Moving On (Is never easy)
Vaughn's POV
Why have I chosen this path? Why does fate have to be so cruel? I had the best thing in the world and I lost faith in her, I gave up on her. Why?
Well, that seems to be the question of the year. Why did they choose her? Why her? When she left, I lost my soul. I was left in the dark for months. She was my light. She was my angel. She was my everything.
Now, two years later I have moved on. I escaped the dark. I am in love with someone new. But two years later from that awful night, she has returned to me. No. Not to me. I can't have her. As much as I want her to be mine, I cannot be hers, for I am someone else's.
I haven't been with the Agency since she left. I'm satisfied with my new life now, but I'm not happy. Now that she has returned to the Agency, I won't sleep at night unless I know she is with the best. Me. I'm the only one I can trust with her. So I returned. I retuned to be around her, to see her smile, though that smile hasn't retuned since she has. I returned to protect her. The best way I know how. By loving her.
True, I never spoke those words to her, and true I belong to another, but my love for her will always be there. I have always loved her. Even when I made a commitment to another. Is that so wrong?
Yes, I haven't been honest with the one I chose. I have been lying to her for a long time. Too long, but the one I love has been back for a few months. Her father told me to be cruel to the one I love 'cause I'm apparently torturing her. I hate to admit it but he's right. Every time she looks at me, I see hurt in her eyes. I am the cause for the hurt and pain she is feeling. Our current mission we have been stranded in North Korea. We've spotted a Jeep along side the road, abandoned. She's helping me repair it. There's silence between us. I don't like it.
We start talking about the fight we had on the plane before it crashed. I tell her how easy it used to be around her. We did agree on one thing. "How are we supposed to get a long and be friends?"
She pauses for a second. She says the one thing I never expected her to say, but she said it, as clear as day with fear behind the awful truth. "I slept with Will. " I have no words. I felt hurt. I feel betrayed. But she didn't betray me, for she is not mine, nor am I hers.
I don't know what to respond with, so I ask her what I'm supposed to say to her new confession. But she tells me something I never want to hear. "I want you to know I'm moving on. Not with Will, just generally. If it helps"
It doesn't help. But I can't tell her that. She's doing this for me I know it. She's trying to make everything easier for us… It isn't. I want to tell her not to move on, to wait for me. She doesn't know yet, but I haven't moved on. Physically, yes. Emotionally…never. I want to tell her. But I can't. We move a long.
We're captured. We're sitting there, silence. Now is the perfect time to tell her how I feel. Ok, maybe not the best time, but now is as good as any.
I try. I try to tell her what I thought she has wanted to hear for so long. But she begs me not to. She starts to get all teary-eyed. She whispers something in my ear that I hold on to forever. "We'll find each other, we always find each other." Before I know it, we're kissing. I don't pull back. Neither does she. But the guards come and haul us away to the firing squad.
We stand there, staring into each other's eyes for the last time. Those are the eyes I love. Those eyes are what I get lost in everyday. Those are the eyes I hoped to be the last thing I ever see. Today that maybe true. She gives me a reassuring nod, and I return it. We give a silent promise to each other. We'll find each other. Before I know it, shots are being fired but not at us. Someone shot the rest and helped free us. We got Leonard and headed home.
We walk into the Rotunda together and hand over Leonard to Weiss. I see my wife across the room, so happy to see me. But I'm not happy to see her. But I have a duty to fulfill. I go to her and hug her. I dare not kiss her. I look back at her, the one I love, and see hurt on her face. Her father comes up and they embrace. They share a few words with each other before he walks away to I don't know where.
I'm sitting at my desk, looking at her. I have to tell her. So, I decide to send her and email.
To: Sbristow
From: Mvaughn
Subject: Delivery
Joey Pizza delivery 6.
V
I watch her as she opens her message. I look back at my computer, pretending to work, but I watch her out of the corner of my eye. She looks confused and pleased at the same time. Only time will tell what will happen in the near future.
Five thirty rolls around and I start to leave to Rotunda when I see my wife. I go up to her and tell here I'm going to Weiss's to watch the game tonight. I'm not, but that's what I tell her. She believes me. I head over to Weiss and tell him what I have told her so he can cover me if she calls him to reach me. He starts asking me questions about where I'm going, but I just look at him. He knows.
I go to my car, I get in, and I head off. I don't bother wasting any time. I hurry to get there before she does. I succeed. I get out of my car and open up the old warehouse. I walk in, just enjoying the surroundings. They're not the best surroundings, but they bring lots of good memories. Too many to count. I went over to a nearby crate and lean up against it and I wait for her.
Her. She is the one I've longed for, for too long. She's the one I love more than air itself. She's the one I want to spend forever with.
So I wait for her. I don't wait long though, 'cause I hear her open up the gate. I turn around to face her. I see her grin just ever so slightly. Hey, I'm making progress already.
We stand there, waiting, wishing one would say something first. Then I realized that I'm the one that called for this meet so I say the first thing that comes to mind.
"Thank you for coming." She smiles.
"You're welcome. What did you want to talk about?"
Here comes the moment of truth.
"I didn't really ask you to come here to talk, but to listen." She looks slightly confused so I continue.
"Everything that has happened in the past few months has been totally my fault. It's my fault I got married, it's my fault I've been so rude to you these past few days. Everything is my fault. I should have waited. I should have. I wanted to wait. But I knew that I had to move on. If I didn't, I'd probably end up dead from grief, sorrow, and guilt. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. I wasn't there when you were sad. I wasn't there when you cried yourself to sleep." She was shocked to know that I knew what she had been doing almost every night since her return but I answer her question before she asks it. "Weiss told me." She nods her head in understanding and allows for me to continue.
"You told me the truth about what I have done a few days after you had returned. I did lose faith. With you, me and us. Without you, I was lost. I couldn't do my job to the best of my ability anymore. I didn't know how to do my job anymore. So I left. Everywhere I looked around the office reminded me of you. I couldn't do it. I'm sorry that I let you down." I said as I hung my head in shame on the verge of tears.
She said didn't say anything. She just rushed toward me and embraced me in a hug. She hugged me like no one has ever hugged me before. I hugged her back fearing that if I were to let go I'd lose her all over again. I don't know how long we stayed like that before we backed away, not much, but enough to look at each other.
"Remember when you said that you were moving on?" She nodded. "The thing is… I don't want you to move on." She had this blank expression on her face. "I want you. I want to be with you forever. I don't see me living my life without you right there with me." She just stood there, staring at me. I could tell she was stunned by my confession. She was at lost for words. So was I.
We stood there, for I don't know how long. She speaks. "What about Lauren?" I wish I never heard such a name. "Let me deal with her. Don't worry. I will take care of everything" I can tell she's wary of the idea. I see fear in her eyes, like she is unsure of the situation. I don't say anything. I gently lean in and she meets me half way. Our second-first kiss. We separate and she says nothing. She just walks toward me and hugs me, and I hold on to her. Right then, I make my own silent promise. To never let anything happen to her again.
Who knew so much could happen to two people? Why does fate have to be so cruel? But as long as I have Sydney by my side, I will be complete.