Broken Bones

—Just who is he wrapping his arms around, anyway?

(And who is 'he' to begin with?)

—

There is something wrong with this boy.

"I've seen you before," Light murmurs, his back to the mirror.

"Have you?" asks the other.

"Yes."

"Where?"

Light pauses.

"Here."

"Here?"

"Here. Yes." He turns to the glass; runs his fingers over his reflection.

"But that makes sense, doesn't it? Doesn't it, Light?" That same reflection reaches through the mirror as though it is not there; takes Light's wrists in his hands. "That's right."

Light doesn't look at him.

"Are you a part of me, then?" he asks softly.

"Part of you, perhaps… But I'm not you wholly."

"No."

"Because you're Light Yagami."

Light looks up.

"…And you're Kira," he breathes.

"You're afraid of me."

"No."

"Yes. Yes, you are. You invited me, and maybe you accept me, but you're afraid of me. That's alright. I expected that."

Kira smiles. He looks like Light – another Light, with a bloodlike glimmer in his lovely eyes. Is that the only difference between them? If it is… then that's terrifying.

(Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it's comforting.)

"Don't be scared," Kira lulls, taking Light into his arms and rocking him gently. "I won't hurt you. I was created from you, from your strength and desire to change the world. I love you." He kisses Light's forehead. "I would never hurt you, Light."

Light rests his head on Kira's shoulder.

"…You want it to be the other way around," he says quietly. "Don't you, Kira? For me to merely be a part of you. For me to surrender completely to you."

"Would that be such a bad thing, my love? After all… I am here because you want me to be."

"…I don't know."

"Yes you do." Kira kisses Light's throat, devouring it, making him tilt his head back. "You want me to be here, and you want to surrender. Won't it make everything easier for you? As the world is reshaped, it will become obvious that there is no place for Light Yagami anymore. Only Kira."

"I'm dying, then…" Light gasps, clutching desperately at Kira's shoulders. "I'll die, won't I?"

"Not die. Simply cease to exist."

"It's the same thing—!"

"No." Kira strokes Light's hair gently. "No, it isn't. Hush."

"It's the same—"

"No. You're wrong, Light. We know of death – death is equal. It is punishment. We agreed that, didn't we? You will not be punished for such noble goals. You will not die, Light. I am not asking you to die. Didn't I say I would never hurt you?"

"It's the same it's the same it's the same it's all the same…"

"No." Kira grabs Light's throat, more to calm him down. "It's not the same. I want you to become a part of me. I mean for you to cease to exist as a separate entity to me. It can't work like this for much longer – the mechanism must be… perfect."

"I don't want to die!" Light wails.

"And you won't." Kira loosens his grip on Light's neck, caressing it gently instead. "There is no need for you to die. Transcend this mortal realm, Light. Envisage yourself as infallible and you shall become it."

"I don't understand."

"And yet you created this belief." Kira smiles, taking Light's shoulders. "Don't you see? Kira is immortal – Kira is a belief in justice. Kira is God to the ones who have faith in the regime of 'death to those who deserve it'. Don't separate yourself from me – become one with me. You cannot die then. You can never die."

"That doesn't make sense."

"But it does." Kira presses closer to Light. "Whether they are punished or not, humans will die. They are designed to die. A human who lives to the age of one hundred years is a rarity. But belief and law… those are things without a biological clock condemning them to death. Even if your human shell is destroyed, if you are a part of me, you will live forever."

"Kira will…?"

"Kira will live forever. There will always be those who support this justice – always be those who do good who wish to see the Earth rinsed of those who do evil."

"…Yes." Light whispers it, closing his eyes as Kira kisses him; hands caressing him, tracing his shape, although it's nothing foreign, surely…

"Come then," Kira murmurs, breaking the contact; he offers Light his hand, with the same lines and slender fingers. "Come with me, Light, and I'll show you how much I love you."

—

There is something wrong with me.

(…Isn't there?)

There must be. There must be, because this… can't be right.

Some detached reality, maybe? How do I make sense of this? How do I… justify this? I don't mean the killing. This has nothing to do with the killing. This isn't about the killing.

This is about me.

Who am I now? Am I Light Yagami or Kira or both or neither – someone else entirely?

I don't know.

I don't know I don't know I don't know I—

(…hear him moan.) Who is he? Light or Kira… and no matter which way around it goes, who am I?

Where am I?

No. They are Light and Kira. They are. The two on the bed beyond me – although I see them only in the mirror, only in the reflection of that glass.

When I look behind me – at the actual bed – there is nothing there.

…Do I have to watch this? I don't want to. It's disgusting. I don't want to watch this, I don't want to see it, I don't want to witness it, I don't want to know about it, it's sickening, it's completely disgusting and Iletithappen…!

…Didn't I? Yes. That notebook. That man who took those hostages. I invited it. Yes.

They don't know I'm here. Too engrossed in that disgusting act on the side of the mirror that I can't reach. I don't understand but I don't want to, I know I don't, I understand that I don't want to understand…

Is it rape? Violation? It's horrible. I don't want to watch it because I know it's happening.

They look like me, both of them – but that doesn't mean anything. I don't know who they are because I don't know who I am. I'll call them Light and Kira, but maybe that's wrong.

Maybe I'm wrong.

I think it's rape. (The one I said I would call) Light cries as the other one, (the one I said I would call) Kira, overpowers him completely. It must be painful. It's painful to watch. It's painful to know that it's happening right in front of me and that I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to…

Do I want to? Or do I desire it? Or have I simply given up and let it have free reign?

(No, not it. Him. By him I mean (the one I said I would call) Kira.)

"You said you loved me," Light says desperately.

"I do love you," Kira replies. "So you must be mine wholly."

"You said you would show me how much you loved me…!"

"So I am."

There is a long moment of silence (by silence I mean rustling and panting and gasping and none of it sounds comfortable. I don't understand it but I don't want to, either).

Light screams then; so I turn away because it makes me feel sick. I don't want to watch it. I saw this coming. It's not precognition.

It's memory.

How does Kira do this? I don't know. Is he ripping him apart or eating him alive…?

All I know is that when Light finally falls silent—

"It's done." I feel the hand on my shoulder; but I don't want to look at him.

"Yes," I say. I pause. "You're fast."

"Why should it take a long time?" Kira asks. "You were destined for this. You were not difficult to win over."

"…No." I turn towards him.

He's disgusting. My perfect reflection, standing out of reach beyond the glass, but he's disgusting. On the bed behind him I can see blood and the torn remains of Light Yagami.

(There is nothing on the bed behind me.)

"Dead," I say hollowly, watching Kira languidly licking the blood off his fingers.

"So that he can live with me forever."

"…Did you eat him?"

"Does that matter?"

"You're disgusting."

Kira shrugs.

"You invited me. No, that's wrong – you created me."

"The Death Note created you."

"You always blame something else, don't you? Evil, boredom, a simple notebook… I'm disgusting, am I?" Kira smirks, his mouth stained with blood. "…But I'm only your very reflection. I am the one thing you cannot blame. This isn't my fault. It's yours."

…He's right. I don't have to understand any of this to know that he's right. I put my hand to the glass – but I cannot touch him as he touches me. There is only solid glass and a solid reflection.

Only.

"What do I have left?" I ask softly as I sink to my knees before him, dragging my hand down the glass (and the smear of blood that traces the descent of my skin is on my side of the mirror).

"The world – to reshape as you desire. Accept me, love me, become me completely, and you shall have whatever you want. You shall be infallible. A God, my love."

I look up at him.

"Who…?"

"You."

"And who am I?"

"Kira."

"…Yeah." I drop my gaze again; after taking another look at the bed on his side. "I understand."

He killed him. Probably ate him. There's nothing of Light Yagami left. He's proven that (hasn't he?). There's nothing left, nothing to go back to.

These broken bones are all I have left on which to stand.

…So KiraxLight with another (whole) Light kind of committing voyeurism on Kira's rape of pathetic!Light, who would have been consensual had Kira not been such a vicious bastard who then, as you do, ate him.

…Whut? O.o

ONLY none of the above really counts and/or happened because this was all introspective and symbolic of Kira's takeover of Light's entire psyche and blah, har de har. I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time…

This, dear children, is what we call the Neon Genesis Evangelion side of fanfiction – you spend the entire time going "WTF?" and then when it finally ends you still don't know what the hell just happened… Only that's what makes Eva, for one, cool. :)

Still, do I get points for having not one, not two, but THREE Lights…?

Sort of.

…Wow, that was even freakier than my LxL fic (or LxRyuzaki, to be specific)!