A/n: So I redid the ending of this chapter… and I made it completely change where the storyline was headed. Anywayyyyy the next chapter should be up shortly.
Chapter 1: Little Lion Man
Weep for yourself, my man
You'll never be what is in your heart.
Sasuke put his face in his hands and could smell the alcohol that scented his breath. He didn't know how it had gotten this bad; how he had let his life seem so… meaningless these days. In all the years of his life, he had not accomplished anything he was actually proud of. He spent his time allowing himself to be manipulated by everyone around him in a strive for power… power that would have, more than likely, come to him without the betrayal of his closest friends, the people he once considered family.
He couldn't help but wonder what his life would have been like if he wouldn't have taken on the task of killing his only living relative. Would he have made all of the same mistakes? Or, maybe, just maybe, he could have been happy.
He scoffed at the thought. Him, happy? As if that would ever happen. He would never let it happen. He took another deep gulp of the foul liquid he had turned to in the last week. He found himself without goals and without direction. The war was over. Itachi was dead. The Akatsuki was dead. Madera was dead. He was dead. There was only one decision he had left to make: would he go back to Konaha and live a relatively happy (as happy as he, Uchiha Sasuke, could ever be) or would he return to Konaha and destroy everything he had ever come remotely close to loving.
Memories plagued his vision. The ramen stand Naruto always made him eat at flashed through his head. The time they had attempted to remove Kakashi's mask and had failed miserably. A flash of pink that was only a fleeting memory. He found himself wondering if she really was as strong as she had portrayed herself the few times he had seen her within the last couple years.
If he did indeed go back to the, Naruto, the only person he had ever come close to considering a friend would be gone. Kakashi, his mentor, and the person he had failed countless times, would no longer be there with his hidden smiles and perverted books. Sakura, the one girl he could ever see himself loving, would never look at him with all of the love he knew she had once felt for him.
He hated himself. This should have been an easy decision. Well, it was an easy decision. He wanted to destroy Konaha and all of its inhabitants. The problem was implementing the havoc. He knew that once he came face to face with his old team, his resolve would crumble.
Sasuke took another swig of the brown liquid in the glass bottle. It was almost half way empty now and he had a fleeting thought that he should stop drinking. He knew what alcohol did to his inhibitions and his decision making process.
Weep for yourself, little Lion Man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start.
He found himself sitting on the tree that overlooked most of the village, including the house of a certain woman he could never fully get out of his head. The bottle of liquor was still clutched in his hand. It had been easier than he had anticipated getting into the city undetected.
He glanced into the bedroom of her house. The lights were still on, despite the late hour. Books lay open in front of her on the bed. He just sat there for a while, looking through the window, just watching her study. He liked the furrowed brow placed on her face when she was reading something particularly difficult to understand and the way her legs would cross behind her as she lay on her stomach.
He almost wanted to throw a rock at her window. It might get her attention. Maybe then she would notice him.
Sasuke quickly looked away when he realized just how stalker-ish and creepy he seemed. It is not like he was watching her undress or anything terrible like that. He just wanted to watch her, study her, for some unfathomable reason.
If he had never left to go to Orochimaru, would they be something more than friends? Would Sakura have grown as much as she had with him here? For some reason, he highly doubted it. He could only imagine what Sakura would be like now if she had never gotten over her complete infatuation with him.
He wondered if it would scare her if he went to go talk to her. Sure, he was a missing nin, but that didn't mean that he couldn't talk to her, right?
He took another shot of the liquor and shook the thought from his head. No one, not Sakura, and most definitely not Naruto, could know about his momentarily lapse in judgment.
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all of the courage you have left
Sasuke had spent so much of his time wondering how he had such courage when he was younger. He couldn't even force himself to face his own messed up problems now. Maybe what he had when he was younger was just pure stupidity and ignorance, rather than courage.
He didn't even know if he had any real courage. Sure, he threw himself in situations that could potentially leave him dead, but that wasn't courage, that was recklessness muddled with a lack of a will to live.
If only he could make himself come home and take the punishment he so sorely deserved.
He could envision the scene he had created in his mind. One were there Uchiha Compound (which had been destroyed in the attack of Konaha) was rebuilt, although mostly empty, the most important people in his life would be there. He could see himself coming home from an ANBU mission to see his pink-haired wife cooking dinner for him. He would be greeted happily by tiny bobbing heads of black hair, excited that their father was finally home.
This thought caused him to take another deep swig of the alcohol. This was not the time for fantasies, especially fantasies he wished could come true, but knew never would.
He didn't have the courage left to make them come true.
Wasted on fixing all of the problems
That you made up in your own head
There were too many things that could go wrong if he came out to Sakura and Naruto and Kakashi as actually having feelings and thoughts of remorse.
How would he even begin to become integrated within the city once more? No one, not even his old teammates, trusted him anymore, not with all of the stunts he had pulled.
He just wanted to give up on this ideal life, but found it hard to keep his mind from wandering back to it.
Sasuke's face portrayed a grimace at all of the thoughts he was currently trying to rid himself of.
He really should stop drinking. He should have, but yet he didn't. Funny how he no longer listens to what he knows he should do.
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
The movement within the kunoichi's window caused him to revert his eyes back to her house. She had turned off the lights and was obviously done with her studying for the night.
He felt anger at himself for all of the hurt he has caused people throughout his life. She was one of the ones who felt the most pain because of him. He had even attempted to kill her multiple times now. He had thought that if he got rid of her, then he would also get rid of his thoughts of her. Sasuke found himself almost glad that he had failed to do any real damage to her. It would be a shame to mark up the alabaster skin.
He had almost finished the bottle now. It still wasn't enough to numb him.
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my…
His body was acting on its own accord when he found himself much closer to her front door than he would have preferred. He came to his senses with his hand on the precipice of knocking. He took a deep breath in and a deep breath out before moving his hand back to his side.
He couldn't do this. He wasn't supposed to be here. He had made that choice a long time ago and nothing was bringing him back. Not Naruto. Not Kakashi. Not the fact that he may be welcomed back into the arms of the city. And especially not a certain pink haired girl.
He did the only thing he's ever known how to do. He ran. He ran as far as he could as fast as he could, as far as he could.
Tremble for yourself, my man
You know you have seen this all before
Tremble little lion man
You'll never settle any of your scores.
Your grace is wasted in your face.
Your boldness stands alone amoung the wreck.
After hours of continuous running, he stopped to catch his breath. He looked around at his surroundings, attempting to figure out where he was and determine if it was far enough away from his ex-teammates house.
He suddenly felt woozy, most likely from dehydration. He did his best to set up camp and was thankful it was the middle of summer and he didn't have to build a fire.
He would continue to run tomorrow, after he had recovered from his impending hangover. He didn't want anything like this to happen again. He couldn't allow for it to happen again. He didn't need anyone's help and he was going to prove it.
A/n: So I redid the ending there. I had not been updating this fic because I had decided I hated it. Completely and utterly hated where I had made it go. The chapters following will be entirely different.
Read and Review please.
-my-name-is-V-