The First Rule Of Perm Maintenance
by sashax13
Story Disclaimer: I don't own and am in no way associated with the people who have written, produced, or otherwise assisted in the making of Yu Yu Hakusho; I didn't create these characters; I borrowed them to parody with. I am not making any money off this.
The Demon World was not Kurama's first place of choice to hangout of late, but desperate times called for desperate measures. And Kurama desperately needed a haircut.
There were just some things that were better developed in the demon world, such as magic, competition, plant food and selection of illegally enchanted items. One of these things was also good haircuts.
The demon salon was a popular spot for locals. It had been Kurama's favorite for, oh, about the last five hundred years, mainly due to the fact that before that they didn't invent salons yet.
Before salons, Kurama had to do his own hair, and sometimes make Kuronue, his trusty sidekick, do it for him. Mostly, he just did it himself. Now, Kurama didn't exactly like to brag, but the beauty shop which he usually attended was one of the most prestigious salons in all of demon world. Almost every demon that had extravagant, unusual, bright colored, thickly styled, or high maintenance hair came here to get it styled (though some of them would never admit their hair had been professionally airbrushed).
Fortunately, the girls at the salon knew how to get his hair exactly as he liked. Kurama, of course had been attending virtually every month for the last few centuries. During his brief life in the human world, he had tried to be patient with the human haircutters, but they really couldn't do his style justice. For example, when he was twelve, some unknowing amateur had cut it way too short because she thought it looked "cute". After that, he didn't trust the human stylists very much. So he returned to this beauty shop, every month or so, still, in secret, while his mom thought he was on a "study date". (Ha! As if Kurama needed to study.)
"Hey, Kurama," greeted Juri, the hostess, as Kurama walked into the shop. "What can I get for you today?"
"Just the usual." Kurama responded.
"Okay, excellent!" Juri told him with her usual beaming smile. "We'll be with you in a few minutes."
Kurama took a seat in one of the chairs next to Shishiwakamaru, who was currently flipping through this season's copy of Demon World Vogue. Shishiwakamaru was also a regular customer at this particular salon, as it was rather popular with celebrities. Sometimes Kurama liked to read magazines like Demon Vogue, too, but today he had brought his own calculus textbook to work through some problems for a little bit of challenging fun while he waited.
Soon enough, Juri called his name and led Kurama to a chair where she would cut his hair. It really was a good thing she went through all those years of beauty school before dropping out and running away to go to law school (which of course she dropped out of later to run away and become a referee to demon tournaments). Kurama knew this from all of those long heart-to-hearts they had while she cut his hair. "You sure you just want the usual?" Juri asked getting out her scissors.
"Yes, and just a trim," Kurama answered. "I want all of my split ends cut away, please. Oh, and if you run across any seeds or strange unidentified plants in there, just try to work around them, sorry. They won't hurt you if you don't bother them."
"Um… okay." Juri started cutting Kurama's hair... very carefully. (If anything attacked her, she was just going to charge him extra.)
Fortunately everything went smoothly as usual and Juri finished. Kurama's hairstyle looked pretty much exactly like it did before, except a teeny bit more tame, polished, and neat, but still ridiculously long and wavy. Exactly how he liked it.
"Thanks," said Kurama as he got up from his chair.
"Hey Kurama!" said Shishiwakamaru, "c'mere. I'm thinking of changing my style and I want a second opinion. Do you think I should get layers?" He held up a picture from the magazine he was reading. The stylish demon in the picture had thick green hair that fell in face framing layers around his face (and horns). "Or do you think I should just cut it to shoulder length and have it be choppy? I'm looking for something that's a little bit different. You know, to update my image."
Kurama considered this. He would never consider changing his own hairstyle, of course, but it was fun to consider alternatives on other beautiful people like Shishi, who was always opting for style alternatives.
"I would go with the shorter cut." suggested the voice of a person who was standing right behind Kurama. He turned around to see who it was.
...and practically jumped onto the ceiling from shock when he realized who was standing there.
"Karasu! You're dead!" he cried feeling as though he was inside a dream sequence of a nightmare.
"Oh. Well, I decided dead doesn't work for me," said Karasu rather offhandedly, standing formidably next to a salon chair, basking in the light of the makeup mirror in all of his usual vamped up goth glory, "so now, I'm back. I always missed tormenting people."
"What? That's ridiculous," Kurama responded incredulously, "dead people don't just come back and haunt people in beauty shops because they feel like it. It's impossible!" Kurama was extremely unnerved- okay, maybe even panicky. His morning had started out so lovely- and now his freak arch nemesis had to show up at his favorite salon and ruin everything...
"Oh, dear Kurama. Think about what show you're on. This is Yu Yu Hakusho. Everyone who dies on this show comes back to life at one point or another." Karasu explained sympathetically.
"Actually," Kurama retaliated, "that would just be Yusuke, and there was a very plausible reason for it …in uh, both cases. Anyways, Yusuke is the exception, not the rule. No one else came back after they were supposed to be dead."
"Oh really?" Karasu smirked. "What about Elder Toguro? What about your friend Genkai? What about Kuwabara in the final round? And you know, Kurama it's even safe to say that you reappeared several years after you were supposed to be dead."
"I didn't actually die, however," Kurama reminded him, "it was simply a very elaborate hoax."
"All right," Karasu agreed, "that was a hoax. But what about that video game kid you killed in Season Three? That wasn't a hoax!"
Kurama glared rather bitterly. "How do you know what happened in season three? You weren't even there!!!" He snapped, infuriated.
"Just because you didn't see me doesn't mean I wasn't there." Karasu stated suggestively.
Kurama was more than a little freaked by this statement. Oh, god... "Juri, call security," He said calmly, "This guy is a maniac and he's dangerous." He wasn't sure if Juri heard him, but he desperately hoped that she had.
"Ha ha, no, just kidding. I wasn't there." Karasu amended. "I only said that to psych you out. But really, I got a lot of texts from Itsuki in the afterlife filling me in on the whole development of the Sensui arc. So I knew a lot about it even though I wasn't there."
Kurama was about to ask for the story behind this, but decided he didn't really want to know.
But Karasu continued anyways, blatantly ignoring Kurama's silent wishes. "He gets bored, you know, because he's a sidekick and gets a lot of downtime. And only a psychic could send texts from the living world to the underworld. He's really talented that way- that's why we're friends. Plus, no one else will talk about celebrity babies and SAW III and hair care products and how awesome Michael Jackson is with me." Karasu filled him in.
"Gee, I wonder why." Said Shishiwakamaru sarcastically from his chair. (When Karasu turned around to look at him, Shishi pretended to be still reading his magazine. Clever Shishi.)
"Look, Karasu, how did you find this place? This is top notch beauty care, even in the demon world. It's so secret, it's nearly exclusive." Kurama wondered, wanting to know if he would be needing to look for a new place to get his hair done from now on.
"You think you're the only one whose hair requires exclusive celebrity beauty care? I'm here for a straightening perm. I like to keep my hair looking stylish myself." Karasu answered. "Although, speaking of which, yours is amazing right now. Did you just get it cut?"
"I might have," Kurama answered defensively for the sake of the dignity of his hair, "maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. It's none of your business, and as far as I'm concerned, you'll never know if I've had my hair cut or not."
"Kurama, you do realize you haven't paid for your haircut yet." Juri reminded him, standing by the cash register impatiently.
"Er, yes, I did realize that," Kurama answered uncomfortably, "and I'd like to pay now, please. As fast as possible."
"Okay, that'll be fifteen dollars." Juri rung up the price.
Kurama felt in his pockets and silently swore. He'd forgotten that demons didn't take credit and he didn't have any cash.
"Sorry," he sighed, "I don't have cash. You're going to have to take some out of one of my Swiss bank accounts from checking." Kurama was in a bad mood- this process usually took a lot longer than usual. And this time, he really wanted to leave as quickly as possible.
"Ooooh, that was stupid of you," Karasu noticed. "Oh well, it looks like we'll have more time to chat now."
"Okay. I just entered it into the computer. You're going to have to wait a few minutes for the transaction to take place," Juri informed him, "and we'll call your name in a few minutes; In the meantime, I need to take another customer." She stalked off to work on some other silver haired demon named Sesshomaru who had been waiting politely for quite some time for his hair and make up appointment. Juri's associate hairdresser, Ruka (who also worked part time as a Nurse impersonator at parties) took Shishi up to cut his hair. "So, I think it want it short and choppy…" he was saying.
"So anyways, Kurama," Karasu continued, "I always wondered how you got your hair to stick up in the back like that. It's like your trademark hairstyle. How do you do it?" He gazed longingly at Kurama's hair.
"I'm not telling you. It's my personal trade secret." Kurama answered coolly. One of the great things about being 1000 years old was that it gave you a lot of time to practice your signature hairstyle, so that when you were reborn in a human body hundreds of years later and grew into a teenager, you had really mastered your technique, and it showed in your appearance. After all that, there was no way he was going to tell Karasu his beauty secrets.
"Oh, well I was just wondering. That's what I always liked best about you," Karasu prattled on, "your fabulous hair, with it's uncanny knack to defy gravity and still flatter your perfect facial bone structure." He reached out to touch the fluffy sticky up hair in back of Kurama's head.
Kurama grabbed his hand. "Don't touch me!"
Karasu rolled his eyes. "Fine. I won't. I'll just stand here instead. And not touch you. Just stand here and, um, not touch you."
Kurama could practically see the gears working in Karasu's brain. "Don't even think about it. If you set off any explosives in here, they'll kick you out."
"Dangit." Karasu muttered. "I was hoping you wouldn't think of that."
"Oh, I think of everything." Kurama reminded him.
"Oh, yeah. I forgot." Karasu admitted. "Well, what are you going to do about it if I do, huh?"
"File a restraining order." Kurama threatened. As soon as I get out of here…
"Call security," Juri added, "Kurama's right- use of weapons for fighting or other purposes on the premises is prohibited. This is public property."
"You mean you haven't already called security!?" Kurama cried.
"Oh… well, I forgot," Juri admitted, " See, I thought about it, but then you guys just started talking about your hair and I just thought everything was okay over there. So I didn't do anything."
"This psychotic demon was talking about my hair. In a very potentially hostile manner." Kurama corrected her. "Everything is not okay. God, Juri, were you actually paying any attention during the Dark Tournament final round?! You know who this guy is, right?"
"Yes. But he's still a customer who I don't want to scare away," Juri told Kurama, "so innocent until proven guilty. For now."
"And it doesn't matter if you call security or not," Karasu interrupted, "because that's not going to be enough to put me off. Neither would a restraining order, I might add. This is demon world! Security sucks here! And laws are just a suggestion!" He grinned wickedly. "Ha! And did you just hear that? I'm innocent until proven guilty."
"I'll have you know," Kurama responded, breathing deeply to calm himself down, "that I have more than just the law on my side. I have other defenses at my disposal."
"Attack plants count as weapons, so you can't get those out either while you're here." Juri reminded him casually as she blow dried Sesshomaru's hair.
"I meant I have friends. Friends who would back me up if I was ever in any trouble. Friends who would pretty much kill you. And not just my spirit detective buddies. I have a lot of… female allies who are very persistent."
"You mean the human fan club girls from your high school?" Karasu asked amusedly. "Are you serious?"
"How do you know about them? You've never even been to my high school…" Kurama started to say but then a horrible thought occurred to him and he changed the subject before Karasu could correct this case. "Anyways, I wasn't talking about those girls. I was talking about my internet fan girls."
"Oooh, I'm scared," Karasu replied. "Not."
"You should be. If you so much as lay a finger on me, they'll shred you to pieces," Kurama told him. "or else write really gory fanfictions about you instead, and mock you to death... or something. If I were you, I'd be careful. Sometimes I really worry about their mental stability, and thank god that they favor me, otherwise I might be dead by now. I can't say the same for you, though."
Karasu looked slightly deterred but not entirely convinced. Fortunately, Juri came back at this moment with Kurama's bank transfer and a receipt.
"Okay, you're done. Thanks for choosing us for your hair," Juri smiled and gave Kurama the receipt. "You're free to go!"
"Thank you very much." Kurama answered and turned to leave… finally!
He paused in the doorway to leave some parting words with Karasu. "Let's make this clear. I don't ever want to see you again. If you come near me, I will take drastic measures."
"I'm not afraid of the internet fan girls." Karasu said casually.
"That just proves once again how insane you are," Kurama shrugged. "Everyone else is afraid of them."
"He's right, you know," added Shishi who had finished his appointment and was waiting in line at the counter for his own receipt, "they're dangerous, I swear."
"I'm not finished!" Kurama insisted, "listen, Karasu! I told you, I am prepared to go as far as it takes! Look, if I ever catch you stalking me-"
"What are you gonna do, throw flower petals at me?" Karasu taunted. Rude as it was, the response was actually pretty legitimate, knowing Kurama.
"No!" Kurama yelled. "Why would I do that? It's stupid."
"That didn't stop you before..." Karasu muttered.
Kurama ignored him. "Regardless. If you bother me again, then let me tell you, I am entirely prepared to cut off all my hair. Okay? I said it. That's what I am going to have to resort to."
"What!" Karasu looked shocked. His eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you. You're bluffing."
"I'm not," Kurama walked back over to the counter, snatched away the scissors still in Juri's hand, and opened them across one strand of his beautiful hair (that he had just had styled, mind you), "I'll do it! One more nasty word from you and I will cut my hair."
"Don't do it!" Shishi cried, horrified. "It's not worth it, Kurama!"
"Oh, he wouldn't." Karasu denied.
Kurama rolled his eyes, and snipped a large chunk out of the tresses that grew next to his face.
"What? Noooooooooooooooo!" Karasu yelled and flung himself to the floor in attempt to rescue the severed hair. But it was too late.
"Wow, I see why you hate him so much. He is pretty annoying," Shishi commented to Kurama.
"Yes. He's awful," Kurama responded, "I think he's mostly jealous because he's a blonde."
Shishi nodded knowingly.
"You realize you already paid for the haircut you just destroyed, right? We have a no refunds policy." Juri reminded Kurama cheerfully.
"It's okay. It was worth it," Kurama decided watching Karasu writhe on the floor in agony.
Juri was watching next to him. "Maybe I should just call security anyways. I'm thinking maybe we should get rid of this guy before trouble starts."
"I think we'll be okay," Kurama told her. "I figured out his weakness. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier."
"Yeah. It seems so obvious." Shishi agreed.
"I don't feel very good about leaving him here," Kurama admitted, "I wish he was still dead."
"No killing allowed on the premises either," Juri sighed wistfully, "sorry. I wish there was something I could do for you, Kurama."
"I know," said Ruka the witch suddenly reappearing from the back of the shop. "Try pouring a bucket of water on him. It should rid you of his evil. And since he looks almost all the way evil, it should just disintegrate him."
"Hmmm... that's a good idea." Juri passed her spray bottle to Kurama, unscrewed the lid and dumped it on Karasu's head.
Karasu screamed. "Gahh! I'm MELTING!" and just like the Wicked Witch of the West, he began to melt.
Five minutes later, there was no more Karasu and just a puddle of water on the floor.
"Yay!" Everyone cheered in unison and gave each other high fives. Even other customers had come over to watch and celebrate. Kurama grinned like he'd just won the lottery.
"Oh, now what the heck is going on in here?" Asked a snide voice of someone who had just walked into the shop. "What's all this ruckus? I thought this was a professional grade salon."
"Hello, Hiei!" greeted Kurama excitedly, "guess what?"
"What?" asked Hiei, slightly thrown off that he had been recognized by someone he knew inside a beauty shop. Perhaps next time he would need a better disguise. "What the heck happened to your hair?"
"I killed Karasu!" Kurama exclaimed, "and also, I got a haircut."
"Yeah. I know you killed Karasu, I was there, remember? God, what in the three worlds possessed you to make you cut your hair like that?" Hiei questioned.
(At this point, Ruka the Witch recognized Hiei from a previous encounter and swore. She quickly hid in the supply closet before he saw her or realized she was an employee there.)
"Oh…. I did it myself. It's a long story," Kurama confessed. "Juri, put me down for another haircut. I'll just buy another one. But the point is, I killed Karasu again. He came back from the dead to haunt me, but I killed him before he got the chance. He was much easier to get rid of the second time."
"Well, this is Yu Yu Hakusho. You didn't honestly expect him to stay dead, did you?" asked Hiei.
"Um…. No. Of course not," Kurama said pretending like he was expecting it all along. "That would be ridiculous," he changed the subject, "so, you get your hair done too, huh? I always wondered how you got it to stick straight up like that… I thought it was natural. Hmm, I guess I was wrong."
"Don't tell anyone where I get my hair done, or I'll kill you," Hiei threatened,"that goes for everyone in this room, by the way." He glared at the other employees and customers menacingly lest they had any thoughts of ruining his reputation.
Everyone nodded solomnly, then rolled their eyes a second later when Hiei wasn't looking.
"Well, I think this is a really good example of the first rule of perm maintenance," Juri announced, looking at the puddle of water on the floor. "Just in case anyone might have forgotten- they certainly won't now."
"What's the first rule of perm maintenance?" asked Kurama.
"That's easy," Shishi answered, "Disastrous results may occur after a perm when your hair gets wet."
"Exactly!" Juri confirmed with a big smile, "Oh, Shishiwakamaru! You're such a natural when it comes to beauty care!"
Shishi grinned and walked out of the shop, his freshly cut hair blowing in the breeze.
The End
Additional Author's note: For those readers who have been following my other story, Throwing the Lemons (the majority of whom have no doubt deserted me by now) and were patiently awaiting another chapter of that, well, sorry, but you're going to have to wait even longer. In the meantime, I wrote this. I hope you enjoyed it (that goes for everyone!) as it's the same style and character. Lemons should be up and running... er, eventually. Hopefully soon. I haven't forgotten about it, but sorry for the delay as usual. Thanks guys! -The Author