Per Aspera ad Inferi

Bianca was like sitting at the desk because she wasn't dead at that moment (cause she was the brat of that dead dude) drinking vodka and smoking a cigar. She was wearing clothes made of a type of cloth that Percy couldn't tell what it was – Nico said "wool, Percy, and shut the bitch up" but there were some mysteries to life that Percy just had to solve. After saving the Greek bros of BrOlympus, he took it upon himself to be Atlas and stop the atrocities of life. Such as the pink thing that Bianca was wearing.

Nico was saying stuff about not smoking or drinking cause she was a teen but Percy was focused on the real issue. It was the second day in a row that she'd worn that shirt, and it was bothering Percy more than his completely homoerotic feelings for Nico (which didn't really bother him because of reasons).

"Annabelle is a cow," Percy said, and everyone stared at him.

"Thanks for joining us in our discussion about THE MISSING REALLY IMPORTANT THING THAT NEVER ACTUALLY EXISTED AND HAS A REALLY STUPID NAME." Bianaca shouted. What a cow.

"You h8 me 'cause you ain't me," Percy replied, and Bianca stabbed him with a super sharp knife.

"Noo! Percy!"

Nico was totally gay for Percy too, because that's what happens in 12 year old YA action/mythology books. He tackled Percy and plunged the knife he'd conveniently had (cause all kiddies carry big-ass knives) into Bianca's chest. Then again and again, but she wasn't dying because people never die in this freaking book.

Percy's chest was a gory carnage of blood and bone. The ripped cloth of his shirt traced over the wounds, sticking to the skin underneath, and jutting out with the bone where it protruded from the skin. It was an obscene mess – Nico could see dead, twisted nerves snaking out like white parasitic worms, and Percy was twisting one in his hand, crying out when the nerve was pulled slightly more from his body. He shat himself.

Bianca still wasn't dying cause she was a super hoe on a scale of BrOlympus, and she'd taken this thing of immortality earlier but hadn't been mentioned because PLOT HOLE. Also her shirt was pink and that was obviously more important – Nico could see what Percy meant, that shirt was horrendous. It was the epitome of all evil.

Nico conveniently summoned a god cause that's what happens when you almost die who flung Bianca against the wall with little effort, like the pink shirt of ugly wasn't the source of her power.

"Percy dead soon," Nico articulately said, and the god (Gkhrewhbee, an ancient deity from the extinct people of the kgdeejf tribe in Amazon, 17 century BCE) looked at Percy's slowly dying corpse. It hadn't been mentioned but Nico was now cradling Percy in his arms like a baby, except probably a little more gayer than that (because Nico liked Percy, not babies. Babies were off-limits).

"I will revive him for reasons," said the god, who looked like a giant orange cat but had red, fiery eyes and a lovely coat of death and destruction.

"Sweet beans,"

"but first you gotta murder and eat your sister,"

But Nico had already shoved a chuck of skin into his mouth, saying "that's disgusting" but continuing to eat his sister. He popped an eye out, which was met with resistance from the bleeding optic nerve. He cut it loose and popped it in with a satisfied sigh of content and happiness.

"Psyche!"

But Nico had already eaten his sister.

"Swaggity swag revive the f*g,"

He did, and Percy came but with a "holy sweet Greek Jesus I was in hell and there were pink shirt everywhere," but calmed down when he saw Percy. They were looking into each other's eyes and the god went "gaaaayyyy."

But no one cared.

The god of whatever left them, but Annabitch walked in before they had time to do the kiss.

"Omg ew you guys are like boys and boys don't kiss boys except if they're gay."

"I am the gay," they both said in perfect unison, their eyes glowing and bodies slowly morphing together. Annabitch screamed and shat herself, and Prico laughed.

"I will command all."

The next day they slaughtered all of Camp Hard-core and the gods of BrOlympus (even though they were immortal). Also, they did the sex thing but that's okay because in this they aren't actually 12 so it doesn't count.

THE END.

Or is it...?