Note: Okay so, this is in fact my first ever post and I'm rather excited to be posting it. First off I do participate in a lot of the Nanowrimo monthly programs and I have in fact written my own novel so I'm pretty good at this whole writing thing. Unfortunately I'm still an amateur and my writing is slowly but surely becoming better and better as time goes on and this is kind of my little way of practicing so please don't bite my head off for my lack of awesomeness okay?
What's the worst feeling in the world? Waking up in the morning just knowing how bad your day is going to suck. Ugh, I just wanted to break out of my usual routine of waking up, packing, jumping down a well, almost dying, getting my heart broken, and then coming back months later just to do it all over again. In fact, I was going to break that routine today. Despite the fact that beyond the well I did have people that I loved very much, it was time to just let go. And so I did.
I'm not in Japan anymore and I'm nowhere near that wretched well. I was done and no longer had any obligations in the feudal era so more or less I was free to do what I wanted. 17 years young. Yes I did just say that I was 17 years young. I still had quite a bit of time left in this world having being granted immortality and all. It sucked to know that someday everyone around me would die as a normal human did but seeing so much death in just a few years kind of made me immune to all of that depressing nonsense. To me, death was such an unrealistic thing that I'd stopped caring about it altogether. Anyways, back to the more important stuff. Now I'm living in America with my aunt Kimiko and her husband Rick in the state of Florida.
They're both great and pretty much let me do whatever the hell I wanna do. Rick is the CEO for some computer and technology company and Kimiko owns a nice little ice cream and other treats shop. I get a weekly allowance of sorts so shopping money has never really been a problem and I'm quite thankful for that. Of course I still had to go to school and stuff and I'd be starting my first day there in a few days so I guess I had something to look forward to.
Hopefully no one would mind my…oddities. After leaving home I'd done a lot of changing. Instead of the bright sunny Kagome with an unrealistic sense of optimism, I'd become someone a bit more practical. I was still nice and sweet of course, just not to everyone. I was now a total die-hard rebel who simply didn't give a rat's ass about what everyone else thought of me.
My style had gone from pretty floral kimonos and cutesy sundresses, to ripped skinny jeans, chains, knee-high shoes, studs, teased hair with multiple colors, and a lot of other things. Sometimes you get sick of looking in the mirror and hating who you are. Thinking you'll never be good enough. Being so tired and lost that you no longer want to be found. So you ask yourself. Who are you now? It was like that awesome Sleeping with Sirens song "Who are you Now?" I began to hate my own reflection and question every choice I made trying to be perfect. Trying to be that clay bitch that seemed to be everything I wasn't.
I'd even considered killing myself just to see if that would make Inuyasha see me. I had the scars to prove it. All up my sides, on my wrists, anywhere that I could put a blade to and then hide the evidence later. The sad part about it was, I'd probably kick the bucket before I ever kicked the habit. Maybe that was how druggies felt 'cause once you get a taste there's just no going back anymore. I was immortal. Strong. I'd killed monsters bigger than the Empire State Building yet I was losing a fight with myself.
Wow. My life was one big mess. I hated the idea of becoming everyone's idea of the typical emo kid. Quite frankly, not everyone who chose to look the way I did now and felt the urge to take a blade to their body was some depressed cliché of what the world thought to be emo. I was just a broken and hurt girl who got tired of never being able to do any of the hurting. Honestly, the people who cut are often the ones you least expect. The popular girl who had everything, the jock who picked on those nerdy kids who walked into their path, everyone and anyone was susceptible the call of pain. I guess I wasn't strong enough to resist either.
Pretty pathetic right? My little moment of deep thought was taking a rather dark turn. Shaking my head at my weirdness I rolled over onto my back and looked up at the sky with a small smile. That constantly hot and moist Florida air along with those blue skies never failed to make things better. Well, it did on occasion but right now it was definitely working for me. Being in the big beautiful fields of my aunt and uncle's property made living there a plus. Whenever I went missing it wasn't too hard to find me if you knew me well enough. This place was my getaway in every sense of the word. It definitely sucked having to leave though. More than once I'd considered staying there forever and never leaving the peaceful place. Such a shame.
Okay, the prologue probably sucked pretty badly. It'll get better though. It's late and I'm really hungry, it's 2:40am and the cupcakes downstairs are calling my name telling me to rush through this and omnomnom on them forever. For this I must apologize. Maybe I'll go to Starbucks or something. It won't make me work any better. I will get a nice sense of self satisfaction out of it though. Plus sipping random caffeinated things while sitting with your laptop and typing in a Starbucks makes anyone look good. Especially hipsters…damn, I'm rambling again. Whatever I'm gonna go get me some cupcakes now so bye! Wow, if I wrote the actual story as well as I wrote out my random thoughts this would probably have been a lot better. Oh no, I'm doing it again. Okay, bye for realzies this time! =^_^=)
P.s. The song of the next few minutes is, "Dead Walker Texas Ranger" by Sleeping With Sirens.