Hi, my name is Spongebob Squarepants, and I live a very depressing life, which you may be surprised to here. Everyday. I wake up to my stupid alarm clock. It's so LOUD and BIG, I wanna kick it. Then Gary is RIGHT next to my bed, and I almost step on him, everyday. UGH. Then I get ready and wear my stupid pants, and they're RECTANGLE, not SQUARE. Whoever named me Spongebob Squarepants was DUMB, yeah I'm talking to you, COOKIE DAD. Looks like a cookie. Then I put my stupid hat on, and leave to go work for my stupid boss, who has a WHALE daughter, which doesn't even make sense. I make stupid krabby patties, and I don't even get paid that much, and I've been working there for YEARS AND YEARS and haven't gotten a promotion, DEAR NEPTUNE. And then sometimes, that stupid Squirrel comes in wearing her stupid space suit. SQUIRRELS CAN'T LIVE IN THE SEA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. Squidward works with me, and I swear he is such a BARNACLE, always mad. Patrick is just a big idiot, and I talk to him because I don't have any other friends. Everyday I pretend to be happy, and everyone thinks I'm a happy-go-lucky, cheery person. And then go home and shower, and SLIP ON THE SOAP EVERY TIME. That's why I have so many scars on my face, they aren't holes, they're SCARS. Ever wonder why my legs are clean? Yeah, makes sense right? And then I sleep. AND REPEAT IT ALL AGAIN THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE THESE CAMERAS ARE ALWAYS FOLLOWING ME AROUND, with that STUPID PIRATE, and PATCHY THE STUPID PARROT. ITS NOT EVER THE BEST DAY EVER.