The air was crisp as Dean pulled himself out of the Impala. He stopped for a moment to breathe in the fresh air before heading for the hotel room. The shower was running as he stepped through the door and deposited the food on the table. If his younger brother knew what was good for him, he better leave some hot water, he thought.
After a few more minutes, the shower stopped and he could hear movement in the bathroom. Pulling out his hamburger and fries from the bag, he started to munch on them. Dean looked up as Sam walked out of the bathroom towel drying his too long hair. Why he wouldn't cut it was a mystery to him. He swore one night he was going to let the scissors fly, he didn't care what kind of fall out he got.
"Hey, did you get my salad?"
"Ya know you're goin' to turn into a rabbit one of these days." Dean commented around a mouth of burger.
"Dude! At least swallow before you talk. Gross." he frowned pulling his salad out and grabbing a drink.
"Any word from Bobby?"
"Naw, think he's still workin' a case down south."
"So what now?"
"I say we head for Bobby's and if we get wind of a case along the way, take care of it." he said wincing and moving his shoulder around.
"Still bothering you?" Sam asked noticing his brother's discomfort.
"Little, doc said it might come and go for a while." Dean replied remembering last month when he was injured by a vengeful spirit. That was one of the few times Sam had insisted on taking him to the hospital instead of patching him up. He hated hospitals and fussed the whole way there until Sam threatened to gag him if he didn't shut up.
"Do you need some balm on it?" he offered.
"Maybe after a shower." Dean grunted not one to ask for anything from anyone, especially his little brother. He didn't like showing signs of weakness around anyone.
Sam knew this and knew if Dean wasn't bitching about it, then he must be in pain. It was rare that Dean did consent in letting Sam help. He always had to be the big brother, even though Sam was bigger than him by a good three inches.
"Ok." he answered forking a bite of salad from the bowl and munching it thoughtfully. He glanced over at Dean and noticed a small tremble in his hand. That was something new Sam mused to himself as Dean quickly dropped his hand in his lap.
"Taking a shower now, why don't ya check out the net for anythin' strange." Dean told him picking up his bag and heading for the bathroom.
He closed the door and swallowed hard. Looking down at his hand, he watched it began to tremble again. He leaned against the door and took several deep breaths convincing himself he could control it. He didn't know how he let this happen; it wasn't like he asked for it. If that damn spirit hadn't thrown him into the wall three times cracking two ribs, messing his shoulder up, and giving him a concussion; alone with bruising over most of his body, he wouldn't have needed the meds. He could deal with pain and had been since he started training and hunting. He only took the meds because they came across another case before he was completely healed and he couldn't let Sam go without backup. That's why he re-injured his shoulder and ribs. He couldn't let Sam know or he would never hear the end of it.
Sitting his bag on the counter, Dean dug around in it for a rolled up pair of socks. Inside the socks was a bottle of oxycodone he had hidden away. He popped the top and shook a pill out dry swallowing it. He started the water as he waited for the drug to kick in. Dean stripped his clothes and stepped into the hot spray letting the water cascade over his shoulders. Muscles loosened and the hotness eased some of the pain in his shoulder and along with the pill, he felt some of the tension disappear from his body.
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Sam glanced at the bathroom door listening to the water run. He pulled up a hidden file and opened it to read the notes he had taken on Dean. Something was going on with him and he knew it. They had roomed together for too long for him not to notice the subtle changes over the past couple of months. He began to tap in the latest symptom, hand tremors.
Looking at his list, he skimmed it: sweating, anxiety, dry mouth, irritable, trouble sleeping and now hands trembling. He sat back and tried to deduct in his analytical brain what was wrong with his big brother. It did no good to ask, that would only get him a bitch face and 'I'm fine' answer. Dean was never one to discuss his pains or emotions. He would shut down before allowing any of that to surface. That made it that much harder to tell when he was hurt enough to need a hospital.
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Dean felt the drug kicking in as he dried off his body and put on sleep clothes. His body was telling him he needed sleep and more than just a couple of hours. Taking one more pill out for later, he hid the bottle again in his socks. Glancing in the mirror before opening the door, he saw how drawn and tired his face looked. Hopefully Sammy wouldn't be looking that closely and he could feint just being tired.
Sam heard the door began to open and quickly closed out of the file and pulled up the internet. He couldn't believe Dean would think he wouldn't notice the changes. Dean dropped his bag by his bed and pulled down the covers.
"Goin' to bed?" Sam asked as he saw him sway slightly.
"Yeah, need to get it while I can." he faked a yawn.
"Want some balm on that shoulder before you lay down?"
"Naw, I'm good."
"Let me look at it anyway." Sam said getting up and walking over to Dean.
"Really, I'm fine." Dean snapped in no mood to fight with him.
Sam stood there arms crossed over is chest giving Dean the who are you kidding stare, waiting for him to concede. Dean knew Sam was not going to let it go, when he got a bee in his bonnet, he would not relent until he got his way.
"Fine." he grumbled sitting on the bed and slowly taking off his tee-shirt. Sam smirked knowing Dean would give in as he began to examine his brother's shoulder. He grabbed his bag and pulled out a jar of balm and fingered a blob out smearing it on his brother's shoulder.
With strong, long fingers, Sam began to rub the balm into Dean's hurt shoulder, easy at first and slowly increasing the pressure digging deep into the muscle. Dean gritted his teeth and let a moan escape his lips as Sam took his arm and began to move it around, loosening it up. Dean closed his eyes and leaned slightly into Sam's hands letting his mind shut down. Sam felt the movement and slowly and carefully worked his way across to the other shoulder. Hearing no objections, he worked on that one too until he notice Dean had become still and quiet.
Damn his baby brother and his magic fingers! Dean thought as Sam started rubbing the balm on his shoulder. He didn't know how he did it, but he could find that deep down hurt or pain no matter where it was. He didn't let him do it often, didn't want to look weak in front of baby brother, but when he did, it was pure bliss. Sam's fingers dug down deep in the muscle of his hurt shoulder making him groan. He felt the pressure ease up and leaned into it not wanting him to stop. Man! He felt weak right at that moment.
"Dean, come on, slide back so you can lie down." Sam urged helping him lay down and lifting his feet on the bed. "Nite." he whispered to his sleeping brother.
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Sam made sure Dean was asleep before returning to his computer to ponder the list he had started. The wheels turned as he tried to recall the hunt where Dean had been hurt and he had to take him to the hospital. The only way he got him there was because of the concussion. Good thing too, he had some internal bleeding and needed surgery. Sam made Dean stay in the hospital for three days, before he was climbing the walls screaming to get out and Sam reluctantly checked him out.
None of those injures would be causing the symptoms he was seeing in Dean now. Sam looked over at Dean as he snored softly and watched his body twitch on it own while he slept. He wondered if he was dreaming of a hunt or maybe he was having a happy dream, not one filled with monsters and demons. Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes before deciding to go to bed too.
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Three hours later, Dean woke with a start, trying to remember what was chasing him. He looked over at the other bed and saw Sam still asleep. Quietly as possible, Dean rolled over and pulled the little pill out of its hiding spot. He really needed something to drink; his mouth seemed dry all the time now. Throwing his legs off the bed, he got up and headed to the fridge for water.
"Dee- you ok?" Sam mumbled staring bleary eyed at him.
"Yeah Sammy, just need some water, go back to sleep."
"Ok." Sam said closing his eyes and started drifting back to sleep, but he watched Dean through slit eyelids.
Dean made sure Sam wasn't looking before popping the pill in his mouth and half draining the water bottle. The sweet, cold, wet liquid soothed his parched mouth and throat. Taking one last swallow, he returned to bed hoping to get a little more sleep.
Sam kept his facial expression slack as he frowned in his mind, wondering what Dean was taking. Maybe it was aspirin for his shoulder, he thought, he hoped. He filed this tidbit of information away for further reference. He made sure Dean made it back to bed before letting sleep pull him under.
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The first new rays of sun pierced through a foggy beginning of another hot day. Dean squinted as the sun found it way between the blinds and under the curtains. He ran a hand over his face trying to wipe the sleep from it. He felt his body was betraying him; even getting sleep didn't seem to help with the tiredness.
He grunted as he forced himself out of bed not realizing Sam was sitting at the table watching his every move. He watched him stagger slightly as he got his footing. When Dean looked up, he saw Sam sitting at the table eyeing him too closely. He drew himself up and stiffened his body trying to look natural.
"Hey, I'm packed, so whenever you're ready we can leave." Sam offered.
"Let me change." Dean answered keeping his body stiff as he picked up his bag and headed for the bathroom. He changed clothes and decided to slip the pill bottle into his jacket for easier access. Coming out of the bathroom, he saw Sam had already taken his things to the car and was glancing around the room to be sure nothing was left behind.
"Want me to drive first?" Sam asked him noticing his brother's eyes seemed blood shot and his whole demeanor seemed off, had been for a while now.
"Naw, I got it." he said hefting his bag and heading for the car.
Sam trailed along behind him wishing he had let him drive. He didn't like the way his brother was looking and it didn't seem sleep was helping any.
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The whine of the Impala tires ate up the road as it roared down the lonely back roads heading toward Bobby's. They had been on the road four hours without stopping. Dean squirmed around in the driver's seat as he tried to concentrate on the road. His vision blurred slightly as he blinked to clear it.
"Why don't you let me drive for a while?" Sam asked noticing Dean seemed more antsy and jittery than usual. "Why don't you stop at the next gas station?"
"Baby could use a fill up." he said looking at the gas gauge. He also was starting to have that tremble and anxiety feeling run through his body. He could wait, he didn't need it yet, he convinced himself as he started watching for a gas station.
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Being on the back roads, it took another twenty minutes to find a station. Dean breathed a sigh of relief as he loosened his grip on the steering wheel. He had been white knuckling it for the last twenty miles. Of course this didn't get past Sam's steely gaze. He thought Dean was going to leave handprints on the steering wheel he was gripping it so hard.
"Wanna fill her up while I hit the head?" he asked Sam as he parked beside a pump.
"Sure." Sam said surprised. Dean rarely let anyone mess with his Baby, unless it was absolutely necessary. He watched Dean almost run toward the store wondering what was happening to him. Dean was not being Dean, and there had to be a reason. One thing that Sam was very good at was dissecting a problem. He could break it down to its minute parts and this was no exception.
Dean was walking back toward the car with a drink and jerky in hand. He slipped into the passenger seat and waited for Sam to finish. Sam watched from the back as Dean grabbed his jacket and pulled a pill bottle out of a pocket. He glanced back at Sam who pretended to be finishing with filling up the car.
"Gonna hit head too." Sam told Dean coming around the side of the car. He saw Dean slip the bottle out of site as he came even with the car window and before he answered.
"Ok." he replied slipping down in the seat to wait for him.
Sam was back out ten minutes later with a bottle of water and bag of nuts. It looked like Dean had already passed out in the passenger seat, his head lolling against the side window. He got in, got settled and headed back to the highway.
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As the drug started taking hold of Dean, he let it take him down farther than he had been before. He heard the flames crackle, he felt the heat, he smelled the smoke, and he saw his Mom pinned to the ceiling on fire. Dean jerked and cried out in his sleep.
Sam looked over at him trying to decide if he needed to stop, but as quickly as it happened it was gone. Dean had settled back down, but Sam could see the droplets of sweat running down his face and he saw him shiver slightly even in the warmth of the late afternoon.
Sam had had enough of this not knowing what was going on with Dean. He made sure he was still out and reached over the seat for his brother's coat. He slipped it onto the seat beside him and felt around in the pockets finally finding the bottle. He threw the coat back in the back and pocketed the bottle until he had time to check it out later.
"Hey man, 'bout ready to stop for the night?" Sam asked pushing Dean enough to wake him.
Dean stirred and wearily looked over at Sam. He blinked several times trying to bring the world into focus before answering him.
"Wha' time is it?" he asked looking around and seeing the sun was low in the sky.
"Time for real food and some sleep." Sam said checking the road signs for both. He saw a good exit five miles ahead and made the choice for them to stop.
Dean had no idea where they were and allowed Sam to take the lead and stop for the night. He could feel the effects of the drug wearing off and forced himself to push it aside. He had to hold it together until they got to the motel. He clenched his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. Looking up at the diner Sam pulled up to, caused his stomach to lurch. Food was the last thing he wanted, just the thought of having to smell it was making him queasy.
"Sammy why don't I just go to the motel and get us a room, not really hungry right now. Ya can bring me something' back." Dean said not even wanting to get out of the car.
"I'll just go grab us some take-out. I'll be right back." Sam said getting out.
"No Sammy, go ahead relax and enjoy." Dean said sliding across the seat to get behind the wheel. He started the car and headed to the motel across the street. Sam stood there confused and slightly perturbed at his older brother. He was acting irrational and jumpy. Huffing madly, he went into the diner to eat.
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Dean went into the office and checked them in, corner room, first floor, in the back, near an exit. Sam would know where to come, plus there was parking in front of the room. Dean grabbed the bags and headed for the room.
He threw a bag on each bed, his being the one closest to the door. No compromise there, if anything came in, it would have to come through him to get to Sammy. He grabbed his coat to get the pill bottle. Frowning slightly, he started pulling everything out of the pockets of his jacket. No pill bottle, standing there for a moment, he tried to think if he had put it somewhere else.
Grabbing his keys, he headed back to the car to see if it fell out of his pocket. He looked around in the back and under the seats, checking every corner, but coming up empty. Dean wiped a hand down his face in panic as he looked in the front seat. Dean broke out in a cold sweat, looking around the motel parking lot.
He stumbled back to the room and grabbed his bag and started pulling out clothes looking through everything, searching for a missed pill, anything to stave off this impending feeling of dread. He knew he had put it in his jacket, so where was it and then it clicked, Sam. Dammit, what did Sam do?
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Sam let the hostess lead him to a corner table away from the main bustle of the room. He ordered an unsweetened tea and glanced at the menu. He ordered a California salad, rolls and fresh fruit. After the waitress left he snaked the bottle of pills out of his pocket. He popped the top and shook one into his palm. Sam picked the white pill up between his index and thumb and began to closely exam it. This was not anything new to the hunter; he had taken these many times over the years when injured from a hunt. They were pain pills, but why was Dean using them, was the question.
Time stood still as Sam paled when it dawned on him, what Dean's problem was. He clenched the pill in his hand and hung his head. Why had he not seen it sooner, the evidence was slapping him in the face. Dean had got himself addicted to this crap. Any thoughts of a quite dinner flew out the door.
The waitress brought him his food and he asked for it to be boxed up, he had a family emergency to deal with and needed to leave. She gladly complied and brought his dinner back in take-out boxes. Sam paid the check and quickly left heading across to the motel.
Sam walked around to the back of the motel knowing exactly where the room would be, if it was available. He saw the Impala parked in front of a room and headed that way. He didn't even bother to knock knowing Dean would have left it open for him.
Stopping short in the doorway, Sam slowly let his gaze scan the room. There were clothes strewn everywhere around one bed, a smashed lamp lay in the floor and Dean sitting in the corner of the room, on the floor, in the shadows. Dean slowly raised his head staring daggers at Sam through blood shot, wet eyes.
"Where is it?" he growled slowly getting his feet under him and inching his way up the wall.
"What the hell have you done?" Sam spat at him. "How long Dean?"
"How long what?"
"How long have you been taking those pills?"
"Give 'em back?" Dean sputtered madly.
"Like hell I will, I will not stand by and let my big brother poison his body with drugs. How could you do this to yourself?" he begged him to answer.
"I just need one Sammy, just to get over this hump, I can stop anytime." he replied stepping closer and eyeing Sam trying to decide where the bottle might be.
Dean lunged at Sam trying to get the upper hand, but he was slowed by the effects of the drugs and Sam side stepped him easily pushing him down on the bed.
"Stay down Dean." Sam warned him sternly.
Never to give up that easily, Dean sweeps his leg catching Sam's legs and knocking him to the floor. He was on him before Sam could react. He got in one punch before Sam flipped him and pinned him to the floor. Breathing heavily, Sam wiped the blood from his lip, then pulled Dean off the floor and pushed him down on the bed. Dean jerked out of his grip and tried to get up, but was prevented by a strong hand on his shoulder.
"Get off me." he pouted trying to pull away. His body was trembling now and sweat was beading on his forehead. His stomach was rolling and his heart was pounding.
"Settle down Dean." Sam sighed. "We'll work this out, together."
Dean stiffened and he held his head in his hands as a tear escaped his eye. Sam sat down beside his big brother and put an arm around his shoulder. Sam could feel Dean's body tremble under his arm as he pulled him closer. At first Dean resisted, but finally leaned closer to him. Sam heard a sob coming from his big brother and he ached for him.
"Hey we can do this, you're not in this alone." he whispered tightening his grip.
"Ugh-Ugh…" Dean gagged staggering to his feet and heading for the bathroom. Sam quickly grabbed Dean's arm and supported him to the bathroom. Dean fell to his knees in front of the commode and threw up what little that was in his stomach. He began to dry heave and coughed up bile. Sam wet a wash cloth waiting for him to finish before wiping his face.
"You done bro?" Sam asked softly.
"Hurt Sammy." he said remorsefully.
"I know, come on lets get you in bed." Sam said helping him out of the floor. He steered him out of the bathroom and toward the bed. "Sit here." he instructed sitting him on his bed. Sam threw the covers back on Dean's bed and looked around on the floor for his sleep clothes.
"You think you can get your sleep clothes on?" he asked laying them beside him on the bed. "I'm going to grab a couple of waters from the vending machine. You stay here."
Dean watched Sam hurry out of the room and looked down at the clothes. He untied his boots and worked his feet out of them and almost passing out when he rose back up. Swallowing back the urge to throw up he undid his pants and worked them over his hips as Sam came back in with waters in his hands.
"Sammy." Dean whined. Sam sat the water down and went over to help him.
"Stand up." Sam said letting Dean hold on to his arm. He pulled the jeans further down Dean's legs and moved him to the other bed. "Sit, we'll just get these off and not worry about clothes." he decided pulling the jeans over his feet. "Lay down." he said helping him get his feet on the bed. Sam pulled the blankets up over his body and stood there for a moment watching him. Dean rolled on his side and curled up in a ball.
Sam pulled his laptop out wanting to research withdrawal symptoms from opioids. He searched through several web sites and read over the findings. He could expect nausea, sweating, anxiety, rapid heart beat, sleeplessness and hot/cold flashes. Great, sounded like he was going to have a fun night and the next couple of days.
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Dean cried out in pain, choking on a sob, as he tossed in the bed. Sam shut down his computer and went to check on him.
"Dean, you ok?" he asked sitting at his hip.
"'ammy, please, just one." Dean cried softly clutching Sam's arm.
"No man, you've gone this long, you can do this."
"No-oo, too weak." he choked out. "I'm weak."
"No you're wrong!" Sam insisted. "You're the strongest person I know, you can do this and I'm right here to help you."
"Can't, too hard."
"When has anything ever been easy for us, but together we can do anything." Sam encouraged.
"I-I'm so-rry S'mmy." he sobbed.
Sam fixed the pillows and sat down by Dean leaning back on the headboard. He pulled Dean over on his chest and wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. Dean sobbed quietly into Sam's shirt as he felt his body shaking uncontrollably.
"I've got you, its ok." Sam whispered running a hand up and down his back. "Try to rest."
Sam began to hum softly to Dean, the song he used to sing to him when he was small. Sam thought back to all the times their roles were reversed, and Dean was the one comforting Sam. He had been doing it all his life. Dean was the one who kept the monsters at bay when he was little, he was the one who picked him up when he fell, he was the one who comforted him when he was sick, he was the one who stood up for him with Dad, he was the one who gave him his first beer, he was the one who threw himself at the monsters to protect his little brother and now he could finally be the one who was helping his big brother. Yes, Dean would do it, he could kick this addiction, he was his hero, he was Batman.
The End