Inspired by Adam's Song by Blink 182. I needed to make a fic about Roxas being Roxas.
I never thought I'd die alone. With the blood all around me and dripping down from my mouth I tried not to smile. Opening my mouth I laughed the loudest because I doubt anyone could have predicted this... Because you see, I'm dying and it was all my fault.
It seemed easy. There are steps that need to be followed and soon I'm under their trance living like every other nobody in our school. I'm not a law breaker and I tend to do what I can to stay out of anyone's way especially my brothers'. Squall and Sora Leonhart don't need someone like me at their back making things harder with my very existence. It'd be cruel so typically I stick with the shadows and listen to them complaining about how 'complicated' I am. I guess it's because I'm not a jock.
Getting up I headed off to school not wanting to linger any longer than I have to. Sora should be getting up soon and rushing to get to school before he winds up late again. People always laugh and notice him no matter where he goes and that hurts because I'm his twin. No one cares about the shadow. Suddenly an arm went around my waist as I noticed that I had caught up to my group of people I hang out with. Zexion sent me a small smile while Demyx spazzed about some song he'd been drowning in all night just to figure out why he liked it. Luxord was stealthily drinking liquor but no one cares anymore.
When teachers catch you with it every single day, eventually they'll let it go and allow you to go on your merry way. So far, I've done nothing to earn a single referral or even a detention. The guys like to call me good but we all know I'm not. I looked down and then forced myself to look up at my best friend, the only damn person in this world who matters. Axel is my best friend.
I took my time walking to the school but soon I was hurrying up noticing my brother catching up to us. Axel smirked and took my hand, our classes are no where near each other but best friends don't care about that. They just want to stay with the other as long as they can until it's time to go before teachers start getting involved. Squeezing my hand he then left me alone so I could begin to waste time in school like the average high schooler.
Each class went by like a dream and I knew I would be passing with good enough grades to graduate but not be acknowledged. Squall makes the A's, Sora barely passes, and I'm somewhere in between. I like this between place, it helps me fade into the shadows with hardly anyone noticing. If I'm not the best and I'm not the worst then I'm just nothing at all to begin with. I smiled softly in the class thinking about life outside of school. Staring at the window I tried to imagine it not once realizing I would never make it out of this place. It just never crossed my mind.
"Roxas answer this question on the board." My teacher called drawing me away from my thoughts. I scowled and stood up knowing I've been paying practically no attention to class today. I can't wait to get home and just be alone in my room. Some people like school, I'm obviously not one of those freaks. I do, however, get excited by the idea of staying in my room alone all night. With no one to bug me or care, and my music blasting, this is my paradise.
Once classes ended for the day I hurried out of the school building wanting to head back as soon as possible. Somewhere along the way Axel wound up beside me talking about burning down the chemistry lab. I didn't say much or respond but I think he knows that I still care and want to hear more, I'm just not in the mood to express that. I guess I'm still thinking about my room. There's nothing special about it. Television, large window, desk in front of the window, and a bed across from my desk. A standard room. Everything I mentioned is the furniture I use most often. All the other junk is just junk I'm procrastinating on taking out.
When we got to my house I waved goodbye and headed inside rushing to my room. I get here first so there's only a couple minutes I have all to myself before my brothers try to take control of the situation. Laying on my bed I glanced over at my stereo and pressed cd. Instead of loading the disc it just stared blankly at me not showing whether or not it's alive. Standing up I sighed and traced the cord back to the wall... huh I guess it was unplugged at some point. Putting it back in I played my Sum 41 cd loud enough for people outside the house to clearly make out the lyrics. When my brothers get here they'll turn it down a bit before watching television or whatever else they want to do.
Getting lost in the music is something I'm becoming incredibly good at. I don't see or hear anything around me other than the music, while swirls of it's colors engulf me showing images of the perfect music video setting I can imagine for the song. I get completely and totally lost in the music but I never miss a beat and can keep singing the lyrics while doing this. Not much of a talent but it's something I like to do and could maybe even say that I treasure it. Taking a deep breath I listened to someone enter the house. Before I could look at the clock to see who it could be, Squall opened my door and turned down the music then left my room like he had never entered in the first place.
I let the ghost of a smile pass over my lips before closing my eyes and letting the songs stain my very soul. You have to love music because when it takes you under... you really go under. Taking in the sound of the piano I closed my eyes and drifted off into a light nap. I'm so tired of wasting my life in this room but if I really think about it I don't know what else I'd rather do. I fail as a sixteen year old. I'm nearing my seventeenth birthday and I still feel like a fourteen year old punk trying to rebel from his family. Yes, I'm relating myself to the retard who gets grounded because he won't stop doing whatever his parents tell him not to. I'm the kid who doesn't even try to cover up what he did. Granted, in real life I do a spectacular job of hiding things I've done. My parents don't know I'm not into girls so much and I may just like guys.
My parents also don't know that I hate my brothers, especially Sora. We're always compared and it seems like no one realizes yet that we're two different people, it's only natural that we aren't the same. Isn't that what different means? Suddenly my twin came running into my room in a panic. I looked at him and waited for the sweating brunette to explain what exactly he needed from me that way he can leave.
"You know physics? Do you remember what the homework is?" He asked looking confused, tired, and annoyed. I shook my head and wanted to slap him. There are very few times that my brother reaches this stage of idiocy. I mean, he should know which classes I can help him with, or at least you'd think. Instead he asks about classes I took last year as though I'm taking it with him right now. He's just an idiot.
"I took the class last year, we don't even have the same teacher from then. I have no idea what your assignment is." I informed my idiotic brother then watched him close the door to my room before leaving like a good little boy. Sometimes he makes me mad. He could at least pretend like he notices me for things other than helping him! I understand that I have the star quarterback as a brother and the soon to be chairman of the city council as well but can't someone notice the nobody for once? I'm not doing anything as crazy as them, hell I don't even know what I want to do. No one notices me though, and I doubt anyone cares at this point.
I woke up to my alarm making me sigh in slight frustration. I forgot to eat dinner again, sooner or later my parents are bound to notice right? They might pull me aside and ask me what's going wrong, or take me out to lunch... I don't know what they'll do but eventually they have to do something right? I smiled to myself but I knew this isn't true, they don't notice me since I'm not doing anything spectacular like my brothers. If I was anything like them then my parents would hound me for information. Instead I'm the neglected son no one's heard of.
Getting dressed I went through the same routine as yesterday trying to get some music and relaxing time, but I'm still tired as all hell waiting for this to be over. Taking a deep breath I laid in my bed, fully clothed and ready to go, wanting to ditch school and end the torture of living. It seems like no matter what I do life will keep going on and no one will be sorry for all the crap they put me through. Should I be upset or happy that no one will care? There's good reasons for both but I'm not sure. The salty air caught on my tongue but I ignored it and tried to keep the cold from touching my skin, but soon the wind turned traitor and defeated me completely. Shivering Axel soon found me and placed his arms around my torso to keep me warm.
"A little cold..." Axel whispered in my ear and began to laugh. I nodded not understanding the joke he's making, it has to be a joke if he's laughing about it. I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything but the feel of his arms around me. It's funny, I don't like people touching me but certain places are just fine. He placed his wait on me and had me drag him to school. Surprisingly, we still got there five minutes before Sora. This has to be pathetic, incredibly pathetic. The brunette didn't look at me once as he entered my classroom, Axel is long gone by now.
He sat down beside me and took my hand, I flinched and moved away making the boy blink hard then give me a look of sudden understanding and a bashful apology. I can't stand it when he touches me, there are some people in this world... it just makes me furious whenever they lay a hand on me. He went along and started working on his homework with his friends around to help him. Riku just wants to get in his pants, Kairi wants to become more popular, Namine has a small crush, and the others just want to stand in his light for as long as they can. I'm just sick and tired of this. No one in this class cares about me. I finished up the work and turned it in then began to work on my own things, such as gothic poetry my family could never understand.
"Roxas?" A voice asked making me look up. Sora was staring at me in mild curiosity. Soon I noticed he was holding out his paper. "No one else was able to figure the problem out. Were you able to?" He asked softly making me glance over at the problem. Grabbing his paper I solved it swiftly then handed it back. I ignored the compliments and the noise of everyone jotting down the answer I got. I wrote down the wrong one too. I don't do well with cheaters even though I do it from time to time, so they will all get it wrong while I get the right answer. The teacher is used to me doing this so he doesn't care anymore. Doubt he ever cared about me.
When the bell rang I headed out to the hallway and noticed Zexion putting up posters for the research club. He's the president and loves his job, but of course if Zexion's there Demyx will be as well. It's the same both ways so it means that Zexion is the secretary of the Music club where somehow Demyx became president. He's no good at being president of anything so I'm guessing it's just his musical abilities. He will always be the best musician in my mind. I doubt anyone can create motions with music as well as he can, it's just amazing especially when you hear him sing his heart, every word sounds real and true because in his heart it is. I admire him. He has a real chance at life.
"Roxas!" Demyx grinned waving me over. I glanced back at the time and smiled, I don't mind being late today. Being late could do me some good anyway. Out of me and my brothers I'm the only one who has perfect attendance and is never tardy, I don't mind ruining that perfect streak. I want to live life a little anyway. Heading over to them I smiled and waited to hear whatever it is they want to tell me.
"Hello Roxas. Please ignore this idiotic being and whatever the hell comes out of his mouth." Zexion stated not looking over at me once. I laughed aloud and watched Demyx's face turn red as he glared at Zexion. No matter what the other says they will always be the best of friends and maybe even lovers one day. It's a nice change of pace whenever I hang around them. It's like these guys are proof that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
"I always do, don't worry." I informed him and watched as Demyx huffed and crossed his arms. He's always teased because of how immature he is. I allowed a soft smile to cover my face, moments like these make me feel alive. I don't get to feel this way all the time so it's a nice to say the least. "Come on, go ahead and tell me your most recent spazz." I said waiting patiently for him to tell me everything, if there's one thing this water lover can do... it's talk. He's good at it too because he can catch your interest and moves the conversation along to whatever he knows you're interested in or can see that you are. It's pretty cool but I have no idea how he uses this trick with Zexion, but then again I don't see them talk much.
"Sorry Roxas but I have nothing for you today. There's this cool thing about Axel-" Instantly Zexion gave him a dark look causing the blond to cease and desist. "Um... well I'm not supposed to tell you, sorry." He continued just as the bell rang. I nodded and began to head out. "Later Roxy!"
"Later Demy and Zexy." I said and lifted my hand in the air in a goodbye gesture. I guess it's time to go into a class with Larxene and Marluxia, we hang out in the same group but aren't that close. Sitting down in my next class with a tardy slip I waited for it to be over already. An hour and a half of each class, only four though so it's not too bad. Next period is lunch so that's some good news. I kind of hate my school, there's no school spirit which is fine, the teachers suck enough to where four or five were fired last year, and of course some are so prejudiced they should be fired. My brothers like to call me a hater since I can't say anything nice about the school we go to, but I don't think I'm a hater.
This is probably one of the many reasons why I don't talk to them, sure I have a lot to complain about but being called a hater is a bit harsh, don't you think? I used to wish I could talk to someone about all of these things and then I got Axel. I don't talk to him about everything since eventually during one of these talks he gets grabby. I don't mind though, in fact I might just enjoy it. Someone cares enough to act perverse with only me, as far as I've seen, and he remembers everything I've ever told him. Even when I forget I can count on him to remember.
"Hey Roxy do you want to hear what we did last night?" Marluxia asked me, looking dreamily over at his lover. Larxene just smirked and waited for my answer. Typically whenever they want to tell me anything it's about their sex life and frankly I'd rather not know anything about that. It seems worthless anyhow. Why would I want to know about all this crap? I shook my head and began my work for the day not wanting to flunk because of these idiots. Of course they would choose during a test of all times to want to spazz about their sex.
"It could help you out when you lose your virginity." Larxene smirked making me glare over at her not wanting to deal with this crap right now. I'm a virgin sure but that doesn't mean she can make fun of me for it all the freaking time! I guess it's only natural since they're sex animals. Pretty disturbing if you ask me.
"I'm taking a test, shut up." I growled and watched the teacher stand up and give us a dark look. I nodded slowly and sighed wanting to be done with this class already. These two just get on my nerves. Finishing up the test I turned it in then headed out to go to the library, I think the teacher was happy to see me go but I think he would have been happier to see Larxene or Marluxia leave. When I got to the library I smirked and sat down at a computer ready to continue the story of my life. It's a song sure but a good one.
I stared at the computer screen with the feeling of passion flooding through me like this is my world, the only one I have and the only chance I've got. Kind of dramatic in a way but I love this. No one knows about this song, and I'm planning on keeping it that way until I die. When I do I'll probably leave a note somewhere that tells the person where the song is. Closing my eyes I had the music playing through my head making me want to get up and sing it nice and loud for everyone to hear. Then again no one will care, damn... I keep forgetting that I'm a nobody.
When it was time to head back to class I got my test results back. A mid B like always. I guess I always knew I'd never conquer but that's okay. It seems like I never got a real hold of anything. Does that even matter anymore? I guess not. I'm just sick of trying so hard and failing all the time, hopefully this song will be the one thing I actually do right. It seems very doable, but I won't really consider it until Axel reads the song and maybe Demyx and his band plays it. That would be amazing, but it's not done yet so I'll probably have to wait on that.
When lunch came I went to the back of the courtyard where our group always hangs out, sure most of us have different lunches but it's the one way to know if we have the others or not. I grinned when I noticed Axel rehearsing for theater. He likes to joke around saying he'll be a famous actor one day, but no one's sure on whether or not he's joking. It'd be kind of a sick joke if you ask me. "Hey there, Roxas." Namine said from the shadows making me smile at her, but it wasn't very warm or real. She freaks me out from time to time. People at school like to call her a witch but I'm not sure if that's accurate. Demyx was busy helping Axel so we didn't talk to them, allowing the two to work.
Namine doesn't belong in our group. Sure she's a nobody, but she's always tailing the somebodies like it'll help her in some way or another. It just won't so she needs to stop it before one of us gets mad enough to blow up at her. Considering most of us have elements we like to play and hurt others with this would be too cruel. She smiled softly and took out her sketchbook and pencil. I noticed her lunch box untouched beside her and tried not to look at her. Namine isn't part of our group and she never will be but even if she's still completely alone, the girl will never stop drawing, and never stop being oversensitive about her appearance.
"Hey Roxas..." Axel sighed looking a bit red and worn but he seemed especially pleased. I guess this turned out well for him. He's always doing his best in that class, with his others he's barely passing but all the teachers love him. I think that's why he always passes the classes. I smiled at him and felt a bit more comfortable here.
"What's up Axel?" I asked knowing that lunch will be over in ten minutes. I started to eat my pizza and watched the redhead just look at me while licking his lips.
"Just you and your sexy self." He sighed leaning back, he then moved forward and got hold of my waist pulling me back with him. Laying on the ground we looked at the clouds and each other. "I love the way we do this every day. It makes life just seem... a bit better somehow." He murmured making me nod slowly. Axel makes me forget about everything that hurts and isn't fair. He's just a ball of fire that makes just the right things lighter.
"Your right. I guess that's why I love you." I sighed and rolled my eyes wanting to get this over with, the deep talk takes way too long in my opinion. I'm always thinking of such crap so it's nice having someone who makes me think of... nothing. I guess it helps me feel alive, ironically enough.
"You really love me?" He asked sitting up to look at me. Staring straight into his light green eyes I nodded being completely and totally serious. I noticed Sora walking toward the parking lot, he looked ready to kill, completely upset and annoyed. I vaguely thought about getting up and talking to him but instead I just shrugged and turned back to Axel in order to answer his ominous question.
"Of course I love you." I said simply just as the bell rang. Standing up I headed out ready to start the day and get the hell out of this school. One more class and then I'm back home. Heading into the classroom I didn't do my work, instead I just sat there and let my song pound through my head. My parents are going out tonight. They'll be home for an hour or so but then they're heading out. Squall will be at practice for some fighting thing and then it'll be me and Sora. I don't know how I'm going to handle that. I'll probably make some plans with Axel or something else since I don't know what else I'll do. My twin is clingy. He'll want to hang out or do something.
When the bell rang I headed out ready for the day to be over already. Heading outside into the heat I blinked a couple times at the sudden light. "Hey Roxy, want me to walk you home?" Axel asked making me turn around and smile at him. He's reliable and always there for me.
"Yeah sounds good." I said softly. We walked home in silence but it was nice. He walked as slow as me, so I guess he wants to stay here with me just like I do with him. That'd be cool and all but I'm pretty sure it's not true. Taking my hand he kissed the top of my head and laughed when I pushed him away, I didn't stop holding his hand though. When we got to my place the goodbyes were quick and soon I was inside my house ready to go.
Mom was in the doorway looking at me oddly but then she forced out a smile and hugged me. "I haven't seen you much, sometimes I think I haven't been showing you enough support." She laughed and looked as though she were scolding herself. I smiled softly but could never blame her. I noticed the tight red dress and make-up then noticed Dad in a tux. With my dad it's not the same thing, not at all. I still remember that one day I spilled apple juice in the hallway, he had yelled and screamed at me, and then hit me across the face. It was the first time so it was harder than all the others but he still hates me.
"It's alright. I'm going to go study." I lied and walked past the two. My father only loves Squall and Sora, so of course I don't want to get in the way of that. I'll just stick to the shadows for a little bit longer. When I got to my room I took out a copy of my song and played my music as loud as I could. My parents will be gone for a while but that's fine, I never really talk to them anyway. Staring out the sky I thought about everything I can do in this world. Maybe this song of mine could make it big and I could become a song writer for Demyx.
Suddenly Sora entered my room looking a bit nervous. I stared at him and then turned off the music but when I stood to talk to him, Sora lifted a gun and shot me in the chest. I fell to the ground, more like stumbled, and stared up at my brother. He was crying looking completely and totally lost. Smiling softly I held out my hand."Hand me the gun. It was a suicide." I whispered softly. Sora's eyes widened in shock then he dropped the gun but it was a few too many inches away.
"I-I'm so sorry... I'm just tired." He whispered making me snort then wince in pain, his eyes widened once again and he was immediately shaking his head. "No... not like that. I'm a fake, a complete and total fake. No one there cares about me, not really. I'm just a step up the social ladder and I'm tired of it! You are just so damn perfect! I want to be you and since I can't... I guess I decided to kill you." He muttered and fell to his knees.
"Hand me the gun, Sora. Please tell mom this isn't her fault and make sure Axel gets anything he wants in this room." I had to say this slowly but Sora has a crappy shot anyway so I'm not going to die any second but minute is probably more accurate. The brunette handed me the gun then ran off looking like he's going to die. He'll probably call 911 and beg for the person to come help me. Sora was desperate and so he killed me thinking it would help... Turning around I wrote a couple more lines to my song.
I never thought I'd die alone. With the blood all around me and dripping down from my mouth I tried not to smile. Opening my mouth I laughed the loudest because I doubt anyone could have predicted this... Because you see, I'm dying and it was all my fault. I noticed every once in a while that Sora isn't okay. He would try to talk to me or look over... and I did nothing, even when I saw him looking upset in the parking lot. I got my phone out of my pocket and called Axel.
It ringed for a while and soon it hit the voicemail, clenching my fists I went ahead and left him a message. "I'm... sorry man. I'm dying and I can't seem to stop it... wrote a song and want you guys to hear it... kind of wish I could have made it... past the hell... of high... school. I love you..." hanging up I looked around my room. Tomorrow... I guess it holds a lot more chances for me to feel alive, but I won't get to see it will I? I won't get to see what the clouds look like tomorrow or what Axel's smile and conversations will be. I know he rehearses every night.
Every day I would rush home so that I could waste time in my room alone. I guess... in the end I had plenty of time here didn't I?
It was suicide.
This was all suicide.
If you want it to be a chapter fic, I already thought of a plot.