Hi y'all I am so delighted to finally post this story. I've been holding it for two months, with no one to correct it. The idea 1st came to me after seeing iOMG, and it somewhat reminiscent of Let Your Life be Your Dream. If you're just finding my stories for the 1st time, normally I write for the Liley shipper. This is a totally new direction, since its my first and hopefully not my last CAM. Surprisingly when I began writing for I wasn't interested in iCarly. Secretly I'd seen it at the end of last summer and liked it. Though if I admitted I did I'd have do deal with betraying Hannah Montana lol. So I kept it to myself it wasn't until this past winter that I really got into it...to all my lovely fans, I hope you enjoy this iCarly fan fic, as much as I am enjoying writing it. Of course thank you to Helen, Missa who inspired this story and to everyone who is going to read and review...I don't own iCarly because hell if I did there would only be one shipper CAM, after all Mama loves...her cupcake mwhhha

iSecret

Chapter 1: There will be Tears

Carly didn't wipe her tears away. Instead she let them fall despairing as she'd closed her eyes; leaving water drops on her PearBook Pro. How had she gotten here, how had everything turned out so wrong? She thought wordlessly.

Outside the nightlife of Seattle went on, inside everything felt frozen and uncomfortable. Just thinking of what she seen again trapped her in confusion and hurt.

"I thought she wanted me?" she whispered as her mind chided her. Why do you care now Carly you didn't care for her before. Why now?

Though she knew the answer when she felt the familiar flutter in her stomach, though she'd tried to forget and push it way.

She'd pretend, she'd denied this she'd done everything short of facing it. Touching her finger to the track pad she brought up iMusic. Scrolling through her attention elsewhere, she put the music on shuffle as just as suddenly Taylor Swift's "The Way I love you" came up. Carly felt her cheeks burn, as the secret memory swept back.

"You've never kissed anyone?"

She heard her own words echoing back to her long since forgotten.

"I didn't know" she whimpered "how didn't I notice?"

She felt her heart breaking now she'd lost it all, lost everything in one kiss. One simple kiss.

Biting her lip, she tasted her blood now remembering the events painfully. The lock in that night with everyone the common tradition for finishing their final projects. She'd cleverly chosen to study with Gibby the effects of different sensory stimuli on her brother, the test subject. It had been an amusing evening at first even with Sam's even stranger behavior.

Certainty though she'd never imagined this kind of pain. Or how her best friend would break her heart.

This couldn't be true? Pushing her dark hair away from her eyes she tried to shake the thoughts away. Now through with them bubbling up her heart was racing. No I can't it couldn't be.

Opening her eyes, bleary from the falling tears. She minimized the iMusic, and brought up a blank page. She sighed, and typed...the words she'd been afraid to say for two years.

I think I am in love with Sam.

Freddie couldn't believe what happened. He thought probably he'd imagined it. Though he could still taste the cherry lipgloss on his lips. So probably it did happen. Though looking at her she seemed so confused. He wanted to kiss her again, he gulped.

How could he be feeling this for someone who wasn't Carly? For the girl who hit him, pranked him, made his life hell. Though in the half light, with the wind blowing her blonde curls. She'd until now never seemed so spellbinding or just so captivating.

He couldn't deny he was falling for the most dangerous girl in school Samantha a.k.a Sam Puckett his frenemy. The girl he'd always secretly admired. The girl who an hour ago had kissed him!

Her big azure eyes, thoughtful and beyond his reach. Freddie reached out tentatively to touch her hand. She didn't swat him, and he took this for a good sign. As Sam turned and smiled could it have been sadly? Then the moment passed and her bitterness turned into a genuine smile.

All words failed him, the evenings crazy even bizarre events leaving him dizzy with happiness.

"Who knew Spencer could start a fire inside a box" he said attempting to get their conversation started.

Sam sighed and rolled her eyes. Freddie really isn't that bad...She thought...but he isn't...stop it stop it Puckett...stop it...you're only hurting yourself.

"Sam?"

"Yeah what Freddward..." Sam heard herself say mockingly then stopped and frowned... "yes Freddy?" she tried again.

He smiled at her attempt to be nice making her restless and nervous. He wants me to kiss him again. This doesn't feel...

Freddie broke Sam's train of thought when he took her hand. She wasn't sure she liked or wanted it but knew she had moved on anyway.

As they went back into the school, Freddy took a deep breath and was just about to ask Sam if she wanted to go somewhere to be alone. Their project was nearly done anyway and he thought they could spare half an hour. He was longing to hold her again.

"Freddy Sam.." a puffing and huffing Gibby caught up with them. Damn Gibby thought Freddy...

"Have you seen Carly...?" he asked panicked.

"No why?" Freddy questioned.

Sam felt fear prick her stomach, yes where was the girl she loved? Out loud she asked "she wasn't with you when the fire started."

Cursing herself for not rushing to find her as she'd been guilty trying to avoid telling her she'd developed crush like feelings for Freddy. In an another attempt to forget her much grander love for Carly.

Gibby hesitated "I sent her to look for Freddie, I was afraid the box was going to malfunction and of course it did..."

Sam felt a hot blush wash across her face as she grabbed for her phone. She had to try and explain she knew now Carly must've seen the 'kiss' and ran.

Rubbing her eyes Carly noticed her phone was vibrating again. She'd must have fallen asleep again draped over her laptop. The last thing she remembered was an embarrassed Spencer poking his head in. She noticed that he'd left her tea, and wisely not mentioning her tear streaked face.

It wasn't surprising that she'd missed three calls and five texts from Sam. She'd only sent one text earlier and it hadn't been to her best friend. She'd simply texted Gibby saying not to worry that she'd gotten sick and that Spencer had driven her home and please tell the Principal.

She'd texted him after she'd walked off after the fire Spencer started.

Again her phone vibrated as she received another text this time from Freddie.

"Carls; Sam and I are really worried plz call or text us."

"So is there an us then"Carly heard her voice shake. Fresh tears rushing down her face.

All she wanted to do was crawl into Sam's arms and cry to her best friend. Cry that her heart was breaking but she couldn't then Sam's happiness would be compromised. She'd obviously moved on with Freddie.

Looking back at the words she'd written hours ago

I think I am in love with Sam.

She backspaced them and wrote I am in love with Sam, and as she read them back she remembered how it had happened.

With one little kiss.

Sighing heavily again she brought up her online blog. The one she'd been reading before she'd fallen asleep. She'd started this blog after the 'kiss' and the events that followed. She'd never told anyone about this blog not even Sam. Well especially not Sam, and that had the beginning of the secrets she'd kept.

January 3rd 2009, Carly didn't know why she was putting herself through this for the third time that night. Still starting from the top she reread the entry again.

"Jan 3rd 09

I, Carly Shay, am scared. I think I've hurt my best friend greatly and if I've lost her. OMG I can't imagine losing Sam. I've been crying for three hours and Spencer doesn't have a clue why. I keep telling him I am sick, but I don't think he's really that dumb. I think he knows something is wrong, because I am locked up here in my room with stress reducing tea, which I never drink because it's so bitter. Though it makes me sleepy so it's worth it now. On a night like this when my mind's all over the place.

Carly stopped reading and blushed suddenly realizing Spencer probably knew she wasn't sick. As she'd tasted the tea he'd left and found it to be bitter.

I am not going to ever be able to get this out of mind. So I keep downing the tea hoping with enough I'll pass out and forget this strange feeling. So Sam, decided to get Freddy back for the trick he played on her by handcuffing her to Gibby. I was pretty angry with him on that. It's not that I don't care when she plays jokes on him, I do. I just really don't like him doing it to her. Strange right?

Well on iCarly the next day she goes and reveals he's never kissed anyone. I don't know how she found out this bit of information; I know I didn't tell her. She must have overheard me and Freddy talking. Get this after she left having told us her first kiss was with this boy in a port-a-potty. I nearly choked when she'd said that, so classic Sam. She's so hilarious, when she's so serious and her sarcasm is adorable. Woah...what did I just describe something Sam did as 'adorable'? Ok this evening is really getting to me no lie.

So here's the reason I am crying, even though thinking of Sam is making me smile, no wonder I am so confused. So tonight Freddie refuses to do iCarly with us because of Sam and what she did. He's been teased terribly all week. I felt so bad for him. I even considered kissing him in the hall to take the heat off him. That's how bad I felt. Sam must have realized she'd really gone too far because she goes and says I am sorry on iCarly then reveals she's been lying she's never kissed anyone. I stopped the take live just to tell her how proud of her I was. I said wow Sam you didn't have to do that, but she insisted that yes she did.

Sam told me she thought she'd better apologize to Freddy so she left to find him. I was so surprised she never ceases to amaze me. It wasn't long before we were all together finishing the web-show and it was our best to date. Then Freddy went home and Sam invited herself over for a sleep over. Some things never change.

We are just getting sleepy when I say again "you really haven't kissed anyone?" I know I shouldn't have I know what is meant by curiosity killed the cat. I've always wondered about Sam, I mean we both like guys I think. I mean yeah we do right? It's just she wears this ring sometimes its a rainbow and it looks like an LGBT pride ring. So I've always been curious as to whether she might go both ways maybe. I don't know why I even cared but she's my best friend and I wanted to know. That's why I said "kissed anyone" instead of "kissed a boy?"

I am not sure if she picked up on that though she just smiled and shook her head. I grinned and I remember I shrugged. This part is going to be hard to write because I don't know how I feel. I know I am scared I lost Sam, but about what happened I am not sure.

Sam fluffed up her pillows and said "hey let's play some music." I laughed she's always so wired. I nodded and Sam picked from my Taylor Swift mix but must have put it on shuffle. Since one of my favorite songs came up "The Way I love You" and I know that's one of the last songs on the mix.

So Sam's dancing all over my room and I am following her and she grabs me, which she does often. So that didn't bother me, she's always been touchy with me. That's just Sam I thought.

Suddenly she stops as we hear "I miss screaming and fighting and kissing...in the rain." She looks at me then says something like "do you know why I've never kissed anyone?"

I know I shouldn't have asked but my curiosity got to me. So I asked her and this is her direct answer...

"Because I wanted my first kiss to be with you!"

I think my mouth fell open but before I could say a word she was kissing me. Her lips tasted like cherries and I think I kissed her back. I was completely surprised and she pulled back saying...

"Sorry but I ..." I began to cry and she was crying. She just turned and ran and I didn't stop her. So that's why I am sitting up here blogging for the first time drinking this disgusting tea. Now what..."

Minimizing the blog screen, Carly felt her pulse quickening. She couldn't believe she'd never realized she'd been so in love the entire time. Now Sam had kissed Freddie they were going to be together and she'd realized too late. Or was it, could she win Sam back?

When Sam couldn't get Carly to answer either her's or Freddie's text or her calls. Worry overtook her and she'd had enough she'd have to go over there and make Carly see reason.

She'd go as soon as she got out of this hell hole of school. Unless...she grinned mischievously to herself, and for the second time that night Ridgeway students escaped the building with because of a fire alarm. As Sam took off for a run to find Carly.