DISCLAIMER: Spider-Man, the Green Goblin, and all those peeps belong to Marvel and anyone else I can't think of. Blaze and Kaede are made-up characters and are property of me and Crystal. Yes, they will be making regular appearances throughout the course of this story. Yes, this story is told through the female fangirl perspective, so guys please beware of female fangirly comments.

This spoof has a lot of things that might not be suitable for youngsters. Like varicose veins. You don't want your kids getting those early, now do you? Anyway, read the spoof with an open mind, and don't pay any attention to the falling rhinos.

-Blaze

Cool opening credits w/awesome music. Green Goblin's face flashes by and Blaze squeals. End of opening credits.

Peter: Who am I? You sure you want to know? Well, now that you mention it, so do I... Anyway, don't believe what people say about me. It's a lie. A LIE!! But like any story worth boring you to death, this is all about a girl.

Cut to Mary-Jane on the cheese.

That Girl. Mary-Jane Watson. The chick who lives in the house next to mine.

Flash enters the scene.

I'd like to tell you that that large hunk of prehistoric idiocy is me...

Fat guy w/doughnut

Um...maybe not him...

Peter chasing the cheese.

That's me! Ain't I sexy?

Audience: No!!

Tobey Maguire Fan Girl: Eeeeeeeee!!

Peter: Hey! Idiot bus driver! Stop the bus!

Idiot Bus Driver: Hehehehehe...

Mary-Jane: Idiot bus driver, stop the bus. Don't you know that he's the hero of this movie? He can kick your fat ass!

Idiot bus driver stops the bus. Peter gets on.

Peter: You fat tub o' lard! You could lose your license for that!

Idiot bus driver: Really? Cool! No more carting around stupid brats!

Cut to ridiculously huge stairway of some big college.

Cool Teacher: Annoying New York highschoolers! (kindergarten tone) Be good on our field trip, of you won't get a snack break.

Mary-Jane turns and waves. Peter thinks that she is waving at him. Loser.

Peter: I am such a loser.

Suddenly, a really cool black car that is obviously owned by a rich guy pulls up. Inside the car, we see Harry Osborn, a James Dean wannabe, and his extremely good-looking/dashing/holy-crap-I'm-gonna-pass-out-dad, Norman Osborn.

Harry: Mr. Driver, can we pull around? I don't want these annoying public school kids to gawk at my...I mean...DAD's cool car.

Norman: What was that?

Harry: Nothing, dear father.

They stare at each other for a second.

Harry: Um...bye!

Harry gets out of the car and catches up with Peter. Unbeknownst to him, he has left his backpack in the car. Not wanting Harry to be depraved of quality public school education (and also seeing this as a perfect opportunity to brown-nose into Harry's personal life), Norman gets out of the car to return it.

Harry: I sense a disturbance in the Force! sees Norman Aaaaaahhh!! He's got that look of maniacal insanity! Hide me before he throws a pumpkin bomb!

Peter: Oh don't be silly, Harry! We haven't even reached that part of the movie yet!

Half of the audience gets up to leave. Unfortunately, the theatre attendants have bolted the doors, so they are forced to sit back down.

Norman: Forget something? holds up backpack

Harry: ...D'oh! takes the damn bag Oh... Peter, this is my rich, know- it-all dad, Norman Osborn.

Blaze: Go Norman!!

Harry: Dad, this is my genius friend, Peter Parker, who I am extremely jealous of.

Norman: I can see why. HE didn't forget his backpack.

Harry: Oh drop it, you old fogie...I mean...yeah! I am a loser!

Peter: No, I am.

Harry: No, me!

Peter: No, me!

Ten minutes later...

Harry: ME!

Peter: ME INFINITY!!

Harry: Damn!

Norman: ... ... ...blink I think we've just tossed this scene out the window.

Peter: Nah, just into oncoming traffic. SPLAT! See?

Peter, Harry, Norman: Ewwwwwww...

Audience: Okay, enough with the bad puns!

Peter and Norman talk about parents. Harry acts jealous. Norman leaves.

Blaze: Nooooo!!

Peter: Hey, you've got a cool dad, Harry!

Harry: Of course. He's a geek like you. That's why you and I are friends.

Suddenly, Harry is mysteriously struck by a bolt of lightning.

Blaze: looks around innocently

Continue on two chapter twooooo...