Disclaimer: I don't own the books, other than the ones I bought. There Rowlings.
Note: This story is a one shot companion piece to Blood tipped feather. It should be read after chapter 13 of Blood Tipped feather, to keep with the time line. Or it could be read by itself I suppose. Up to you.
Forgiveness
"Mommy?"
"Yes dear…" a tall willowy woman asked. She paid half her attention to her little girl as she distractedly glanced over her calculations. Math was never her strong suit.
"What time did daddy say he would be home today?" The small child with a bouncing blonde pony tail asked innocently. She sat facing the window, ready to leap up at a moments notice as she searched the rapidly darkening horizon for something.
Selene Lovegood paused…her quill poised over a minor drift calculation, ready to correct the mild error.
"What time did you think he was coming dear?" Selene asked with a tinge of annoyance in her voice. She was not annoyed with her daughter by any means, but instead with her husband.
She loved the man dearly, he made her laugh and he had such a wondrous naivety that always made her feel in the presence of someone innocent. He had passed that down towards his daughter, her pride and joy, and Selene could not look into those eyes of hers with out wondering, how could she have been so lucky? What annoyed her was that if she was right, those silvery orbs would dim ever so slightly because of the very same man; the man was horrible at keeping promises.
"Daddy said he would be back before dark and we could play in the garden… he said I would be able to find him a Snorkak. He said they only come out when pretty girls dance on grass at sunset." The girl said in a quickening voice as she was clearly pleased with the prospect.
Selene frowned. On the one hand, she was pleased that he intended to spend time with his daughter. No one could ever deny those large silver eyes of hers anything. But the sunset was not hours away, it was minutes away.
"Luna honey, come here for a moment." Selene asked sadly.
Turning her head for the first time in hours away from the window, Selene could only smile at her beautiful daughter. The child was the epitome of innocence. Her large eyes, with the glittering silver irises, blinked back at her curiously. The loose ponytail bounced about in amusing frivolity. She had done it herself like she usually had. Selene had always brushed her hair, as it tended to get straggly, but the girl took such pride in creating that rebellious ponytail. It never protruded from her head in the same position. Today, it exited slightly to the left.
She was at that age when little witches pretended they were fairies and tree sprites, not the real ones, but the ones the muggle fairytales spoke of. As a result the girl had been dressed in long white dresses, a usual commodity sold at Madame Malkins. It gave her a look that always made her seem like she was ready for bed, but to the little girls across the country, they were always ready to frolic in the garden, be swooned away by a mighty wizard prince, become queen of Hogwarts, and live a life of merriment and joy.
How she wished she could stay that way… to keep that innocent simplicity alive.
Turning herself around so the two were facing each other she held her hands out and watched as Luna glided across the floor and waited to be seated atop her mother's legs.
"Luna, I think Daddy may not be able to make it in time." Selene gently said once the girl was seated.
"But, Daddy said he would, I'm going to dance, and the Snorkak will come." Luna said with an innocent frown. Selene could only curse her husbands name as she prepared the girl for tears. She was used to this by now… he would make some simple promise, she would get excited, and then he would break it.
Selene knew by now that she should warn her daughter before she became more upset. If she had accepted it before the promise was broken, the tears would end quicker.
But they would always disappear once her farther came home; wild tales of reporters finding the most exotic creature that kept him. A tale he weaved as well as he won her daughter's forgiveness, over, and over, and over again.
In all honesty, she did not believe in the majority of what his paper had written. At first the paper had promise, asking the wizarding world to question everything, asking them to think. Selene had been so proud, but then readers had written in fabulous tales of creatures, and conspiracies they believed to be real. Her husbands greatest flaw was he trusted to easily. The paper and her husband had quickly become a laughing stock.
But not to Luna, not to her sweet, little Luna.
The girl believed with a passion, always quoting the first lines the paper ever printed. "All I ask is an open mind." The quote from Selene's mother in law. A woman that both intimidated her, and enlisted respect, like a soldier to war.
Selene wished her husband would stop testing the girl's faith so often.
"Daddy did say he would, but sometimes, mommies and daddies have trouble keeping their promises." Selene said with shame as she realized she had repeated the same line once more.
Luna said nothing for a few moments… her face scrunching up in confusion.
"Am I not pretty enough to dance for the snorkaks…"
'Damn you Barry!'
"Never think that Luna! You are pretty and beautiful, and one day, you will be even more so." Selene commanded her to believe her words.
"Then why doesn't daddy want to come home?" She asked with trembling lips as her eyes started to water.
Her beautiful silver eyes.
"A beautiful suicide," a friend had once called them. He had been a werewolf, and had been fond of the girl. He had inspired Selene to name her the way she had as strange as it may seem. He said, if he could stare up at the moon in the sky no longer, he was glad it had been born on earth.
He was no longer with them, rest his soul. The celestial moon taxing his heart one too many times.
Stroking her daughter's hair, she held her close letting her tears soak her blouse. Her heart beat, thumping a rhythm for the tiny ears to hear.
The sky had finally become dark, and the sun gone…
Selene sighed as the little girl clung to her shoulders. She always hoped Barry would prove her wrong. Unfortunately, she was hardly ever wrong. That's what they liked about her. A Spell Crafter, an Enchantress, and the most official name, Magical Researcher, were her titles, and they all proclaimed her brilliant. How she wished her brilliance was tested just this once. For Luna's sake.
Pitter
Her eyes snapped open at the familiar noise. A ghost of a smile gracing her lips… Luna seemed to notice as well as she went still.
Patter
'Thank you' she prayed to whatever being had shone down upon her this night.
"Did you hear that honey?" Selene asked with a smile.
"Mm hmm…" Luna answered back silently.
"Shall we?" Selene asked with a warm smile.
Luna looked up, her tear stained face opposite her mothers.
She nodded her agreement before leaning back into her mother's chest, listening for the rhythm she missed.
Setting aside her work, Selene grabbed her wand and made her way to the terrace while holding in her arms, the little child.
Waving her wand, she conjured a soft comforter and placed it over the swinging bench she had crafted so very long ago. Sitting down she let Luna guide her over to the end of the bench near the wooden railing already knowing what she intended to do.
Selene took her wand and sent a warming charm mixed in with a very strong impervious at her daughter, and then herself as she decided to indulge this once.
Every time it rained, Luna would find herself wrapped in her mothers arms, next to the bench with her arm outstretched to feel the rain pounding her skin as she listened to the orchestral tapping that the droplets caused on there roof.
Their home was not large or opulent, a moderately sized simple log cabin, with a kitchen, living room, bathroom and three rooms on the second floor.
They could afford to live it up in luxury with her salary, but Selene had put her foot down when she heard the storms music upon the roof. She had fallen in love, and Barry did not dare deny her this.
Thus allowing her, and her daughter moments of peace, and serenity; with a musical score provided by the rain fall on their slightly dilapidated roof.
Wondering how long it would take her, Selene sat and waited for her daughter to ask her question. The same question she always asked when she was sad.
… .. … .. …
My hand tickles. Is that mommy's magic, or is that the rain?
Mommy always says, "Everything is magic, it's up to us to decide what that means to us."
I don't really get it. Mommy says that I will one day. She says I'm smart, I'll be a genius and I'll help her create spells one day. I'd like that; maybe daddy will come and watch. Daddy likes mommy, he thinks she is pretty, I remember he said so… to her face too.
If he thinks mommy is pretty, then if I am with mommy, I'll get to see daddy then. He always comes to see mommy.
Pitter patter
Pitter patter
I don't know why mommy likes the rain so much. I didn't like it at first, but it's nice after a while, and it always makes mommy happy. Mommy smiles then. I like to see mommy smile.
I must like the rain then…
I just felt mommy move… she's moving a little closer to me. That's good, she may have liked the rain, but I invented letting the rain hit the hand. Mommies right, I am a genius. My hand feels like… singing. Every time the rain hits it, it feels like when mommy hums.
I want to ask mommy to hum but I don't want to speak. Daddy didn't keep his promise. Mommy says that sometimes mommies and daddies can't always keep their promises. Mommy always keeps her, why can't daddy?
I've decided. I don't like daddy.
"I'm not going to forgive him… that's final."
Mommy suddenly got stiff? I look up to see mommy and she seems surprised. Whoops.
I sometimes say things out loud. Mommy usually laughs though when I do. She says it's nice to hear what I'm thinking, cause I'm a genius.
But why is she surprised that I said that. Its true, it's very logical too. Mommy should be pleased that I reached such a logical conclu… conclusi… end… That I reach such a logical end.
"Now honey, why would you say that." She asked me with a bad smile. She only gives me the bad smile when she's worried.
Did I do something wrong?
"You said that daddies and mommies can't always keep their promises, but you always do, so daddy must not be trying as hard as you. Which means daddy is mean, which means I'm not going to forgive him when he comes home." Unless he has a really really really really really good excuse.
Mommy is looking at me with the bad smile; she isn't saying anything but I don't think she likes what I said.
"I know it may seem that way, but…" the bad smile is gone, now she isn't smiling at all, she's sad now. She's not supposed to be sad, it's raining. She's supposed to be happy, she loves the rain. I did something wrong.
"… You know daddy loves you very much, right honey?" she asks me.
I think about it, even though daddy is mean, I think he does love me. He say's so every night and every time he goes away. Just like he does with mommy and how he tells her she is pretty. But daddy said I was pretty… was he lying about that. No… mommy agrees which means he was telling the truth.
I nod my head at her… my pony tail tickles my neck every time I shake my head. Usually I giggle, but mommy never knows why. Usually she smiles a happy smile and laughs.
Her bad smile is back but it's more of a happy smile than it usually is. It's an in-between smile…
"I'm not going to tell you to forgive daddy, it's not right to force forgiveness on someone, but forgiveness is something good, and you are such a good girl." She's giving me the happy smile now, but why does it look like she is about to cry, mommy says that sometimes people cry when they're happy. That doesn't sound right, but mommy has never lied to me before.
"So I should forgive daddy then?" I ask her. I don't want mommy to think I'm a bad girl.
"What you should do Luna, is not be bogged down by anger, and hurt, you should be a happy girl, to not forgive would mean you're not happy, and you can only be happy when you're not those things. I just want you to be happy Luna. That's all that I ever want." Mommy says to me. She hugs me, and I lean into her, her chest is vibrating. She starts to hum as I lay there.
I listen to mommy humming. It's like the rain, but better. The rain is her back up, she is the one singing.
I don't know if I should forgive daddy. On the one hand, he made me sad, and he was mean, on the other hand, he does love me, and he thinks I'm pretty, on the other other hand, mommy wants me to be happy, and I'm not happy when I don't forgive.
Mommy doesn't seem happy when I'm not happy; I want to make her happy. But how do I get rid of anger and hurt. I don't know how. And I just realized. I only have two hands. Which hand do I have to give up…?
This is all too confusing.
I don't want to ask mommy, because she might not think I'm smart anymore. I'm going to have to figure this one out.
Me and mommy lay there for a while. I do like the rain now, it always reminds me of mommy, and I'm always with mommy when it rains.
But why does mommy like the rain so much?
"Mommy?"
"Yes dear…"
"Why do you like the rain?"
I think I've asked this question before, mommy always says something, but I'm too sleepy to remember… I'm going to remember this time.
Yawn
Stupid yawn… stop lying, I'm not sleepy!
"Luna…"
I look up at mommy now. She's smiling, she's not smiling a bad smile or an in-between smile… she's smiling a happy smile.
"Just stop…"
I did
"Close your eyes…"
I do. Everything goes dark but I can still feel mommy.
"And listen." She says.
I listen… all I hear is mommy, she continues to hum, and the rain keeps falling, have I mentioned how pretty they sound together…
My mouth wants to yawn again… I try to fight it, but my mouth betrays me.
But I still listen. Mommy told me too. She made it sound like the answer was in the rain.
If my eyes weren't already closed I'm fairly sure they would betray me like my mouth did.
I'm not sleepy…
I still have to listen to the rain. But mommy's humming is getting louder, and softer. But I don't feel her chest moving… the rain is humming.
Oh. I get it now.
"I'll be here when you wake up…"
I'm not…sleepy….
… .. … .. …
Luna's breathing has slowed, I cautiously move and she doesn't stir. I don't know why, but I get the feeling she finally understands why I like the rain so much.
Thanks Mom.
I wait with my daughter until late into the morning, I want to fall asleep too, but I have a much stronger will than my little girl. I have to finish my project. If I could test it out… if it worked… Luna would never want for anything ever again. Money has gotten tight since Barry and the quibbler took its plummet. Even with my impressive salary, I haven't been able to give Luna all the things I wish I could have. She has been a dream about it.
She never asks for the expensive things. I don't know if she has just gotten used to the things we have given her or whether she understands somewhere in her little mind that it would tax the family. Unlike most children her age who cry and complain when they don't get the latest fancy toy or dress, Luna just takes a long look and moves on. That's what kills me the most about it though.
Where is Barry anyway?
I'm starting to get worried now. If this had been 10 years earlier, I might have feared it being You-Know-Who… Voldemort… I have to stop calling him You-Know-Who. Albus is right, it sounds ridiculous. I'm not quite there but I will be one day.
I gently pull Luna off my lap, and tuck her into the bench. I look at her for a moment, just trying to take a mental snap shot of this moment.
I quickly erect a shield around the terrace. It's a special shield only the Unspeakables know. And its inventor of course… me. No one will disturb her, and she can continue to feel the rain hit her hand. All the same I continue to look at her as I wander over to the fire place.
Taking one final glance, I throw in some floo powder and call out 'Quibbler, Editor's office, private line.'
Oh I hate this feeling. I hate this powder more though… it never all gets burned up, and I always end up inhaling much of it.
I cough as my head finally exits the fire place.
"Selene…!" Barry acknowledges my presence in surprise, as he looks up from some piece of paper, he is busy scribbling on.
"Barry, where were you. Luna tells me you promised you'd be home before nightfall. Its… 3:30 in the morning!" Selene cried in outrage after taking a look at the clock above Barry's head.
Barry looks at me in alarm as I remind him of what he promised. He really does mean well, but that carelessness. It will be the end of me.
"Oh No… I can't believe… is she angry…" he asks in concern as he starts to get up. I'm fairly sure he would have dived at me in an attempt to be pulled along with me back to our place.
I let some of the rage go as he truly does look remorseful.
"Why were you late Barry?" I ask more calmly, I might as well give him a chance, it's not like I caught him with a mistress or anything.
"I… it's not important now…" Barry says in defeat. He hunches over and looks at the floor as he rests his head on the palm of his hands.
I'm concerned now.
"What's wrong Barry?" I ask. That naivety I so loved seemed to be almost gone now.
"The ministry has threatened to shut down the quibbler; the prophet says my paper is too much like a muggle tabloid. I got it in a letter. '… If muggles look down upon such things, we as a much more enlightened community can not tolerate such a publication.'" He quoted bitterly.
I felt a little guilty as mere hours earlier I had been criticizing such a paper… in my own mind at least.
"Can you appeal?" I ask.
"I'm not sure…." Barry said, a little spark igniting within him at the idea.
"I tell you what, I'll write a letter to Albus, he always liked your paper, and he has quite a bit of clout. Maybe he can do something. Who was it that sent the letter anyway, that might help?" I ask. I may not have the same faith in the things Luna and Barry do, but I do have an open mind. That's one lesson that I took to heart.
Barry looks at me in such an adoring fashion I almost blush.
He gets up from his chair and kneels before the fire and looks me in the eye. "How could I have ever deserved such a women." He asks me rhetorically.
He leans in and gives me a kiss that leaves my toes over at my house tingling.
"You don't, but you got lucky" I reply back sweetly.
He chuckles at my familiar answer.
He eventually gives me the name, an Umbridge character, the name sounds familiar, but I can't place her. I tell him I'll write the letter as soon as I exit the fire.
I take another glance at Luna in my usual paranoid way. Even though this shield would protect her from an explosion, let alone a kidnapping, I can't help it.
I write out the letter. I mention the name and send it off with the Owl, 'Puffin'.
Luna named him. She thought that if she called him that long enough, he would turn into one.
I let my mind wander back as I quickly go through my sheet. I really hate math. I make the stupidest of mistakes sometimes.
If I'm right, I will have just discovered a way to channel magic safely within a human body, without a wand. No more magical poisonings, a person could never be disarmed, it could open up an entirely new avenue of magic to the world.
I check through my sheet once more and seeing that the safety calculations say that it's more than safe to try out within my personal lab I had invested in I walk over to the opposite side of the house. One last glance at Luna and I'm off to break the laws of magic once more.
… .. … .. …
Bad eyes. They and my mouth betrayed me together; I can't believe I fell asleep again. I suddenly feel alone. I look around me.
Where's mommy?
I see pretty twinkling around me. Mommy has done that before when she had to leave me alone. She said it would keep me safe until she got back.
Fwoosh
What was…?
I scream.
The door opposite the terrace is sailing towards me. I duck but it will hit me...
I close my eyes and wait.
…
It doesn't hit me … I look up once more and stare in surprise. The door is hanging in the air; the pretty twinkling is surrounding it.
Mommy's magic is protecting me. I have to tell her.
"Mommy!" I call. No one answers. I don't know why but I don't feel so good, I feel like I'm about to loose something. I hurry into the house, stepping around the door that is hanging in mid air.
Suddenly I hear a…
Crash
I turn around… the door flew through mommies protection… its still there but its not as bright and pretty as it usually is.
Mommy's not in the living room, and she's not in the kitchen.
I go towards her lab; I'm not supposed to go in here… Mommy says it's dangerous.
"Mommy" I call out.
I think my mouth isn't working right. I sound scared.
Maybe it is working… I am scared.
I look in the lab; I've only ever seen it once. It's like a giant circle, with pretty moon shapes made out of glass on the floor. Everything is always neat and tidy.
I know something is wrong now. There are papers floating around the room. They aren't falling… they are just hanging in the air. Everything is hanging.
So is mommy.
"Mommy?" I asked. I've never seen her fly with out a broom before.
She looks at me and I'm scared because the happy smile is there but there are tears in her eyes.
"I love you Luna…" She says in a whisper. I watch as she continues to look at me… she isn't blinking… she usually blinks… I've tried a blinking contest with her before… she doesn't usually last this long.
"Mommy…" I call.
She doesn't answer. She just continues to stare at me, not blinking.
I walk up to her. I pull at her hand, and immediately she falls.
"Mommy!" I call in horror as I'm afraid I might have hurt her.
She doesn't respond… she just keeps staring over to the door where I used to be. I put my head down and hug her. Mommy doesn't usually make me sad, but I'm sad now, and whenever I'm sad I put my head on mommy's chest. It always makes me feel better.
I listen… but I don't feel better. There's something missing. I usually hear something when I put my head against mommy's chest.
I don't think mommy is alright…
"Mommy get up… "I ask in a whisper. Why am I whispering…? Maybe she is asleep.
"Mommy… please get up." I ask. There are tears in my eye. I pull at her hand… she doesn't resist. But she doesn't help me either. It's like I'm trying to lift up a mattress.
I pull at her. I'm not very strong, but I don't want to be in this room anymore. The papers continue to fly like mommy once did. I don't like this room.
I can't move her. I'm crying cause mommy hasn't said anything to me but her eyes are still open. I don't think she is asleep anymore… but she isn't awake either.
"Please mommy, get up please..." I don't usually ask mommy or daddy things in this voice. It doesn't feel right cause I know they will give me whatever I want, but they always get worried then. But I don't care, I want mommy to get up now.
I fall over as I loose my grip on mommy's hand. I cry out as I fall on a cylinder. It hurt. I start to cry now. But mommy's not coming to me. She's not getting up, and telling me it will be alright.
I crawl over to mommy. I let my head rest on her chest, just hoping I can feel that something that usually calms me. The rain has stopped and there's nothing here that reminds me of that something… except mommy.
I lay there for a while… but the thumping noise never comes.
"I'll be here when you wake up…"
Mommy broke her promise. She never breaks her promise.
I cry harder, I think I might know why, but I don't want to think it. Mommy is just really sleepy. She'll wake up.
The room is getting brighter, I look away, I won't look at the sunrise until mommy wakes up. She always wakes me up to see it after it rains.
She always answers me when I call for her.
She always keeps her promise.
"…sometimes, mommies and daddies have trouble keeping their promises."
Mommy is having trouble keeping her promise today. She's not acting like herself. I can forgive her but, I don't want to. If I forgive her that means she won't wake up… she'll be like Uncle Charlie. He stopped waking up one day too.
I just lay there looking away from the sunlight that filled the room. Mommy's warming charm had stopped working about the same time the door broke mommy's spell.
… .. … .. ..
It feels like no time has gone by at all, but also like forever.
I hear a noise. The floo is activating. Someone is coming home.
"Selene… Thank you so much, Dumbledore just wrote me a letter, he said that he would … Selene… where are you…?"
Its daddy, I think I was angry at him before, but I don't remember why now.
"Daddy" I call out in a whisper. I don't think he could hear me.
"Luna!" he calls worried. He did hear me after all.
In no time he enters the room. I turn my head and look at him. He's standing in the doorway, he's blocking the sun and the back of him looks like its glowing.
He looks afraid.
"Mommy won't wake up." I said, my tears sliding down my face as I ask my daddy to fix it.
He starts in surprise and rushes to me. He engulfs me in a hug and turns me away from mommy. I can tell he's doing something as he puts his fingers on her neck.
Daddy shudders…
"Selene…" he says in worry. He sounds so very sad.
I wrap my hands around his neck and he tightens his grip on me.
He and I stare at mommy for a while.
He turns away finally and takes me out of the room.
I feel like I have to do it now… if I don't when I'm away from her, I'll never be able to do it then.
"I forgive you mommy." I whisper.
Mommy doesn't answer me. But I think she's glad.
AN: well there you go. It all seems fairly straight forward. I'm curious though How many of you though Barry was having a affair. It struck me half way through writing it that that might be the first assumption.
I want to thank my Beta ginoeh.
All of you must now thank ginoeh when you review. She claims not to have done much, but trust me … it could have read much worse than it did.
I could say that my transistion from perspectives was intentional, but truthfully it was a happy fluke. I think it worked well, and ginoeh pointed it out to me but said it should be fine.
How much of this story will play into Blood tipped feather… it won't, well except for giving the reader an idea of what kind of childhood luna had. Its just luna's back story.