked like the scared little boy who had cut his finger in the garden and cried for
His Mama's help.
"No Jamesy. You get yourself in this mess, you get yourself out of it. Plus I don't need the details."
Around an hour of waiting passed and Ginny was getting agitated. Then after another 7 minutes James walked back out of the doors with a brown paper bag in his hand and a haunted look on his face.
"What did they say?" The boys
Mother asked.
"Go home, drink the potion they've given me then rest. Apparently it makes me really drowsy. No complicated wand work for today."
"Well I think you've done quite enough wand work to be honest." Ginny grabbed her sheepish looking son by the elbow, thanked the healer and left the hospital as quick as she possibly could.